Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related…
Chapter 24: A Long, hard, road begins
The sun pushed through the cheap curtains the next morning waking me. The first thing I realized was I never returned to my bed last night. The second thing I realized was Edward was still asleep next to me. I peered over to the alarm clock seeing it was 6:00 a.m. If we were going to hike down the canyon we would need to get up; assuming Edward still wanted to go and wasn't freaked about last night.
I was a little freaked out. I was worried he would continue to have night terrors and if he did, then where did that leave us?
As for the kid he beat up, it hit too close to home. I had recently seen footage of The Mai Lai massacre on TV. GIs had slaughtered an entire village; women and children hadn't been overlooked. It broke my heart, but I know Edward is nothing like those GIs. Edward felt remorse about what he did, he didn't attack an innocent person either; he attacked a boy who had just killed his best friend.
Looking down at my chest, I realized my gown was practically translucent in the light. I got out of bed as quietly as I could and grabbed my sweater from my bag. Properly covered, I pulled my clothes out to get dressed for the day.
"Morning," I heard a gruff voice behind me.
Turning around, I saw Edward observing me. I blushed a little, realizing I hadn't been as stealthy as I thought.
"Good morning, I hope I didn't wake you."
Edward chuckled. "Still on Army time. Don't worry about me. Thank you for last night."
"Don't worry about it," I told him, "Edward you can tell me whatever you want. I'm not going to judge you okay?"
"Thanks Bella, that means a lot," Edward said sincerely.
"We should probably get going if we want to make the hike down. I'm sure you can make it without any problems but I'm not so sure about me."
"Don't worry, I'll wait for you."
-AMW-AMW-AMW-
I was anxious to get started. From what I had read it was at least a five mile hike down the canyon.
Edward looked away again as I ran to the bathroom to get ready. My clothing choice of the day was a tank top that was yellow with orange daisies and jean shorts. The shorts were an old pair of jeans that I had cut up when the knees had torn through and the tank top I picked up from a thrift store. My mother would have a stroke if she saw me. I grabbed my tennis shoes since I was sure sandals would not be a good idea for hiking the trail.
When I came out of the bathroom, I realized Edward had used my exit to get dressed. He was sitting on the bed wearing his jeans, combat boots, and an army t-shirt with Cullen imprinted on the upper left hand corner. It amused me since I had one of Jake's in my bag.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Ready."
We left the room and headed to the manager's office to pay for an additional night. There was no way I was going to attempt to drive after hiking all afternoon. Plus, Edward wanted to take an advantage of one of the restaurants by the rim.
One of his army buddies had gone to the Grand Canyon for his honeymoon and bragged about the food. I couldn't blame him since we had been eating in diners for the last few nights. It was probably going to be our last chance for a non-diner meal for a while as our next stop was Yellowstone.
"Okay, we're good until tomorrow. Do you mind if we check and see if the photos are ready?" Edward asked after exiting the hotel office.
"Sure." This way I could see if Edward was good enough to continue picture duty.
"Why don't you get a table at the diner while I get the pictures?" Edward suggested since there was a mom and pop place next to the drug store.
I nodded and walked into the diner and grabbed a booth in the smoking section. There weren't too many people here yet. I figured people with families were probably still getting ready.
During my time in California, Emmett and Rose had taken me on a few family trips and getting ready with two kids was no easy feat.
Edward came in a few minutes later and we ordered. "Let's see," I said, grabbing the envelope. I was awestricken. The photos were amazing. Edward had captured everything.
Going through the envelope, I couldn't believe that my pathetic, thrift store, manual focus camera had captured all of this. Edward had gotten the majestic mountains surrounding the area with the sun peeking behind them. You could see the sun reflecting in the water below, hitting the concrete of the dam to make it look like a million diamonds were shining. The art deco statues were in perfect focus. Edward could have probably sold these as postcards.
"What are they bad?" Edward asked, concerned, after I hadn't said anything for a few minutes. Looking at him, I realized Edward had no idea how talented he was.
"No, they're fantastic. Consider yourself on permanent photography duty," I told him, going through the rest of the photos, handing them to him so he could see his work.
"Yeah right," Edward snorted taking a drag of his cigarette, but he looked pleased with the comment.
I continued looking when I got to one that he took of me. In short it was perfect. I must have gasped because Edward asked if I was okay. This had to be the best picture anyone ever took of me. Way better than the picture a photographer from the New York Times society section had taken for my wedding.
At my best, I looked nice in pictures but usually I appeared washed out. Edward had bypassed the Times guy and took some that made me look beautiful. There I was, in my jeans, red t-shirt with my hair in a messy braid, sunglasses on my head, no make-up and somehow he made me pretty.
"Edward, you have some serious talent here. Did you study photography in school?" I asked finally.
"No, but it's always been a hobby of mine." The waitress brought us our breakfast and we dug in. I kept looking at his pictures thinking how amazing they were.
A thought occurred to me; his style was somewhat familiar and I remembered Jake and Nessie's engagement photo that she kept framed over her mantle.
"Did you take Jake and Nessie's engagement photo?"
Edward blushed again and ran a hand over his hair. "Yeah, I was there when he popped the question. I took that picture a few minutes after he asked."
"I have say these are amazing. You actually made me look half decent." I said, eating the last of my eggs and drinking more coffee.
"Bella, I'm not a miracle worker. The camera is just capturing what's there. You're an extremely beautiful woman."
"You don't have to say that because you're hitching a ride with me or because of last night," I mumbled, not comfortable with the comment. Long ago I had made my peace with my looks. I wasn't Quasimodo like James made me feel like but I wasn't Marilyn Monroe either. I was average, brown hair, brown eyes, average build. Average was fine as far as I was concerned.
"I don't make empty platitudes Bella. Even if I am hitting you the up for a ride," Edward repeated, looking at me sternly. Almost if he was angry with me for calling myself average.
He put his napkin on his plate after finishing his food and chugged the last of his orange juice. "Let's go. If we don't get moving we're not going to be able to make the hike."
-AMW-AMW-AMW-
The Grand Canyon was a work of art. A God given work of art. When you're standing at the rim, you can't help but be amazed how Mother Nature sculpted that gash into the earth. If I ever needed proof that God existed, I found it at the Canyon that day with Edward. I know that some atheists would look at me and ask how I use principles of geology to confirm divinity, but I didn't care. I felt I was part of something beyond time, beyond this world.
When Edward and I arrived at the canyon, the sun was grazing the canyon walls, playing against rock, making a muted pinkish-gold glow. I walked over immediately to the edge to get a better look and was treated to the greenish blue Colorado River below.
It was majestic and mystifying at the same time as I looked at the miles of canyon with a perfect blue sky surrounding the area. I felt so small and insignificant yet awed at the same time.
"Be careful," Edward whispered behind me. "It's a long way down."
I laughed loudly, feeling so very free at the moment. "You don't think I can fly?"
Edward smiled and took my picture.
"Let me get another," he instructed. I blushed not used to having my picture taken that often.
"How about you? I'd love to have one of my hitchhiker," I teased, hoping he'd get the hint.
"That can be arranged." Reaching around us, Edward took a quick snap of the two of us together.
"That's not quite what I meant," I replied, wondering what quality that picture could be.
"I know, but now we have one together. It'll be a great souvenir for our folks," Edward blushed a little.
Somehow I doubted that my parents would care for a picture of Edward and me but it was a sweet sentiment. A souvenir picture of the two us appealed to me.
"We better find that trail if you want to do that hike," I told him.
Edward nodded and we went in search of a park ranger.
-AMW-AMW-AMW-
It turned out that the hike down to the Colorado River was ten miles and the park service requires you to make a reservation. We didn't have the foresight to make those reservations or to bring camping equipment with us. The only other way to get down to the Colorado was to take a mule. Edward and I looked at each other when the the park ranger explained our options.
"I just spent four years with a bunch of jackasses," Edward said pulling me aside.
"I was married to one for almost two years," I replied, laughing.
"You know folks there are a number of trails you can hike that would pretty beautiful," the ranger said, pulling out a map. He took out a pencil and started circling them.
"This one is pretty great and you can see where the Havasupai used to live. It takes a few hours to get down there."
"Great!" Edward said excited, looking the map the guy gave us. He looked at my amused expression. "I was a history minor."
"Well then, Professor Cullen let's go" I teased, as he grabbed my backpack which had a canteen and snacks for us. Edward had advised me to buy snacks like granola and jerky, that would be light to eat. He had said to avoid heavy food and given his experience in Vietnam had included many difficult cross country hikes I decided to heed his warning.
Reading the map, we found our trail and started our hike.
"This is amazing," I commented, taking in the canyon wall. I thought back to my science classes and how they used to go into the sediment and fossil layers. It was truly amazing to see in person.
We walked in silence until Edward asked me, "How did you decided you wanted to be a counselor?"
"I kind of fell into it. When I moved in with Rose and Emmett, the deal was that I needed get a job and go to school. Rose had an opening for a receptionist at the shelter she managed. I was as quiet as a church mouse when I started and never said a word," I chuckled.
"You? Reserved? Bella you never have a problem saying a word about anything." Edward chuckled.
"Thank you Edward, I'm well aware of my opinion," I retorted dryly, "But I wasn't always that way. When I arrived in San Francisco I was quiet, but I took in everything I saw. The one big thing I noticed with all the women coming in was it didn't matter their background, education or circumstances, we all had the same story."
"Meaning?"
"We all had someone or something controlling us," I answered, "I'm not trying to come off as a militant feminist but we seemed too dependent financially and emotionally on other people. That's a terrible place to be. I think you need to have some sort of independence and self-worth."
Edward got quiet again. I wondered if I offended him.
"You really think I have what it takes to be a professional photographer?" he asked out of the blue a few minutes later.
Not what I was expecting, I thought to myself.
"I'm not a professional editor or anything but yeah from what I've seen your work is amazing. The question is do you think you have the talent? From what I heard, it's 80% hard work, 10% inspiration, 10% talent."
"Do you know what people would say if I became an artist," Edward said with quotation fingers.
"Can't be any worse than when I left New York. They referred to me as that Swan girl that broke her mother's and husband's heart, to go smoke marijuana with California Beatniks," I reminded Edward.
"How would I get started? I only have a degree in business."
"I only had a finishing school diploma and was nearly 20 when I started college. I was the oldest freshman in my class. You're already one step ahead of me when I started over. You have a bachelor's degree."
I shuddered thinking how much Edward sounded like me when I first came to California. He had the same self-doubts I did.
We walked again in silence and I decided to butt my nose into Edward's life.
"You know Edward, I really think you have some natural talent. If you think photography could make you happy, I can send your prints to Nessie. She's an editor and has an eye for this type of stuff. I don't have to tell her who took the pictures if you think her knowing your identity would affect her judgment. If she thinks you have something, then why don't you enroll in some courses at a community college to get some technological training? If that works out, you could take classes at NYU or some other school with a good arts program."
Edward stopped and looked at me in disbelief. "You think it could be that easy?"
"I don't know if it's easy but it's a good way to figure out if this is something you can do professionally. There are a lot avenues. You could open your studio, work for a magazine or a paper, you could teach. The possibilities are endless."
"Tell me something, let's say you and I were dating would you care?"
Irina really did a number on his self-esteem, I thought realizing that a lot of Edward's insecurity must have come from her parting words.
"Edward, if we were dating that would be the least of my concerns," I told him honestly. "You just came home in one piece from a horrendous war. I would just be thankful you're alive. Any woman worth her weight in salt would feel that way."
Edward grabbed me quickly and hugged me briefly. "Thank you," he whispered.
I nodded and we continued to walk.
"Tell me something, why haven't you tried dating again Bella?" Edward asked as we further into the canyon.
"Remember, too busy," I answered shortly.
"That's all school work? I know I'm not the best example but I dated Irina during my college days."
"I had to work. I guess your dad and mom covered your room and board? Even if my trust had been released I wouldn't have used the money. There was too much of a desire to prove to my family and others in New York that I could everything on my own. The satisfaction from that was better than sex." Edward burst out laughing at the end of my rant.
"If a little pride is better than sex then clearly you haven't had good sex," he informed me.
I just shrugged my shoulders. "My ex told me I was lousy in bed. Maybe he was right."
"Your ex is an ass," Edward retorted, "I met him, remember?"
I snorted remembering their encounter from Jake's funeral. If only that had been the worst thing that day.
"If I know James he made it very well known he thought I was frigid. My sister's fiancée knew all about our sex life. Truth of the matter was it only lasted about a minute. I was a virgin when we got married so I didn't exactly have any reference other than what I read in romance novels."
"A minute?" Edward looked shocked. I nearly burst out laughing and wondered why we were talking about this very personal subject. Then I remembered last night and his flashback. If he could open about Jake's death, I could open up a little about my past. I had never really gone into too much detail with anyone except Rose. It would be interesting to get a man's point of view.
"Yup a minute and a grand total of five times. Says a lot about my sex appeal doesn't it?" I joked.
"Bella, I meant what I said earlier. You're a beautiful woman. Whatever was going on with your ex had nothing to do with you," Edward said gently.
"Yeah you're just saying that to be nice."
"Let me ask you question. You said what was going on with Irina had to do her exclusively?"
"Correct," I answered thinking this was going to bite me in the ass. "Her cheating had nothing to do with you and everything do with her."
"So why do you expect me to believe you when you don't believe me?"
"Edward you're a good looking guy and you can't convince me that Irina was the first woman you were serious about." That was my polite, finishing school way of saying Edward hadn't been a virgin when he met her.
Edward got quiet as we went further through the cave, confirming my suspicions.
"No, Irina wasn't the first woman I was involved with, but my list isn't that long. There is only one other woman and she was an older sister of a friend."
I snorted. "You had a Mrs. Robinson moment?"
"Laugh it up but she was a great person. She taught on the female side of my prep school," Edward explained.
I sobered up. This person had obviously meant something to him.
"What happened?"
"Nothing spectacular. We dated for a few months and broke up when I went to college. She's now married with two kids."
I was surprised. I would have thought Edward would have had an extensive list. The fact he didn't take advantage of the sex industry in Vietnam was surprising. I had to admire his faithfulness to Irina.
"How about you? I know you haven't had a relationship since your divorce."
"Is this your way of asking if I sleep around Edward?" I teased, half serious.
"No, no. I'm sorry, that came out wrong," he stuttered. It was amusing how embarrassed he got sometimes when he thought he might have offended me.
"James was it," I said after a moment.
Edward shook his head. "Bella don't base sex on your experiences with your ex. Whatever was happening, it was James' issue not yours. It's supposed to be fun and your partner should care if you're enjoying it."
I thought back to night I walked on him and Victoria. Particularly the way he had been pleasuring her with his tongue. She obviously enjoyed it and he apparently cared enough to make her come.
I thought back to the few times he had sex with me. The experience had bordered on painful. It wasn't until I moved to San Francisco that I realized that women needed to be "prepped" before sex.
The pattern had always been the same, lights off, minimal clothing removal and then three or four thrusts and it was over. I couldn't even remember if he kissed me before or after.
Remembering Victoria's lusty cries, if Edward's theory was true, James obviously cared about her. He hadn't care about me. His actions after our divorce certainly solidified that opinion.
However, given the way that James had thrown her out of his life, he had been wretched to her too. I had always thought that Victoria had been an inconvenience forced on him. Edward's theory made me wonder why James put in that kind of effort for sex when he put minimal effort into our love life.
I didn't have time think about it too much as we came up to one of the village built into the wall.
"Oh my God! This is amazing," I said looking at the stone homes.
"Yeah it is," Edward replied, jumping off the ledge, offering a hand to me. I took it and jumped. Our chests made brief contact.
"Oops," I replied blushing.
"Don't worry about it."
The ruins were beautifully preserved, you could make out the variations in the rooms where people would have eaten or slept. The shade felt wonderful after the hike. I could see why they would have chosen this area. It offered protection from the elements. The temperature was a good ten degrees cooler here than outside. If you were going to live in the desert, this was where you wanted to be. The park service was obviously trying to maintain the site.
"You ever been to Pompeii?" Edward asked after we finished exploring.
"Never been. James was supposed to take me to Rome for our honeymoon."
"Where did you go?"
"Overnight at the Plaza," I replied dryly, thinking of my abridged exotic honeymoon and the brunch we had the Russian Tea Room before going home.
Edward grimaced. He seemed to have a habit of that when I said something he didn't like. Good thing he didn't play cards because he had a crappy poker face.
"Well, I'll tell you Rome is one of the most amazing places in the planet. You should go," he said.
"Sure, between my school and helping Nessie," I teased, "Maybe you can take me?"
"I'll take you for our honeymoon," he teased right back. Then he blushed.
I let his comment slide.
"So what about Pompeii?"
"This place reminds the ruins. I know they're centuries apart but the cultures are alike."
I took another look and thought back to the pictures in my history textbooks. "But you can see the way people lived," I finished for him.
"Exactly," Edward said, "People are people."
-AMW-AMW-AMW-
AN: My apologies if I got the name of the tribes wrong, I pulled it from Wikipedia. As a kid I did go to the Grand Canyon and I thought it took eight hours to go up and down. Haha – a little adult research and I found that the suggested time is to an overnight trip and you need a permit from the national park society.. However, I don't know if you needed a permit back in the late sixties. No, Bella hasn't forgotten Edward's issues. It's coming up soon. Hmm – new career for Edward perhaps?
Sorry for the delay – we're having an audit at my job and well real life strikes again. My apologies for all typos and mistakes. Thanks for taking the time to read/view/favorite/follow!