WOW! I can't believe how far this stories come along... Hard to beleieve it's almost over. Just one part left! Thank you all for all of the love, praise and support! Because all my fans I'm going to write a squeal and a whole other story(maybe!) Thanks you guys ^^ enjoy the read.
Groaning you sit up in your bed, whole body sore and arms tense. What the fuck did you do last night..? Stretching you lean way back, brushing your fingers against the pillow, making your back crack in several places. You hated waking up, your body never wanted to listen to you and your think-pan was always up in a fog. Standing and twisting your body in every way you could, making your bones snap and pop, with a groan you glance over at your bed to find someone curled under the covers. Who the fuck was that motherfucker...? Couldn't be Sol, he was still pissed over the whole Karkat thing...The swimmer? Nah... Too busy runnin' around after his girl. Kar...No motherfuckin way. What the hell was going on with your jacked up pan to even up and think something like that? "Tavbro...?" You rasped out your voice rougher than normal. oH yEaH... You grinned remembering last night. Man that was so mOtHeRfUcKiN' wIcKeD. Grinning even wider you lean down and kiss the top of his head. Man how the hell you ended up in bed with a miracle like him you would never know but, thanked the messiahs anyway. One more twist and another series of sick cracks and your body finally felt like its usually topsy, turvy self now, to fix your think-pan... No point in even trying to sleep now, you weren't sure but, you could only sleep if you were stoned off your ass. Humming you stepped into the shower (way too cold but you didn't care) and scrubbed away the stickier reminders of the night before, not even stopping to unfasten the collar that hung around your neck. After the too short nap and too cold shower you felt awake and...sober. Really sober... no...THAT IS NOT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING! Fuck food or anything else for that matter. You needed your fix. RIGHT THE MOTHERFUCK NOW! Shaking you look around for your pills or your stash, something to dumb you down, mellow you out. It was alright to go a day or two without when you were alone, the worst thing that could happen was you break your furniture (exactly why didn't have much) or throw yourself through another window (exactly why you liked apartments) but, Tavros was here... Last time your were sober you stabbed him! The only reason he lived is Karkat hit you in the back of the head with a sickle before you could drive the bow all the way through him. where is everything... MOTHERFUCK! why were always so motherfuckin' stupid? You thought searching through the rumpled clothes on the ground before hearing the familiar rattle of pills in a bottle. Grinning you grab around for the bit of orange plastic and pop about seven pills in your mouth. The doctor said take four but what the fuck did he know? Not a motherfucking thing, just that you heard voices and were violent...He didn't know about your mom...about what the voices said...about the other side of you...the side you tried so hard to keep under control.
Chewing and letting the burning, chalky powder dissolve away on your tongue. You really hated waking up. The fogginess, the soreness, the fight for control... sometimes you wish you would just fall asleep and never wake up. After letting your drugs kick in you consider getting dressed, Tav was still asleep and it was too early for most people during the weekends but, the growling in your stomach changed your mind, clothes could wait right now you were too motherfuckin' hungary. Padding your way out to the living room you could hear what sounded like giggling and semi-loud music next door. Picking up the leftover brownies you bang twice on the wall you shared with the Harley's earning you a knock in return. John was always havin' wicked parties and you were more than welcome to join but, all the bright lights and music just reminded you of the old tapes of your mom...Against your own advice you grab on of the tapes and turned on the VCR, Mom had been on your mind alot lately and as much as hated her sometimes... she was your mom. Growling lightly you watch as your mom flipped, turned and twisted herself up, that was another thing you got from your mother besides having her thick, curly hair and intense violet eyes you also inherited her flexibility, something you kinda kept quiet about, people really didn't need to know that you could bend over backwards and shit. Just something you did in your down time, like jugglin' or ridin' that wickedass unicycle. Like always about half way the video you forgot the twisted up feels you had for our mother and watched her perform, makeup sparkling in the spotlight. You grin and reach up to your face and flinched after not feeling anything there, feeling kinda panicked you leap up and start to wonder to the bathroom, besides the memory of her in the bathroom the strongest one you had of the smiling dark haired woman was the first time you saw her in costume. All done up in deep metallic purples and silvers, with bells and ribbons as she carefully painted on the sparkling cream around her eyes and on her lips. She was always happier with her paint on...
"Gamzee! GAMZEE OPEN UP!" You heard someone shout, you were so caught up in your train of thought you couldn't hear someone banging on the door. Walking back into the living room you opened the door to see Karkat's pale face.
"Hey motherfuckin' best friend." You grin letting your buddy in.
"For christ sake! GAMZEE! How many times have I told not to answer the door naked!" The tiny albino growled, making you grin wider. "And what the fuck is this?!" He asked slipping a finger through the loop of your collar and tugging.
"Ain't nothin' bro. Nothin' ya' ain't up ta be seein' before." You shrug and pick up a pair of boxers from the floor and slipped them on before tossing yourself on the couch.
"Whats all up with you, motherfucker?" You asked still a little out of it from your pills and memories.
"Just checking on...Is that...Your mom?" Karkat asked calming down and taking a seat beside you, this was only the second time your older bro had ever seen your mom, the first was in a drawing you did back in seventh grade.
"Yeah..." You smile sadly and rest your head against the smaller boy's back, you missed her...her and your sister both, maybe you'll visit them today... Take Tav with you too... but, maybe another time, right now...You just really wanted to be alone today... you weren't up ta' feelin' right and didn't trust yourself around people for too long.
"I always knew you were the offspring of fuckin' circus freaks." The albino teased playfully, sensing that something was up with you. "You look alot like her.." Nodding you wrapped your arms around the pale teen, shaking. You were really not yourself today...you weren't Him but, you weren't you either...or at least... not the you most of your friends knew. Sighing Karkat threaded his fingers between yours and squeezed lightly, like he did when the two of you were dating. Your moirail was the best anyone could ask for, he knew almost everything about and could probably figure out what was going through that rotted think pan of yours quicker than you yourself could.
"What did up'nd want ta' get your check on 'bout?" You ask kissing the area where you knew where your mark was.
"Tavros..." The albino blushed and tensed under your touch. "I was just wondering how the two of you were doing..." It was odd for Kar to be so soft and quiet, something was going on with him too but, you knew he wasn't one to be questioned about his problems, he'd talk when was ready... I the mean time you took comfort in the now rare physical contact your best friend offered, letting yourself slip away into the familiar scent and warmth that was Karkat.
Sighing you relax and lean forward under the weight of the lanky teen. You were afraid for him.. He seemed sober, and upset.. Did Tavros tell him yet...? You hated keeping secrets from Gamzee and in all honesty you hadn't really wanted to keep your relationship with the dust and copper teen but, you were scared of being alone... ever since Gamzee had moved out and Dad had died you were scared of the small empty house, in a quiet neighborhood where everyone looked at you like a circus freak. You were scared someone would try to hurt you again... You needed someone to be there, to protect you, to make feel safe... Terezi tried but, your constant need to around her clashed with her more rebellious nature...And Gamzee had more than protected you, he loved you... you just couldn't meet his needs... Now the only person you had left to you was Tavros... and that was a mistake! Tav was crazy over the messed up clown but, you couldn't give him up... You didn't want to hurt anyone but, you didn't want to get yourself hurt again either. You tense as you remember being chased home after dark, being followed after school. The threats, taunts and attacks...
"You okay Karkat..." Gamzee asked placing another kiss on the scar on your neck, a comforting gesture. As many scars and marks your friend and 'brother' had left on you he never meant a single one of them and tried his best to take them all back. Pulling you down so that you were laying on your back beside your best friend he stared down at you with his bright purple eyes he pushed up your shirt and kissed the large deep looking scar above your kidney, the only mark on your body not from him.
"Whatever it is you can up'nd tell me brother. You know I'll up and be ta motherfuckin' listen.." The dark haired teen hushed brushing his fingertips along the puckered pink skin, guilt heavy in his voice. He wasn't there the night you were nearly raped and stabbed by angry pimp who had mistaken you for a hooker. While you were left to bleed out in an alley, Gamzee, who was the reason you were out in that kind of neighborhood, was strung out on heroin in a ditch a few blocks away. Sighing you hug the taller boy to you, how could you tell him? WHAT ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU'VE MADE FOR YOURSELF YOU IDIOT. How could you tell him about you and Tavros? That you had stolen the first person he admitted to having red feels for since the two of you spilt? You could still remember the uncharacteristic shy blush across his makeup smeared face as he asked you about the cripple...
"It's nothing Gam, just worried about you... Are your new pills working?" You lied and gently push away Gamzee's hand. The younger boy pulled away from you, crinkled his scarred nose before forcing his face to relax back to it's usual stoner-like expression, without his make-up it was very easy to read the emotions that were usually masked behind the smiling black and white face.
"Yeah...Just, ain't good on my mood... make my pan all tobe...Ugh motherfuck Karkat...I ain't me anymore..." He made a small animalistic noise of pain, his violet eyes clouded. "It's quiet...but, somethin' is there that wasn't up ta bein' before..." The frighten, pained whimper grew louder in your friend's throat. He was lying, it may be true the voices could quiet but, weather Gamzee knew it or not...there was another side to him... a violent darker side that scared everyone who had seen it...
"It'll be alright...Just.. do as the doctor told you alright? And stay off the hard shit..." You say softly, squeezing his wrist and feeling the hardened veins beneath the pale flesh.
"Yeah... Look bro..." Gamzee started, his voice getting heavy and coming out rougher than usual. "I'm so...motherfuckin' sorry, for all the times I up'd and fucked up... All the shit I put you through with all my, drugs and runnin around an' away. I didn't mean none of it ta hurt ya'...Just... I wasn't me. The night I hurt you and... all the motherfuckin' scars... wasn't me either." The younger of you two said shaking visibly, you already knew all this...but, you couldn't find it in you to stop the upset teen, this was something hard he had to get out."Fuck...I'm so..." His voice broke briefly before he caught himself and carried on with the same dopey smile and relaxed voice.
"I'm up to bein' so motherfuckin' scared Karkat... Those pills don't work... Not like the pot or heroin did... not like the motherfuckin Oxy and that Soper shit... It just keeps all up ta being quiet... keep Mom from talkin... but," Turning his violet eyes to the light above the two of you, trying to pretend that this wasn't bothering him. That, everything was alright and he wasn't sick."It's too quiet...so quiet... I can up'nd hear myself think...I don't like what I hear now...I don't like what I motherfuckin' think... I want the voices back... the mood swings to stop... I fuckin wanna stop being SO MOTHERFUCKING FUCKED UP!... I just want to..."
You left the last part of that sentence unfinished, Karkat didn't need to hear that anymore than you needed to say it. You were sick of living this way, tired of being so sick and knowing there was nothing that could fix it. You were so lost, angry and confused and just wanted it all to stop! If it wasn't for Kar and Tav you wouldn't be here right now... They were the only things holding you down, the only things that kept you holding on to that last piece of your self, the one thing you desperately clung to to keep yourself falling of the deep end. Standing you walked back towards your bedroom asking Karkat to drive Tav home, after you woke him up and handed him his clothes, ignoring his mild annoyance to the fact it was nearly two in the morning. You didn't really care right now. You wanted to be alone, needed to away from people. After a short goodbye and a reminder about Nepeta's party later your friends left, leaving you alone. Running your hand through your hair, you sigh and look around for your suite and brush. Have to look decent when you're going to see family.
End Fall part Two Shatter.