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Jamie's Point of View

"Jamie? You okay?"

I looked up. Alex. "Hi," I whispered. He squatted down next to me. He was furious.

"I just saw what happened. How dare he? I am this close to finding that bastard and kicking his sick ass. If Jacob kn—."

"Stop. Violence is never the answer, right?"

Alex looked startled for a second and then burst out laughing. "I guess I can't argue my own words."

I rested my head on his shoulder. "Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Abruptly, Alex's expression turned serious. "No. I'm still pretty damn mad at you, Jamie. Pretty damn mad."

My stomach dropped. "Oh," I said softly. I didn't know why I was so upset. I already knew he was angry with me. "Then why—," I began, not sure what I was asking.

"Then why—what?"

"Then why did you follow me and Mark out here? And why are you here now? And—and why did you sit next to me in math?" I asked, the questions pouring out of my mouth.

Alex smiled. "Just because I'm mad doesn't mean that I'm not your friend."

"Is it still…" I took a deep breath. "Is it still because of…of…of Jacob?" His name burned on the way out.

"That I'm mad at you? Yeah. It is. Jamie have you seen him lately?"

Guilt choked me. "Yes," I whispered.

"Then I want to know why you aren't with him right now. And why were you dating that fucking asshole?"

"Because…It's complicated."

"I don't think it is."

I swallowed. Why was Alex so good at asking hard questions? "Because," I took a deep breath. I owed the answer to him. "Because I'm afraid. I was afraid that he'd leave me. Afraid that he'd hurt…hurt me. And now—now I'm afraid that it's too late. That I've hurt him too much. Alex, he probably hates me! You know why I dated Mark? Because I thought he could replace Jacob." I laughed bitterly at my words. "That somehow Mark could make me feel the same way Jacob did. That he could make me feel better. Even though I hate him." I stared unseeingly at the wall for a moment. "God, I hate myself!!!" I wished I could throw something, break something, anything. My nails dug into my skin, drawing blood. I gazed at my bloody palms, not comprehending. And then I burst out crying.

Alex put his arm around me. "It's okay Jamie. It's okay."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I sobbed.

"You'll be fine."

"God, I'm such a baby. I've cried more in these past months than I have in my whole life. And now you have deal with it."

Alex smiled at me. "I don't mind. I'm your best friend."

"You should mind. I've been such a bitch to you. Even before this mess. With Nate and everything."

"It's okay. I knew why."

I snorted. "I can't say that I'm surprised."

Alex chuckled. "You're definitely not the same Jamie anymore. If I had told you that earlier in the year you would have been horrified."

I grimaced. "Probably. I think I have a lot more to worry about than my best friend knowing about my old infatuation with him, though." There was a brief lull in conversation. My mind wandered, traveling through everything that had happened since Jacob had seen me outside of the mall. I really had changed a lot. Alex seemed to be in deep thought as well. "What are you thinking about?"

Alex started. "Huh?"

"You look like you're pondering the meaning of life or something."

"Oh. I was just thinking about the big secret surrounding Jacob and his friends."

"You noticed?"

"I thought we already had established that I'm pretty good at 'noticing' things."

"That's just weird."

"Did you ever find out what the secret was?"

"Yeah. The basic idea of it at least. That's why I left."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "That crazy, huh?"

"Yes. Extremely. It kind of turned my world upside down at first. I was so angry at Jacob for letting me get in so deep without telling me it. And I was so afraid of him and…and his family. But now I barely ever think about it. I just think about how much I miss him. How much it hurts. Why I can't seem to get over him. And now I realize I should have at least let him try to explain things before running off. That he won't leave me. That—that it's too late to stay away and that his stupid secret doesn't matter at all anymore. Even if it poses a threat to my careful, boring half-life. I love him too much." My words were like a slap to the face. "I have to go talk to him!" I scrambled up to my feet. Alex was smiling at my epiphany. He was happy for me. "Where is he?"

Alex's smile faded. "He ran off."

"Damn it," I hissed. I was sure he was running around as a wolf. I wasn't really sure how that worked, could he turn back and go home, or did he have to wait awhile? Would he even want to go home? "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright," Alex grinned, "You can have my keys."

"Thanks." I started to jog away.

"And Jamie?" I turned back around. "I think things are going to finally start looking up for you." I smiled back at him, my veins buzzing with anticipation, before heading to Alex's car once again.

I hastily parked by Jacob's familiar house, stuffing Alex's keys into my back pocket as I jumped out of his car into the rain. At the front door I hesitated for a second, wondering what I was going to say. God Jamie just get on with it! I reached my hand out to knock on the door. No one answered. I rang Jacob's doorbell a few times. "Jacob, please answer the door! It's me, Jamie. I need to talk to you!" Still, no one opened the door. "Billy…you home? Anyone? Please!" I shouted. Softer then, "Please." I thought about leaving a note, but this had to be done face to face.

I went home feeling like doubling over in my pain.

Jake didn't come to school the next day to the disappointment of both Alex and myself, and when I went to go check his house he and his father were, once again, not there. I sank down against Jacob's door, tears running down my face. It was my fault that Jacob wasn't home. What if he didn't ever come back? The thought was so horrifying that I let out a low moan. And, since Billy had trouble doing things on his own, I had probably driven him out of the house, too.

That was it. I wasn't leaving La Push until I could find someone who could tell me where Jacob was…or at least point me in the right direction. I went to Nadia's house first, and found it empty as well. Then to Kim's. Still nobody. Where was everybody? I knew it was a Friday night…but still! I headed to the Uley's, feeling that all the hope in my life rested on finding someone there.

My heart sank when I saw the dark windows and the closed garage door. I had to try, though. I closed my eyes before going to the front door. I didn't even have to knock to find out where everyone was. On Emily's door was a yellow sticky note reading: Maria, my family and I have a family gathering at the beach tonight. I know you wanted to come over but this has been in my schedule for months. Sorry for the inconvenience, Emily. I read it three times before its words processed. I ran to my car, nearly mindless, and sped to the beach, my car kicking up leaves in the parking place. I could feel all my physical and emotional anguish melting off of me. I felt free. I would see Jacob. Everything would be okay.

I hovered at the edge of the forest when I saw the family gathering, having second thoughts. What if Jacob had been lying when he said that they wanted me back? And I knew without a doubt that some of them would be furious with me. I watched them for a while, trying to gather courage. The younger boys, Collin, Brady, and Seth were lazily tossing a football between themselves. Embry was, naturally, stuffing his face by a long table. Collin threw the football at the back of his head. Embry looked up for a second, food hanging out of his mouth, before shrugging and bringing his attention back to the food. The boys burst out laughing. A ghost of a smile passed over my lips. Quil was closer to the beach with Claire on his shoulder. It was a touching sight. They were watching the sunset, looking so tranquil that I had to look away. All of the couples were sitting together in a circle around a massive pile of wood in the sand. Billy, Leah, and a few other people that I didn't know were with them. Jacob was nowhere in sight. My heart tightened.

I sat there watching them for a while, longing to join them. When the first stars came out everyone settled down. Sam walked up to the heap of wood and somehow managed to get a fire going. The fire burned blue and green; there must have been driftwood in it. As it climbed higher, the boys and Claire began to do a really bad Indian dance, excluding the more serious Brady and Sam. I sighed, watching them all together, a big, happy family. I moved closer to them. I was about two hundred yards away, still at the edge of the woods. Maybe…No. They didn't want me there. Especially since I had driven Jacob off. Still, I continued to inch forward. I began to hear their terrible imitations of tribal chants. It was intermingled with laughter. I felt a small smile slip onto my face. It felt weird to smile so many times in one day after not smiling at all for months. The bonfire licked the sky, throwing sparks into the night. Billy raised his hand, asking for silence. Everyone went back to their seats. What were they doing? I was about twenty yards away now and not pushing it. I slipped behind a tree. Satisfied that everyone was quiet Billy began to talk:

"Before we begin, Jacob's not coming?"

"Not that he planned," Quil said. "He's running around. I don't think he's going to go farther than a few miles though, I think he wants to stay near Jamie." My heart tore.

"What did she do this time?" Paul asked, throwing a stone into the fire.

"I'm not sure. I think it's something about her ass of a boyfriend again. I don't think Jake can take much more of this." I shut my eyes, trying to breathe.

"I'm sure she'll come around soon," Billy sighed. "Let's get going." And then Billy's voice changed, growing stronger and wiser. "The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning. And we are small people still, but we have never disappeared. That is because there has always been magic in our blood…"

I suddenly realized that Leah was looking right at me. Fuck. One of her perfectly waxed eyebrows lifted. I backed up, ready to turn around and run. Leah shook her head. Billy had stopped talking, and was watching Leah with a confused expression on his face. Everyone else joined him. Shit. Shit. Shit. I was so fucking dead. Leah smirked, pointing towards me. "Looks like we have ourselves a visitor." Slowly everyone turned to face me. "C'mon out Jamie."

Biting my lip, I left the trees. A range of emotions were splayed across their faces. Relief. Happiness. Outrage. And, of course, they all felt a need to comment on my appearance.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Brady asked.

"Thank God!" Paul.

"Oh Sam, Jacob is going to be so happy." That would be Emily.

"Ha ha! You so totally owe me fifty!' Embry.

"Damn it!" Quil.

"Mom doesn't like that word Quil." Claire.

"Oh…um, darn it!"

Kim, "Isn't this great Jared?! Just in time for the wedding."

"Yeah. The wedding." Cue kissing.

But there was only one I heard clearly.

"I'm going to go get Jacob!" Collin got up.

At this statement, I cried, "No!" Silence. "I mean, I kind of wanted to find him for myself. So that…so that he knows that I was the one who wanted to talk to him. Not anyone else. So that he's sure."

More silence.

"Were—were you talking about werewolves?" No answer. Only stares. "Because I kind of wanted to understand you guys more. To start making up for…for what I did. Please."

I saw Nadia smile out of the corner of my eye. "Tell them Billy," she said. "If just for the sake of not having to tell them again in two weeks."

Billy's mouth quirked upwards at this. "We're glad that you're back Jamie."

"Me too," I smiled. I felt so much better. Warmer. Almost okay. But not even close to perfect…because Jacob wasn't there. And until he was, I didn't think I'd ever feel completely happy.

So Billy told what I now know are the Quileute legends. I was enchanted by the story of spirit warriors and the first werewolf. My heart squeezed painfully when I realized that the werewolves were…good. That they were actually putting themselves in danger to protect us. Against vampires nonetheless! I had left for nothing. I felt increasingly stupid as the stories went on.

Then, Billy told us of imprinting. It was the only time I would ever hear about it at a bonfire; to this day I am positive that the only reason it was explained that night was because of me.

Imprinting was this thing—this amazing, wonderful, fairytale thing—that werewolves did. It showed them their soul mate, their forever. It happened like a bolt of lightning, instantaneously, seemingly without reason. Bringing light to the world. Or—or maybe lightning is the wrong comparison…too ephemeral for imprinting. When you were imprinted on you were irrevocably bound to someone who would be your protector, your best friend, your lover for life and longer. No matter what age you were. You completed each other.

And to be without each other was to feel unimaginable anguish.

Not for once did I doubt its existence. I was looking at living proof of it. Sam and Emily. Kim and Jared. Nadia and Paul. Quil and Claire. And…And maybe, somewhere deep inside of me thought, maybe Jacob and I, too. With it, the thought brought an extreme feeling of rightness. Still, I pushed it away. Jacob had imprinted on me? Please. It was too good to be true. Yet, the thought lingered, nagging me through the rest of Billy's words.

If he had imprinted on me….Oh, God. How much pain had I put him through? I didn't even fucking deserve to live on this planet anymore.

I put my head into my hands and cried. I couldn't believe how incredibly idiotic I had been.

"Oh Jamie." I felt soft arms encircle me. "It's going to be okay."

"How," I choked, "can this ever be okay? I hurt him Emily. I hurt him so badly. He'll never want to talk to me again."

"I'm sure that's not true, Jamie," Nadia said from off to the side.

"Even if it isn't, I don't deserve to talk to him again. Oh, God. All this time and he was good. Why didn't I just fucking listen?" I buried my head into Emily's shoulder, still sobbing.

"Do you want one of the boys to go and get him?"

I shook my head. "Is there any way to get him to come back without l-letting him know? I really w-want to tell him myself."

There was a small pause. "Well," Emily began, "technically, Sam can force him to phase back and come home"—I didn't question why—"but that will probably make Jake extremely, er, upset."

I considered this for a second before lifting my head and looking Emily in the eye. "Do you think it would be cruel to him to wait till he got back on his own?"

"No, I think in the long run, James, it'll be worth it," Kim answered me sincerely.

"Can you tell Sam and the boys not to tell him?" I asked Emily.

"Of course."

"Will…will somebody call me when he gets back?"

"No Jamie we won't. We'll just let you and Jacob stay miserable at home for forever," Kim teased. "As soon as I know, I'll call."

I smiled at her. "You don't know how good it is to have all of my old friends back." My phone buzzed in my pocket. Dad. "I have to go; it's late. See you." This sentiment was directed to everyone there.

The pack…my friends said their goodbye's, grinning.

I went to bed that night with my heart feeling one thousand times lighter. For the first time in a very long time, I felt hope.

Side note: Omg, how was Adam in the bottom two this week?????

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