A/N: So this was two tiny chapters that I mashed into an obnoxiously long chapter. I'm sorry it just would have felt like not that many events were happening over too long a period of time if I kept it at two. I dunno haha I'm dumb. Thanks as always for the support. Hopefully people are still enjoying this :) We're super close to meeting up with the games again so whoop!
The inside of the car was silent as they traveled through the empty streets. It was impossibly late, or conversely, devastatingly early, which ensured their isolation. The vehicle that carried them was the least flashy model they could find in Henry Lawson's exuberant collection.
Once it had been liberated Liara had been contacted and their plans had been sorted after Miranda had patched up Shepard as best she could. Now Shepard drove along steadily, Miranda in the passenger seat beside her, and Gwen holding onto the sleeping Lilly tightly in the back. They didn't share a word in the extensive distance Shepard insisted on traveling, eager as she was to put as much space between them and that horrendous place as possible.
Her mind drifted as she drove, there was simply too much to consider, even after forcibly removing her own overwhelming grief from the occasion. First and foremost came Lilly's needs. Though clearly not an infant, she was still most certainly a baby. Until they could figure out what to do with her she would need quite a bit of care.
And then there was Gwen. Shepard wasn't sure what had happened after Miranda had darted off after her father, but whatever it was had put the girl in Miranda's good graces. She didn't know why Miranda suddenly trusted her, especially after the earlier claims she had made otherwise, but that seemed to be the way of things now. The only problem Shepard had with the turn of events was that Gwen frankly made her uncomfortable. There was something missing in the child, her eyes were far too hollow. Watching her was like watching some other sort of being entirely as it played at being human.
The final issue plaguing Shepard's mind was the welfare of Miranda herself. Once the danger was passed, once they had saved everyone they could and made their escape, Miranda had finally seemed to allow herself to process every single bit of information that had been thrown at her since their arrival.
From what Shepard could tell, she wasn't taking it well.
Miranda was withdrawing, shutting down. She sat in the car unmoving, staring blankly ahead at the empty road. Shepard couldn't imagine the things that must have been running through Miranda's mind, all she knew was that she didn't envy the women.
Liara and Shepard had discussed the best course of action to take next over the comm back before they had left the estate grounds, and now Shepard pulled into the parking lot of the first destination they had decided upon. It was a large and obnoxious twenty four hour superstore, the sort Shepard had always turned her nose up at.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Shepard only wasted a moment glancing at Miranda, understanding even before she was met with no reaction that she was on her own. It was her turn to take the lead, she could do that much for the woman at least.
With a heavy sigh, Shepard stepped out of the car, moving to open the door to the backseat. She stooped to peek in at their new charges.
"Hey," she said softly to Gwen, "we're going to need your help." It took a few moments, but eventually the girl managed a curt nod, and Shepard moved to sit in the seat beside her. "Why don't you give me the baby," she added kindly.
It was an awkward affair in the small space, but eventually the child was safely handed over.
Shepard took a deep breath as she held Lilly, who was still wrapped snuggly in her jacket. She knew she would have to start slow for Gwen's sake, the girl was quite clearly rather fragile. "I need you to go into the store for us." She grimaced as the girl's eyes grew wide with anxiety. "Have you ever been to a store before?"
Gwen shook her head frantically, clearly distraught.
"Okay," Shepard soothed quickly, "that's okay. Listen, it's gonna be okay." She gave the girl a pointed look. "We can't go in there," she continued, referring to the state of both her and Miranda.
Miranda's apparent mental breakdown aside, the woman was positively drenched in what Shepard could only assume was the blood of her father. Shepard was similarly soaked, except of course the blood that adorned her clothing belonged to…someone else.
"You can do this," Shepard assured the child with as much sincerity as she could muster. "I'm going to give you more than enough money and all you have to do is pick up a few things." It was a half truth at least.
Reluctantly Gwen nodded, and so Shepard began her list, coming up with items as she went along. It was certainly more involved than the 'few things' she had at first promised, but it needed to be done. The list was long, and as she was rattling off the purchases Shepard had to remind herself to reign in the demands. She was dealing with a frightened child, no matter how oddly adult the girl seemed. She had to remember that.
"So remember it's fine to get two backpacks if you think there's too much for one. Don't worry at all about price," Shepard reiterated. "And we'll need a couple of jackets. The bigger the better, make sure it's something the zips up in the front so we're completely covered."
They needed something to cover up the mess that was now Shepard's clothing, and even if Miranda's wasn't soiled as well hers would still be an issue. Combat suits weren't exactly everyday wear for the people of Earth. Shepard reasoned if they could just get a sweatshirt over her they could get away with the pants of her old uniform until a more permanent solution could be put in place.
She scrunched up her nose as she considered her demands. "Do you need this taken down for you in some way?"
Abnormally quickly, the anxious expression Gwen had been wearing disappeared and she sat up in the seat a bit straighter. "No. I have a perfect memory," the girl responded in an almost robotic tone.
Shepard frowned because it was showing again, that total inhumanness. She shook off the feeling quickly and let out an awkward, "Right," unsure of how else to respond.
Suddenly another thought struck her. "Are you hungry?" she asked softly.
Immediately Gwen blanched and shook her head.
Shepard grimaced as she considered the events of the night. "Yeah," she mumbled gently at length, "me neither." With a heavy sigh she glanced towards Miranda. "You hungry?"
There was no answer, and eventually Shepard reached forward between the seats to place a gentle hand on the woman's arm. "Hey," she called out softly.
Miranda flinched at the contact, seemingly startled out of deep thoughts. She tilted her head slowly and their eyes met.
"Are you hungry?" Shepard tried again.
Miranda opened her mouth slightly, but no sound came out. And then she closed it, quickly shaking her head in an uncharacteristically jerky motion.
"What about this one?" Shepard pressed, shifting the arm that was still wrapped around a sleeping Lilly almost imperceptibly to emphasize her point.
"She's fine. We won't need to worry about her in that way for quite some time."
Shepard was more than a little taken aback by how quickly and confidently Miranda had answered the question.
"How can you be su-" Shepard started to ask but was swiftly cut off.
"She's fine," Miranda assured her with a look that certainly suggested now wasn't the time for lengthy explanations.
With a heavy heart Shepard accepted Miranda was far more qualified to take charge in such things than she herself was and dropped the issue, ignoring all of the instincts that made her desire to provide the child with the greatest possible care. She regarded Gwen once more.
"Do you think you've got everything?"
Though the girl's gaze was undoubtedly filled with fear, she gave a resolute nod.
"Just go slow," Shepard reminded one last time. "Act natural and nobody will bother you. I know you can do this."
Shepard parked a few blocks away from their next destination in a dark and under lit lot. The action had been earlier suggested by Liara who would have the vehicle taken care of as soon as she could get her people on the job.
Gwen had preformed her task marvelously, not that Shepard had honestly expected any less. As nervous as the girl appeared, she had been engineered for near perfection. Now Shepard found herself once again stooping to duck into the back of the car after they had parked, though this time with a much different purpose.
Lilly was laying along the backseat, now awakened and squirming about. Shepard had been pleasantly surprised at how well the baby had reacted to being jostled gently awake. Hardly a protest had been made and now she was free to slip on the clothing she had ordered Gwen to purchase for her younger sister.
It was a simple pajama ensemble as Shepard had requested, pale blue with nauseatingly cute animal profiles printed every which way. It took some doing, but eventually Shepard managed to wrangle the chubby flailing arms into the shirt. The pants were a bit easier to pull on, though they seemed to be about an inch too short.
Gwen had appeared absolutely horrified by her blunder and Shepard was disgusted by just how many times she had to reassure the anxious girl that she had done a wonderful job and the mistake really was no issue at all. It gave Shepard an unfortunate taste of just how errors had been handled in the Lawson household.
When Lilly was finally in some proper clothing, Miranda and Shepard pulled on their own purchases from Gwen. Miranda had a heavy sweater and Shepard been given a dark jacket that ran down to her thighs. She felt a bit lost in the excess material, but it did its job of hiding the blood.
"Okay," Shepard announced as she stuffed the rest of their few belongings into the new backpack and slung it over her shoulder. "We have a short walk to the hotel." She considered Gwen for a moment. "Will you be okay on baby duty again?"
The girl nodded and quickly moved to retrieve her sister from the backseat. When everybody was prepared they took off, heading through the dim light across the street. It was an easy journey, the streets being as deserted as they were, and it wasn't long before they arrived at their intended destination. The early rays of the sun were just barely starting to illuminate the sky as Shepard pulled open the doors of the hotel and ushered everyone inside.
It was a modest set up in the lobby, a few chairs that belonged in a long forgotten decade and a lone desk that stood at about chest level. Behind it shuffled a kindly looking woman who was well into her fifties.
Shepard gently nudged Miranda forward with her shoulder. "Alright, you're up."
It felt ridiculous, but Shepard still had to worry about silly things like being identified, which should have been more than a little inconsequential by this point. Still, she pushed herself to stay smart. As much as she wanted to be able to take care of everything on her own for Miranda's sake, she couldn't risk getting recognized by a civilian. That may very well bring on a whole host of other problems.
Shepard's confidence in Miranda faded quickly however as she watched the woman approach the front desk. Her actions were rigid and sharp, as though she were expecting an attack at any moment. That, coupled with her usual severity when dealing with strangers, would add up to one great disaster.
When Miranda reached the counter the middle aged woman behind it smiled warmly in greeting. "Out with the whole family, huh?"
Even from where she hung back with the children Shepard could make out how painfully unfocused Miranda was. Her eyes held a distant and guarded look, as though she were somewhere else entirely, and it was clearly something that the woman behind the desk was picking up on.
"Miss?" she questioned cautiously.
"What?" Miranda returned vacantly, shaking her head softly. "Uh..what?"
Shepard bit back a groan as she accepted she'd have to take the risk. Hopefully the woman wasn't up to date on wanted Alliance personnel.
"Are you okay, ma'am?" the woman behind the desk asked slowly, concern clear in every word.
Shepard moved up beside Miranda, leaving the children by the door. "Sorry, she's exhausted," she cut in quickly, offering up an apologetic smile. Her eyes darted to the nametag that was pinned over the woman's left breast.
Jennifer.
"We all are," Shepard continued. "It's been a long drive for all of us." Miranda had seemed to relax a bit at her intervention, body less stiff than it had been previously. "We hadn't planned on stopping here, but you know how it goes. Do you have anything available on such short notice?"
"Of course," Jennifer replied with a calm smile, obviously taking a shine to Shepard's friendly demeanor. Her attention pulled towards the terminal screen that rested on the desk in front of her. "Two beds?"
Shepard hesitated, glancing towards where she had left Gwen holding Lilly. The girl was understandably apprehensive and quite clearly uncomfortable. It would probably be best to give her some space while she took in how very drastically her life had changed in just a few short hours. Not to mention Shepard was still unsure of just how Gwen felt about those changes. She was hard to read, and Shepard wasn't sure if she would feel comfortable sleeping in the same room as someone who might still feel any sort of devotion to Henry Lawson. Not to mention that Miranda had most likely just finished ridding the world of that man.
Yes, whether for her on sake or for Gwen's, space was certainly called for.
"Do you have any of those rooms that are connected available?" Shepard asked.
"Adjoining rooms?" Jennifer questioned curiously. "A few, yes, but you needn't spring for one. We have plenty of rooms available that would comfortably suit three adults. I have one here that has two queen sized beds."
Shepard offered up what she hoped was a nonchalant expression. "I think we'd be happier with the adjoining rooms," she replied, thinking quickly. Jerking her head back, she nodded towards where Gwen stood. "We're going through our independent stage."
Jennifer smiled knowingly as she took in the teenager. Being a mother herself, rebellion was a concept she was quite used to. "I see, well, I'll find the cheapest one available." At once she began typing at her terminal.
"I appreciate it," Shepard responded genuinely. For a moment she hesitated, but knew she had to give it a shot and quickly continued. "We'll need a bed for the little one too, if you have something. A crib or-" her face scrunched up and panic flooded through her. Hotels offered cribs, right? Was crib the right word? Bassinet? No that was the same thing, wasn't it? Or was it? Was Lilly too big for that? "something," she mumbled pathetically.
The woman raised an eyebrow and Shepard chuckled to cover her tracks. She was supposed to be a mother of two, this wasn't supposed to be new to her. "This one told me to make sure I packed the travel bed," she lied, sliding an arm around Miranda's waist, "but I was a scatter brain as always." You could get travel beds for babies right? That made sense, didn't it? "Left without it."
God, what on Earth did Commander Shepard know about babies?
Jennifer nodded as she resumed her work, wearing a smile all the while. "Ah, you're always three hours out on the road before you realize you've forgotten something."
Shepard tried not to let the relief she felt show in her voice. "That's always the way of it," she agreed with a laugh.
For once, Miranda was grateful for Shepard's overbearing and friendly conversational skills with complete strangers. She leaned into the arm around her, letting her exhaustion wash over her, trying to hammer the night's events into her brain. It was over, they were safe, it was done.
That was her mantra, steady and sure.
"There you are," Jennifer said after a few moments, clearly having found success. "I just need some payment information."
Miranda finally took some initiative, indicating that she herself would be taking charge of the payment, running through her many aliases in her mind, quickly deciding which would be the most intelligent to sign as.
While Miranda took care of the business end of the transaction, Jennifer returned her attentions on Shepard. "This is the pass code for the lock," she informed the woman, reaching over the counter to properly point out the items. "Room 316," she informed them, and then she nodded towards Gwen, "and 318 for the young lady."
With a steady hand she pointed toward the hall that ran off toward the left of the counter. "You'll take the hall down this way and then hang a left. You'll see the elevator on your right. Take it up to the third floor and then you'll be heading to the right down the hall and the rooms will be on your left."
"Left, right, right, left," Shepard responded dutifully with a charming grin, "got it." As Miranda finished up, Shepard turned towards Gwen. "Come on, girls," she called, praying she sounded like an exhausted mother.
"No luggage?"
Shepard froze in her tracks as she was turning away from the desk to gather up her charges. All they had collectively was the single backpack Gwen had purchased which now rested slung across her shoulders.
"We, uh, travel light," she tried stupidly, and quickly the 'family' scampered off down the hall.
It was when they had rounded the corner and were out of Jennifer's line of vision the Shepard leaned into Miranda, tugging her close. "Hey," Shepard mumbled into her ear softly, "try to keep it together for me, huh? Just a few more minutes."
Miranda nodded mutely, stone-faced as they moved with purpose towards the elevator.
Before the doors opened they were joined by a young turian who also seemed to be waiting for a ride up. He nodded politely towards them and both Miranda and Shepard offered up courteous, albeit strained, smiles. It wasn't a long wait, but jamming everyone into the elevator proved to be a tight squeeze.
Lilly shifted in her sister's hold, staring at this strange new creature with rapt attention as they traveled slowly upwards. It made Shepard want to let out a soft laugh as the girl's eyes widened in disbelief. She couldn't fault the child, after all it was her very first alien encounter.
Gwen on the other hand was a different story.
She squeezed herself behind Shepard and Miranda, putting as much distance between herself and the turian as possible, shooting him mistrustful and painfully clearly disgusted glares.
Oh great, Shepard found herself thinking bitterly, she's a racist too.
It was a blessing when the doors opened on the third floor and they spilled out into the hall as the turian had been heading to the fourth floor.
"Okay," Shepard said softly, heading to the front of their little pack, "this way."
Gwen moved behind her. "Turian are allowed here?" she questioned as though it were the most ridiculous concept she had ever had the misfortune of considering.
Shepard gritted her teeth and closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself to remain calm. It wasn't Gwen's fault she had such ideas. She had been brainwashed, abused.
"Yes," Shepard replied with as much patience as she could muster, "they're allowed everywhere."
They reached the door of room 316 and Miranda moved forward to input the passcode and unlock it.
"Gwen," Shepard continued quietly as they waited to be let in, "one of my best friends in the entire universe is a turian." She fought back a frown as Gwen's look of surprise at the comment morphed into a frown. "I'm also quite close with a quarian and a drell and more than a few asari." She snorted as Miranda successfully opened the door and they moved inside together. "I've even met a krogan or two I've taken a liking to."
Miranda turned on the lights and surveyed the area, taking in her surroundings. It was small and humble, but it would serve its purpose for the night.
"Look, I know what he told you," Shepard continued as she shrugged out of her backpack and tossed it onto one of the beds, "but you have to try and work past it because there is an entire cosmos out there of people for you to meet." She moved in front of the girl and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Some of them will be rude and cruel and selfish, I can promise you that. But what I can also promise you is that it will never be because of their race. There is good and bad in everyone, all we can do is go into each encounter with respect and compassion."
Gwen reluctantly nodded, though it appeared she still had her doubts on the matter. Shepard let her hand fall with a sigh. She wasn't naive enough to think she could erase years upon years of damage in a single night, but that didn't make the matter any less frustrating.
"Come on," she said, motioning towards the girl, "Let's check out your room."
While Shepard and Gwen unlocked the door to pass through into their second room, Miranda moved towards the bed closest to the window and sat heavily upon the mattress. If felt surreal to even be there, as though she was watching her own body move about of its own accord from somewhere up above.
Shepard returned fairly quickly, and Miranda instinctively stood in greeting while the woman pulled the other door shut behind her.
"Gwen is going to hang out in there for a bit with Lilly. I told her we needed to discuss a few things in private."
Miranda mulled over her words for a moment before being hit with a wave of panic, suddenly far too overwhelmed to even consider conversation. "I just," she paused, swallowing thickly.
Shepard reached for her, catching Miranda's hand in a comforting grip and tracing soothing circles along the palm with her thumb.
The action steadied Miranda, and her nerves settled. "I just need a moment," she managed before glancing away, hiding from Shepard's questioning gaze.
Shepard didn't appear particularly thrilled by the request, but she relented out of respect. "Okay," the women finally allowed. "Take as long as you need."
Miranda nodded, gently pulling out of Shepard's grip and offering a grateful smile before disappearing into the small bathroom they had been given. She ignored Shepard's worried stare and firmly closed the door behind her.
It was left unlocked, Shepard respected her enough to remain outside.
With a slow and sure stride Miranda moved through the miniscule room to the shower, sliding the curtain back smoothly to step inside. As soon as she let the curtain drape back into place, she dropped the facade, slumping heavily against the cold tile of the walls. Gradually she fell, sliding down along the wall into an ungraceful squat where she quickly embraced her legs and dropped her head to her knees. Her deep, shuddering breaths ricocheted off the walls around her, and though she refused to shed a single tear, every watery gasp betrayed her weakness.
For sixteen minutes Shepard slouched against the bathroom door, brow furrowed, heart aching, as she patiently waited.
"We'll have to find somebody trustworthy. It's a good thing we're still on Earth. With Liara's help we can get her set up so that she is guaranteed a good home."
Shepard's eyes widened in disbelief, as though Miranda's suggestion had been absolutely outrageous, and then a fire lit within them. "We're not dumping her in the system."
Miranda crossed her arms underneath her chest defensively, taken aback by the amount of accusation to be heard in Shepard's voice. "I never said dump," she muttered bitterly, despising how being the rational one turned her into the villain at every turn.
They had been at it for quite some time, so much so that Shepard had returned to Gwen's room to retrieve Lilly as she wanted the older girl to get some sleep. It turned out to be harder work than originally anticipated to agree on the next step to take concerning the children. Miranda understood that Shepard had deep personal issues with the subject, but so did she dammit and the woman was being rather unreasonable.
"Either way," Shepard responded easily, sitting on the edge of a mattress with Lilly resting on her lap, distractedly working at untangling the child's curious fingers from her hair, "I'm putting my foot down."
Miranda's eyebrows shot up and she rocked back on her heels in poorly contained irritation. "Oh, you're putting your foot down?" she challenged.
"Yep," Shepard snapped back, holding her gaze even as Lilly tugged at her in what was quite clearly a painful manner.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Miranda ignored Shepard's attitude and pressed on. "Fine, what's your genius plan then?"
For a moment, Shepard's expression softened, and she looked almost uncertain before glancing down at the child in her arms. "I, uh," she stammered stupidly.
Lilly squirmed in her grasp, leaning away from Shepard and reaching out into the open air with two chubby arms. A shudder of dread tingled through the length of her spine as Miranda realized that she herself was the object of desire.
Apparently she didn't hide her alarm very well as when she once again locked eyes with Shepard the woman laughed and stood, wrapping one arm securely around the child's waist and the other beneath her bottom before taking the few small steps towards Miranda.
"Look," Shepard continued gently, holding Lilly out in front of her as an open invitation for Miranda, "I just want to find her people that will take care of her the way she deserves." When the gap between them was closed, Lilly began fidgeting all the more, eager to reach her desired destination. Not exactly in the position to reject the advance, reluctantly Miranda accepted the offering. She shifted Lilly awkwardly in her grasp for a few moments before finally both woman and child found a position that suited them each.
Shepard bit back a laugh as she watched Miranda struggle with this new burden that had befallen them. When they had settled down, Lilly resting her head atop Miranda's chest contentedly, she continued in earnest, "that doesn't always happen, you know that. I know the system, Miranda," she reminded unnecessarily. "I've seen it. Sometimes it's great, and I'm so happy for the children it helps, but there's no guarantee."
Miranda chewed absently on her bottom lip, swallowing down the guilt that swam through her at Shepard's words. It had never been a secret to her that the woman's past of growing up on Earth had not been a kind one, but that didn't make hearing allusions to the hardships of Shepard's history any easier.
"Jane," she tried kindly, unsure of her words. It would be easy for her to mess this up. Touchy and emotionally charged conversations were just about the only things she felt were beyond her ability. Well, that, and the child the rested at her hip, clearly nodding off against her chest as the events of the day caught up with her.
"I understand, but we have no choice." Subconsciously she swayed, shifting her weight from leg to leg as she spoke. Lilly's eyelids drooped as sleep rushed ever closer. "Perhaps if you spoke with one of your higher ups in the Alliance you could have something more certain arranged, but that would mean turning yourself in. If that's what you want then it's fine, but even then it's just a shot in the dark."
Shepard offered up a pleading expression that was borderline pathetic. "Why can't we just find someone good? We can-"
"No." Miranda cut her off as firmly as she could manage while still maintaining a soft tone for Lilly's sake. Shepard opened her mouth to protest but Miranda didn't give her the chance. "I know what you're going to say and the answer is no. You're emotionally invested now, I get it, but think logically for two seconds here. We take matters into our own hands, take some information for ourselves and find someone willing to take her that we both agree on. Then what? She has nothing Shepard. By all legal rights she doesn't exist. We'll need false documentation for a child who was never born. It was a snap for Cerberus to do all of those things for Ori, but look at us. We're cut off from everyone because we're fugitives. It would take forever to get everything sorted on our own. Everything is possible with time, yes, but we no longer have that luxury."
"Liara would help us," Shepard insisted, though there was little true defiance in her voice.
"Okay, say she does," Miranda allowed, knowing that was more than true. "So we illegally get her documents and hand her over to a family we decide on. That's what you want, just knock on the door, holding a baby, and hand her over." She let out a heavy sigh. "It just isn't done, Shepard. People don't do that. You can't just give someone a baby. There need to be checkups and thorough investigation that could take weeks."
Shepard's hands clenched at her sides as her mind whirred and her chest tightened. Miranda was right, and they would have to do as she said. Time was not a luxury they possessed. Still, Shepard felt like a traitor giving in. She had been older when it had happened to her, but they were the same at heart. Being given up, handed over, she knew what it meant, what it lead to. And though Lilly wouldn't remember them twelve years down the road, she would still carry the weight of the knowledge that someone somewhere had decided to let her go.
"Ori's parents-" she tried, grasping at straws.
"Are very nice people I'm sure," Miranda cut in gently, clearly aware of Shepard's internal struggle, "but are just now finishing the last nineteen year long favor my family asked of them."
"We can't just leave her," Shepard repeated softly, more telling herself than directing the words specifically in Miranda's direction.
"We're not just dropping her off on the streets." Lilly grew heavy in Miranda's arms as her body went limp with sleep, causing the woman to gently bounce her into a more comfortable position. "We'll research a nice area to bring her. Somewhere wealthy where an agency can get her established with a decent foster home."
"Yeah until she runs away because the father's a sadist and winds up running with some thugs who whore her out whenever they need a quick buck."
The silence that fell between them was painful and sharp. It cut through the air and left both women in agony. Only Lilly, sound asleep against Miranda's chest, was spared. The soft ticking of the ancient looking analog clock mounted on the wall over the bed pounded in their ears. After an involuntary shudder, Miranda tightened her grip on the child in her arms.
Shepard's omnitool lit up with a message from Liara. With all of the chaos and uncertainty they had found themselves in, they had each completely forgotten about their arrangement to check in with the asari after they had checked in and gotten settled. Without a word, Shepard turned and retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with the intention of returning the call in private.
As soon as she was out of sight, Miranda let out a heavy breath. Though she was certain Shepard was not angry with her, guilt still coursed through her. This was clearly a touchy subject, which came as no surprise to her, and she hated having to play the part of rational voice of reason.
More than anything she wanted to be able to nod along with the woman and tell her they could do whatever she wished. It was impossible though. Their lives were too complicated. Staying on earth for as long as they had was already risky. Remaining to sort out the affairs of a child would go beyond pushing their luck. No, they would have to let the proper authorities handle it and give Lilly the best possible start they could.
Besides, Shepard was on a first name basis with the Shadow Broker. Surely she would feel more comfortable if Liara had someone keeping tabs on whatever family took Lilly in.
Through the door she could hear Shepard's muffled voice, strong and sure and not showing a hint of the inner turmoil Miranda knew she was going through. Lilly fidgeted in her grasp, clearly searching for a more comfortable position. They had yet to receive the extra accommodations they had requested, so Miranda moved to sit on the bed, attempting to shift Lilly as gently as she could into a pose more conductive to sleep. Slowly she maneuvered the child in her arms, feeling triumphant when she managed to cradle her without jostling her awake.
Miranda looked over her new charge as she waited for Shepard's return. Lilly looked so small, helpless, and yet so much had gone into creating her. Dozens of girls had suffered, had died for her existence, for her perfection. And why? She was nothing. A baby sleeping, one that would likely be crying out in a few hours for food and attention. There was nothing even remotely remarkable about her.
There was no connection she could muster between them. There was too much resentment to work past, too much anger. There was none of the love she had felt when she had first held Oriana. That instant bond that had developed in the few short hours before she handed the baby over to Cerberus was nowhere to be found. This child was an abomination, a patchwork of all the traits her father had valued in the daughters that had come before. There was nothing there to connect with.
And then Lilly shifted and yawned, stretching her short stubby arms high over her head to grasp at the open air. Her beautiful blue eyes lazily blinked open and she stared up at Miranda, offering such trust in her gaze. She was a baby, she didn't know what it was like to be tricked or manipulated. She had never been hurt, never been rejected or dismissed. She had only known the comfort of another's hold, the soothing timbers of voices hushed on her account.
She offered up to Miranda nothing but pure faith, nothing but the act of loving and the knowledge of being loved in return, and then she smiled the special smile of children who are not quite yet fully in control of their facial features, and Miranda was left wondering how an abomination could so quickly secure her complete devotion.
Miranda smiled down at the child and thought of Oriana, the baby that had been born and almost secured her death. She thought of Brianna and Piper and Trinity and all of the girls who had been born to die for Lilly. She thought of all the sisters she had never known that had been born to die for her. Intended to be perfect, that was a fate both she and Lilly shared. Her father had soon realized that Miranda was a failure, there were far too many flaws in her design. He would never get that chance with Lilly. He would never know if his latest experiment was yet another failure or the first and only success.
Henry Lawson was gone, and now Miranda was going to ensure that Lilly was never going to be considered a failure, because she was never going to be given the definition of what it was to be perfect. She was going to be a child, and then she would grow into a woman, and she would be surrounded with so much love she would never live in doubt.
"Are you okay?"
Miranda tore her eyes away from Lilly's, startled into looking up at Shepard. She hadn't even registered the woman's return in her distraction, and judging by the concerned look on Shepard's face, she hadn't quite realized just how emotional she had gotten.
Embarrassed, Miranda raised the hand that wasn't supporting Lilly to quickly wipe at her eyes. "I'm fine," she assured Shepard in a rough voice.
Shepard nodded, but the sympathetic look never left her features as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed as well. Miranda scooted a bit to the right to offer sufficient space on the small mattress, being sure to glance away. Just because she had shown a bit of emotion she didn't want Shepard to take it as an invitation to pry. She knew the woman was looking for her to open up about her father and what they had found in his mansion, but she didn't feel ready for it. Frankly, she wasn't sure if she ever would. What Shepard had just witnessed had merely been a moment of weakness.
She seemed to be having a lot of those of late.
Miranda sniffed. "What was that about?" Deflection seemed the way to go, eager as she was to change the topic.
Lilly had noticed Shepard's return and reached out a tiny hand. Distractedly, Shepard smiled down at her and offered up a finger for the child to curl her own around. "A lot of stuff. We talked about these guys of course, but remember when she tried to contact me back at the estate?" Shepard continued as Miranda nodded. "Apparently she found something she wants us to take a look at, thinks it could be useful in the fight when the Reapers show up." She glanced up at Miranda and smiled sheepishly. "Actually, seems more like she wants you to take a look at it."
"Me?" Miranda did not even bother attempting to hide her surprise.
"Seemed like it," Shepard returned almost indifferently, her attention drifting back down towards Lilly. She wiggled her finger a bit, causing the baby to giggle in delight. "She couldn't say too much over the channel but it would be risky. Sounds like the Alliance has their hands all over what she has been working on. Apparently she has been in surprisingly close contact with Hackett."
Miranda didn't miss the bitterness lacing Shepard's words. "What did you tell her?"
Shepard looked surprised by the question. "I told her I would talk to you about it," she replied easily.
"Oh." Miranda swallowed. "Well, if she thinks it's important, there's no reason we shouldn't. I'm certain Liara would never get you in a situation with the Alliance where she couldn't protect you."
Shepard beamed at her. "My thoughts exactly. I'll let her know." Her face soured. "We talked about Lilly, and it seems she agrees with you. And then with the other one," Shepard's eyes darted to the door leading to the other room for just a moment. "We're sort of stuck."
She shook her head. "Gwen is…weird. Older kids have a hard time finding a family at the best of times. Liara and I were bouncing ideas around about certain schooling programs, but until she gets figured out socially, I don't know. I mean, you know how kids are. I'd hate to ship her off somewhere just to be ostracized, but what can we do?"
There was a knock at the door just as Miranda was forming an answer, and Shepard rushed to open it. A nervous looking young boy stood in the hall, clearly winded from lugging the surprisingly large crib up to their room. Shepard gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Thanks," she said gratefully. "We're really sorry to have bothered you so late."
"No trouble at all, ma'am," he puffed out.
It was when she was offering him a rather generous tip for his troubles that she noticed the look in his eyes. It was as though he were trying to recall some long forgotten memory and Shepard quickly realized he was trying to place her. In a panic, she thanked him quickly once more before slamming the door shut.
With a sigh of relief, she grabbed one end of the crib and dragged it into the sleeping area behind her. Miranda was standing, Lilly once again cheerfully cemented firmly at her hip. Shepard couldn't help but be warmed by the sight. Just a few minutes prior Miranda had been holding the child as though she were a ticking time bomb. Now, seeing them together in that room, it felt like the most natural occurrence in the world.
"I think a good night's sleep is in order," Shepard finally said, pulling her eyes away, "for everyone."
As though supporting the claim, Lilly let out a wide yawn.
"Hey," Shepard said with a laugh, "the little thing has got a few teeth." She tilted her head, confused. "Is she supposed to have teeth?"
"Well, when you released her was there any information indicating how old she was?" Miranda returned, stepping up to the crib and preparing to put Lilly down. "I imagine father would have wanted to get her to a developmental stage in which her required care would not be forced to be quite so intensive."
"Yeah, I guess I can't really imagine him changing diapers." Shepard's face scrunched up in bewilderment. "Wait, can he do that though? Won't she have like missed out on important stuff? How can you just stick her in a tube for a couple years and then just expect her to come out as a fully functioning person?"
Miranda gently lay Lilly down on the lumpy old bedding, snuggly wrapping her in the blanket that had been provided for them. "Well, look at Grunt. Isn't that exactly what happened to him?"
Shepard chuckled. "Oh good, she'll be a murderous monster with the mental capacity of a violent three year old."
Rolling her eyes, Miranda straightened up. "I meant that he was grown to be an adult and was fully capable of carrying out conversations from the second you released him. There is no reason to believe my father would be unable to do the same for a human child, especially after what was obviously years of testing."
Shepard was nodding along in agreement before her eyes suddenly widened in alarm. "Wait, do you think it would be bad then if she was taken out too early? Like, would she be messed up?" Shepard leaned over the side of the crib frantically, horrified. "Did I mess her up?"
Miranda bit her bottom lip, unsure of how to respond. After a moment, she settled for the truth. "I don't know, Jane. She appears to be healthy and attentive, but I'm not even sure of how old she is. I'm no expert, and can't even compare her abilities to that of a normal infant at her developmental stage. We just have to wait and see."
"Wait and see?" Shepard sounded positively scandalized. "Do you think she'll have any medical issues? What if tonight she just like, stops breathing?"
Miranda couldn't help but laugh as she noticed Shepard had gone pale. "You might." When the comment earned her a withering look, Miranda merely shook her head. "She won't just stop breathing. She's perfectly healthy as far as I can tell. I merely meant that mentally there could be some challenges for her to overcome in the future. Without looking at the machinery and data I won't be able to assess her. It won't be life threatening," Miranda assured her. "There merely might be some areas where she could develop a little slower than most."
Shepard sighed heavily. "A little slow." She peered down at Lilly. "That's not so bad, right kid?" Lilly squealed and beamed up at her. "You know," Shepard whispered conspiratorially, "sometimes Miranda calls me a little slow. You're slow, I'm slow. We're practically cousins."
With a laugh, Miranda pulled Shepard away from the child and towards their own bed. "Leave her be, she's exhausted."
"I'm exhausted," Shepard added as she allowed herself to be lead.
Miranda hummed in agreement, releasing Shepard to pull back the covers. "You can contact Liara first thing in the morning and we'll sort out the rest."
"Miranda?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll let it drop for now, but," she thought of what they had done, of what they had learned. She thought about the family Miranda had so reluctantly gained, and then so violently lost.
"I think there's a lot we should talk about."
"I know."
A/N: Huzzah for super obscure Mr. Deeds references!