Five years later

Arthur plucked a book from the shelf and flipped through it. Surprisingly, it was a book he'd never read before. New material was becoming rare these days. He'd consumed books more rapidly than before the Vargas brothers came in and out of his life. As time had passed, Arthur came to realize the brothers had brought him a sense of love and home, and now that they were gone and Arthur returned to his lonely solitude, less content with his life for it. The painful silence, at times, had nearly brought him to his knees, or something as silly as a scrap of torn paper with Lovino's handwriting was enough to bring tears to his eyes. His heart still ached, but time did what it does best and allowed his heart to mend and grow use to being alone. That's the lovely thing about time: It always moves on.

Arthur wandered through the shelves, trying not to remember the times when he and Lovino would sneak off for a kiss. As hard as he tried, not a day went by that he didn't think of the brothers. His house was filled with memories of them. They were happy memories of funny accidents and mirthful laughter. Thinking about them only made his heart hurt, but he knew it would hurt more to forget them. During this reminiscing, he heard something familiar echoing through his house, something that he hadn't heard in years. At first, he blamed it on his own sentimentality and continued to his usual reading place by the windows, but the sound grew louder. Arthur frowned and walked out from behind the last bookshelf. He stopped in his tracks. A man stood in front of the windows, his back to Arthur, but he knew that body even after so long.

The sound faded away and Arthur identified it as the lovely gliding of a bow over violin strings. With the music gone, the silence stretched between them and the man stayed turned away. A bang startled him, and Arthur realized he'd dropped the book in his hand. He quickly bent down to pick it up. Eyes burned into him as he slowly rose and met those eyes.

"Hello, Arthur."

His voice refused to form disused English words, leaving him to only stare. Lovino had changed. Everything had changed. Lovino had traded his plain shirt and breeches for a suit, well-fitted and obviously expensive. His once straight nose, now had a notch from being broken and the brunet didn't smile or scowl, but kept his face carefully blank. Even his eyes had changed. There was no challenging flame or passion. They stared at him coldly, more suited to scorn than anything else.

"Hello." He swallowed thickly. "You've changed."

"Yes, it's a miracle what five short years can do," Lovino said and set the violin back into its case, his face unchanging.

He noticed a thin scar, barely darker than the rest of his skin, ran along Lovino's jaw and stopped just below his ear. It was unnoticeable, if Arthur hadn't been looking for the man he loved in a stranger's face. "They weren't short for me."

Lovino glanced at him, emotions flit over his face, but they passed out of sight before Arthur could see them properly. "I suppose...it hasn't been short for me either."

"Why did it take so long?"

The brunet turned away, and ran a hand through his hair. The motion was practiced elegance. "Many reasons. Somewhat out of pride, but mostly out of fear."

Arthur took a slow step forward. "What is there to be afraid of?"

"More than you know." Lovino turned and smiled ruefully at him. "Let's sit. It might make this easier."

"I agree." He forced himself to follow Lovino. Arthur noted even his step had changed. Lovino use to walk with a lazy lope with no hurry to get anywhere, but now that had changed to dignified steps, each calculated before taken and each with purpose.

Once seated, Arthur found himself fumbling for a way to start the conversation. So many questions crowded his mind and they all wanted answers. "Where should we begin? I want to know why you left."

"I was afraid you would ask that." Lovino sighed, and traced his scar with his thumb. "I don't think you'll like the reason. I did something bad, and I couldn't stay for fear of bringing harm unto you and my brother."

"What did you do? I could have helped you if you told me."

"No, you couldn't have. It was beyond your control." Lovino sighed again. "It was something I alone wanted, and it is something I am suffering for doing."

He frowned. "What did you do that was so bad? Was it just an excuse to leave? Were you that unhappy here?"

"Arthur," Lovino snapped, flashing some of his fiery anger. "If you don't understand, do not accuse me without reason."

The tone in Lovino's voice startled him. He hadn't heard such a commanding voice since he left high society. Only "proper" society spoke down with such scorn radiating for the human race. That's one thing that had always set him apart from the rest of the aristocrats, he'd never mastered a hate for the lower class. "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Lovino frowned slightly, his eyes narrowing a fraction.

Arthur sat back and stared at Lovino. Everything about the brunet screamed how much time had left its mark on his appearance and personality. "What did you do after you left?"

Lovino wet his lips and glanced out the window. "I went to Paris to live with my cousin. He is an ambassador for France, and his position allowed me to re-enter high society and establish my family name again. That was always my plan, you know. Once it was...safe, my brother and I would run to France. I just didn't account for you or...the other things. It all seemed so out of reach until I met you, and I didn't plan it out well."

"Who is your cousin?"

"Francis."

"What!" Although he was surprised, Arthur vaguely remembered Francis hinting at Lovino being family. "But Francis hates you."

"I know, but we came to an agreement."

"Why did Francis never tell me you were living with him?"

"I asked him not too." Lovino glanced away.

"Why?" Anger boiled under his skin. "Do you realize how worried I was? I didn't know what happened to you! I blamed myself, but it's becoming clear that I had no influence in your decision to leave at all."

"Don't you dare think it was easy for me to leave! I abandoned everything I had left in this world—everything I loved and cherished!" Lovino stood abruptly, glaring at him like he use to. "But I couldn't stay! Not after what I did...Not after that."

"After what? What happened to you?" Arthur stood, staring at the man.

"It was a bad idea for me to come here. I'm sorry to waste your time." Lovino turned on his heel about to leave, but Arthur reached out and grabbed his arm.

"No! I have waited five years for you to come back. It has been hell, and I want to know why you would do that to me! I thought...I didn't think you would do that."

The brunet didn't look at him, but he also didn't try to leave again. Arthur remembered how they once argued like this, and how he thought he could somewhat understand Lovino's mind; but looking at him now, Arthur wondered if he had really understood anything at all. Lovino had come back unexpectedly changed by time in ways he never imagined. If someone told him the minute he woke up that Lovino would appear in his library as an aristocrat, Arthur would have laughed. His Lovino would never last in high society, it would never accept him. Apparently, he was wrong.

"I killed a man." Sharp eyes found his, searching and judging his expression. His face was carefully kept blank, but Lovino's eyes showed the apprehensiveness in his heart. "I killed the man who destroyed my life and murdered my grandfather...Aldrich Beilschmidt."

"You... That was you?" Arthur let go of Lovino's arm, and stared at him in shock. He remember that horrifying night. Aldrich laid in his bed, a flower of red blooming across the sheets. The horrible screams of the woman who found Aldrich dead still haunted him some nights. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm not clever. I was seen by a maid, and couldn't bare the thought of anyone else being held responsible for my actions. It's my fault all that happened, and I don't regret it." Lovino lifted his chin slightly, his eyes unwavering.

"You took a man's life, and that gives you no cause for regret?" Arthur curled his lips in disgust.

"No." A cold smile pulled up Lovino's lips, but his eyes held deep sadness within them. It almost made Arthur take a step back.

"What about the years of loneliness, confusion, and silence? Do you regret those, or how about all the tears your brother shed? Do you feel anything?"

"I suffered just as much as you suffered, but I would do it all again to kill that bastard," Lovino spat venomously.

"If you're so eager to do it all again, why are you even here? Your selfish reasons are obviously more important than anything else." Arthur swallowed the feelings threatening to choke him, and glared at Lovino.

The Italian regarded him quietly, his expression unreadable. Lovino sighed. "I swore I would come back and I did, even though it was a terrible idea. Goodbye, Mister Kirkland. I'll leave you with a single parting gift, do with it whatever you wish. We no longer have any obligation to each other." Lovino reached into his pocket, retrieving a thick envelope, and threw it at his feet. Their eyes met for a moment, and slowly Lovino turned and walked away.

Arthur stared at the door long after Lovino left, entering and exiting his house just as quickly as he had done to his life. He finally bent down and picked up the envelope, dazed by everything. The envelope read his name, and Arthur opened it. It was filled with letters, dating back to when Lovino first left, written and never sent.

Dear Arthur,

I wish I was with you. Francis is not happy I am here, but I don't care. I did what I had to do, even if it hurt us both. There is so much I wish I could confess, because I feel like its going to overwhelm me. I did something bad, that's why things turned out like this, but I can't tell anyone what I did. That would make it real. I don't want it to be real. that would mean my soul is damned to Hell. I expect you'll hate me by the time I return to you, but I swore I would come back and I will. But will you believe in me that long? I won't come back soon, there are things I must do first and I don't know how long that will take. Please, if you'll be patient, so will I.

I love you,
Lovino Romano Vargas.

Dear Arthur,

Francis is helping me become a blue blood bastard. He says I need to stop cursing. Fuck him. I went to a "social outing", as Francis called it. Really, it was just a bunch of selfish men sitting around and drinking and smoking and talking about politics. I haven't talked about politics since forever! It was incredibly boring. I met your brother, Alistair, there too. He's an ass, I don't like him. Your brother is quite the drinker and gambler. I hear rumors that he has put the Kirkland name in a state of bankruptcy with his bad habits. He doesn't deserve all the wealth he has, or had. It should have been yours. Maybe one day it will be. He says your name like a joke and everyone laughs like it is funny. I don't like it, dammit. It makes me want to beat his face in, but I'm not allowed to. I fucking hate these blue bloods. They act ones way to your face, and talk behind your back. How did I ever stand it before? I'm not fitting in well. Everyone makes me so angry, especially when they talk about you. The Church finally contacted me. I don't know if I want to work for them. They'll want me to do terrible things, but I have to do it. I promised Feliciano a home, but I can't do that if I'm dirt poor and living off Francis.

I love you,
Lovino Romano Vargas.

Dear Arthur,

I have done something terrible. I won't tell you what, because I fear you'll hate me more for it. I didn't want to do it, but I have lost my right to choice. It's no longer in my power to do as I believe is right...I don't think I know what is right anyway. I'm afraid it won't end here, and it probably never will. It scares me. I'm going to Hell.

I love you,
Lovino Romano Vargas.

Dear Arthur,

I'm losing track of the years, although they do nothing to comfort the pain in my chest. I have come to face the fact that I will never send these letter, but I hope one day you will see them and understand. I wish, you don't know how much I wish, things had never changed. I've taken Feliciano back to my home with me. He greeted me so warmly, but he is beginning to resent me. I'm not surprised, really. I abandoned him, just as I did you, and I don't believe in forgiveness. Even so, it hurts to see Feliciano act so coldly. I didn't think he could act that way. It's a sad thought to know that I'm the first he has hated so openly. Feliciano is a stranger to me, and it makes me fear you will be the same. Have you come to despise as much as he has? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can come back to you. These hands of mine are tainted red by many lives and my heart is growing numb from my own brother's contempt. Do you still wait, Arthur, or have your thoughts been filled with a better person than I?

I love you still,
Lovino Romano Vargas.

Dear Arthur,

I've finally worked up the courage to come back. I'm afraid, though. I'm not the same fool that ran away to protect his loved ones. I know now what I did wasn't only to protect you, but also myself. You, your love, has always terrified me, and I couldn't face you back then, because I knew you'd accept me and what I did. I didn't want that from you. What I did was wrong, although I don't regret it, and I wanted to be punished for it. What's a better punishment than banishing myself to a world where no one cares about you and you care about no one? I know I also punished you for my deeds by leaving, and I regret that everyday, but I did what I believed had to be done. Now, that I look back on that time when we were together, I see a stupid child trying to do more than he could. Things have changed so much since then. I'm mean, cold, heartless as Francis likes to say, and in a way, he's right. My heart was left with you and Feliciano five years ago in that house. I wish to go back to those days, and I'm afraid of what you will do when you see me. I don't know if I'll be able to stand your hate when I've finally managed to stave off Feliciano's. Do you still love me? I suppose we shall see.

I love you,
Lovino Romano Vargas.

He sank into a chair, letting the letters fall to the floor, and put his face in his hands. As angry as he was with Lovino for leaving, Arthur still loved Lovino with all his heart. But he had let his pain and anger make him bitter.

"Damn it all." He sighed. Arthur picked up the letters from the floor and put them back into the envelope. Folded papers fell from the envelope, sealed by wax. He sighed again and broke the seal on them, almost dropping it when he read over them.

"How..." Arthur read over the papers again. It was the deeds to all the estates of the Kirkland Family. At the bottom of each, his brother's name was signed in undeniable proof of the document's validity. Despite the obvious proof, Arthur couldn't believe it. In all the deeds, he found another letter addressed to him.

Dear Arthur,

I'm sure you're tired of reading letters, but this is the last one. If I have given you this envelope, it means I have failed to properly explain myself. I never have been good at showing my true feelings, not even when we were together. I hope if you read all the letters I never sent, you will understand my heart. I'm not asking for your love, or even your forgiveness. I know leaving like I did is unforgivable. I only want you to understand. As for the deeds, they are yours. I won them from your brother in a game of poker, and have spent the past two years paying off the mortgages on the lands. Your brother still lives in the main manor, drinking and gambling with money he doesn't have, but I own the lands, houses, and everything inside. Now that the property is yours, you can do whatever you please with your brother, whether it be to allow him to remain, or throw him out on the street. You have no debt to me, this is my payment for the help you gave Feliciano all those years ago. I never got a chance to pay you back for saving my brother.

Lovino.

Arthur stared at the letter blankly. Slowly, he started to laugh. His chest hurt terribly and threw the papers away from him. They drifted to the floor and he doubled over in his chair. Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped off his chin. He always imagined Lovino coming back to him, looking exactly how he left, but now he knew that wouldn't have been possible. Time had its way of changing a person's appearance, and Lovino was no different. It had brought Lovino wealth and power, and transforming outwardly him in ways that were deceiving, but they only went skin deep. The suit, the scorn, the elegance, although they'd tricked him into believing his Lovino had disappeared completely, were only habits formed to survive the cruelty of high society.

"God, even after all this time..." He laughed again and wiped his cheeks. "You still haven't changed at all, my love."

Well, that's all she wrote, or, I should say, all I wrote. This is the final chapter. It's been a great run.

-Windy