Chapter Twenty Five
Days pass from the Blood Oath and I became even more of a loner than Zero. This was nothing like the last time I decided to become a hermit. I was truly alone now, not contacting anyone. I went to school, I went to the dorm and curled up in a ball to sleep.
I guess you could say, I was depressed.
I didn't know why it was hitting me now, but once again I was overwhelmed and I didn't want to live. Period. I didn't know want to know about vampires. I didn't want to go to a school where girls freaked out over completely attractive students that were vampires. I didn't want to have to know that Ichijou is there, like a wounded puppy. I didn't want to know that the love I felt for Ichijou had faded away. I didn't want the Blood Oath controlling my affections, but it was.
I had no more control.
I buried myself underneath the blanket, and felt the tears sting but I didn't bother holding them back. I let them out, sobbing underneath the cover and although I hear Akio's gasp I didn't care anymore. I lost my fire, I lost my drive.
*- Shiki's POV -*
"You haven't talked to her? At all?" Ichijou asked for the thousandth time that month. I sighed, nibbling away at the chocolate covered stick and shrugged, leaning back. Rima looked at me strangely, as if expecting me to jump out and race towards a certain violet-eyed girl.
"Maybe we should check on her," Ichijou asked worriedly. Although he played a major part of Amari's life earlier, she had done a good job of staying clear from him. The few times he had caught glimpse of her, she was withdrawn. And now, she was doing that to me. Moody girl.
Surprisingly, Rima interjected. "I haven't seen her around, either. She's usually with the two disciplinary committee members," she muttered, her eyes flickering towards Kaname before looking back at me. This was true. I sighed. "Fine," I resigned, "I'll go check on her."
I expected to find her wandering through the woods in Cross Academy like so she often did, but after awhile, it was clear she wasn't here. I sighed lazily. I suppose it meant she was in her dorm. But when I snuck in, I found a lump underneath the blanket. Carefully lifting it up, I saw her body coiled up as if she was scared of the world.
It was strange seeing the usually bold Amari Kaiya like this.
The Blood Oath made it…strange. I wanted to talk to her but it was impossible with her roommate so close by. I place a hand over her mouth and the other to shake her gently. Her eyes fluttered open and she doesn't say anything. I nod out the window and she shook her head stubbornly, tiredly.
I look at her longer and she tore her gaze away but nodded slightly. I quietly slip out the room and minutes later, we were standing outside. She huddled her blanket close to her, unwilling to get out of her pajamas. At least that remained the same.
"What do you want, Shiki?" She asked, sounding tired. She looked tired. She was usually loud with her irrelevant comments. She spoke everything out loud, but now she seemed controlled. She was hiding something.
"Is there anything you want to say?" I asked monotonously, unsure of what to expect from her. She narrowed her amethyst eyes.
"You did not wake me up to act like a therapist," she said in a threatening tone, but that spunk of hers was returning.
"Is there anything wrong?"
"Stop asking questions!" She groaned in agitation, her fingers clawing at the blanket. I stayed quiet and stared, only making her groan again. She shook her head.
"Look, I'm just tired, okay? Tired of everything."
I frowned. "What are you talking about?"
She opened her mouth and then laughed bitterly. "Everything – the Blood Oath, you, Ichijou. I am just so completely drained out and I want nothing to do with it. I don't even want to be normal anymore. I just want everything to …stop."
And she looked so pitiful right then and there that I knew that there was only one thing that would make her happy. To wipe out her memory.
I knew I should consult someone about this but I was sure that everyone would automatically object. But looking at how sad she was now, how she was truly exhausted from all of this…I did care for her enough to do this one thing. I stared at her steadily. "I can help."
Her eyes widened with horror. "Please, no more vampire tricks I am so –"
"I can make you forget," I whisper. She looked up, alarmed. But there was hope in those dulled eyes now.
"Forget?"
*- Amari's POV -*
"Are you sure about this?" Shiki asked me and for the first time in so long, I finally felt something again. I was sure about nothing more than this choice right now. I hadn't felt hope and happiness in so long – from Yuuki, Zero, Hana…anybody. But now, it made my heart flex with it.
"Please," I beg, my fingers around the lapels of his uniform. He frowned slightly but I didn't let him go. "This is what I want."
"But –"
I snapped.
Yet another Amari word vomit.
"No buts! I am so drained of everything and...AND I don't think I ever loved anyone. Not you, not Ichijou – it was all a delusion. It's the damn Blood Oath. And I don't think I can ever love anyone because I will always feel like I have too and it's driving me crazy, Shiki. Please, make me forget. I need a restart…I don't care what happens next. I can handle it. As long as I know that it's my stupid brain making me feel everything and not this goddamn vampire bond thing!"
"…well said."
Despite everything, I laughed. "No, it isn't. But –"
"I'll do this for you," he said softly. And then I remembered what I said (had I admit that I loved him?) and flinched. "You didn't love me?" He asked curiously. Nothing about it was assuming but I flush anyway. Even in this situation, I messed up. I opened my mouth to explain when –
Oh Lord.
This was not happening.
He was kissing. Senri Shiki was kissing me. I felt his mouth on mine, his finger gently keeping my face from moving from his kiss. It was like all those weeks of holing up and ignoring the world finally exploded and I was hungry for his touch. It was a simple kiss, but it felt like it set fire down my body and it felt more than right, as if my body was waiting for this the entire time. Just when my hands reached out to pull him closer, he leaned back, his blue eyes looking at me.
"I'm glad that you chose to forget," he said softly.
I was panting. No, not now – this was real. The curiousness towards Shiki was more than curiousness and my stupid infatuation with him had changed in that last kiss. It wasn't the same as the Blood Oath, there wasn't that intense heat. This was purely longing. I wanted to object but those eyes slowly melted into crimson and my mind…my mind…
It spun and spun and fell into nothingness.