When I Look Back On All The Misery

"Roman! Listen to me!"

"No! I hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate your fucking guts! I want to shoot myself to get you out of my head!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Get the fuck away from me!"

"I'm sorry! I snapped! I didn't mean it, I love you!"

"No. Get the fuck away from me. I hate you. I hate your voice, I hate you guts, I fucking hate you. More than anything. Get away from me!"

"Listen to me!"

Mama cut in.

"Roman we love you!"

"I hate you! No! Leave me alone!"

Eli was scared stiff, his stomach rolling and rolling and rolling. Tears were streaming down his Dad's face. He had seen Daddy crying so much lately... Because of Brother... He had only seen Dad crying when Grandpa died. Sure, Daddy had cried. But he had really cried when Grandpa died. He was really crying now.

Roman was Eli's rolemodel at one point in his life but slowly it had all faded away in his young life, only 12 short years. Roman used to play football with him and Daddy every Sunday but now, of course he didn't. He only cared about talking to his best friend John and his girlfriend Jessie. Roman used to kick around the soccer ball with Eli in the spring time too but now it was all about smoking nasty smelling ciggerettes and begging people to buy him booze.

What had happened?

Earlier this summer, Roman told Daddy he was joining the football team again and Daddy was absolutely ecstatic. He handed over the $30 for the athletic fees but when Daddy drove up to the high school football field in his black pick up with his thermos full of beer, he got out of his truck and had scanned the field. Roman wasn't even there.

They found out later Roman used it for hanging out with his friends instead of playing football. He stole from Daddy.

Eli sat with his arms wrapped around his knees as he heard the commotion from the next room. Tears soaked through the blue flannel of his pajamas and he hated it. His brother shouldn't be making Daddy cry. No one should. Roman shouldn't be making his 12 year old brother cry either. At least Lexi was over at Nicole's house... She didn't need anymore of this. She blamed herself for everything that was happened and Roman was 4 and a half years older than her.

Roman had even smoked pot in front of him before and he just didn't care. He didn't care about anyone.

He had provoked Daddy, begging Daddy to punch him in his face. And Daddy did. Daddy threw him against the wall and started beating on him. But Eli knew that he wasn't a bad person for doing it. It had to be done. Roman deserved it. He had even stolen $50 out of Mama's white leather purse. Roman sat and cried, too high out of his mind to even remember that her provoked Daddy. He thought Daddy was a monster.

"I didn't mean it! You make me so mad! So frustrated sometimes. Listen to me!"

"I Hate-

Eli awoke with a start in his bed, sweat covering his entire body. His large t-shirt clung to his body like saran wrap. He sat up in his bed, using the moonlight as a guide to see Mama and Lexi sleeping in the bed next to his. He hadn't thought about those times in a while. He didn't like to think about them, especially now that Roman was dead.

Daddy died 2 years later. He was only 47 too, he died of liver failure and Daddy didn't even drink that much. Maybe it was just all the stress Roman had put on him through the years.

A few weeks after that fight, Roman moved away and lived with a friend up until the day Daddy had died. With their father's passing, it seemed to have changed Roman. He never smoked pot again, he only chain smoked cheap ciggerettes and he really did clean up his act and got a job working daytime at the post office in town and at night at the local bar as bartender, all to take care of them.

But Eli knew he was always there for his father, same with Lexi too. Roman dropped out of school because all of his friends were doing it. He was a varsity star linebacker and the best goalie their town had ever seen and he gave it all up because of peer pressure. Eli joined all the extra ciricular activites he could at school to make Daddy proud. Football, soccer, the video club, the German club (he was the vice-president too), and the school's student council. He brought home good grades and so did Lexi. He could remember Daddy always looking so proud when him and Lexi's report cards turned up in the mailbox.

"I'm so glad I have you two," He would always say, pulling them into a large bear hug. Eli shifted uncomfortably in his bed, the comforter sticking to his bare, sweaty legs. It was werid thinking about Daddy... Sometimes, he even forgot the sound of his voice and the way his sandy hair would look when he would get it cut. Eli pulled himself out of his bed, making careful steps to avoid anyone waking up, and he walked over to the balcony, looking through the glass at the ground below.

There were trash from garbage cans floating through the air like flower petals floating through a warm, playful gust of wind. Stray newspaper ads, fast food bags and lunch bags. There were a few abandoned cars too. Some with their doors wide open and he could even see his family's fan too. There were a few zombies roaming around below, moaning hungrily at him. They were looking slower everyday and Eli was sure that was a good thing. Maybe they would even shrivel up and turn into dust and then everything would be okay.

Him, Mama, and Lexi could take their van back to their whitewash house and move back in and fix up the farm. They could buy new animals because by now, their various chickens, cows, and goats must be dead from the lack of food and they could return to their normal lives. He could picture the mantel above the ashy fireplace with various pictures of the family.

Eli's heart ached miserably inside his chest. He opened up the balcony door and stepped out into the cool night, his bare feet chilling against the tile of the balcony. The night was beautiful and every star in the sky was visable. It would have been perfect if it would have been from the view of his window at home...

He glanced to his right and to his suprise, he saw someone else sitting on their balcony as well. It was Tatiana.

She didn't seem to notice him, which was a good thing. Maybe she would think he was spying on her and that was definately not a good thing. Eli didn't want to seem stalkerish. Tatiana was beautiful, anyone could see that. Her honey hair blew around her like a halo or like something you would see in a picture of greek gods. She leaned against the balcony railing, glancing up at the stars.

Tatiana had her head cocked in a beautifully thoughtful way. She was stargazing. Eli coughed slightly and he awoke Tatiana from her peaceful state. She looked at him, startled and then she smiled. She pointed up to the sky, smiling as if this was a secret they alone knew and no one else could experience. Eli forgot all of the details of his nightmare and thought only of the starlit sky and the beauty of the girl.

Celie sat in the passenger seat of the SWAT truck, next to the girl named Anne and the two other girls who had survived, Elena and Camille, were sitting on the floor in the back of the truck. Celie couldn't believe what was going on around her. Monsters were beating the truck alive with their bloody, pulpy fists and she was trapped inside with people she didn't even know. The sky was dark and the pink watch on her wrist read 12:55am.

She had seen people being eaten alive, right in front of her face. People dying right in front of her face. This was her worst nightmare come true but ten million times worse.

Her best friend Jennifer had been ripped limb from limb, literally, in front of her eyes. The horrid memory past through her skull again and again, like the worst horror movie put on replay.

Celie pulled down the sunvisor and looked at herself on the tiny mirror that was attached to it. Her deep chocolate skin had spots and splatters of dried blood against it, making her stomach churn in absolute disgust. Her usually sleak, voluminous hair was lank and her celery green eyes were almost like those monsters. Dead. Her skin was greasy from sweat and dirt.

She had her cell phone in her pocket, but her parents hadn't called once. Not a single time. Celie was terrified to think about her parent's safety... She had tried calling them but she only got their awnsering machine and their cell phone's voicemails.

Faintly, she could hear one of the girls softly sobbing in the back. None of them had said much for the entire 5 hours and 25 minutes they had been stuck in the truck. She knew they were all hungry and they had all shared a thermos of dingy tasting water but that was about it. Celie's stomach grumbled uncomfortably and she glanced around at the other girls. It was embarassing but what did it matter anymore? They were going to die.

Mr. Hardy upturned the garbage can next to the sink and brown paper towels spilled out. The gym teacher held it carefully as he, using the side of one of the bathroom stalls, climbed on top of it. The garbage can, made of some kind of stiff plastic, wobbled dangerously under him. Sweat dripped down Mr. Hardy's face as he shoved his fingers into the grate and tugged. Nothing happened. He tugged one more time, letting out a grunt of frustration, but once again nothing happened.

"It's screwed in place... Does anyone have anything? Like a pen?" He asked, his voice filled with determination. He as well as all of them knew they had to get out of there or else they were serious toast. Celie had stood uncomfortably against the wall, her arms shoved deeply into the pockets of her school jacket.

Her mind was only filled of Jennifer. Mr. Hardy had tried to pull the monster off of her but it was no use. His teeth were deep in her Meixcan skin and nothing would be taking it back.

"Yeah...," The gym teacher said, "Yeah. I have some keys. Will those work?"

She started to fish around in her sweatpant pockets for her ring of keys and Mr. Hardy replied, "Yeah, sure." The gym teacher, Celie thought her name was Ms. Curry or something, pulled her ring of keys out of her pocket and placed them in Mr. Hardy's sweaty outstreched hand. Though it was obscured from their view, everyone in the room could hear Mr. Hardy trying to fit various keys into the slot of the one of the screws to act as a makeshift screwdriver.

The sound of the hungry monsters still filled the room. There seemed to be more of them rushing around at the door, trying to get at them. The sound was growing louder and louder with moans, fists punching at the wall, and nails scraping against the wood of the door.

The sound of the first screw falling out of the grate was barely heard against the sound of the angry monsters. "It's working? Yes! It's working!"

"But what if the air shafts are too small?" The geometry teacher said, looking at Mr. Hardy and Ms. Curry like they were mad. She kept crossing and re-crossing her arms across her chest nervously. Again. Again. And again.

"It will work. It has to work," Mr. Hardy said, his voice small but grim. He started at another screw...

Softly, big fat rain drops began to splatter down on the windsheild, dotting the open areas of glass but otherwise hitting the monsters trying to get at them. Celie turned around in her seat and could make out one of the girls, Elena, sleeping on the metal ground flooring of the truck, her midnight hair spread around her. The other girl, Camille, was sitting on one of the benches attached to a wall in the back, her knees pulled up to her chin. She could see thick tracks of moisture running down her pale cheeks.

The girl sitting in the driver's seat, Anne, was staring off out the window, her face pressed against the glass. No one dared speak. They just let the sound of the monsters outside fill the hollow truck.

Celie once again looked into the back of the truck. There were vests (bulletproof she was guessing) hanging on hooks on the walls and on the shelf above them were masks with big, thick tinted visors on them and there were boxes up there as well and even a few large, boxy black walkie talkies. The scariest thing was the guns hanging on the walls by the straps that were attached to them. They were rifles.

Celie had never seen an actual gun before.

The CB in the truck crackled to life and filled the truck with white noise. Everyone looked at it, expecting something. In the last few hours the machine had crackled to life and they had heard some sounds of life from it. One was a man's voice, shouting something into it but they couldn't understand a thing he said, the CB breaking up too much. Then the other time there was just screaming and the sound of gunfire.

The girls all waited paciently as a large streak of white lightning flashed across the dark night.

Once all of the screws attaching the grate to the ceiling had sprinkled onto the ground, Mr. Hardy tossed it onto the ground and pulled himself up more to look inside. It looked very dark inside. Celie glanced at the other girls in the room as this happened. One was sobbing into the sleeve of her student jacket but the rest seemed somehow solemn.

They all looked older. Maybe they thought that in their few, maybe 15 or 19 years of life that they had seen something. But nothing could be worse than seeing people die. The splatter of blood. Death can really change people and then being hunted? You couldn't just break down. You either stay strong and try to survive... or you could give up and be killed.

But why? Why was this happening? What was causing it?

"Okay. Mrs. Fonda, I think you should go up first. First we get an adult in and then the girls will go in next, then Ms. Curry, then myself. We keep crawling until we can't anymore or at least until we can find an empty, secure class room. No people running around," Mr. Hardy said, jumping down from the overturned garbage can.

Sweat stains slowly stained the fabric underneath his armpits and the back of his shirt, Celie noticed. She was really scared of cramped, closed in places and she could feel herself starting to breath a bit faster as Mrs. Fonda, the geometry teacher, climbed up onto the garbage can, teetering and tottering on her high heels. No one complained. No one else was trying to make plans to get them out of here, no one else volunteered to be the leader, no one else had a better idea.

She grunted as she pulled herself up into the shaft. Her top half was somewhat pulled into the shaft and Ms. Curry and Mr. Hardy had to help push her legs along with her before she finally struggled inside. "It's really dark in here but I can see some light up ahead. It's not too cramped. Send someone else up," Her voice shakily echoed all around the room.

Ms. Curry nodded to the girl who was sobbing into her jacket sleeves. She had shoulder length brown hair and wide, scared matching brown eyes. She shook her head very fast and backed up against another girl. "No. No. I don't... Think I can..."

"You have to. You have no choice," Ms. Curry said, trying her best to be soothing. Celie knew this single woman couldn't be soothing if she tried, even in a situation like this. She mercilessly made them run laps around the track in 100 degree heat and didn't even let them have water breaks. What did she care if this girl stayed here and died or crawled into the shaft and died? Celie felt bad for her almost. She felt bad for all of them. Celie put her hand on the girl's shaking shoulder.

Celie could feel with her. She didn't want to either. She thought of the things out there, the things that had killed Jen... Her parents...

"I can't..." She said again, her voice very mousy and small.

"You have to!" Ms. Curry said, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her towards the garbage can. The girl burst into tears again as Ms. Curry forced her on the garbage can. Everyone looked on, horrified as she feebly pulled herself up into the shaft, Ms. Curry pushing her legs in along with her. Her sobs echoed around the room like Mrs. Fonda's had.

One by one, the girls pulled themselves into the shaft and the sound of them shuffling themselves around the shaft filled the room. And then she was the last one left to go up besides Mr. Hardy and Ms. Curry.

"Keep moving. There are those things in that classroom. Come on guys, d-don't give up," She could hear Mrs. Fonda call to the other girls in the shaft with her. Celie could feel her fingers slowly start to shake and then the shaking went up into her hands and then her arms.

Mr. Hardy outstreched his hand to her. "Up you go."

Celie could feel tears prickling at her eyes and could slowly feel her chest tightening. Reluctantly, she put her brown hand in Mr. Hardy's pale clamy one. He helped her onto the garbage can and the can below her wobbled beneath her feet making her already queasy stomach churn. She was now starting to realize how serious the situation was.

She had saw her friend die. She had seen classmates and teachers die. She was stuck in this tiny bathroom about to crawl into a tiny claustrophobic air shaft with insane crazy monsters banging at the door trying to kill her and eat her alive. It seemed like no help was comming.

Celie felt like vomiting even though she had nothing in her stomach to vomit.

Celie grabbed onto the harsh cold metal of the air shaft and began to pull herself up. She was on the school's basketball team but she still had no upper body strength. She could barely pull herself into the air shaft, Mr. Hardy had to push her legs in along with her. All around her was darkness and all kinds of noises filled her ears.

The sound of creaking metal, the sound of the other girls' knees shuffling against the metal, the sound of the monsters still going crazy at the door... the sound of the monsters going crazy in other rooms of the school. Celie could make out the shape of the girl in front of her, but just barely. The air shaft was small and cramped and her back and head bumped at the top of the shaft. Behind her, she could hear Ms. Curry pulling herself into the shaft.

"This room is empty!" Mrs. Fonda breathlessly from ahead. It was terribly hot in the shaft, or maybe it was just her. Celie could then hear Mrs. Fonda banging on the metal with something, most likely her fists. and the slow moving line of girl's stopped. She could hear the metal of the air shaft creaking beneath all of their weight and the sounds of fans blowing somewhere close to them. She could feel the metal also against her shoulders.

Mrs. Fonda hissed softly but kept banging at the grate, Celie guessed. She then heard the grate crash to the ground and then Celie heard some of the girls crawling out of the shaft and plopping on the ground. The line kept moving until it was her being helped out of the shaft by Mrs. Fonda, whose fists were bleeding and some of the older girls.

They were inside of an empty classroom, the room was dark and the only light in the room came from the window on the other side of the room. Everything was eeriely quiet besides the hushed voices of the teachers and the soft sobbing of the girl from before. Mr. Hardy strode over to the door of the room and made sure it was locked and he took a peek through the small window.

"Are there..." Mrs. Fonda began to ask, but Mr. Hardy shook his head.

"No. No one," Mr. Hardy replied, walking back to them. Celie glanced around at the strange group of them all. Most of the girls were fairly composed, through a few were looking aroundly wildly at the window and the door as if at any second they were going to bust and those crazy ass monsters were going to fly at them and kill them.

Well... It could happen.

The one girl who Ms. Curry yelled at before had big, puffy red eyes and blotchy red skin and she looked absolutely horrified and she held herself with her arms. Celie felt bad for her but almost not. They were all scared. They were all in danger, it wasn't like she was the only one.

Mrs. Fonda was looking at her swollen fists, which were red and bloody and Ms. Curry was over by the teacher's desk, trying to get on the computer. As she tried to gain access to the internet, she lifted the phone on the desk up to her ear and she began to click the buttons on the phone. Mr. Hardy walked up to her, looking almost hopeful, but Ms. Curry shook her head.

"Nothing. 911 is busy...," She said, her voice letting off that she was angry, "How can that even be possible!?"

She slamed the phone down on the desk, the noise echoing across the room and she began to click nervously at the computer. A few of the senior girls walked over to the window and they gasped. One started shaking her blonde head and the other had tears running down her cheeks. "What are they?" She whispered helplessly. Celie felt a feeling of absolute dread fill her stomach as she and the other girls walked towards the window to get a peek at what was scaring them so much.

When they finally got a look, they didn't need to see anymore.

Those monsters... They were everywhere.

There were cars and trucks and yellow school buses totally stopped and deserted in the middle of the street and the street lights were still going as if it was any normal day, as if the cars weren't stopped dead. Some cars were crashed into others and some had flames comming out of them. The only things that were moving were the monsters, the zombies.

Men and women, old and young, black and white and Spanish and Asian. They were all walking around in a daze, stumbling with their hands out in front of them. They all walked around as if they were drunk or stoned or something. It was very bazaar. The town of Lakehurst never looked so dead before. It was a rich person's retreat from the hustle and bustle of Hollywood, with their quiet little estates surrounded by pine trees and the various designer stores and coffee shops.

But now everyone was reduced to being strung out monsters. Celie reached for her phone and again and drunkly punched in the numbers to her parent's home. Yes, they were fairly well off. They owned their own estate a few miles outside of Lakehurst and they had their own man made pond on it and trails to go ATVing on. Surely they were safe on their 1000 or so acre estate? Maybe those monsters hadn't reached them yet!

She had tried calling before but maybe her parents had been sleeping in their large French style bed. They probally had no idea that anything was terribly, terribly wrong and that their daughter was in danger. But still, the phone just rang and rang until it went to their automatic awnsering machine.

"Lydia, Joe, take a look at this..." Ms. Curry said, her voice drained of all emotion. Mr. Hardy and Mrs. Fonda walked over to the desk and leaned down to look at the computer screen. Their faces were glowing blue from the computer screen as they read on, the students just watching them. They were the teachers, they were the ones in control. Always. They were the ones that were supposed to have everything in order and to have a plan.

"Canibal monsters have taken over Americas... Slowly spreading to other continents... Hungry for warm flesh and human blood," Ms. Curry read off in her very mannish voice. As the other girl's heard those words from the article the teachers must have been reading, they began to panic.

"What? You must be lying..." One said. The one who was crying fell to her knees and continued sobbing, but only louder this time. Some of the others rummaged through their student jackets and pulled out cell phones and tried to call family but all to nothing. No one awnsered. The police line was busy. Was everyone gone? Was everyone dead?

Celie closed her eyes and fell back against the wall, Ms. Curry still reciting from the page. Mrs. Fonda had been reduced to tears. "Most city run police forces have been reduced to nothing. Most have been bitten by the monsters for they knew not what they were up against. Military forces have been going across the country with heavy artillary and tanks and high in numbers to forts and bases in each state to make make-shift hospitals and shelter."

Celie brought her warm brown hand to her eyes as tears began to spill from her closed lids. The warm salty tears tickled at her face as they trickled down her cheeks as if toying with her. They said, "You have no more parents and now look at you. You're going to die! Ha ha!"

"The Government advises to find one of these forts as the military will be there, armed, and they will under any circumstances protect you. If this is not an option to you, stay in your home and lock the doors. Under no circumstances let any of the infected into your home. They are not your friends anymore. They will kill you and once you are bitten, you will turn into one yourself. A gunshot wound or any wound to the head will stop them."

Celie wiped her cheeks with her student jacket to ebb to flow of sticky tears. So a blow to the head would kill them... But where in a school would you find a weapon of any sort?

"Scientists are not sure why or how this outbreak of canibals has come about but they are sure that if you are bitten or have a cut and it comes in contact with the infected blood, you will turn into one of them. It can take up to 15 minutes or even days at the most. The best way to not become one of them is to avoid them at all costs."

Celie leaned her head against the cool window and sighed. She didn't want to think about this anymore. It was impossible not to think about it but she wanted to shut her mind down and go into a coma of sorts. She wanted to see but not really see, hear but not really hear, act but not really act. Life as she knew it was over.

The teachers and the students had then devised a plan of making it out of the school and stealing a few of the cars outside and then using them to drive to the fort listed close to them, The Hospital Of San Bernadino, and they did make it outside without any of the monsters following them but then it all fell apart.

Once the monsters had saw them, they sprinted at them at full force. Celie had ran for her life towards the SWAT truck and watched as Ms. Curry was gutted on the ground, as Mrs. Fonda tried to race back into the building to escape them but a mob of them chased her down the hallways. They were faster and stronger than they were. Celie made it into the truck somehow with the other remaining girls behind them. They had slammed the door shut and that was that.

They had been here ever since, with all of the monsters around them, drooling for their hot flesh.

The CB continued to crackle and hissand faintly, Celie could make out words. She picked up the mic and began to speak into it. She screamed for help and gave whoever was out there and whoever was listening the name of the city of where they were, that they were school girls trapped and about to die of either hunger or by being mauled to death by the zombies. They needed help. Urgently. They couldn't just sit here and die.

Celie could almost see herself loading those guns up, putting on one of the masks over her head and one of the bullet proof vests on and weilding one of the big rifles, almost like an African-American warrior. But she knew they would just rush at her and she didn't even know how to use a gun anyways.

Her African-American warrior dream was just that. A dream. She couldn't save them. Someone else had to. She would just sit here with her head against the window while the zombies punched and battered at the unbreaking glass, listening to the soft sobbing from the back.

Author's Note: Good evening everyone. First, I'd like to give a shout out to Jackpot7374 for his review and such good praise. Thanks! People like you really make me motivated to continue and write. :)

Wow. This is a pretty long chapter. I'm back from my time off of school for surgery so now I'm back at school and so updates will be comming a little less often but I will try to write as much as I can and update as much as I can. I am definately not going to leave this story out in the dust.

Until next time.