A/N: Begin with gratitude. Thanks to whynot, for validating my chapters, for being patient, for encouraging me to be brave, for calling me strong when I just felt scared. You are one of life's good surprises, something that must never, ever be undervalued.

So, I have been reminded that even fic writers don't get to opt out of this life thing entirely. And, to quote my sweet Alice, life is fucking uncertain. Just as you can't count on the good things sticking, you can't get too comfortable in your valleys.

I'm going to make this brief, because, as per usual, I am writing this in the immediate aftermath of a big emotional moment. I know this has nothing to do with HDIL, and you've likely already skipped past this just to see if I was a bitch and killed Bella off, but I sort of feel like this has everything to do with HDIL. I feel today as thought HDIL is only a story within a story, and somewhere out there a larger author struggled with the decision of where to steer me for the next chapter.

See, I met someone shortly before I posted the last chapter. And I did the last thing a smart woman does after she's been burned in a big way – I fell in love. I held his hand and kissed him in my kitchen and laughed in bed with him and watched him sleep while the sun came up. I drank him in like water, and oh boy, was I thirsty. He was beautiful and smart and kind, and almost everything I needed.

Almost.

It was a case of close but not quite. Close enough to make me hope. Close enough for me to hate myself as I spoke the words, "I love you. It's okay; I know you don't. I just had to say it." Yeah, I did. Really.

But, in the end, I found I'd outgrown my own personal cliff, and I stepped back. I said no. I gave up the strawberry picking and Mother's Day roses and kissing like maniacs during the curtain call at Rent because, really, "I love you" should be a celebration, not a eulogy.

Today I let him go, all the way. I'm a little angry, and a lot sad. I'm a little discouraged, but not entirely without hope.

You will likely not be surprised to hear that Bethesda is not the name on my birth certificate. I chose it ages ago for endeavors such as these because I loved its meaning – "house of mercy." And there is still mercy in the world. There is always mercy in the world. Even now, even today, even alone in my bed where he once fell asleep with his hand tangled up in my hair… Even so.

So, yeah. I have a not-quite-broken, but certainly bruised, heart. Just the impetus I need to finish this thing. As I told the awesome people who follow me on Twitter, you all should send him a thank-you card.

No pity, please. If you're going to review (and please do), review the story. I blog and whine enough about my own life; HDIL needs some love. See, the thing is, I feel as though I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know what I need to know now. This is… right.

I hope that, as you read, you'll agree.

EPOV

A little over three years ago, Emmett and I went hunting in a wilderness area about fifty miles outside of Forks. As is often the case, our hunt became a competition. We made a wager on who would take the largest prey; the loser would be sentenced to a year of responsibility for manufacturing the correspondence necessary to pass for human in a small town. Faced with the prospect of buying birthday cards, instigating credit card applications, and choosing this home's "of the month" memberships (Alice had suggested jam, while Rosalie voted for adult films), he and I had battled fiercely. I'd won with a female black bear the size of a small car, but not before we'd split a huge boulder down the middle as we tussled over the kill.

Alice had seen our sparring, as well as the ultimate outcome. Emmett had returned home to a gift basket filled with stamps, envelopes, catalogues, and a list of suggested names for our fictional friends and relatives. I still get Christmas cards from Phil McKrackin.

Now, as I ran, I thanked any higher power listening for our ridiculous bet. Alice had remembered that rock we'd damaged, and when she'd seen a vision of the newborn carrying Bella past it, she'd finally known where to send me. I ran faster than I ever had, but it felt so slow. Time outpaced me easily, taking Bella from me even more inexorably than Victoria's child.

Along with Bella's location, Alice had shown me Bella herself. Her eyes were open, but unseeing. She lay limp and pale in the arms of her kidnapper, and did not react as he battered her in his haste.

I passed the abhorrent time with fantasies of how I would kill him. I imagined the bonfire I would build. In my mind, I kissed Bella's cheek as I handed her the match to toss.

Before I reached the rock I was seeking, I crossed their scent. It led me up the mountain, where it grew stronger, surrounded me. Not blood, though, and not dead. Oh, thank you god, not dead.

I drew closer, calling her name.

BPOV

Black clouds were rolling across the sky now, lightening flashing among them. The earth was shaking more, making me uneasy.

"Why is it like this?" I asked. "If I'm making this place, then I'd like it to be a little nicer."

Juliet sat beside me with her hands propped behind her on the grass, her head tilted back, her eyes closed.

"Apparently not," she said. "This is more than just dying, Bella. You're wrecking it."

"But why would I do that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she said, glancing at me. "I guess you're braver than I thought."

"What do you mean?"

"You're bailing on the peaceful death. You don't want to stay here."

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"There's always a choice, Bella," she said, just as a large chunk of cliff broke away with a cracking sound and fell into the ocean below.

I frowned.

"You said that before, but it's not true. I didn't choose for Riley to show up, and I didn't choose to lose my mind."

"Didn't you?" she asked. I stared at her and waited, but she didn't offer anything more.

It began to rain. The icy drops stung as they hit my face, and a deep chill worked its way through me.

"I don't like this. I want the sun back. I want the birds back. I want it to be nice here." I knew I was whining and didn't care. Fear was becoming real, and that was just unfair. Nothing was supposed to be real here.

"No, you don't," she said, clearly unbothered by both the rain and my whining. She didn't move as her dress was soaked, but I was shivering from head to foot.

"Why?" I asked. "Why is this happening? And why are you so happy here?"

She snorted. "Brave, but not that bright. Look around, Bella. The dagger, the cliff… This is my story, my ending. Romeo was the light in my universe. I chased that light for every moment I could, and the closest I got to it was when we died together. That was how our love triumphed, and it did triumph, whatever the critics may say. So, yeah, this place pretty much feels like home for me."

"But not for me," I said. "Even though I'm dying for love, too. Why doesn't this feel right anymore?"

"Maybe you're not the same girl you were the last time you stood on this cliff, Bella. Maybe this isn't the best you can do anymore. And Charlie Swan's daughter always does her best, doesn't she?"

I shook my head helplessly.

"Come on, Bella," she urged, sitting up and leaning closer to me. "You made the cliff. You made the knife. And now, you're making the rain. You know this."

I watched how the rain washed over Juliet's blonde hair, making it look darker, and then darker still. Chestnut brown.

"I made the rain… because I don't want it to end this way," I said, realizing the words and speaking them in the same moment. "Not with the cliff." As that choice disappeared, the only remaining one became clear. The rain slowed to a dim trickle. "I have to go back."

Juliet sighed, nodded.

"I don't die for him?" I said.

"Not like this," she said. "Not if you don't want to."

"Is he… Riley. Is he still there?"

Juliet nodded.

I looked around me at the rapidly deteriorating landscape. The trees had shed their leaves, and the grass had died beneath me. Pieces of the cliffside were falling into the water in irregular succession, leaving less ground between me and the edge.

"You said there's always a choice. I can choose to leave this place. How? The cliff?"

I imagined making that leap, again.

"Oh, no, you don't," Juliet said, laughing. "Not if you're trying to wake up. That's an act of courage, and your little stunt with the cliff last week was certainly not."

Of course not. Jumping had been me giving up, accepting that I was never going to be whole again. It had been me loving him the only way I knew, by breaking for him. It had been one of the most cowardly things I'd ever done.

"If I go over now, I don't wake up," I said. "I die."

"Yes."

"But, if I go back…"

Juliet's eyes narrowed with worry.

"I wish I could tell you what happens out there, but once you leave, you're on your own. I will say that it's getting hard to breathe. You can taste blood."

I closed my eyes, drew a long breath. She was right. There's always a choice.

The last sound I'd heard had been beautiful. It had been Edward's voice telling me that he loved me. I wanted to hold that moment forever, for however long that was for me. I didn't want to dirty it with Riley's voice, the things he would say as he tried to erase that beauty. I didn't want to feel the pain of my broken body. I didn't want to feel afraid, and I didn't want to be alone in the woods as my heart stopped beating. Not again.

"You can stay," Juliet said. "Just decide that's what you want, and it will stop. The sun will come back, the birds. I'll stay here, wait with you until it's over."

Until it's over. Until I died.

Yes, it would be easy that way. And it would be wrong.

"No."

"Then you know what you need to do," she said, and as she spoke, I watched her clothing shimmer and change. Her voluminous gown became jeans, sneakers, a pale blue long-sleeved t-shirt ruined with the stain of her blood. My clothes.

"I think I do," I said, eyeing the dagger protruding from her. I reached for it, my hands shaking a little. I suddenly, absurdly, felt rude. "Um, do you mind?" I asked.

She cocked her head at me. "Why are you asking me, Bella?" she said, and glanced pointedly at my chest.

My eyes went wide as I looked down at my saw the hilt of a dagger, its position in me exactly that of Juliet's in her.

Understanding rushed through me as I touched the knife in my breast. It didn't hurt; after all, I'd held it there almost since I'd met him. I ought to be used to it by now. It had probably hurt at the beginning, this suffering for his sake, but it didn't hurt as much as the fear I'd felt as I oh-so-briefly considered the possibility that he loved me with cause. I'd killed that fear quickly with a compromise, a silent agreement that would let me keep him without believing him. It was simple, really. I simply had to suffer as much as it took to deserve that love.

I had found that, in the end, only dying would come close. I'd imagined that it was the only gift I could manage that was worthy of him. After all, who was I?

But who couldn't love someone who was willing, almost eager, to die for you? I'd prayed that not even he could resist such devotion, and as I did, I had nearly destroyed the very thing he'd loved to begin with.

Another thing I'd gotten wrong.

I had been trying so hard to love him, and through all of it, I could only manage to bleed for him. But that wasn't what he wanted from me; it wasn't what he needed. Though, if I were being honest, it was easier. The alternative was dreaming that I deserved him; that I could reasonably hope to keep him. Just the thought of such daring faith made my heart pound with longing and fear. The dagger quivered slightly in response.

"You're starting to get it now," Juliet said, stroking my hand where it rested on my dagger. "You aren't me, your story isn't mine, and love isn't always at its best when it's bloody. Edward loves you, Bella. If I know that, then you do, too. He'd want you even if he didn't need you. He aches for you just as much when you're sitting beside him, happy and safe, as he does when he's moving heaven and earth to save your life. You don't have to be sorry for wanting that, just wanting it, just for yourself. You don't need to be in trouble to justify his attention, and you don't need to make this thing a tragedy to keep it whole."

I blinked, and my mouth hung open for a moment before I managed to form words.

"I don't need this anymore," I said to the dagger.

Juliet's eyes shone as she moved, smiling, to cup my face between her hands.

"Oh, Bella," she said. "You never did."

I could have cried with relief, and with terror. Instead, the surprising sound of my own laughter filled my ears as I wrapped my fingers around the hilt of the blade and began to pull.

The warm sensation of Juliet's hands on my face melted away, and the false world around me spun and vanished.

I was still laughing as I opened my eyes and gazed into Riley's red ones, inches from me. And, in that first instant, I swear I saw fear in them. I nearly laughed harder, but a crushing pain stopped me, twisted the sound into a gasp.

I was lying on my side on the ground, my wrists cuffed behind my back. I hurt everywhere, but particularly around my torso. Each breath I took felt like I'd been stabbed, and I could indeed taste blood at the back of my throat. I struggled to take short, shallow breaths, and to hold back my panic.

Riley opened his mouth to speak, but his words were cut off by a cry, distant but wonderful.

"Bella!"

Edward. How was it him? I'd worked so hard to make certain he was far away from this. Still, I didn't think twice before I tried to call out to him.

My would-be cry guttered out almost soundlessly. The world spun around me as a new wave of pain rushed in. I coughed, and a spatter of pink foam landed on Riley's face.

He hissed and flew backward, stopping a few yards away. His fists were clenched at his sides, and he trembled from head to toe.

"Bitch!" he said through clenched teeth. "I'm not going to taste you. I'm not! I told you that! I promised her. But… But!" His features lit up. "Do you want to watch him die?"

I shook my head hard, felt dizzy, sick. Riley nodded vigorously.

"Yeah," he said. "Stay here and watch, Bella. Oh, this is even better than I hoped."

He was gone with a rush of air, and I was left staring into the darkness of the forest.

For one long moment, there was nothing but the night around me, the earth beneath me, and the relentless throbbing pain in my chest. Every awful thing in the world lived in that moment, and I paid for the sob I let out with a fresh dose of agony from my ribs.

Then alone was gone as if it had never been. Edward crouched over me, touching me, trying not to touch me.

"Bella, oh my god, Baby," he said, weeping. "I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to fix—"

Even if there'd been time, I didn't have breath to form his name before Riley flashed from the trees and caught Edward from behind in a crushing embrace.

"Watch this, Bella!" Riley said, and began to squeeze. I watched Edward struggle. I watched his struggles do nothing to budge the monster's arms around him.

I did manage to get Edward's name out then, and I barely felt the answering flash of pain as I did. There was a terrible cracking sound, the sound I'd heard as the cliff in my mind had started to crumble. It wasn't me breaking this time; it was him. Edward's face went suddenly blank, and his struggles ceased. And still Riley continued to squeeze.

"No!" I screamed, but my scream was only a squeak punctuated by a gurgle. The world grayed around me, but I coughed, spit blood, and ordered the darkness back. My eyes stayed locked to Edward's face, now that of a statue, beautiful and impassive. I tried to scream again, tried to tell the world 'no,' but couldn't even manage a squeak this time.

"This! This is how it ends for all of us, even you, Bella!" Riley said, pausing long enough to savor his moment.

That pause killed him. A snarling mass of red fur hurtled by over my head and slammed into Riley and Edward, knocking them apart. The huge wolf with red fur ignored Edward, who fell with a thud to the earth a few feet in front of me. Jacob instead fell on Riley, tearing him to pieces with viscous speed.

"Edward!" I rasped.

I tried to move, to somehow scoot myself closer to him. I cried out as I rolled against my broken arm. The world blurred, swam, and the darkness didn't seem very impressed by my resistance this time.

But then he moved, and that meant he wasn't dead, and that made the pain in my arm nothing, less than nothing.

In the next instant he was closer, touching me, saying my name again and again. The cuffs on my wrists snapped apart with a flick of his fingers, and then he was holding me. It hurt, oh my god it hurt when he moved me, but I was smiling even as I cried from the pain.

His face was a study in agony and need as he took in the sight of me.

"Just one chance…" he whispered.

His eyes flicked to the side for the briefest instant, and though he didn't address me, he spoke loud enough for me to hear him easily, a shout for a vampire's ears.

"I need you now, Carlisle," he said, paused. "Jacob is here. He got the newborn." He paused again, nodded slightly. "Don't help him. He wants to take care of this himself. Let him have that."

Edward leaned closer, brushing his lips over my face.

"You're going to be okay," he murmured.

"Yeah," I said, reaching with my good arm to touch his cheek, feel the chill there. Wonderful. There was nothing as wonderful as the feel of him, just like this…

"Carlisle is coming. He'll help you."

"No," I said.

I coughed and quickly swallowed the blood that came up. Edward flinched anyway; he smelled the blood despite my best efforts to keep it to myself. I smiled again, shaking my head. I didn't think I could speak anymore. There wasn't enough air, and there was more and more blood…

He studied my face for a long moment, a century of struggle playing out over his features.

"No?" he said at last. There was despair in the word, and a depthless hope.

One word, then. I could manage one more word.

"No," I said.

He leaned closer, and this time he didn't need to move me to reach my neck. My head fell back as soon as he stopped supporting it. I stared up at the sky, clear and gloriously full of stars. A razor-thin slice of a waxing moon hung there.

Edward's lips touched my neck, and I waited for the fear, the questions, the confusion. What I felt, though, was nothing. This was the bottom, the last of me. I'd been poured empty, and there was nothing left for me but to wait for him to make me emptier still.

All of it, I thought as his mouth opened against me. I'm finished here, Edward. Take it all.

"I love you, Bella," he said, his voice shaking. I had a moment to regret my inability to answer him.

And then pain, white hot, the first and last of its kind.

Yes. Epilogue soon, and still much left to say before I leave them alone.

Please share your thoughts on this with me (read: review).

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