Okay, I'm back and this took a lot longer to get out than I had hoped.

In this chapter you'll see a new side of Blaine and a new side of Kurt. Also, there will be a hint as to what that something that all of you have been wondering: what happened to Kurt?

Please review!

Chapter 25

"You're such a guy, I swear. I'll never understand why you like 80's horror movies, Kill Bill, and a movie called Snatch." Eli was well into a monologue about the movies Blaine had available to watch and Blaine was laughing along to every bit of it while eating popcorn handfuls at a time. "Anything with the name Snatch is not something I find appealing."

"That's because you're a homo."

"And for someone who claims to like musicals too, you don't have any."

"Actually, I do. My mom currently has a few of mine in her bedroom and some of the girls in glee have borrowed the others. So, thank you very much." He smiled and passed the bowl of popcorn over to Eli. They had settled nicely into a comfortable conversation since they left Dalton. Blaine still couldn't get Kurt off his mind, but was doing a good job of hiding it. Eli was also doing a good job at not making things any more awkward than they had been. He gave Blaine is space, but still thought being occasionally flirtatious, as he always had been, was okay. And it was. Blaine showed no signs of minding it.

It might have been three o'clock in the morning, but both boys were still wired off of caffeine and sugar to keep them going for hours. Eli, however, was more awake than Blaine, but that may have been because he was purposefully watching what he was doing and saying. He wanted the mending part of their friendship to be perfect. "How are you still awake?"

"Pretty sure that Five Hour Energy shot I took has something to do with it." Blaine went over to the pile of DVD cases they made and started exchanging one for another, showing the cover to Eli and waiting for a nod of approval.

"No, I mean- this may be my innocence showing, but aren't guys usually tired after… you know?" The glossed over sentiment of 'ya know' was perfectly put in a way to allude to Blaine having done something sexual with Kurt. What exactly wasn't known to Eli, but Blaine did admit that his messed up clothes was due in part by Kurt.

Blaine fixed his eyes on the DVD player and thought about how awkward things just got. He coughed nervously and then cleared his throat, rejoining the red head on the floor in front of the couch. "That's, um, usually true. I, uh, well, I c-can't speak for everyone, but… I don't know."

"Is it okay? If I ask questions, I mean?" He paused, able to feel the incredibly thick uncomfortableness in the room. "Sorry. Never mind. I didn't mean to make things weird or whatever. It's just that I don't know anything about anything and I was-am, um, curious about… things."

Suddenly thinking about the situation and weighing the possible pros and cons of having the sex talk with his friend, who only admitted to having feelings for him a number of hours ago, he decided to bite. If anything else, with their newfound honesty thing going, Blaine can always back out of the conversation, saying that he didn't think it was appropriate. After all, who else would Eli have to talk to about these things? "Oh, um. Okay. Look, I just want to throw it out there, that I'll answer anything you want, as long as it's not about specifics on my exploits with Kurt, because I don't want to have that conversation."

"Of course! I wasn't going to do that anyway. I've just been thinking about it recently and while I've seen those movies and I do have the internet from time to time at my house, it still doesn't take the place of actual knowledge."

"Right…" Blaine grabbed his drink and took a very long sip from his glass of ice tea. "Okay. Shoot. What do you want to know?"

"Okay, so the tired thing?"

Blaine laughed. His friend was incredulous. "Sometimes it's easy to become tired immediately after and want to fall asleep if you've been," he cleared his throat, feeling a little weird because he and Kurt barely had these conversations and they were the ones doing it. "Well- working hard, if you know what I mean. Like if you're all sweaty, nasty, and out of breath. But then there's the times that when you're with someone who you're comfortable with and you're able to do the cuddling thing. Sleeping is all about being relaxed and not just overexerted. When you're comfortable with the person you were just with, it can be easy to fall asleep afterwards. Then sometimes it doesn't matter because you're still caught up in the excitement of it, or you have to go, so you don't even think about how much energy you just burned through." He couldn't believe he just got through all that.

"And how you do go about initiating the first move? I know it's not like an x-tube video turned real, but how do you know when to just… go?"

"Again, it's a comfort thing. If that's what's on your mind and your partner is giving the right signals then the first move has already been made."

"What's the right signals?"

"I don't know. It can be a look in his eyes." Blaine started to look off into nothing, thinking about his experiences as if in his own personal montage and listing off things that Kurt did. God, he's so beautiful, Blaine thought as his memory came and went. "A touch, a comment, anything. But when it's there, you'll know. Unless you're on Grindr and it's an obvious thing."

Eli laughed nervously, while Blaine grabbed more popcorn. "I can't imagine Kurt not making things obvious based on how I saw him dancing with all those men." It was an accident. He didn't mean to say it. Eli really really didn't mean to say that. He especially didn't mean for it to come out the way it did either.

Blaine just looked at him, blinking and trying to keep his thoughts to himself. Eli promised not to mention Kurt, but here he was, sounding like he was judging Kurt like everyone else did. Sure, Blaine was mad and hurt, as always when it came to Kurt, but he still hated the way Eli thought and spoke about him. "Kurt isn't a slut, Eli," is what finally came out.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did and I didn't mean for it to- I'm sorry! I just mean that at the party and in Scandals, he made it clear that he was open for options."

"…Right."

"Oh God, I'm sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean to. I know you hate it when I say anything about him, but he's my only frame of reference."

"Kurt does make it clear when he wants something, but he was always different with me. He's not some character out of a porno. He's a person and it isn't fair for people to think of him the way he does because it's not like the people he gets with are any better or worse than him. They have the same thing in mind and he shouldn't be judged for it. Straight men would be doing the exact same thing with women if they could get away with it as much as some gay men do. There's nothing wrong with wanting sex with no strings attached as long as the person you're doing it with is on the same page."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll stop. I really am sorry."

Blaine took a few seconds to really look Eli in the face. It was obvious that he knew his mistake and felt bad about it. If it were possible, the blazing alarmed look in Eli's eyes may have just made his ginger hair look brighter. His entire face was blushing in shame and regret. Don't talk about Kurt. Don't talk about Kurt. Don't talk about Kurt. Blaine chanted in his head, hoping he wasn't going to start saying things about their person exploits that he, not ten minutes ago, said he wouldn't. He failed. "Kurt, while he makes everything confusing and way more intense than it has to be, our sex life wasn't anything like that. When our clothes were off, nothing existed in the world, but us. Sometimes, it was hot and sexy and full of primal excitement; sometimes it was about passion; sometimes it was just touching and about getting off because we're teenage boys and have new and exciting needs. But every once in a while," he paused, looking off again, feeling the tiniest of tugs in the corners of his lips, reliving another memory montage, "we'd have these moments of pure, indescribable, something. It doesn't even have a word for how it felt. Everything in the world would disappear. All our problems, all the worlds problems, all our wants and needs… just everything went away because we'd be lost in each other. I can still see the look in his eyes and the smile on his lips. One single touch of his fingertips on my chest was more emotion filled than anything we'd ever done." His hand absently covered a space between his pecks. Eli didn't know it, but it was where Kurt would run a finger down from the hollow in Blaine's neck to his waist band just because it made Blaine shiver. "I don't know if that means anything to you or if you even understand any of it, but that guy you can't stand and think badly about… that guy is the same person as the one I just described. He's the first person who ever made me feel remotely sexy or attractive in any way. He makes me so angry, but he also makes me so happy and nervous. I act as strong as I can around him, but, really, I still remember the guy I was a few months ago who couldn't complete a sentence because his presence made me that nervous. I'm confident because of him. I'm much stronger and I stick up for myself because of him. I'm a lot of things now. He hurt me in many ways, but in others, I think he made me better too."

"Is that why you keep going back to him and forgiving him?"

"Probably. You'll understand it when you feel it, but there's something about him that gives me a natural pull in his direction. Even tonight. I was so mad at him and I didn't want to talk to him, but that one look on his face… it wasn't about sex, that wasn't his sex face. It was the look that I can't say no to. He makes me feel needed. And I keep thinking that there's going to be this ground breaking moment for us, but it never comes and I keep getting let down. I don't know who's screwed up more. Me? I keep putting myself in the situation to have my heart massacred. Or him? He's got some secret that he hasn't told anyone and it's eating him alive from the inside out. Maybe that's another reason I keep forgiving him. I'm blaming his actions on his secret, when he is the one making his own choices and he chooses to hurt me again and again."

"So, you kissed me to make him feel the way he makes you feel?"

"Yes. And I hurt you in the process. I'm sorry."

"I'm not going to say it was okay, because it wasn't. It will be someday, but not right now."

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? And to make up for the jerk I've been lately?"

"You haven't really been a jerk and you're making up for it now by being honest with me. Honesty will help me in all of this. But I do have to be honest with you too. I think showing Kurt what he's done to you isn't such a bad idea. Just as long as you're not using someone who has feelings for you."

Blaine looked awkwardly at his friend, wondering what he meant and where he was going with this.

"I don't see a problem with making Kurt pay for what he's done to you."

"I don't want to torture him. I didn't even really want to kiss you to prove a point. Sorry. That came out wrong. I mean that I don't really want to kiss or hook up with other guys. I've only really ever wanted him."

"Yeah, but what's one harmless, meaningless hook up going to do?"

"Make me feel ill." He said it with such certainty that, in Blaine's mind, it should have been a moot point and the conversation should have ended there. But it didn't. Boy, how it didn't. If anything, it continued to make things much much worse.

Eli went on to explain the psychology behind what Kurt was doing to Blaine and what it could do for Blaine to do the same in return. It would help him understand Kurt better and it would show Kurt what he was doing.

Blaine's eyes bugged out. "I know you're coming from a place of caring, but you're giving me horrible advice. You're telling me to compromise my morals and self worth just to get back at someone you would love to see hurting."

"Okay, when you put it that way, maybe I am giving you bad advice."

"I don't want to seem like I'm putting you down, but you don't get it because you're a virgin. Sex does something to you. It changes you. Kurt was my first and regardless where our lives go, he will always be my first and I'll always remember him that way. He hurt me, but I don't want to hurt him."

"Oh, come on," Eli sounded incredulous. "I don't buy it. I get that you have a connection to him because he was your first, but I highly doubt that some part of you doesn't want to see him put in his place, or get what's coming to him."

"You've got to stop this! You know nothing about Kurt and even less about sex and what it does to you. You're only saying those things because you don't like Kurt at all and you want him put in his place. The only place I want to see him in is 'safe.' You don't get it and I'm starting to think that you never will."

"Why are you constantly defending him? What good has he been to you?"

"You think what little I've told you is even close to an inch of the mile I've been with him. You're naïve and kidding yourself if you think you even come close to understanding any of what I'm saying."

"So, I can't understand because I'm a virgin or because I've never been in love?"

"I'm saying you can't understand because you don't know anything about Kurt or what he and I went through. You have no idea how much I never told you."

"Well, I'm sorry," Eli said, sounding like he didn't really mean it at all. "I'm trying to understand, but you're not making it very easy when you spent three months fucking some guy who doesn't seem to have any regard for your emotions and not telling me."

"That's because it was NONE of your fucking business! I don't owe you anything! You're not my boyfriend and I never gave you any indication that I wanted you to be."

"We're supposed to be friends. Friends tell each other things."

"But not everything. My personal life has nothing to do with you, despite your annoying attempts at trying to insert yourself into it."

"Annoying? Wow, forgive me if I was trying to be caring."

"You call sitting entirely too close to me on the couch and touching me any chance you got caring? Asking way too many questions about my date with Dave or personal life that should have been my decision to share and not yours to ask; that's caring? It's not caring, it's fucking prying for your own benefit. You know, I felt sorry for you because I thought maybe I lead you on a little, but no; I didn't. I see now that it was you pulling strings to get your own way. You saw what you wanted to see and you were wrong."

"Seriously? You're going to pin this on me? Really? You think I'm the guy who can't take a hint? Kurt uses you. You're his toy. Why would he want a relationship with you when you freely give him the only thing he wants from you? It's been three months, how many arguments and fights, and guess what? He doesn't want you. Christ, how long did it take for you to drop your pants for him tonight? A whole minute?"

" It was better than sitting and listening to you stutter through asking me out because of a delusion you put in your own head. At least, I got off. What did you get?"

Eli gulped and stared openly at Blaine. At this point he had already decided that he would be leaving and not spending the night. He'd have to sleep in his car because of his parents' alarm system at his house, but it would be better than staying the night at Blaine's house. "You know, I'm glad this happened. I am. Because now I have perfect clarity. You were right. I can't stand Kurt. I think he's full of himself and Lord knows there aren't many men left at Scandal's that he hasn't slept with yet. But what makes him worse, in my eyes. He took everything good about you and turned you into him."

Blaine furrowed his features, preparing to fight back with something even more hurtful, but instead he watched Eli get up, take his shoes and jacket, and leave. He sat there, continuing to stare at the closed door for a number of minutes. Long after Eli's car tore out of the driveway, Blaine was still staring. He wasn't hoping that Eli would walk back in and he had no intentions of apologizing, but it hit him. Eli was right. He slew out hurtful things at his friend to get him to shut up and, maybe in his subconscious, Blaine may have wanted Eli to leave. Didn't Kurt do those things? He used to say the worst things to Blaine to make him leave. He thought of the things he said and some parts were all too real because he'd heard "You're not my boyfriend" on many occasions. He bit his lip.

Today wasn't supposed to go this way. He was the state tournament champion today. Kurt said he missed him yesterday and protected him from being hurt by Hunter. Kurt kissed him and touched him. He said Blaine was better than everyone else. It wasn't supposed to end with Kurt hurting him again and then Blaine losing a friend. Eli was right. Blaine was acting like Kurt. But what did he have to show for it? Nothing. Not Kurt and not Eli. He was alone.

…

Blaine had forgotten how quiet I morning could be without his phone blowing up every fifteen seconds with a text from Eli. They hadn't spoken and Blaine had a suspicion they may not ever again. Eli was stubborn in nature and Blaine found himself not feeling sorry for saying the things he did to his friend. Or, rather, ex-friend. In the hallway, he saw Kurt standing at his locker, alone, fixing his hair in the mirror. He first instinct was to say hello, but then remembered that Kurt didn't have a conversation with someone about how he felt about Blaine the way Blaine had with Eli. Then it occurred to him that even if Kurt had the chance, he probably wouldn't. He sighed, shrugging his shoulders on the exhale, and walked right past the lithe teen, not giving him a second look because, even though he was comfortable now with openly admitting to himself that he was stupidly still in love with Kurt Hummel, Kurt was still cold and didn't want much of anything to do with him.

Unbeknownst to him, however, Kurt watching Blaine in the reflection of his mirror. He watched the sway of his hips and how hard he was grasping the strap of his messenger bag. He saw the faked confident stature Blaine held with his squared shoulders and head held high. He never walked like that on his most confident day, even Kurt knew that. No, he was walking like that on purpose. Kurt puffed his cheeks out, giving one last glance at Blaine's ass as it walked away and reached for his can of hairspray.

This happened again on Tuesday and Wednesday. In art class, they didn't speak and, coincidentally, not one of them noticed the other person chancing glances at the other. In gym, they didn't talk even if they were on the same team. Kurt didn't do anything to bother Blaine in gym class the way he used to. He didn't do any of the things he wanted to like purposely throw a softball at him on Monday, run obnoxiously close to him on Tuesday, or over-crowd him and get too hands-ee while blocking him in a game of basketball on Wednesday. No, he didn't do any of that, though he mentally found all of them hilarious. Instead, he let Blaine have normal days as if Kurt weren't in his life.

That, however, was proving to be impossible because Blaine was being driven crazy by Kurt's non-actions. Kurt never just left him alone without some form of plan. He kept waiting for a mental bomb to go off because of something Kurt did, but the week was half over and Blaine didn't see Kurt so much as look at him once. Most days, Kurt would do something incredibly annoying, crowd him with obnoxiously mean things to say, or apologize endlessly about something he did. But he wasn't doing any of those things. Kurt was silent and acted as if Blaine wasn't even there. In the locker room, their red lockers were two apart from each other and they were the only ones on that side of the room. He didn't look at Blaine, speak to him, or do anything to make him uncomfortable in any way.

Kurt didn't look at Blaine as he undressed, stand in the stall next to him in the showers, or make a comment that was flattering, offensive, and obnoxious all at the ssame time. It drove Blaine insane. He had thought that finally getting peace and quiet for once would be heaven. He thought Kurt finally doing what Blaine had been asking him to do every time he was mad at him; to leave him alone; would be a breath of fresh air. Instead, it only made Kurt the center of his thoughts at all times. He couldn't concentrate on anything, no matter what it was, and found that he was searching for Kurt wherever he went; in the hallways, in the lunchroom, in classrooms, in the parking lot, at the boxing gym, and at the sub shop next door. He couldn't stop and it was making him crazy.

At night, in his bed, his mind wouldn't need to drift off to thoughts of Kurt because they already were on him and it never took long for one thought to lead to another he Blaine would find himself harder than he ever thought he could be and wishing Kurt were there. He missed feeling needed and missed feeling wanted. He would admit that he loved Kurt, but tried not to admit that he also missed the secret wielding Hummel because he also hated him and never let himself forget it.

By Thursday, Blaine was in a constant state of bothered lust because he was tired of fantasizing about Kurt, who was no longer giving him the time of day, and probably fucking his way through Lima at Scandals, he thought ruthlessly. After yet another gym class of tortured Kurt silence, Blaine felt like he was going to snap. He was about to say something, but Kurt was already carting his shower caddy over to the showers, wearing only a towel. God, he looks so fucking sexy.

Since Blaine was leaving McKinley in two weeks and had already won the last fencing tournament that he would see for the year, he decided to bow out of practices early and hand in his uniform. He stayed behind as the other jocks filed in and out for their own sport practices and Blaine cleaned out his fencing locker. Half way through, with all his equipment scattered on the benches and floor, he could hear humming from the showers. He had thought that everyone had gone, but then remembered that he hadn't seen Kurt return. His next thought was that Kurt was taking an awfully long time in the shower.

He bit his lip, looking in the direction of the shower room, though he couldn't see it from where he was sitting. Eli's advice of showing Kurt what he was doing to Blaine was now sounding like good advice, no matter how stupid it actually was. He closed his eyes, not meaning to, but seeing Kurt naked and rinsing shampoo out of his hair. Blaine's mouth watered and once again, his dick was swelling. Taking another glance at the showers, he got up and undressed. A cold shower would do him good. He grabbed his shower caddy and padded off toward the sound of humming.

Kurt had been waiting a long time for the water to get hot again. When he originally left to take a shower, all the stalls were taken, so he had to wait, then he had to wait for the water to get hot. Now he was alone and preferred it that way because he never missed the uncomfortable body language everyone that wasn't Karofsky or Blaine showed when Kurt was near. That's when he noticed the water turn on in the stall next to him. He turned his head and for the first time in five days, met caramel Blaine's eyes. Before Kurt had a chance to get lost in the color his missed so much, he quickly looked back to the shower head in his own stall.

"You've been in here a long time," Blaine said.

"There was a line and the hot water just kicked back on."

"K said that Scandals was a blast last night with all the drag queens." Blaine's attempt at nonchalant conversation was weak, but he didn't know what he was doing.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't go."

"No?"

"No." Kurt wasn't really making much of an effort to converse. His tone was flat and uncaring. He acted as if Blaine's presence was a nuisance.

This was the final kick that Blaine needed to snap. If Kurt wanted uncaring, he'd give it to him.

Kurt reached for his loofa, but Blaine's hand met his first. It startled Kurt at first, but when his head tilted slightly over his shoulder, Blaine was standing behind him, naked, in his shower stall. He retracted his hand and faced forward, feeling his chest start to warm and heart start to pick up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his body wash disappear and reappear from Blaine taking it. He remembered to breath when he felt his loofa sliding across his back and shoulders. If it weren't for his breathing, he might have been frozen. Kurt's breath caught and he felt his cock growing in excitement. He was able to feel Blaine's lips on his shoulders and arms as the loofa trailed to his ass and began massaging the muscles there. "What are you doing?" Kurt managed to get out, despite sounding like it was effortless to say.

"You wanted no strings, right?" Blaine's voice was low and sultry. The kind of sound that Kurt always loved hearing.

The taller boy looked over his left shoulder and saw the honey eyes so close to his, looking lust blown and innocent all at the same time. "I thought you were tired of being played with?"

"I guess I'm a glutton for punishment." Blaine slipped his soap lathered hands up and over Kurt's hips, then downward finding Kurt to already be half hard, but knowing that he already would be.

No more words were passed in conversation over the next half hour. The only coherent words said were those of moans, commands, and encouragements to continue.

By the end, lips were swollen and bruised; bodies were sated, tongues had the other's flavor on them and there still weren't many words to say. Kurt leaned in for one last kiss, capturing Blaine's lips between his own, his breath still labored. "What changed your mind?" he asked softly.

Blaine didn't say anything in response. Kurt never gave him explanations. He looked at him, his honey eyes wanting to exude so much more. One last kiss settled his mind. Blaine shook his head and shrugged his shoulders at the same time in small motions, still not saying anything and moved over to his own stall to finish the shower he originally intended to take.

For a second, Kurt's eyes fell to the floor, knowing what Blaine had done. He did what Kurt had always done, left him wanting more. So he gave him more.

The following morning, he dropped a note in Blaine's locker that asked him to meet him in a bathroom during second period. Then they had another romp in the showers after gym again when everyone had left. This time Kurt brought condoms and lube so the feeling of Blaine's fingers as they slid in and out of him, as they had yesterday, weren't as rough. And this time they didn't hurry. They took their time; first, Kurt taking Blaine from behind in the morning in a bathroom stall and then Blaine penetrating Kurt in the showers, making every moment last because they were both doing this for the same reasons now and not knowing that the other person was as well. Not once did they make eye contact for either interaction. They were fooling around again and having sex because they both needed the other's touch more than they were willing to admit.

Kurt was comforted in the feeling that Blaine knew every little thing about how to give his partner the most pleasure. He knew every single facet of Kurt's body and knew, instinctually, that Kurt would moan if he dragged his nails down Kurt's legs while Blaine was taken from behind. And Blaine knew that kissing his palm at any time would make a warm breath leave Kurt's lips and make him hold onto Blaine tighter, throwing himself into the act with a new sense of vigor.

The end, the very end, was always bitter sweet though because while they just did something substantial and heartwarming and so so sexy, they still weren't really talking. When they finished, Kurt would say, "Thanks." Blaine would answer with, "See you later," and that would be it. That's all it was and it hurt them both.

…..

"You look glum," Burt said over dinner on Saturday night.

"I'm fine," Kurt answered quickly trying to shove as much food in his mouth as he could to avoid answering a question.

"Kurt…" his father warned. "As long as you've been alive, you have always done that," he pointed at him with his fork, "with your food when you didn't want to talk about something and for as long as I can remember, you saying fine meant that you had the world coming crashing down on your shoulders."

The son pretended to smile with his mouth full of food and pointed to his full mouth as if to say 'Can't talk, I'm eating.'

"Then swallow because you're not getting out of this one. I've watched you for weeks now mope around this house. I asked you where you wanted to go for our Christmas vacation this year because it's your year to pick and you haven't even given it a thought, have you? Ever since Blaine came to D.C. you've been acting like this."

Kurt finally finished chewing and swallowing everything in his mouth. He made a motion to start guzzling the water in his glass, but his father stopped him with a clearing of his throat and a warning noise. "No way. You're not getting out of this. Talk to me. I'm right here and we don't get too many days to do this. I want to help you and I don't like being gone all the time, knowing that I can't help you when I'm a plane ride away from you."

"Dad, I'm fine. Really."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Really?" Burt tested again, knowing better. "You had a blast with Blaine in D.C. then he stops coming over, you stop talking about him and looking like you're empty. Then the Karofsky kid stays the night in your room, and now you don't talk to me at all. What's going on? Talk to me, Kurt, please."

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Stop saying you're fine."

"It's nothing you have to worry about."

"Damn it, Kurt!" Burt's fist came pounding down on the table and Kurt reached for his glass to keep it from toppling over from the shake of the table. "Talk to me!" Burt had patience, a lot of it. So, Kurt knew he must have pushed his father to his breaking point if this was how he was acting.

He thought for a few seconds, trying to find the right words. "I'm having…" he swallowed, "trouble in school. In life actually."

"So, what is it? Kids? Grades?"

"The first one. Blaine and I were talking in the locker room and some guys overheard us and within seconds the whole school knew I'm gay…" he paused, unable to keep eye contact with his father for the next part he was about to say because he knew he had to say it, Burt would be expecting more to the story. "…and that I'd been sleeping with Blaine." Another gulp went down his throat.

Burt sat back in his chair, slouching a little and rubbed his balding head. He sighed because he was really in fear. After the first school, he knew how cruel high schoolers could be. "Is anyone…?" his voice trailed off.

"No! Dad, no one would dare push around the congressman's son and if they're calling me names, it's behind my back, but no one except a couple people from glee club, will talk to me and I've quit the swim team because I can tell from the way that my team mates look at me and keep towels wrapped around their waist now that my presence makes them uncomfortable. It's the same thing in the locker room, I've stayed in the far end with Blaine, but Blaine and I aren't really talking right now."

"Why didn't you tell me? How long has this thing at school been going on?"

"A while."

"And why aren't you and Blaine talking?"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Why not?"

Kurt started to feel his face heat up. "I'm…" His tongue slowly lapped at his lips, feeling everything start to dry out. "I don't want to disappoint you. You're all I have and I couldn't bare it if you looked at me like you were both disgusted and embarrassed."

"When have I ever done that?"

"When I woke up in the hospital. After… you know."

"Kurt, I don't know what you think you saw or how you interpreted it, but I wasn't disgusted by you. I was disgusted with what happened to you. And I wasn't disappointed in you. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to protect you better. Kurt, you're my son. Obviously, I haven't been doing my job well enough for you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you do or have done to you, I'm going to love you and want to help you no matter what. I helped give you life and nothing can break that bond."

Kurt's eyes welled up and started shifting from side to side, fighting the want to look at his father. When he finally did, he found that his dad had also been fight back tears and failing because his cheeks were soaking wet and the expression he wore was an eager one that was expecting the worst, but hoping for something better. The son sniffled and finally kept eye contact. "Dad, I haven't been very good to myself."

"What do you mean?"

"You know that thing you always said about not throwing myself around?"

"Have you been?"

Kurt nodded. "Yes." A new stream of tears were making themselves known. "I think I gave myself to anyone who was willing."

"Why?"

"Because I hate myself. I thought that letting people use me would make me feel wanted, but I never felt wanted enough and I just kept doing it again and again, hoping that the next person would stop the pain I had."

"What about Blaine?"

His name was the magic word. Kurt was openly sobbing now. "Oh, God. Dad, he hates me. I screwed up so bad. I-I love him. That's the stupid thing. I love him and I drove him away because I lied to him. I made him believe one thing while I was out with other guys. What's worse is that I'm still toying with his head. I'm awful, Dad. I'm such a bad person."

Burt got up. Kurt thought it was because his father was about to walk away, but then he heard the chair next to him sliding out. His father sat down next to him and put his arm around his son while Kurt struggled to breath from crying too hard.

"I love you. I want you to know that. No matter what you've done, I love you." Burt was sniffling and trying to stay calm and strong for his sobbing son. It wasn't an easy task because his heart broke into about a billion pieces. Through everything and all their closeness, Kurt still felt a lone and unwanted. He felt unlovable. Burt knew there wasn't nothing he could do to make his son feel wanted in that way, but as a father, he felt that he had failed. He failed his son, who was so good at hiding his feelings because he thought Burt would abandon him.

"I don't know what to do, dad. I want to f-fix this so bad. I can see him abandoning what is so good and pure about him. I made him think that treating people the way I treated him was okay. The way I've treated him was so awful. I don't deserve for him to forgive me. I don't deserve him. I never have. I tried to leave him alone, but I can't. I just c-can't. I love him."

"Why do you love him?"

"When I first met Blaine, I hated him because he was me before all this started. He was untouched and innocent. I was jealous of what he had because I wished I still had that. Then I stood up for him when those idiots were bullying him and from then on, I couldn't stay away. I wanted to make him feel the way I did because I wanted someone to understand how much pain I'm still in. I don't know where it changed, but I stopped feeling that way and started to think of him as someone who could save me, but for as much as I wanted to be saved, I never let him. I don't know what to do."

Burt's words came out faster than he knew he had them. "Then save him. Save him the way no one could save you."

Dinner was over, but Father and Son talked well into the early morning hours. Kurt told him everything about what was going on with him and Blaine and what he never told his therapist about how he felt about what happened to him all those years ago. They both shared stories from their lives and cried tears of both joy and sadness.

By the time Burt tucked his son in, for the first time since Kurt was ten years old, he finally felt that he had done something that helped his son. He had accepted him long ago, but maybe now, Kurt finally believed him.

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