Reflecting On the Night Before
That scent.
Mmm.
She inhaled deeply and just let it wash over her. Amanda woke to find herself tucked snugly into Sarek's robe from the day before. Warm and lazy, she decided to burrow deeper and relish in the peace and quiet of the natural environment they shared. She glanced out the opening of their tree cabin, little more than a tent on a platform twenty feet in the air, and could see him deep in meditation.
She listened in her mind, and heard the musical tones and chanting she had become accustomed to, and decided it was time to pen some thoughts of her own for him to find tucked away in secret places. Silently she reached down to her knapsack and pulled out her pen and some paper, thinking about the night before: the meal, the regard, the learning, the love making…
Hizhuk k'du se rai hizhuk hi likrtlar don-ka k'kr'tkkla. Kuv nam-tor saseshau ashaya, se vesh'worla. Rai ta'an se ashaya t'nash-veh na'du ta'an se na'nash-veh.
A silence with you is not silence, but moments rich with peace. If love can be withdrawn, it never was. My love is not a gift for you – it is a gift for me.
Deciding she was more loquacious than most would ever realize and appreciate simultaneously, she chose to focus that romantic writing energy on him in full force, and attempted to capture what they'd done to and with each other the previous evening as they explored each other and began to discover which itches were best scratched which way.
It was a delightfully intense and provocative experience that left her realizing educating him about her physiological needs revealed preferences and desires she'd never acknowledged to herself. The art of self-discovery was proving to be enlightening.
She'd kind of had this general idea of what their first time might be like, inasmuch as she could with limited information about his physical nature and the intense modesty he would ultimately end up demonstrating. But the idea and the reality were two different things… not better or worse, just different.
For example, he'd already found enough free time to 'self-educate' on the concept of kissing: physiological and psychological reasoning and benefit, styles, techniques, and hygiene-related areas of concern.
Evidently, he'd also viewed instruction on technique, as he had the essential information without practical application, and was not certain he wished to 'engage in direct exchange of salivary secretion', but when she demonstrated the practical skill, and he subsequently reversed his decision in the matter.
She was relieved to learn he had not yet thoroughly educated himself regarding mating techniques, as there were some practices she didn't want to be surprised by…
"A query?" He asked, delighting in the way goose pimples rose on her skin as he traced his fingers across her waist.
"Anything, if you keep doing that," she purred.
"Why would a female ask to be slapped during intercourse?"
"Where did you hear about that, Sarek?" She asked, surprised.
"Have I engaged an inappropriate subject?"
"Not necessarily," she paused, toying with a curly lock of hair that never quite lay cooperatively on his head. "I am just curious where you heard about it is all."
"I have been learning about Human mating practices, as your species does not exhibit overt modesty regarding the subject."
This was when she noticed blushing occurred in the tips of his ears.
Gently, she stroked them. "Sarek, here's the thing. There are a lot of ways to enjoy each other – but the trick is agreeing on how it's going to happen. There are some people for whom physical dominance is a turn on. I happen to not be one of them. It's just not a form of physical interaction I prefer."
"Understood."
"Out of curiosity, what literature are you using for this self-education?" She asked.
"I have read multiple research studies and articles from varying fields of scientific study - "
"Of course you have," she paused to kiss the tip of a violently blushing ear. "What else?"
"I surveyed polling responses for varying social publications. Apparently, some people are constantly in search of ways to keep a male interested in 'the sack'. What does that mean, precisely?"
"'The Sack' is an idiomatic expression for bed," she smiled in reply.
"Ah. I find the nature of the article illogical."
"Why?" This should be interesting…
"I do not anticipate losing interest in you at all. Why would you be required to constantly attempt to maintain what you already have from me?" He inquired, clearly confused.
"That is an excellent question, k'diwa," she replied, noting the blushing ears again. "Some people lose focus on what matters most."
"Illogical."
"Agreed."
He directed his attentions to her neck, planting delicate kisses from her ear to her shoulder.
"Sarek?"
"Hmm?"
Kiss… kiss… kiss…
"Oh, that is nice," she paused, savoring the sensation. "Not meaning to interrupt the mood here, but how much material have you viewed whilst 'awaiting my readiness' for this facet of our relationship?"
He stopped, and smiled privately to himself alone - her curiosity warranted it. "Minimal. I found most of the video references to be distasteful," he said, moving to the other side of her head, granting it the same focused attention.
She laughed out loud. "You're watching vids of it? Fascinating."
"Affirmative. I have no point of reference other than the fundamental description of activities found in manuals and textbooks."
She traced the muscle lines of his chest gently with her fingernails and was rewarded with a sigh.
"That is acceptable," he mumbled, eyes closing.
"Noted," she smiled outwardly at him. "So, based upon what you've explored, what have you learned?"
He rolled gently onto his back and brought her almost onto his chest. "I have learned that essential information is the beginning. I require practical enlightenment. It is impossible to gauge your preferences from that which does not include your mind in the moment."
"You are remarkable, sir."
Back in the present moment, she thought about how liberating it was to invite him to learn her body, inch by inch, explaining how she preferred to be engaged, how much pressure, how she enjoyed varying intensity and speed. She realized the kind of honesty required to share that with him was something she had not always been able to give herself.
After moving beyond an introduction to each other's physiological aspects, they'd agreed it was time to test out theories and indulge in practical learning. She was fully engaged in their activities until he reached his hand up to her face and projected what he was feeling physically, in tandem with his psychological satisfaction.
"Stop, stop, stop!" she cried out, overwhelmed by physical sensation that had become so intense it was uncomfortable.
"Have I hurt you?" He asked, alarmed, pulling his hand away.
"No, it was just too intense – too much at one time," she breathed, bringing her mind back under control and relaxing her body.
"I only wished to share what I experience with you. Forgive me - "
"That kind of sharing never needs forgiveness. It will need careful titration, however. I'm still adjusting to the intensity of our bond."
He held her closely to him, and she sensed what almost felt like worry from him.
"Hey," she brought his eyes to hers, "come back to me, my love. Why are you worried?"
"I wish you no discomfort. You will guide my intensity. It is normal for us to share those feelings mentally," he answered softly.
She looked into his eyes, and smiled softly. "I look forward to having them. Let's try this again…"
They began again, this time he shared himself with her, explaining the how, what, and where of things. He found it to be revealing, as he'd never needed to provide a depth of detail as this before. He had always been aware of what T'Rea would require – but this was wholly different, anatomically, physiologically, mentally, and now, emotionally.
Amanda's curiosity was insatiable, and he found himself having to suppress the urge to stop her. He really enjoyed her efforts, and was balancing that with the traditional view of physical intimacy being something only performed during an attempt at procreation. Amanda picked up on his thinking about something other than where her hand was headed, and paused.
"Why did you stop, Ashal-veh?"
"Because you're not fully here with me. What's on your mind?"
"I was processing the different uses of physical intimacy between our cultures."
"Enlighten me."
"Under normal circumstances, this behavior is intended only for reproductive purposes, and engaged in only during each biological cycle," he paused. "But I am realizing this activity serves more than just a reproductive purpose for you. This reinforces bonding, does it not?"
"Yes, it does. It occurs to me that we may need to find a workable compromise in this regard," she said, trying to keep her libido from waning. "What can you accept?"
"How frequently do you wish to engage in these activities?"
She looked at him blankly. "What do you mean?"
"Precisely that – how often will you require this form of interaction?"
"I don't know. That's not something I can just answer, Sarek. How often are you willing to engage me in this way?"
He looked at her and thought for a moment. "Insufficient data to provide an accurate reply."
Mentally, Amanda engaged in a hearty face palm. "Love, here's the thing about sex: it does serve a reproductive purpose, yes, but it also serves a form of communication, a physical expression of delight, and it's necessary for me – and not on a schedule. If Tuesday night is always 'nookie night', then why bother?"
He'd not anticipated this. "How frequently does this occur for a human couple?"
"It depends on the couple, but 'very' is a good answer, and the best one I can give you. Let me say it differently – I am aware that stimulation sought purely for sensation should be avoided," she paused as an eyebrow rose. "Yes, I read Surak. I am evolving, I thought you would approve," she teased.
"Indeed," he hesitated, looking into her eyes. "You are certainly a surprise to me. If I am interpreting your argument correctly, these activities are not purely for sensation?"
"Yes, and no."
"Non sequitir, Amanda."
"On the contrary, very sequitir, Sarek. Physical intimacy may only be a part of the relationship, but it matters. I want to be needed, and not just once a cycle. It's raw, emotional, primal, and so very enlightening. I have shared more with you about what I prefer, what I want, and how I like it tonight than I have ever shared with anyone. It's that important to me. I also am becoming more aware of how you perceive it. You're not the only one who can negotiate, you know."
She grew more fascinating by the day. He had chosen well. "Your terms?"
"Initially? Flexibility. I have been thinking about what I want to do to you tonight for a long while now. I want to enjoy learning how to make you squirm. I want to take you to a place where you are begging for release, but don't want it to end, and I want a physical connection with you that no other gets to enjoy. Those are my terms. But, even though we are seeking sensation, I do not think it for the same reason that Surak described."
"Clarify."
"What I am describing is dialogue – a physical, physiological communication between us. Without the addition of the mental connection. Sexual intimacy is one of the many ways male and female communicate. Communication, I suppose, can be for sensatory stimulation, but not for me. Are you able to explore this?"
"Affirmative. My terms?"
"I'm listening."
"Understanding the need for communication, bonding, and growth together, I require that physical interaction be measured through qualifiable encounters, not simply quantifiable. Additionally, my schedule will likely not accommodate every Tuesday evening, and I do not wish to miss any conversation with you," he countered, and granted her the barest hint at a smile.
"Come here…"
As she thought about the delightful, mutually satisfying activities that followed that conversation, she smiled to herself, struck by the muse.
Ash-yumaya tevan-masu t'nash-veh ne'tipanlar t'nashveh. Izhuk esh-tor etek, mathralar svi'el'rular afai-veh, du katelaya svi'sartak afai-veh, akshem-hutau awek'es svi'katranlar.
I'se ek'wak'es.
My waterfall of hair cascades down my shoulders. Quiet breathes us, butterflies in our hands, while we join in our bed, our privacy shuddering in our souls.
Eternity is now.