Chapter 24

Merlin lay in his small bed and stared at the ceiling in frustration. Upon his arrival back at Gaius's chambers he had hoped to say goodbye to Arthur, pack a bag and leave immediately. But that was not what had happened.

No instead Arthur seemed to have been possessed by some sort of maternal mother hen and had straight away told Gaius all about Merlin's "funny turn" and had then insisted that the old physician give the increasingly impatient manservant a full check over. Merlin had tried to get out of it, tried to convince the King that all he needed was some food and a rest but to no avail. Arthur was adamant.

Merlin then endeavoured to get Gaius to understand the need to rush but for some reason the older man was playing dumb and did not catch onto any of the increasingly less subtle signs his ward was giving him. Exasperated Merlin had just bowed to the inevitable and submitted to the medical. As the sun began to go down and Gaius pronounced him as fit as could be expected and Arthur finally left; Merlin gave up any thought of leaving that night. It was just too dangerous, so he would have to wait until first light.

"Merlin" Gaius could tell the warlock was irked almost beyond endurance and decided to face it full on. "I don't know why you were trying to get away and frankly I am not sure I really want to know. But it was too late for you to be going off gallivanting. I am sorry but you need to rest, I was not lying to the King. Now stop sulking like a child and tell me all that occurred today. I have been worried sick."

Merlin continued pouting for a moment or two but on looking up and seeing his oldest friend's anxious face he relented.

"I did not tell him Gaius."

A full range of emotions flooded over the old man's face; expressions of concern, relief and eventually annoyance. He had been pacing his chambers all day, unable to concentrate on any task, waiting to discover what Merlin's fate would be and now he discovered that all that angst had been in vain. He was about to question the younger man further when he noticed the look in his eyes. It was one of pain and fear but also of determination. Gaius recognised it immediately – it was the look that Merlin got whenever he was about to do something incredibly stupid, ill thought out and immensely brave. Gaius's heart sunk.

"What is it Merlin?"

And so they sat together as the night deepened; and shared the events of the day. Gaius's joy over Dera's reaction to Merlin was matched only by his despair at the realisation that Aerona was already making her next move. He sighed as he watched the young man opposite him. Merlin was thin and so very pale. Deep dark circles lay under his blue eyes and it did not take a physician of Gaius's experience to know that he was close to total exhaustion. Whatever Merlin had planned Gaius was determined to stop him; there was no way on Earth that he would let Merlin leave and face all kinds of terrors alone, not while he was in such a state.

"Merlin" The young man, whose head had just dropped onto his arms as they rested on the old wooden table, stirred and looked up as Gaius rose and took his arm "Merlin. I know what you intend to do. But listen, you cannot face Aerona alone. Promise me you will wait until you are fitter and that you will take Arthur and the Knights with you."

Merlin shook his head, refusing to look at the man beside him.

"Merlin. Please. Wait a few days. Support Arthur to defeat Aerona and then tell him of your magic. He will have seen the proof of your honesty and loyalty once more and I know he will be merciful. Promise me you will not chase after Aerona alone."

Silence.

"Promise me Merlin" the fond old man repeated.

Sighing Merlin placed his hand on top of the one Gaius was still holding him with and spoke.

"I cannot promise Gaius, you know that. But I will rest tonight and leave at dawn. That is all I can consent to. I am sorry, but you know I have no choice."

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That had been hours ago and Merlin had been laying awake for most of the night, pondering his future. The day had not gone as he thought it would have. He had really believed that by this time of the night Arthur would have known about his magic and that he would either be in the dungeons or be walking to exile with Dera by his side. But instead he was leaving alone to face a powerful hate filled woman and the chances were he would not return. His mind was just too full of confusion to make much sense of everything that had happened. But the one thing that overrode all was the deep, undeniable need to protect Arthur. That was his job and regardless of the consequences he was going to ensure that the King and Camelot were safe.

Sighing Merlin gave up the fight to sleep, rose and silently dressed. It was two hours before dawn and if he was to leave undiscovered then now would be as good a time as any. Merlin knew that the night time guards were at the very end of their sleepless shift and would be tired and at their most inattentive; all eager for the sun to rise so they could go to their beds. From past experience he knew it was the best time to slip through the back ways out of Camelot.

As he crept past Gaius he stopped for a moment as the old man stirred in his sleep. Gaius was unsettled, muttering incoherently to himself in his dreams, his blanket fallen to the ground. As he stood there Merlin was able to make out the words "Merlin...Stop..." and knew at once that his mentor was worrying about him, even as he slept. As quietly and as gently as he could Merlin picked up the discarded cover and placed it back over him. For a moment Merlin's resolve faltered as he fully realised how much he would miss Gaius; but then he shook his head, whispered "Goodbye and thank you", turned and began to walk out of the room.

It was the whiteness against the dark stone floor that brought it to Merlin's attention. A sheet of parchment, lying on the floor just beside the door. A note. With his name written on the front of it.

His heart sinking the young warlock bent down and picked it up. Scared that opening its seal would wake the sleeping physician Merlin held it in his hand and with the other opened the door and walked out of the chambers.

Moving into an alcove a few yards down the corridor Merlin conjoured the tiniest light in his palm, opened the sealed letter and began to read.

"Merlin,

You must believe I would not do this if I did not know it was the best way to ensure your safety. Aerona came to me in a nightmare, I could see her gathering her army, awakening the blessed Earth Harp and using Her power to destroy Arthur, Camelot and you. I know it will happen unless I can stop it. I am not sure how, but I will get to her and destroy her plans before they come to fruition. Perhaps I will be able to kill her or destroy the Earth Harp, I do not know.

All I do know is that if I do not try to do this then we will have no future and you will never be safe. I must try no matter the cost. You must live, even if I cannot.

Do not follow me for you will be too late. By the time you've awoken I will be too far ahead.

Please understand; if I can I will return. But if I do not then know that I was glad to die for you and for all you love, it was not a sacrifice. And that I will love you and be with you always.

Dera."

For a moment Merlin did not react and then a cry rose in his chest that would have deafened the whole citadel had he given it voice, but somehow he held it in. It tried to burst through his self imposed silence but his need to remain secret overwhelmed it and instead it turned in on him and he fell to his knees, his fist smothering the anguished cry.

Dera was gone. Dera was gone. Dera was gone.

That one sentence just ran round and round his aching head as he tried to pull himself back to reality. She had gone to face Aerona alone; risking herself to protect him. His terrified heart could not let him see the irony of someone doing for him what he had been planning to do for Arthur and all those he loved. No; all he could see was that he was going to lose her as he had lost Freya. He couched there in the darkened hall and curled himself up as small as he could go, hands raking through his unruly hair and going on to again cover his mouth. Gasping for air he choked back his sobs. She had left already, hours ahead of him, no chance to catch...

But no, he was up early; she would have expected him not to rise for at least another two hours. Perhaps he thought; perhaps there may still be time.

Rising to his feet, the letter dropped onto the floor from unfeeling hands, Merlin ran through the hallways as if the devil himself was at his heels. He had planned this confrontation as a way to protect Arthur but now it had become even more vital. He had to find Dera and he had to stop Aerona. How he was going to do it alone he had no real idea; but he knew he could not fail. Both Arthur and Dera had to survive or there was really no point left to his World.

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