Chapter 25. Identity.

"To Love And Win Is The Best Thing.

To Love And Lose The Next Best."

-William M Thackery

That was it. It was too much. One minute I was staring in dumfounded amazement at the man who had always been like my second father and the next I was in his arms, crying my eyes out like a child and blubbering uncomprehendible sentences.

"Shh, Bella, shh," Carlisle coaxed me as he squeezed me tightly, his hand rubbing my back. And thank Aslan he was here. Carlisle always made everything alright, made everything better.

"Carlisle, its just, its been, its like," I hiccuped as my crying eventually subsided.

"I know Bella, I know, it must have been terrible for you being kidnapped but thank Aslan you came here and found Edward and Jasper and Emmett. Oh, my darling, how did you escape, what happened?"

And he was worried about me, cared for me and then, forgetting about the entire cover story Jasper and I had agreed on I managed to ruin it. As always.

I blinked up at him "Kidnapped?"

He looked down at me, seeing right through me, the way a parent always sees through their own child, his voice became stern, "Well if you weren't kidnapped then exactly where have you been for the past three weeks? I've been worried sick! Esme's been up at night, unable to sleep she's been so worried!"

I bit my lip as he took me by the shoulders, "Emm..." I managed.

"Bella" he said my name slowly, using his voice rather than words to let me know exactly how angry he was with me, "I think you've got some explaining to do here."

"Its my fault Carlisle," Jasper interjected as I opened and closed my mouth, "I should have made her tell."

"Don't blame him," I started crying again, Aslan help me why couldn't I face up to it and stop crying, "He tried! Its my fault, not Jasper's, he tried!"

"He tried what?" Edward joined the conversation.

"He tried to make me tell you who I am, who I actually am."

"Wait! Edward doesn't know who you are? Exactly what is going on here?!" Carlisle bellowed. I had never heard him shout, and it scared me.

"Emm, the thing is, Carlisle, I got off the boat with Jess and we got taken by this slave trader and sold and that's how I ended up here and-"

"Wait, Jess is here too?" Carlisle asked, looking around.

"Not exactly," I stammered, "She's at the Newtons."

"Do they know?"

"Well no, I mean, Jess tried but he thought that she was lying..."

"And why didn't you tell everyone where you where, you had Jasper here to vouch for you?"

"I... I don't really have an excuse..." I hung my head, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Bella! There are 100 men including your father on my front lawn about to declare war and you didn't tell anyone! Did it amuse you? Did you find it funny? And will someone please explain why you were hanging onto Edward's arm when I entered if he doesn't know who you are?"

"He knows me as Bella..."

"Didn't you think how inappropriate that was? Has anyone seen you two together?"

"We went to the market..."

"Bella what were you thinking?! Explain to me! What was going through your head?!"

"I don't know..." My voice had become exceptionally small.

"Right, I don't have time for this. We'll send someone to the Newtons for Jessica, and you will just need to take Edward's arm as you go out announced by Jacob to make it look as though you are officially courting. If anyone asks-"

"Bella and I had a plan to say that she was taken by Gliftin, and that Emmett recognised her and brought her here for sanctury," Jasper told Carlisle.

"Very well, we'll go with that. Alice, take Bella upstairs and dress her in your finest. Make sure she looks less like Bella and more like Isabella when she returns. Jasper, go with them to make sure she has a male escort with her, we may as well start doing things properly now, since I dread to think what's gone on before now in this house."

Alice turned to go to her room in complete silence, and I followed without looking at anyone, Japser trailing behind us.

"Jasper, explain what's going on," Alice said quietly, the minute we had entered their room.

He opened his mouth but I interuppted.

"It's my fault, Alice, really."

"I want Jasper to explain."

"But its my fault, Jasper was being a gentleman and doing what I wished because I couldn't go through with telling you that Bella is my nickname, that Bella is only short for Isabella."

Her eyes widened.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I just don't get it, why didn't you just tell us. And why did you," she turned to Jasper, "Why did you keep it from me? You promised Jasper, you promised to be honest, to share everything with me when we got married and you kept it from me." She was half screaming and half sobbing. Great. This was all my fault. This was the worst possible scenario I'd imagined. I'd tried to avoid this by putting it off for as long as possible, but, of course, it had caught up with me. It always would. This was all my fault. And Edward? In the best scenario he would be furious with me. In the worst... I didn't want to think about the worst.

"It's not that easy Alice," he said, his voice low and level, "I get that now. I thought it would be easy to do and I told Bella to tell you all a million times because I thought it was simple. But its not, I realise that now. I realised that when I tried to tell you all about it there. I realised that I couldn't take the happiness away, that it's hard to pull the rug from under everybody's feet. Before it came to it all I could think of was the trouble we'd be in, the trouble I'd get you in, if it all came out, so I wanted her to tell everyone so that we could make a plan, come up with a cover story. But then when it came to it and she hadn't told you and I was going to, I got it, I just suddenly got it. For one thing, I've never seen you as happy as you've been since you and Is became friends, I know you love me and I love you and that makes you happy but she just brought you pure friendship, and it made you happier still, and I didn't want to change that. And for another, Edward's unrecognisable from what he was, from who he was before, his looks, his attitude, his demeanour, he's just so... changed. For the better. And I didn't want to jepordise that. And Is loves him, and he loves her. And she didn't want to jeprodise that. She fits here, she didn't want to tell you anything that would change that. And neither did I. Is," he turned to me, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry that I thought it would be that easy."

"No, Jasper, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't just spit it out. And, Alice, please, please don't blame Jasper. This isn't his fault, it's all mine, it's always all mine, you should know that by now."

She managed a weak smile.

"Honestly though, Bella, I just, I never got it," Jasper said, rubbing his forehead.

"Why didn't you tell, Bella? And I know you have a reason, no matter what you told my father?"

"Like Jasper says, Alice, I love him. I love Edward, more than I could possibly explain. The exact minute I fell in love with him was my first night here, when he commanded me to strip naked and sleep in the corner. I'd never been spoken to like that, never. It was different, and it was as though I was made to spend my life with him having power over me. And if I told then he'd be weird, and he wouldn't have power, and I just... I love him for who he is, for who he truly is. They say you should never judge a man by the way he treats his equals, but rather by the way he treats those beneath him. He thought I was beneath him. And so I judged, and I judged to find that I love. And I love therefore I find that I can't ruin things, that I can't tell him something that would make him treat me differently."

"Oh... Bella..." she looked at me, her eyes huge, "I understand. But he loves you to. He loves you."

"He loves Bella. And I spend a lot more of my time being Isabella."

"I suppose... We should dress you," she added quickly, and I realised that she was covering up the fact that if we spoke about this for too long then she would start crying again.

She pulled the silvery blue dress out of her wardrobe, the one she'd declared she couldn't wear to her own anniversary ball because it would be 'insulting' to the Narnian Court. Ironic.

Jasper went to wait outside whilst I changed.

"Alice, I can't, that's your favourite."

"Put it on, you'll look beautiful in it, Bella. And you'll look like Bella looking beautiful to me, not like Isabella, like someone else. And if I know my twin, he'll see it my way too."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I don't. I don't know anything. I'm not sure of anything, Alice, I'm terrified I'm going to lose him."

"Bella-you could never loose Edward. Sure he might go for a walk every now and again, but you'll always find one another again. I can tell when you look at each other. You'll always find one another, you'll always find yourselves in each other and you'll never be able to resist the pull to each other."

"I hope you're right Alice, I hope you're right."

She reached over to pin back the few lose hairs at the front of my face but I waved her hand away.

"Don't, leave it the way it is, half Narnian, half Lone Isalandish."

She smiled at me.

"Compromise between the two?"

"Let's just hope they're both willing to compromise."

"You will be Bella, he will be too."

"I'd give it up if I could, I'd walk away if I could, if it meant Edward."

"I know Bella."

"I just hope he knows," I sighed as we walked back towards the entrance hall, Jasper beside us.

"He does Bella. He might forget it for a while, but he does," Alice squeezed my hand as we descended the stairs.

I couldn't look at Edward.

"Well," Carlisle sighed, "at least you look acceptable now. Aslan, I'll be the laughing stock! You'd better get out there, I think people have been worried about you for long enough. Put your arm on Edward's so that people won't gossip about the fact they've seen you together in public."

I still couldn't look at Edward as I placed my arm on his.

"Are you really who I think you are?" His voice sounded odd and as I looked up I realised I had done exactly what I thought I'd do, I'd lost him. His eyes, his expressive, fiery emerald eyes were back to the way they had been at first, when we had first met, his face was blank, his voice had no tone, his eyes were emotionless. He hadn't just forgotten, lost it for a while like Alice said, he had left me, mind, body, spirit and soul. "Are you Isabella-"

His voice was droned out by Jacob who had gone out ahead to announce me, "Make way! Make way for Her Royal Highness the Princess Isabella Swan, future High Queen of Narnia and Empress of the Lone Islands."

"Yeah," I whispered, my eyes locked with his, "I guess I'm that."

"Then I apologise for the way I have mistreated you, my Princess."

And then he bowed. In a gesture so unnatural to my dominant, powerful lion, he bowed. Aslan I hated it. Why did I have to go through this? Why me? Why couldn't I fall in love like a normal person! Why couldn't I be anyone other than who I was! Did all love come with this level of drama? Impossible. It had to be impossible, otherwise no one would live. No one could live if they lived with this agony all the time. And I had heard it called a bittersweet agony and a sweet agony, but it was neither. There was nothing sweet about it. It was just an agony.

So as everyone who had read my blog knows that this is nearly done so no theres not another 20 chapters of heartache i promise!

Alsooo - to everyone who messaged me about sink or swim - yess I am major excited myself! Though it will be a lot more smutty than this ;)

Get me to 1,420 reviews = you get chapter 26!