Thanks everyone for your comments on the last chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hope you like this one too!
Chapter 25 – Dixie P.O.V.
Shortly after the howl stated echoing around in my head Ronny and I returned to the fire. I was in a daze, whether from the kiss or the ere howl that still rang in my ears I wasn't sure. I couldn't focus enough to make sense of what I heard, though. I had broken some barrier that obviously wasn't meant to be broken. I'd kissed someone else… and enjoyed it. Now every touch sent sensations of fire crawling down my skin. I'd gotten what I'd wanted, but now I wondered if it was really what I was looking for.
Katie and I left soon afterwards. She pestered me for details and I told her what happened, just because I was too flustered to defend myself. As we got farther and farther away from Ronny's farm a sickening feeling started to settle in my stomach. My head hurt and I felt like I was going to throw up.
"You don't look so good Dixie." Katie said as she glanced sideways at me from behind the steering wheel.
"I don't feel so good either."
"Well, we're almost home. Please don't throw up in my car." She let out a small laugh after saying that to show she was just joking. I wasn't paying enough attention to take it personally.
Once we reached my grandparents house I quickly said goodbye to Katie and retreated to the safety of my room. My grandparents were already asleep so I didn't have to worry about their pushy questions about how my night went.
I shut my door quietly and leaned against it, as if I was blocking someone from entering it. I leaned my head against the door as my shoulders started to shake. The disgusting feeling in my gut was stronger now and I realized what it was, regret. I regretted what I did and I knew I couldn't take it back. I had betrayed Embry, even if he was miles away.
Tears started to roll down my face and I slid to the floor. In searching for an antidote to Embry I only found that there was no escape. In realizing there was no escape I decided that it didn't matter, all I wanted was him.
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around my legs to hold myself together. The howl had been reality, not the kiss. I thought all the feelings I felt were natural but the only natural part of that night had been the distant howl in my mind.
I froze at the thought. Was it in my mind? Ronny had heard it. I remember him muttering 'coyote' against my neck. The cows had even startled from their sleep. It was probably just a coyote though, right? My heart told me otherwise. Was it him? Was he there? Had he come back for me to find me in the arms of another man? The regret swelled and I truly felt like I was going to throw up this time. I had to find him. I had to tell him the truth. Tell him I loved him.
Following my heart I fled to the window and flung it open. I slid out into the quiescent night. The landscape rolled in front of me and the moon light glinted of the harvested stalks of corn. It was all open; nowhere for a wolf to hide. But I was past logic.
"Embry?" I whispered, my eyes searching for his sliver shape. "Embry, are you there?" All I heard was the rhythmic sound of a cricket. I slid down to the ground in despair, again, leaning my head against the porch steps. I whispered again, barely audible in the silent night, "I'm sorry, Embry. I love you."
Embry P.O.V.
The lack of woods made disappearing an annoying task rather than a release of pain. The annoyance was nothing, though, compared to the fire flashing through my veins. It wasn't one emotion that burned inside of me, it was several - hatred, jealousy, regret, betrayal, the list went on. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't see logic. Before I knew it my legs were spinning around, bringing me back towards that man. Hatred and jealousy burned dominantly in my mind.
Embry stop, Jacob said after quickly reading my thoughts. My legs froze and I tumbled to a sudden stop; cursing my alpha.
Let me go, Jake. I growled. I glanced around quickly. I was in some kind of pasture but I was hidden from human eyes by the rolling hills.
Just think for a sec, Embry. He thought calmly.
I didn't want to think, because if I thought I knew I'd figure out how my decided actions were wrong. Killing that man could hurt Dixie emotionally. She had kissed him back so she obviously cared for him. My body trembled.
It'll be ok, Embry. He thought softly.
How can it be ok? She wants him, not me. Maybe she never even loved me. She probably loved this guy the whole time.
You know that isn't true. Jacob pulled up an image that had flashed through my mind several times, the day that Dixie had said she loved me. She had looked up at me with those beautiful brown eyes and said those three little words so simply, yet, it made my heart leap. My dead heart thudded painfully.
Words, I muttered,
Embry…
Just leave me alone, Jake.
He paused to read my thoughts and see if I was still murderous. I had calmed but the pain was still evident, making Jake flinch. He wanted to stay and comfort me, Go Jake, I want to be alone.
I felt him sigh, Good night Embry. Are you coming home?
The thought struck me as odd but then I realized it might be for the best. It was painful here, I should return home to where I belonged. But I couldn't bring myself to leave. I can't, Jake. Not yet.
Ok, He thought quietly, Good luck, Embry. His mind blinked out.
I was completely alone in my thoughts and the loneliness scared me. I was away from my home in strange territory, my imprint didn't want me and I had just cast away my pack. I shivered though I wasn't cold. I saw a grouping of trees and loped towards them to shelter for the night. Maybe after some rest I could think clearly and decide what to do.
I listened as the wind whistled in my ears. I heard the distant train roar its way through down town and the low of the cattle I was sharing the pasture with. But none of that droned out the whisper I heard in my head. "I love you." Curse Jake for bringing those memories up. I curled myself up into a protective ball to ward off the night and the unwanted thoughts. I couldn't hide from everything though, her words still echoed in my head in mocking banter, "Embry… I love you."