Little shout out to all my readers and reviewers! Seriously you guys are great. And if you don't mind head over and read some of GhostGirlMD's stories. You will be hooked! Also, a special thank you to one particular anonymous reader. Q. I'm not sure if Q is a boy or girl but it doesn't matter because this person always reviews and is just so supportive. Thanks Q!

Logan

It's been three days and some how I've managed to do everything but tell Camille about the tour. I wasn't sure what made it so hard for me to just come out and say it. So here I am in my room laying right next to her feeling guilty as hell.

Today, I was officially nineteen years old. And I had to admit I felt a bit different. Eighteen was just the beginning of adulthood. Nineteen feels like the actual start. I finally see what James was talking about. Nineteen feels free.

"Morning birthday boy." Camille said kissing me on the cheek.

"Good morning beautiful."

She smiled as she eased herself up more to face me.

"Are you excited for today?" She smirked.

Turns out not telling Cam about leaving for tour wasn't my only problem. Griffin decided what better way to announce the next BTR tour than to have a big blow out party. On my birthday. With friends and family. And Camille. Who I still haven't told about the tour. And tonight I'm taking her to the party for the tour. Great!

"Uh yeah. C-can't wait." I said nervously.

Camille looked at me strangely before speaking to me again.

"So, why is Gustavo throwing this big party?"

"Uh well, it's not just for my birthday exactly. He feels like since we didn't have such a big release party for our last album why don't we do it now? Plus, he just said he feels like it. And you know how Gustavo is." I said not completely lying.

"Hmm, that's nice of him. I still wish you had let me throw you a party." She said pouting.

I pulled her closer to me so that her head was resting on my chest and my arms were wrapped comfortably around her.

"Babe, you don't have to throw me a party. All I want is you. Spending time with you is all I need for my birthday or any day."

"Aww, really?"

"Of course."

"Than that's great. You guys aren't working on another album or going on tour until 2012 so that I guess it works out perfectly." She said smiling.

And that's when the rest of my guilt stabbed me straight through my heart.

"Well Cami, I've been meaning to tell-"

"Happy Birthday!" Kendall, James, Carlos and Jo all yelled as they entered my room. As usual uninvited.

"Hey thanks guys. Especially for interrupting." I said through clenched teeth.

"Lighten up Logan. It's okay it's not like we're doing anything." Camille said as the guys got closer and she untangled herself from me.

"But Cam, I had to tell you-"

"Cake!" Carlos yelled as he smashed some cake into my face.

How the hell did telling the truth get to be nearly impossible?

"Happy Birthday, Logie." Camille said as she kissed some off the cake off my cheek.

All I could think about was how happy this birthday really would be. I better enjoy it while I can because I have a feeling it may be my last.

"What the hell do you mean you haven't told Camille yet?" Kendall said walking out of his bedroom and into the kitchen where the rest of the gang were.

"Well, if a certain group of people didn't manage to charge into my room every single time something important is going to be said than may be I would've been able to tell her!" I yelled glaring at each of my best friends.

"Does this mean you didn't like the cake?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah, that cake wasn't cheap either!" James added.

It was times like these that make me wonder why I never got new friends.

"Yes, idiots I liked the cake but that's not the point!"

"Hey at least you liked the cake." Carlos said with a look of satisfaction.

"Oh. My. God." I sighed as I hit my head against the counter. Hopefully if I do this long enough I'll need to be sent to the ER to nurse my sudden concussion.

"Hey, does anyone else see that Logan is a little frustrated?" Kendall said as he reached over and pulled me from behind in attempt to stop me from causing any further harm.

"Nope. I think he's fine."

"No, I'm not! My girlfriend is going to kill me! You guys should've heard her talking about how great it is BTR has no upcoming albums or tours!"

"So, you're screwed if you take her to this party..." James said as always stating the obvious.

"Exactly!"

"Than don't take her to the party! Pretend to be sick, do something. I mean come on. You are the smart one."

"James, that's a great idea. But that still doesn't finding out. Either way the tour is still on." Kendall said.

Great so either way I'm still screwed. Why didn't I just tell her when I first found out. Stupid Spice Girls.

"Logie, just tell her. It's worse if she hears it from anyone else." Carlos said sympathetic

"Yeah, Jo understood. Cam will too."

"Wait you told Jo?" I asked Kendall.

"Of course! She would kill me if I didn't. I told her not to say anything yet to Camille."

I honestly have to be the worst boyfriend ever.

"Cheer up. Things we'll get better. Now let's go pick up the girls."

2 hours later

Logan

So far the night had gone well. I still didn't tell Camille but the guilt wasn't as strong as it was before. Instead I had a weird feeling that I spent awhile trying to ignore.

I danced, ate and drank with Camille and it all should've gone off without a hitch. But something was really wrong. Camille looked beautiful in her little black strapless dress that hugged her curves perfectly. Her curls were straightened and her cascaded down her back. I had to admit she looked breathtaking.

Gustavo still had to make the big BTR tour announcement to the party goers about the tour so I was hoping he could put that off for the last possible minute.

Like I said something as just way off. And for once it wasn't me. It was Camille. It's as if she was waiting for something. She did everything with me but it was like her heart wasn't in it.

"Camille, are you sure you're okay?" I asked again as I brought her back some soda.

"Yeah. Are you okay? Are you having fun?" She asked.

"Yeah. But really Camille you look like something is bothering you."

"Is there? Hmm, I didn't notice."

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She looked at me for a long time before she finally answered.

"Enjoy your birthday, Logan." She said her voice sounding sad.

Just before I could say anything Gustavo stopped the music and picked up a mic.

"Hello, everyone. As you already have guessed I have an announcement!"

I looked from Gustavo to Camille. Who was staring at me the whole time.

"Rocque Records and I have decided to begin the North American tour for Big Time Rush's fifth album in exactly two weeks. Tickets go out on sale on midnight tomorrow. But if you don't want to wait the long we'll be auctioning off some tickets later on tonight."

I didn't even listen to the rest of Gustavo's speech. I felt like a complete idiot for not telling her myself. She stood not even a foot away from me shaking her head. I looked around and I could see The rest of BTR and Jo watching from a few feet away. Jo looking remorseful as ever.

"You knew." It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"So did you." I answered back.

"Yeah, but you weren't the one to tell me. I had to find out through Kelly."

Now that I didn't expect.

"Kelly? Like assistant to Gustavo Kelly?"

"Yes. She sent me and Jo flowers explaining Griffin's sudden decision to put you guys on tour. That was the morning after you found out. I waited for you to tell me. I said so many things Logan. I was planning a bunch of shit to do together just so I could hear it from you!"

"Camille-"

"Shut the fuck up, Logan." She was furious at this point and people started to stare. The rest of BTR was now standing behind me while Jo had a hand on Camille's shoulder.

"What were you going to do in two weeks? Tell me right before you leave? If this was your way of protecting me than I sure as hell don't want anymore protection from you. All I wanted was the truth. You've gone on tour before. Just because of LJ you don't have to tip toe around me. I'm fine! I just wanted the truth. I wanted to hear it from you. Have a happy fucking birthday Logan. I'll deal with you tomorrow."

She gave me one last look of disappointment before walking away. Jo tried to go with her but she only gave her a sad smile and requested that she stayed. She said she needed some alone time for awhile.

I simply stood there speechless.

Camille

I don't remember ever being so mad at Logan. I thought he was going to tell me but he didn't.

When I got to my apartment I went straight for the blade. I made a few cuts on my ankles and took a couple of painkillers. I ignored the tears threatening to fall.

After I got changed into some sweats and a hoodie I took my blanket and headed to the roof.

My safe haven was just as I had left it and I gladly took my spot near the edge to watch the night. I allowed the tears to fall.

Honestly I would've been okay with Logan leaving. I would miss him sure but I knew he would be back. I just wanted to hear him say that he was leaving and coming back. I needed to hear that come from him. And it never did. He let me sit and talk about how happy I was he was staying.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket but I ignored it. I couldn't stand to hear anyone right now. I needed to be alone. I watched the stars for the rest of the night before the night air finally got to me and I went inside. Luckily no one was in the hallways or even at home. And for that I was grateful.

I walked into my room and left the door unlocked knowing that Jo would come into the room to comfort and most likely sleep with me tonight. And for now that was the only person I could stand.

I relaxed into the embrace of my bed and accepted the foggy haze of sleep.

Why couldn't I just have heard it from him? Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone right now.

There you go! Just so you guys know. You'll be getting some massive updates since school is starting and I won't be able to update that much during school. The story is ending in the next ten or twelve so we do have a longish road ahead of us. It will be a happy end though.