Author's Notes: Sorry for the cliffhangers but it's a spacing issue. If it all were crammed in one chapter, it would be a rules fic and a mini story running excessively long, but too short for a standalone fic. In addition, the side stories are often different from humor and are harder to switch mental processes and write. My processors need the break in-between.

I have no tattoos but seriously considered getting the Autobot symbol in red. Second choice was on my left front chest, just below the shoulder. That is where I would display the symbol on my transform. First choice is my right foot, sideways on the bottom / sole / arch. I do the martial arts, and the style kicks the foot sideways a lot. Not use the toes, as they tend to break when kicking hard. Ouch owie! Therefore, we use whole foot or heel. Imagine about to be kicked and seeing the Autobot symbol on the center of the bottom of my foot?

Thanks to reviewers and your e-mails. Rule 86 is based on one. More to come. And the use of different names is hinted at in comics and other places like the cartoons without specifying what Ironhide's was. I liked the concept and added it here. I can't imagine a alien race on a metal planet, thousands to millions of years ago using "Hound" for instance who happens to be a scout and appropriate earth name easily to be pronounced for a mech. Onward to human boo boos and things are not what they seem.

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86. Do not use special abilities or advanced design capabilities around humans without warning them about potential consequences when attempting to duplicate.

Up on the metal communications platform, Major Lennox frowned at the approaching human chief medical officer, seeing him carrying a stack of files and heading directly for Lennox's side office. "Epps take over," he ordered, straightening his uniform and nodding towards the approaching medic. The black Sergeant grinned, waving a goodbye and have fun motion.

"Can I help?" the major asked once reaching floor level.

"I doubt it. These," he jiggled the report pile, "are problems with Transformer interactions."

"Interactions as in?" He mentally stomped on the dirty thoughts his mind conjured.

"Those robots should come with warnings," The medic stated, walking into the office, dumping them on the center of the desk. "Jolt can drain and carry electrical energy. Four humans have been zapped since."

"He hurt them? That is for Prime to handle, not me." Lennox said, upset at missing those injuries.

"No, they touched a power unit or live powered switch after seeing him, not reading amperage warnings. Monkey see monkey do monkey get fried! Ironhide can dive and roll with his cannons firing. Three men have been hurt, one severely, trying to copy that. Rolling and firing a weapon takes practice and timing. The severely hurt one had a pierced liver when a broken rib punctured it. He rolled forward right off an embankment. Optimus Prime tackled that monster in Shanghai. Last copy attempt of that resulted in both men getting knocked out when their heads collided."

"Ouch," Lennox winced, figuring they were half way through discussing the incident files.

"Neither had brains to rattle." The physician shook his head then looked pained, crossing his legs before continuing. "Sideswipe is a sword master like nothing this earth has seen. Fourteen men have stabbed, sliced or scraped themselves, including one partial castration, trying to copy his sword flips and spins. Two have wrecked vehicles trying to duplicate Sunstreaker's sliding stop entrance. Several jeeps were crashed after Hound ran the obstacle course in his alt form."

"Have to appreciate the men trying." Lennox joked, feeling sick and guilty at not tracking the incidents himself. 'Too much time out in the field hunting the enemy. Not enough protecting my troops.'

"You talk with Optimus Prime or I will." The physician ordered, picking up the files. "This is NEST, not 'alien ways to off myself.'"

91. Do not change holographic drivers to roadside convenience equipment including but not limited to mailboxes, telephones, or trash cans. *Jazz, Bumblebee, Hound and Trailbreaker.

Prowl twitched, dangerously close to offlining with his logic glitch as he reviewed the latest patrol report. "Mailbox? A holographic driver shaped mailbox threatened a human gang of younglings? Do they work at avoiding my rules?!"

Bumblebee and Jazz waited for Sam and Mikeala at the local ice cream shop. The Autobots didn't eat but enjoyed the laughs and smiled the cold confection seemed to create in the humans who ate it. "If around humans, pick happy ones." Jazz reasoned. Bumblebee agreed with anything that made his humans happy. He knew he loved them as equals and seeing them together happy was all the better. His greatest fear was anything happening to either of them, leaving the other alone or broken. Late night talks with Ratchet and Ironhide had reassured him about the situation.

"Physically and mentally Sam and Mikeala are attracted powerfully to each other. Their experiences build on that," Ratchet showed him the medical scans and readings as proof.

"Don't fret youngling. You'll be there for them. We'll be here for you." Ironhide patted his head plates, as though he was a sparkling.

"Bumblebee! West side, far block." Jazz interrupted his memory review.

He scanned the youths, recognizing their tattoos and gang clothes. Number: four. Weapons: Nine knives, two switchblades, two handguns, small caliber 22's. Plain ammunition loaded within. Probable threat to self: Minimal in alt mode or protoform. Threat to Sam and Mikeala without intervention: High

Inside the restaurant, Sam picked up his buzzing phone, getting a text message. ::Stay inside a bit. Working on surprise. Stay with Mikeala :: Yellow Prime :: Sam flipped the phone around, letting Mikeala read the message. They continued eating their shared banana super split, discussing what the surprise could be.

Outside the teens stopped in the alley, pulling out their spray paint cans, leaving obscene graffiti. They finished, turning to find a mailbox sitting dead center of the alley. "Watch this!" the leader chortled, shaking his paint can. He sprayed, missing as the mailbox rocked to the right. Then to the left, back and forward, each time missing getting sprayed. The phone on the wall rang loudly, its phone book below swinging wildly side to side.

"This is getting too weird guys. I'm outta here." The first teen left, running and not looking back. The second left when the mailbox began spitting out envelopes.

"I ain't scared." The leader said, motioning the remaining teen towards the phone. "Answer it! Shoot it. For someone comes to see."

Pulling up his sagging pants, the youth shrieked like a girl, the phone book lashing out on its chain, nearly missing his head. The book opened, snapping and growling on its chain leash. The mailbox burped and spit out a severed bloody human arm and hand, still holding a letter. Shrieking, both youths ran away. On the street, a yellow and black Camaro and silver Pontiac solstice bounced with laughter, the holograms disappearing.

::What's the surprise for Sam and Mikeala? That alley never happened as far as they know:: Jazz asked.

::I got them outdoor concert tickets for tomorrow. Their favorite band. Optimus had to pull cords ? Ribbon? Strings ? Whatever the phrase is to get them::

::Outdoor huh? So we can listen in too? Smart thinking little bot. Smart thinking:: Jazz

120. Do not confuse humans with multiple names for the same mech or femme.

Sergeant Epps looked at the battle report, trying to decode the Cybertronian glyphs on the following pages. Five years before no reports would have been put on paper. Two years ago, before the Egypt sun reaper incident he would have asked verbally for a report. Now, it was on paper. Giving up in frustration, he handed it to Annabelle. "I need the names translated."

"These three," she pointed out in different lines, "all mean Ironhide."

"How? They're different. Oh wait; his cannons have names or his title?" The sergeant guessed.

"No silly. Prowl wrote this line. See, his real name is here at the start. Prowl uses their Cybertron names. Ironhide wrote this using Ironhide, his earth name. And here Optimus wrote the last lines. That's Ironhide's young name. Before he became a bodyguard. I can't say it but it's neat."

"What was it?" The Sergeant asked, knowing better than to ask Ironhide himself.

Giggling, Annabelle shook her head no side to side. "I promised and friends don't break promises. He told me Optimus young name was Orion Pax. See, that's here where Ironhide did his lines. They do that back and forth. Like you and daddy swearing at each other."

"We don't swear, we joke. And no repeating what you hear either!"

"I know." She folded her hands above her head. "If I tell no more racing at night, sneaking out for ice cream or helping fix other Autobots. I'm good at it. Hatchet, uhm Ratchet says I'm tiny enough to reach the bad stuff he can't. I'm faster than moving it all. Oops!" She covered her mouth with her hands as her eyes got big.

"Secret!" Epps lifted up his right hand, palm out. "I keep secrets too. Ice cream huh? No one ever invites me. Have to see about that." He watched the little girl transcribe names, letting his thoughts drift. 'Six years old, starting first grade and already smart. I pity her dad when she's a teenager.'

NEST off-site Warehouse (pt 2)

Ironhide suddenly swung his plastic toy sword up, blue eyes bright. "Annabelle," he called the little girl over. "Do you still have the necklace I made you?"

"Uh huh. In my backpack. Too heavy to wear." She nodded then followed him as he opened the backpack and began searching through it. Grinning, Ironhide's little soldier hologram held up her necklace triumphantly, pressing it with both hands.

"Tracker?" Prowl guessed, wondering how he kept getting things built for the human without it being reported.

"Distress signal, Autobot specific frequency, narrow beam. Don't want the 'cons intercepting it."

"Estimated time until it's answered?"Ratchet's little doctor form asked.

"Not long," he replaced the necklace, not meeting anyone's eyes. "Chromia will try contacting me and with no answer, come herself. We discussed what to do if it was ever used."

"You protect Annabelle more than her own parents. You sure you weren't a femme in a former transform?" Hound's boy scout form asked.

"No. And unless you want to be a trash compactor in your next one, drop it." He held out both arms straight, and then lowered them with a heavy sigh. "I miss my cannons already."

Two hours passed when the sounds of motorcycles neared. Motorcycles revved at a deeper and higher rpm than any earth made vehicle.

KABOOM!

The security doors blew apart into fragments, barely falling when three Autobot femme warriors raced in on their wheels, circling them.

"Nice entrance," Prowl commented. "I think you left one fragment of wood in the upper corner."

"Hi kids," Arcee rolled up, lowering on her purple chassis. "Do you know what is wrong with our friends?"

"I am Optimus Prime," the smallest boy said.

"Prime? Right, nice try little guy. Where are your parents?"

Ultra Magnus rolled in, transforming from his car carrier mode, interrupting the conversation. "Aerialbots are landing on the perimeter now. What's with all the younglings?" The hologram kids all started talking at once, explaining they were the Autobots and what had gone wrong. The femmes and mech listened, trying to understand what they were hearing.

"You are Prime?" Ultra Magnus finally asked, kneeling then crouching to get a better look. "And I thought I was the little brother."

"When I am back in my own body, I will hurt you on principle." Optimus threatened. "But first, take the command codes to open my chassis and reset the power feeds to the holo emitter."

"Tempting," Magnus pretended to rub his chin plates. "I could take the matrix, declare myself Prime and leave you here. No worrying about getting hurt on principle. And rebuild our race with these lovely femmes. Or not." He hastily added as all their weapons abruptly targeted his spark.

"I will reset his power feeds," Arcee stated, lowering her arm blaster and shoulder rockets, rolling over to the red and blue mech's feet to begin pulling herself up. Flareup rolled over to Prowl. Chromia was opening the final section of Ironhide's chest plates, having taken charge of her spark mate, letting others talk. Magnus quietly excused himself outside to communicate with the Aerialbots.

He walked back in as Optimus optics opened, flaring blue. His body twitched, dislodging Arcee then caught and held her with both hands around her waist plates.

::Nice grip Prime:: Arcee

::Hmm, Elita-1 use to say the same:: Optimus smiled, then sat her gently on the floor. She immediately rolled over to Hound's protoform, beginning his repairs. Shortly, the restored Autobots were driving the two real humans back to base. Ratchet contacted the twins first, preventing them from being offlined permanently before he could verify it was not their doing. Two memory scans later, he knew they had not done the prank. Neither had the others, NEST or mechs. It was Prowl who discovered the Decepticon intrusion and the half dozen data pads missing.

to be continued...