"At least he didn't ask me to pay for the wall," Naruto told Kiana.

"No, he just asked us to locate and get him out of there. I don't know how we're going to do that."

"I sent a talking grasshopper. I was thinking of calling it Archie."

"No, you're not keeping the grasshopper, Grasshopper."

Disappointed, Naruto slumped. "Damn it." But then she stilled. "Aunt Kiana?"

"Hmm?" Kiana looked at her daughter-like figure with nothing but love.

"Namikaze Minato," was the words that came out of Naruto's mouth before those blue eyes slumped.

Kiana picked her up, bridal-style, and walked home.

~:~

Namikaze Minato was someone who had been raised in an orphanage. A kind man, a man of great integrity.

And here he was, facing a short haired, redheaded, blue-eyed child.

"You look just like Kushina," he found himself blurting. (Inside his head, Naruto is gasping and covering her mouth with her hands. It's true, and she's a redhead, and he's her dad! He has to be!)

"I used to look like you," the redheaded woman said.

"I'm surprised," he admitted. "Uzumaki genes overwrite mine?"

"Well, no, they're not supposed to. My Uzumaki genes got kickstarted." She looked down. "It's nice to officially meet you. I guess." Her eyes flickered to his, then back to what she was working on. "I can't give you too much information."

Right, she's from the future, which means I can't ask her why I'm not there, he chided himself in his head.

"And right now you're probably thinking 'Right, she's from the future, which means I can't ask her why I'm not there'," his daughter deadpanned.

How -

"I used a seal, and right now I guess you could say I'm in your head. It's the only way I get to know you," the redhead said, looking at him with uncertainty. "Please don't be mad and don't think I'm creepy or anything! I just didn't know... I had Kiana and I was scared and I just found out you were my dad!"

Minato wasn't blaming her.

So your in my head now, huh? That means you know what I did. Everything.

"Yep," the redhead said in a succinct voice. "But don't worry, Kyuubi blocks all the weird stuff from my mind." She gave him a significant look. "All of the weird stuff," she repeated. "By the way, you married to her yet?"

"No," Minato said with a frown. "I thought you knew everything?"

The redhead gives him a 'you're kidding me, right' look. "I have seen and been so many different people, it's all starting to mold together. Now, let's get to work on this seal."

~"~

And when he stood in front of the Kyuubi, he heard a voice.

Thank you, Dad.

His lovely daughter's voice, given a gift. Little Naruto would be gifted with blood red hair and have crystal blue eyes. She would live and learn and be amazing.

No, he did not regret having that wild night with Hizashi. Well, as long as a DNA test wasn't done.

He was pretty certain his mother would blow a vein if she ever realized that Minato had a threesome that probably led to Naruto being born.

Eh. It didn't really matter, now. She knew, and she was smart enough to actually get a DNA test done.

He hoped.

~:~

Naruto screamed in absolute horror as she realized that she could be related to Neji. And Hinata.

"What's wrong?!" Kiana was checking her over for injuries when Naruto shook her head.

"Nothing," she stuttered. "Just... Ugh. Please, Kyuu! Wipe all of the weird stuff from my mind. Kiana, I could be one-third Hyuuga, Senju, and Uzumaki."

Naruto desperately wanted to claw at her own face and rip her eyes out.

Dear kami, if Hizashi turned out to share a little blood with her she was going to die.

~:~

"It's a match, but this DNA is only 2% dominate," the nurse said with a smile.

Unlike most of her clients, who either burst into tears or smile, the girl sank into a deep depression, hugging her knees to her chest.

"The other two genes are also dominate, although the red one is the one that's coloring your hair," the nurse said.

She ignored the depression lines again.

"The yellow one, however, was your dominate side. Now, it's becoming your recessive gene. Wow, this is kind of cool, actually. The 2% DNA match - while technically recessive - has recently been activated, I don't know how, but it has. It is not going to make you look any different, just make your hair less spiky. Would you like me to put these results on file?" The nurse waited.

"How about this," the redheaded Uzumaki next to the blonde (who had a visible lock of blood-red hair) said brightly. "You come and work for the Uzumaki, and once we get the clan together, you could marry Naruto here?"

"Uh... I can't marry patients, Uzumaki-sama."

"Okay, then marry a nice Uzumaki boy."

The nurse, Kimimaka, considered it.

"Ah, what the hell," she sighed. "As long as I can still work."

"Of course, dearie. Of course, you'll need to eat Ramen once a week, but other than that... Well. Oh, and destroy all and any evidence of that test."

"Okay. Thanks for coming!"

Kimimaka shredded the files, then received a letter.

Kimimaka-chan,

I need a sample. Uzumaki, if you would be so kind.

O

Kimimaka paled. Orochimaru and Kabuto had escaped? This was bad. And targeting the Uzumaki...

Kimimaka took a deep breath.