Later-
I feel like I'll never sleep again, even though I know that is impossible and I love sleep too much but not now. I was so stupid and they were so right. I followed them into the creepy asylum at night, way to go me. Anyway, it was just terrifying but eye opening in a way.
Once they realized I was following them, they wanted to take me back to the car or better yet the motel but it was too late for that. See some other people had the same stupid idea and now something was after us. Long story short, I went with Dean and the girl, Sam went to find her boyfriend and we caught up with one another. Dean told Sam to get me and the other two out of there which I didn't agree with but didn't argue. Later dean called and told Sam to hurry to the basement, I of course followed him and well got lost per say.
Next thing I know I'm holding a gun to my brothers but I don't want to, and then I'm wiping blood from my nose. I say, "Sam, Dean, and Step away from the door." They tell me to put the gun down and I say, "Why? Who really cares, am I right? No, you're right. I'll just point it at myself." I do what I say yet I don't want to then as they try to reason with me, "What? I'm just a nuisance. A burden that you both and dad have to carry, I can never do anything right, and I can't even hunt. Don't you get it, I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere, and I certainly don't belong in this family. Hell, I'm not even a part of it, no matter what you say, I will always be the puzzle piece that doesn't fit. My mom died I should just die along with her." I pull the trigger but Sam pushes the gun out of my hands and in the end we all get out alive.
Even though I told them I didn't mean everything I said and I don't actually want to pull that trigger, it will be a long time before I can hold a gun again or even do more than just sit on my butt and research. The truth is though, I meant every word but the lie is that I would never purposely kill myself, not even if I don't belong.