Penny was going to lose her mind. That's it – she literally was going to lose. Her. MIND.
Her mother Faye and her soon-to-be mother-in-law Mary were back in town again, along with Missy, to help with finalizing wedding preparations. The wedding was in just a few weeks and Penny could only blame a temporary lapse of sanity for agreeing to let them both come back again to help. Mary and Faye weren't necessarily arguing with each other – more so, they each had a "much better" idea each time the other suggested something. Sheldon proved to be absolutely zero help with the wedding planning or the mom's. His only brilliant idea was to make it a ComicCon themed wedding with prizes for most authentic costumes. Penny quickly shot that idea down and has not asked him for anything since. She kind of wondered if he did it on purpose…
Anyway, Penny was currently seated at a little round table at the cake decorator's squished in between Mary and Faye waiting on the decorator to come out from the kitchen. They were there to make some minor changes to the wedding cake design as well as see the topper that Penny had special ordered from them. Missy had opted to wait in the lobby, and was perched on a couch texting her boyfriend. She happened to glance up just as Penny was looking longingly at the empty seat next to her and smirked. Penny scowled and mouthed "you're next" to her nodding at her phone. Missy flushed and dropped her eyes quickly back to her phone.
"So even though the cake is all sketched out and planned, I thought I might not be too late to add a few tiny changes to it," Faye said pulling a neatly folded sheet of stationary from her purse. "Nothing major of course. Just a few simple adjustments to the frosting, colors, shape, and flavor."
"Now hold on just a minute," Mary started "if she's going to make changes, then I want to go back to my idea of the nativity scene cake topper".
"What is this, a wedding or a baptism?"
"A wedding obviously, though I'm still confused on if its Penny's or yours!"
"What! You clearly have been trying to run things since day one! "
"I have not been trying to run things – I just want to make sure that my son has a proper Christian wedding."
"And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that until you want to stick pamphlets on the seven deadly sins with the wedding programs!"
"I am only trying to help save the souls of our guest. And as far as taking over, you are the one who is insisting on making every single thing corn themed!"
"I am not!"
"You are too! I'm willing to bet that list of yours has corn or hay or something on it somewhere."
Faye blushed, "So what if it does? Corn is in Penny's blood – it's in all Nebraskans!"
"Ahem"
The group turned to see the decorator standing by the table nervously holding a white box.
"Should I, ah, come back in a few minutes?"
Penny was flooded with embarrassment. "Yes, please, if you could give us just a few minutes. I am so sorry."
The young lady nodded and hurried back to the kitchen.
Penny slowly stood from the table and walked a few steps away with her back to the two ladies.
"Penny I –"
"We are so-"
Penny held up her hand to silence them. When she slowly turned around to face them, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Faye and Mary both jumped up from their seats and rushed over to console the woman.
"I just wanted this to be a perfect day for me and Sheldon. One that I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. All of this bickering is breaking my heart because I love you both," she sobbed.
"Oh darling, you are right – this is YOUR DAY," Mary said firmly.
"Absolutely sweetheart! Mary and I will step back and support all of your decisions 100%. Please don't cry love."
"And no more bickering?" she sniffled.
"None at all."
"Hand to God."
Penny threw her arms around both ladies in a tight embrace. "You two are the absolute best!"
While in the embrace, the Mary and Faye grabbed hands behind Penny's back in a silent vow to make things right. Also while in the embrace, Penny caught Missy's eye again and smirked winking at her. Those acting skills can really come in handy sometimes.
Later that evening, Penny sent Mary and Faye off to dinner together in L.A. at some place that Mary kept talking about that she heard Harry Connick Jr. frequents. Apparently Mary has a serious thing for Harry Connick Jr. Faye was a fan of his as well, so Penny thought it would be a great opportunity for them to hang out together.
She lounged on the couch with Sheldon and Missy watching a movie, half sleep, when she heard a ruckus in the hallway.
"What in the world…?" Sheldon said rising to his feet.
On the other side of the door they heard a loud "SHHHH…you'll wake up the kids!"
Penny groaned and rushed over to the door with Sheldon and Missy. There on the other side stood Mary and Faye hammered out of their minds. Mary had been trying to unlock the door with the heel of her shoe she held in her hand.
She looked at Sheldon and said "There's something wrong with this key." Then she and Faye burst into hysterical laughter.
Missy moved forward and gently grabbed her mother by the elbow to guide her inside, while Penny did the same with Faye. Sheldon stood there looking a bit stupefied by the entire situation. He had never seen his mother drunk, nor did he even know that she drank at all.
The drunken duo plopped down on the couch with Mary in Sheldon's spot. Sheldon cringed worried for the safety of his spot as he did not know if any nauseous reaction from the alcohol was forthcoming.
The three younger adults stood before their mother's slouched on the couch.
"Sooo…"Penny started.
"Soooooooo?" Faye replied.
"What did you guys do tonight?"
"Tonight?" Faye replied.
"Yes, tonight mother."
"Tonight?"
"Yes," Penny sighed.
"Tonight, tonight?"
"Yes."
"Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight…," Faye and Mary broke into a bout of snorting giggles.
Missy turned her head trying not to laugh. Sheldon murmured "I'll go make some coffee," mentally reaffirming his vow to never overindulged in alcohol.
Mary leaned forward and hissed "Penny! Missy! Omgeeee…we saw Harry! We seen him walking down the street! We seen him and took a picture…look!" she fumbled with her phone for a sec and showed them a pic of a her standing with a guy that was clearly NOT Harry Connick Jr. Penny rolled her eyes towards the ceiling, but didn't want to burst Mary's bubble.
"That's so nice Mary. What else did you guys do?," she asked handing Mary back her phone and looking towards the kitchen at Sheldon who was conveniently fascinated by watching the coffee brew and ignoring everything going on in the living room.
"Well, we had dinner and then we saw some butts."
"Excuse me?" Missy gasped.
Sheldon turned on the water and began clanking around the cabinets.
"I said. WE. SAW. BUTTS!" Mary said loudly.
Sheldon gave up on making noise and make a quick exit to the safety of his bedroom and noise-canceling earphones.
"So you went to a strip club?" Missy inquired.
"Nooooo," Faye replied. "It was a male review. Much classier than a strip club. We have pictures there too, you wanna see?" she said reaching for her phone.
"No, mom, that's ok." Penny stilled her movements. "How about we get you both some coffee and get you to bed?"
"Ok" Faye said. She turned to Mary and said "Mary you're my best friend."
Mary gasped and said "You're mines too!" as they gave each other a hug.
Missy and Penny went over to the kitchen to fix the coffee.
"Well at least they aren't fighting anymore," Missy said to Penny.
"True, but I'd have preferred they became BFF's without smelling like a brewery. Poor Sheldon is going to be scarred for life."
Missy snickered, "Alright let's get these mamas sober."
They turned from the kitchen to find both mothers passed out sleeping on opposite ends of the couch.
Penny rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day and threw a blanket over the two, while Missy turned out the lights.
Saying goodnight to Missy who headed to the spare bedroom, Penny went into her and Sheldon's room to find him sitting on the bed in his pajamas with his headphones on reading a comic book. Seeing Penny enter the room, he removed the headphones and neatly put his comic book away.
"Are they ok," he asked.
"They'll be ok after a good night's sleep and possibly a hangover drink in the morning." She said changing in to her night clothes.
"I apologize for leaving the room before the coffee was done."
"Sweetie it was no problem. Missy was out there to help me."
"I just had a flashback to a time when I was 8 and overheard my parents having – relations with one another." He explained.
"You heard your parents having sex?" she clarified laughing as she slipped into bed beside him.
"Relations, yes. My mother doesn't do the s- word."
"How do you figure? You and Missy are here aren't you?"
"Irrelevant. She still doesn't do it."
"Denial, thy name is Sheldon Cooper," she murmured laughing.
"I heard that."
"Good." She said laughing louder.
He grumbled and rolled over on his side.
She hovered over him and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight Moonpie!"
More grumbling was his response.
She laughed again and turned off the lights.