The next morning, after a sleepless night during which Alex alternated between crying and apologizing to Olivia, over and over until she finally lapsed into silence. She tossed and turned for most of the night, until Olivia finally took her into her arms and held her until her sobs subsided and her trembling mostly abated.

Around 6:00, they decided that it was a decent hour to wake up. "I'll make breakfast," Olivia said, trying to smile. "What do you want? I can do pancakes – or pancakes – or pancakes. Or French toast, possibly. Or I could get out some fruit and a tortilla and we can have crepes."

Alex twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "Faux-crepes. Strawberry banana?"

Olivia kissed her forehead. "Sure." She started to get up, but Alex stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"I can do it."

"It's okay. I will. You can have a shower, or I'll run you a bath if you like."

Alex smiled weakly. "You want to get rid of me?" She meant it as a joke, but it came out more bitterly than she meant it to.

Olivia's eyes were full of sadness and she took Alex's hands in her own. "No, sweetie. Of course not." She gave Alex another kiss. "You can help me if you want to. We can make crepes for Lily. With yogurt, and whipped cream."

"For breakfast?"

"Well, if it's okay with you."

Alex shrugged. "Now that she's living with both of us, she's bound to get addicted to sugar sooner or later. Why not start now?"

Olivia chuckled. "You make it sound so horrible, but it isn't. Not really. Kids like sugar, and she's never had it before."

Alex smiled. "I know. I'm just teasing."

"I know." Olivia took Alex's hand. "Come on."

After the three of them ate breakfast, it was time for Alex's appointment with the psychologist. When Olivia reminded her of it, Alex began to cry and begged Olivia not to make her go.

"Sweetheart, I won't force you to do anything you're not comfortable with, but I think it will help. Can you try for me? Just today. If you don't want to, you don't ever have to go back again."

Alex sniffled and wiped her eyes. "No."

Olivia sighed. "Alex –"

Alex curled up on the couch and rolled onto her side, facing away from Olivia. She couldn't bear to meet her girlfriend's eyes and see the disappointment written in them.

She waited for Olivia's soothing presence, for her arms wrapped tightly around Alex, folding her into a protective embrace, but the comfort didn't come, and Alex felt immediately guilty for expecting it. She didn't deserve Olivia. She was a disappointment, and she would never be good enough.

Her head snapped up when she heard the distinct sound of barely suppressed sobs, and started when she realized they weren't her own. Her eyes searched for the source of the sound, and came upon Olivia, curled up on the chair across from the couch. She was crying, too.

Alex's breath caught in her throat. She had caused this. It was her fault.

She got up, although her legs shook and she had to grab onto the arm of the chair to steady herself, and went to Olivia, kneeling at her feet. "I'm sorry," she whispered, ducking her head in shame, not knowing how to comfort Olivia. Olivia had always been the strong one, and now their roles were reversed. Olivia had always been the one to comfort Alex before, and now it was Alex's turn to comfort her.

She felt Olivia's arm extend and instinctively ducked to avoid the blow, but Olivia pulled Alex to her and buried her face in Alex's hair, trying to muffle her sobs.

Alex began to cry again and lay her head in Olivia's lap. She had done this to the woman she loved. "I'm sorry," she whispered, over and over again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Alex," said Olivia quietly, taking a deep breath to compose herself. "Alex, I need you to try for me. I need you to go for just one time. If you don't want to, you don't have to keep going, but I need you to try just once."

Alex started to tremble, so hard that her teeth chattered. "I'm sorry, ma'am – I'm sorry – but I can't. I can't!"

"Alex, I can't help you if you don't let me."

"I don't – don't need – help," said Alex through her chattering teeth. She hugged herself in a futile attempt to warm herself up.

Olivia sighed and lifted Alex onto her lap. She held Alex tightly until her frail body calmed. "Sweetheart," she said after a few moments of silence, "you do. I know you don't like asking for help, but you do need it. We all do right now, and that's perfectly okay. It's normal, baby."

"I'm sorry." Alex's body began to shake again. "I can't, Liv. But – but I don't want to hurt you."

"Alex, you're not hurting me. You're hurting you, and that's even worse. You're right; it hurts me to see you hurting yourself."

"I don't care."

"But baby, I do, and you should. Lily does."

"Don't bring Lily into this, Olivia."

Olivia sighed again and gently rubbed Alex's arms. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"Liv, I just – I can't do it. I'm too – I'm scared."

"I know you are, sweetheart, but I promise I'll be there for you every step of the way."

"I'm not strong enough," Alex whispered.

"You are, baby." Olivia tried to smile. "You're the strongest person I know."

Alex pulled out of Olivia's embrace. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, and knelt at Olivia's feet again.

Olivia gently stroked Alex's hair. "Sweetheart, I know you can do this."

Alex vehemently shook her head and moved away from Olivia, curling up in a ball and rocking herself back and forth.

Olivia decided to try a different tactic. "Alex, can you explain to me why you don't want to go?"

Suddenly, Alex looked up. "I'll go," she said. "By myself."

Olivia's first instinct was to say absolutely not, but she knew Alex wasn't a child and would resent being treated as such. She needed to be given choices, and freedom. But Olivia's impulse to protect the woman she loved was overpowering. "Sweetheart, I want to come with you."

"I don't want you with me!"

Olivia tried not to show Alex how much her words hurt. "How will you get there?"

"In a cab. Like a normal person."

Alex was too smart for her own good. Now if Olivia denied her, she would be saying that Alex wasn't a normal person, which wasn't true. Alex deserved her independence. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Alex groaned and wiped a hand across her eyes. "Yes."

"Okay." Olivia handed Alex the business card with the address. "Here's the address, baby. Her name's Dr. Elizabeth Konikoff."

Alex took the card. With that, she got to her feet and stalked toward the front hall. Olivia followed her, and Alex glared at her girlfriend for a moment before pulling on her shoes, grabbing her purse, and leaving.

Review for chapter twenty-six!