Happy New Year! :)

Maura silently cheered as Bass made it to the water bowl. It had only taken him ten minutes or approximately 0.0069 percent of her day. Now she just needed to figure out what to do with the other 99.9931.

She picked up her phone and flipped through her contacts. Calling Jane was out of the question because that would mean hearing about Davies – a form of torture so abhorrent, it should have been invented in the Middle Ages. He was obviously wrong for her and idiotic and insensitive and it took all of Maura's restraint not to yell as much every time she spoke with Jane.

No. Maura shut her eyes tightly. She had promised Bass she wouldn't let it get to her today. She would find other ways to occupy her time, other people to speak to. She flipped to Frost's number but thought better of it. He and Korsak were absolutely useless on the phone. And Gunnerson spoke so little in person, he was probably a lost cause. But Samantha… would have been perfect were it not for the fact she thought Maura was gay. Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. Maura was just fairly certain she wasn't.

For the hundredth time that week, she replayed the coffee shop conversation in her mind, and for the hundredth time that week, she came to the same conclusion. Samantha was suffering from projection bias – the belief that most people think or behave exactly as you do. Samantha found women attractive, ergo, she assumed Maura did, not because of any supporting evidence but because she saw the world through rainbow-coloured glasses.

Of course, none of this explained why Maura was so upset about it. She chucked her phone onto her bed and decided to head to the library. She would feel better there, she always did. And hadn't Mother mentioned bringing back several good finds from San Francisco?

Maura entered the library and inhaled deeply. The scent of aged paper and leather never failed to fill her with calm. Books were powerful. Books were her friends. They were doors to worlds of understanding, and unlike people, they always let her in.

She ran her fingers across a row of spines and smiled when she found one that jutted out from the others. She and Mother had a little game they played; whenever they added a new book to the library, they would leave the addition protruding. She slid the book out and murmured with pleasure. It was a first edition of Dharma Bums. She both loved and hated Karouac – his lack of structure was frustrating but the visceral quality of his writing excited her. She plucked the treasure from its perch, and continued hunting.

For a long time, she found nothing. And then, on the very last shelf, at the back of the room, sandwiched between The Joy of Sex and Our Bodies, Ourselves, she spotted three new books. Her skin began to tingle; additions to the sex section of the library were extremely rare. She looked over her shoulder, and laughed at herself; her parents were at The Vineyard for the weekend and Louisa had the day off.

She pulled out the first book and stared at it, wondering if it was some kind of cosmic joke. The Joy of Gay Sex. And next to it were The Whole Lesbian Sex Book and Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking positions. The book slipped through her fingers and clattered to the floor.

One incorrect assumption from a girl she barely new was easy enough to dismiss, but if Mother thought she was gay… Maura shook her head. No. She would simply return the book to its place and leave the library as though nothing had happened. Mother would never know and everything would be just as it always was.

She picked up the book, and gasped at the dented top corner. The damage was irreparable, and judging from the edition, the book was irreplaceable. She stared at the two men on the cover, unable to think of anything to do other than have a look inside.

She flipped through the first few pages. Men having sex, men having sex, more men having sex, but where was the women's section? She skipped to the end of the book, and then to the table of contents, and then she began to laugh. The entire book was about men! Mother didn't think she was gay; she was merely trying to expand their collection.

Maura sank into her favourite chair and began reading in earnest, absorbing and cataloguing information that would better help her understand a fascinating subset of her species. She was halfway through a passage about bears (not mammals of the family Ursidae, but the large and hairy gay male variety) when her gaze strayed back to the bookshelf. Were there really 101 ways women could make love? She and Samantha had only discussed four. Not that it really mattered to her or anything.

She forced her eyes back to the page and kept reading, but moments later, found herself staring at the bookshelf again. While she generally preferred to read a book from start to finish before beginning another, there was no reason why she couldn't take a quick peek at the other books now.

She grabbed the two lesbian books and sank back in her chair. It was perfectly normal to want to learn more about a novel topic – she had studied the mating habits of frogs, why not those of lesbians, although she supposed "mating" wasn't entirely the correct term for it.

She opened the first book and gasped at a full-colour photograph of two naked women kissing. They looked like twin Birth of Venuses, simultaneously innocent yet effective in their seduction. She flipped the page and grew warm at the sight of a redhead straddling her lover's face. Samantha's stick figures had not done that position justice. She flipped again, and was halted by the sight of a dark-haired woman cupping her partner from behind. The woman had such a tender expression on her face, a softness that contrasted powerfully with the dominance of her pose.

Maura crossed and recrossed her legs. The oddest hypothesis had occurred to her – mainly, that it might feel good to touch herself while looking at this page – and now she was having trouble thinking of anything else. Clearly, this hypothesis needed to be tested. Before her mind could produce a counter-argument, she rose from her chair and bolted for her room.

Though no one was home, she locked the door to her bedroom. Then, with trembling hands, she set the book on her bed and removed her pajama pants. She was a scientist. She had performed countless experiments and this would simply be one more. But first… she bent down and reoriented Bass so he faced away from her bed.

She lay down on her bed and opened the book. Her hand crept lower, and, purely in the name of science, she observed that she had never been so aroused before.

She rolled onto her side, and imagined the dark haired woman behind her. She closed her eyes and ran circles around her clitoris, pretending her fingers were not her own. Fevered lips nipped at her neck, and a damp mound ground against her backside. Her mouth fell open, and the energy rose within her, bigger and brighter than ever. Her legs began to tremble. She reached for her imaginary lover, and found only a pillow, but she was too far gone to care. She clutched it to her body, and screamed into it when the blast hit.

…...

Jane rolled onto her back and switched her phone to the other ear. "Do you think you can grow to love someone?"

"Is this about Davies?" Maura asked.

"No. This is a hypothetical question about a boy named Mavies, because every time I bring up Davies, you change the topic." There. She had said it. Now there was no way Maura could avoid talking about it.

"In that case, would you like to hear a limerick?"

"Seriously?"

"There once was a man from Nantucket–"

"Maura!"

Maura sighed. "Seeing you together makes me sick."

"What?"

"Ever since the party, I find the sight or even just the thought of you together nauseating. It's possible I may have developed an aversion. Something similar once happened when I consumed too much Béarnaise sauce at one of mother's parties."

And there it was. A full admission from Maura, complete with a side of feeling like you've been shanked in a prison yard with a crudely sharpened toothbrush. "Is that why you've been sitting on the other end of the lunch table?"

"Yes."

"Damn it, Maura. I need you to not find Davies barfy because he might be my boyfriend."

"So Saturday was a date?"

Something in Maura's voice made Jane want to downplay everything. "Yeah. First he plied me with Oreos and Mortal Kombat, and then we made out."

There was a long silence.

"Hello?" Jane asked.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"The Oreos were kind of stale, but otherwise it was okay."

"If I have to try not to throw up, you have to try to be more forthcoming."

"He said he was in love with me."

Another long silence.

"Do you love him?" Maura asked

"Of course not. We just started going out."

"But you think you could?"

"I don't know. Maybe. When we kissed at the party, I kind of felt something."

"Oh."

"Oh? What does "oh" mean?

"It's midnight."

Jane bolted up in bed. "Are they up?"

"Yes."

Jane reached for her laptop and brought up the SAT score page. She tried to enter her pin, but her hands were shaking too badly. "Maura?"

"Do you want me to look?"

"Yeah." Jane heard clicking, followed by a gasp. "What? Did I bomb it? I bombed, didn't I?"

"No," Maura said. "You got 590 in Writing, 620 in Math, and 700 in Critical Reading for a total score of 1910."

"1910! You said I only needed 1800."

"You did better than we expected." Actually your Critical Reading score is extremely impressive – only 60 points below mine."

"So I'm almost as smart as you?"

"Well, without a standard evaluation I would be hesitant to –"

"I'm almost as smart as you! Holy shit! This is really happening. I'm going to college!"

"Janie! What's going on in there?" Angela jiggled the doorknob, and when the door wouldn't open, switched to pounding on the door. "You trying to wake the whole neighbourhood?"

"If I was I would have hired you."

"What did you say?"

"Sorry Ma, I'm just talking to Maura."

"Well, wrap it up. It's a school night."

Jane rolled her eyes at the door. "Sorry Maura, I gotta go."

"Wait."

"What's up?" Jane leaned forward, half-hoping Maura would finally spit out whatever was making her act like a totally secretive weirdo these days.

"I just want to say I'm really proud of you."

"Oh. Umm…thanks. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes you could have, but I'm glad I was able to cheer you on."

"Me too." Jane smiled into the phone, convinced she could feel Maura smiling back.

"Well, I guess I should let you go…"

"Wait."

"Yes."

Jane searched for something to say, anything that would keep Maura on the line for just a little longer. "Can you do me a favour?"

"Assuming it falls within my capacity, yes."

"Can you not mention me and Davies to the gang? He wants to keep things on the down low for a little while."

"Why?"

"He thinks Korsak and Frost will kick his ass if they find out."

"Will they?"

"No." At least Jane didn't think they would, but with boys, you never knew. "Hello?"

"Of course, Jane. Whatever you need."

"Thanks Maur, you're the best."

"Am I?"

"Duh," Jane said in her best valley girl voice, but Maura had already hung up.

…...

"Aww, come on!" Jane looked around the lunch table. "You telling me I'm the only one who didn't make it in time for brownie day?"

Korsak crammed the last of his dessert in his mouth, and grinned a chocolaty grin. "Yup."

Jane glared at him and turned towards Davies, bending just low enough to show the barest hint of cleavage. "Gee, I sure wish someone would share their brownie with me."

"If you think he's giving that up, think again," Frost said. "I actually saw him shove a handicapped girl out of the way to get it."

Davies lifted his cast. "Technically, I'm handicapped, too."

"Sounds like a totally douche move," Jane said.

"Yup."

"And you're totally not going to share, are you?

"Nope."

"Asshole."

Davies grinned.

"You can have my brownie," Maura said.

"You see." Jane pointed at her. "That right there is why girls make way better friends."

"In North America, we are typically socialized to be more giving."

"Thanks, Maura, but I'm not taking your brownie."

"Please, I insist." Maura cut her brownie down the middle and set half on a napkin for Jane. "At least take half?"

"Fine, but only because I'm trying to prove a point." Jane plunked down next to Maura and popped the whole thing into her mouth. For a few glorious seconds, the rich fudgey flavour made her forget that her uterus was spasming like a taser victim.

"Cramps," whispered Maura.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Frost told me you were due, and your facial expression indicated you were experiencing some discomfort."

Jane frowned. "What do you mean Frost told you?"

"Oh. He's been tracking your menstrual cycle with an app for the past year so the boys know when to be extra nice to you. It's apparently quite accurate."

Jane glared across the table.

Korsak held out a peanut butter cup. "Chocolate?"

Jane was tempted to bat the stupid thing right into his stupid face, but peanut butter cups were her favourite. She snatched it from his hand and popped it into her mouth. "Assholes."

"You're welcome."

There wasn't enough chocolate in the world to make up for the crappy day Jane was having, but at least Maura seemed amused; she was actually smiling for once.

"Your parents back from Switzerland yet?"

"No. But they did send me a postcard of an alphorn concert."

"Oh wow, that's really…" sad "…special. But, umm, if you get tired of eating alone, Ma says you're welcome over anytime."

Maura smiled. "I would love to come over. Please thank her for me."

"Thank her yourself on gnocchi night."

"Maura's coming to gnocchi night?" Tommy leaned over Jane's shoulder and stole a fry. "Sweet."

Jane swatted him away. They had a strict rule about never speaking to each other at school, and he knew it. "What do you want?"

"Can I borrow five bucks?"

"What for?"

"I ate my sandwich, but I'm still hungry."

Jane took in his bloodshot eyes, and sniffed the air around him. "Yeah, I'll just bet you are."

"So, can I have a five?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because you smell like a freaking Snoop Dog concert."

Tommy stared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means. And if I catch you doing it again, I'm telling Ma."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me." Jane didn't want to be "that guy", but someone had to talk some sense into Tommy. "You're failing three classes, and if you don't turn things around soon, you're going to lose the year."

"Well, we can't all be perfect students."

"No one's asking you to be perfect. Just show up for class, and do a little homework."

"You think it's that easy? You think I haven't tried? You know what happens when I sit down to write."

Jane sighed. "The words come out backwards."

"Every fucking time. So go fuck yourself." Tommy stalked away, and the table fell silent.

Jane could feel everyone watching her, waiting to see what she would do. She caught Davies's eye, hoping maybe he would come put his arm around her and make the tight feeling in her stomach go away, but he just sat there picking at his brownie and looking all ferrety.

She stared at the peeling tabletop, pushing down the achy feeling inside. Whatever happened, she couldn't let herself cry. Not at school, not in front of the whole freaking cafeteria.

A warm hand squeezed hers beneath the table.

She looked at Maura, and Maura smiled her everything's-going-to-be-okay smile. The funny thing was, Jane found herself believing it. She took a deep breath, and shrugged. "Little brothers. Can't live with them. Not allowed to kill them."

Korsak chuckled, and after a half-second, the rest of the boys joined in.

"And another thing," Jane said, smiling sweetly at Davies. "Me and this idiot are going out."

…...

"I want to start by thanking you both for coming to my home," Maura said.

Samantha stared at the neatly stapled documents Maura had placed facedown in front of her and Cat. She desperately wanted to flip hers over, but since this was the first time in weeks Maura was speaking to her, she thought it best to play it safe. "It's no trouble. Thank you for having us."

"Would anyone like more tea?" Maura asked, glancing at their barely touched saucers. "Or perhaps another variety? We've got everything from Assam to Zealong." She looked at them expectantly. "That was a play on A to Z. Toasmasters International recommends using an ice breaker at the beginning of your speech to draw your audience in."

Samantha blinked at her.

"Right," Maura said. "You're probably wondering why I've invited you here today, so why don't we begin." She motioned towards the coffee table. "In front of you are the results of an experiment I've been conducting for the past few weeks."

Samantha flipped over her copy and stared at the title page. Analyzing masturbatory arousal levels to determine sexual orientation. She squeezed Cat's hand, and decided to ignore the glare she received in return.

"For the past three weeks, I've been measuring my masturbatory arousal levels in response to two sets of visual erotic stimuli: heterosexual and homosexual. If you turn to page four, you'll see these responses charted in a graph."

Samantha flipped to page 4. Yup, there they were, neatly plotted on X and Y axes.

"The intensity of pleasure at the point of orgasm was self-reported using a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 was least pleasurable, and 10 was most pleasurable." Maura pointed to the lowest line on the graph. "The black line represents orgasms achieved during my control condition – thinking about an expanding ball of light"

Cat raised an eyebrow, and Samantha bit the inside of her cheek.

"The blue line represents orgasms achieved in response to heterosexual visual stimuli," continued Maura. "And the pink line represents orgasms achieved in response to lesbian visual stimuli. Any questions?"

Samantha couldn't resist raising her hand.

"Yes, Samantha."

"When you say visual stimuli, what exactly are you referring to?"

"Photographs of live models demonstrating lovemaking positions. Please note that comparable heterosexual and lesbian poses were used whenever possible, and these images can be found in Appendix B."

"Thanks." Samantha made a mental note to check out Appendix B later with Cat.

Maura returned her attention to the graph. "As you can see, both heterosexual and homosexual visual stimuli elicited more pleasurable orgasms than thinking about an expanding ball of light."

Cat chuckled, and Samantha elbowed her.

"But," Maura continued, "lesbian stimuli elicited the most pleasurable orgasms, with an average reported rating of 9.26, compared to 6.7 for heterosexual stimuli, and 5.8 for our baseline, ball of light."

Maura flipped to another graph. "When time from first contact with genitalia to point of orgasm was measured and compared across groups, lesbian stimuli also led to significantly faster orgasms than heterosexual and baseline stimuli."

Samantha flipped the page and whistled. "You chopped a whole five minutes off your time with ball of light."

Maura nodded. "In conclusion, while many aspects of this experiment, such as small sample size and the unreliability of self-reporting make it unsuitable for peer review, I believe it offers sufficient evidence to support the theory that I have a sexual preference for women."

Samantha glanced at Cat, then back at Maura. "Are you saying what I think your saying?"

"It appears I might be a lesbian."

"Oh, Honey." Samantha rose to her feet, and wrapped her arms around Maura. "Welcome to the family."

Maura squeezed her back with a surprising amount of strength. "I'm sorry I haven't called. I just needed time to figure this out."

"It's okay, Sweetie," Samantha said. "I know I caught you off guard in the coffee shop. Honestly, I'm just relieved you're not mad at me, and flattered you chose to tell us."

"Yeah," Cat said, joining the hug. "That was seriously brave."

"I don't feel very brave," Maura said.

"Well, if you don't mind me asking, how do you feel?" Samantha asked.

"Lost, unprepared, uncertain what to do next." Maura pulled away and perched on the edge of the sofa. "Can you teach me how to be a lesbian?"

Samantha chuckled and sat down next to her. "I could, but I don't think Cat would appreciate it."

"I'm serious."

"I know."

"Then what do I do?"

"Well, we already had the sex talk, so I'm assuming you're asking how to live your life?"

Maura nodded.

"The same way you do now, but with the awareness that you like girls."

"Coming out is different for everyone," Cat said. "So just take it one day at a time and do what feels right for you."

Maura stared at the floor. "I don't know if I can do this."

"I don't know that you really have a choice," Samantha said.

"I'm already so different from everyone."

"So?"

"So I don't want another way to be different. Not when I'm finally beginning to make friends."

Cat squeezed Samantha's hand, and Samantha squeezed Maura's. "Look, you don't walk around pretending to be dumb just so that people will like you."

"Of course not."

"So why would you walk around pretending to be straight? You've always had the courage to be yourself."

"Courage had nothing to do with it," Maura whispered. "Whenever I attempted to downplay my intelligence, I discovered people liked me even less."

"Well, tons of people like you now, so you may as well continue being yourself."

Maura frowned. "How do I tell Jane?"

Samantha looked at Cat, and Cat shook her head.

"What?" Maura asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Well…" Samantha needed to choose her words carefully or it would be weeks before Maura spoke to her again. "The thing is, Honey, you're just beginning to explore your sexuality. And because this is all so new, you should probably give yourself a little more time before coming out to anyone else."

"Jane isn't just anyone. She's my best friend."

"Right, which is why you should take some time to get comfortable before you talk to her."

Maura blinked at her. "Why don't you want me to tell her?"

"Because she's a raging homophobe," didn't quite have the right ring to it, and yet Samantha was at a loss for what else to say.

"Maura," Cat said. "Have you ever noticed how Jane never wants to hang out with me and Samantha after games?"

"She was studying for SATs."

"Maybe." Cat nodded. "Or maybe she's not as comfortable with gay people as you think."

Samantha glared at Cat. After all her talk about not meddling, she had to go and drop that bomb? "I think what Cat is trying to say is–"

"You think Jane is homophobic?" Maura asked.

"Hey now," Samantha said. "Let's not go jumping to –"

"Yeah," Cat said. "I do."

"No." Maura shook her head. "She knows what it's like to be judged for being different. She lost all of her friends once because people thought she was gay."

Cat stared pointedly at Maura.

"Oh," Maura said in voice barely above a whisper.

"That's probably why it's so hard for her to be around girls, especially girls like me and Samantha."

"So what exactly are you saying? That if I tell her I'm gay, she'll stop being my friend?"

"Look," Cat said. "Jane's a wonderful person. And she obviously cares about you a lot…"

"But..."

"I'm not going to lie. I think it's possible she won't be able to handle this."

"And what about you?" Maura turned to Samantha. "What do you think?"

Samantha bit her lip. "I just think it might be a good idea to test the waters first, maybe bring up an episode of Ellen or something and see how she reacts."

"I see," Maura said, her eyes brimming with tears.

May your 2015 be filled with peace, love, joy, and plenty of Rizzles :)