Tommy walked on the beach with his shoulders hunched over and his fists jammed in his pockets, more against the entirety of the world than the spray coming off of the water. He could hear the waves lapping at the shore, cresting and breaking before receding back out into the whole of the ocean; he thought it might have been a soothing sound underneath different circumstances, but right now, it was pissing him off to no end.
Boats were bobbing at the docks just ahead of him, people in the distance setting off stray bottle rockets here and there whose lights couldn't compare to the boardwalk amusement park that flashed neon against the black backdrop of the night. Everyone was excited for the tournament tomorrow night- the fireworks had been going off nonstop since dusk and the smell of gunpowder hung in the air; it brought back a lot of memories for Tommy and none of them were good.
He looked up and spotted his brother walking towards him, sighing. Their eyes locked, both of them stopping in their tracks- Tommy was not in the mood for bullshit right now, especially not from Brendan.
The two of them started approaching each other warily, their steps slow and measured as if they weren't sure of how to do this, even though both of them had very good ideas on how to settle things.
Brendan spoke first, sniffing and brushing his hand back over his hair, "Pop and the wife sent me out to come find you- been looking all over. Hell, this was my last stop before I went to the PD and filed a missing person's on ya Tommy… How's it going?" Tommy shrugged, looking out over the water as he decided whether or not to answer his brother. "Its going."
The older Conlon son nodded and sighed, studying the old resentment rising in Tommy's face. "So, I was thinking maybe we could grab a coffee and sit for a while-" He shook his head in reply, letting his shoulders rise and fall heavily, "Look, I don't drink coffee. What do you want Brendan?"
"You don't want to go sit down somewhere Tommy? You've been up all day and you're probably tired- do you really wanna do this here," Brendan asked, persistent. He saw how rigid Tommy was, his brother instantly defensive. "I'm good right here," Tommy replied sharply, feeling adrenaline starting to rush through his veins. He could lash out, hit him with one punch and probably knock him out, kick him into the ocean and watch him drown or something. They stood in silence for a long moment before Brendan scratched his head, deciding just to talk to him and see how far he could get. "Shit, Tommy. I just thought... I mean, how was I supposed to know I was never gonna get to see you guys again?" Tommy instantly reverted back to his soldier self, shutting down emotionally so he could get the job done- getting rid of Brendan. "You were briefed. You had the information. And you chose the old man and the girl," he said in a blank tone, hearing his brother scoff.
"Tommy, she wasn't just some girl I was banging on the regular- I loved her. I married her." Brendan reached into his pocket, rifling through his wallet before pulling out the past Christmas' family photo that he had taken with his girls. "That's Tess: she's my wife. And that's Emily and Rosie, they're your nieces Tommy."
He looked at the picture impassively, feeling a flicker of kinship there before shrugging and turning back to stare at the Atlantic, "Don't know em…" Brendan couldn't believe what he was hearing- not even Tommy could be that mad at him to just dismiss two beautiful little girls like that; hell, he did have one of his own after all and all three of the Conlon daughters favored each other. "I know you don't know them- of course you don't know them-" Tommy looked at him then, playing confused as he saw how upset his brother looked. "Why am I looking at pictures of people I don't know," he questioned, scratching at his stubble.
"Because that's my family," Brendan said plainly as if he could make Tommy care. But it didn't seem to be working, his brother seeming more and more perplexed, "And who are you exactly?" He was growing exasperated with Tommy and his shit, sighing. "I'm your brother man." Tommy nodded and snapped his fingers, smiling as if he understood everything then. "Well, damnI didn't know you were in the Corps man," he said, slapping Brendan on the shoulder. He was lost then, looking at Tommy and shaking his head. "Where is this going Tommy? I wasn't in the Corps and you know that," Brendan said, his brother's expression morphing into one full of hatred as he spoke.
Tommy leaned in to Brendan's face and sniffed, showing exactly how much disdain he held for him even then, "Then you ain't no brother to me. My brother's dead- my brother was in the Corps."
He started walking away briskly up the beach, Brendan running after him and shouting his name loudly. "Jesus, Tommy! I was a sixteen-year-old kid; what the hell did I know," Brendan shouted, finally admitting how wrong he had been. Tommy turned and smirked, nodding. "I don't know what you know. Why don't you go ask your girlfriend about it," he questioned as Brendan's face started to turn a funny shade of red. He didn't understand why Tommy could still be mad- his relationship with Jen was just as strong, if not stronger, than his own with Tess and he, of all people, should understand why Brendan had stayed. "She's my wife, Tommy! So because I stayed with Tess, I never got to see you guys again? Not a single phone call- nothing? God, man, I don't understand this. You won't forgive me, but you'll forgive Pop?"
"Shit, man, he's just some old vet I train with. He means nothing to me and from what I've seen and heard he means nothing to you, either, so you got some balls talking about forgiveness, brother," he said sarcastically, smirking. Brendan nodded, starting to understand what he was getting at, "That's got absolutely nothing to do with forgiveness, not when I've got a family to protect- everything I do is for them. Just like you Tommy." His brother became stony-faced then, shaking his head and folding his arms across his chest. "Fuck that. You're nothing like me Brendan." The older brother chuckled humorlessly, spreading his arms as if to put himself on full display. "I guess not, because I forgave that old vet you train with. Just like I forgave you and mom-"
Tommy laughed then, shaking his head in disbelief. "You forgave us? Hell, I'm not surprised you made the tournament, Brendan. You got some stones to say some shit like that," he said, trying to stay impassive to keep from taking a swing at his brother.
"I fell in love Tommy- what the hell was I supposed to do?"
He flew off the handle then, shouting at the top of his lungs, "You were supposed to stick to the goddamn plan and come with us! Mom needed you and I needed you- you were my big brother but you Brendan, you bailed on me!" Tommy saw how hard the words hit Brendan and smiled cruelly, regaining control of himself. "But hey, I'm glad you stayed and everything worked out for you, Brendan. See, you leave, you get the opposite- you leave and you get to bury people."
"You're not the only one who suffered, Tommy; I didn't even know she was sick. I never even got the chance to say goodbye to my own mother. You had no right to keep that from me! That was not your decision to make," Brendan shouted tearfully, Tommy moving towards him. They stood chest to chest, right in each other's faces as they balanced on the knife's edge of violence, "You know what? You walk around with your pictures in your wallet and you're all, 'I forgive you, I forgive Pop. I forgive everyone.' But you know what, you're full of shit Bren- absolute shit."
They continued to stare each other down for a few long seconds, both tensing as the anger between them wavered. "Are we done, Bren? Are we finished," he asked loudly, as if he needed his brother's confirmation. There was too much baggage between them- both too much and absolutely nothing left to say.
Tommy finally turned and walked back up the beach, calling out to Brendan before he got out of earshot.
"See you in the ring."
Jen was waiting up for him when he got in, sitting cross-legged on the bed with her hands in her lap. She sighed when she saw him- Tommy looked knew he looked like hell, especially when he felt so badly. He had been crying, though Jen wouldn't say anything; Tommy wouldn't tell her but his red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face told the entire story. "Come here," she whispered, raising up on her knees. Jen raised his shirt over his head, her husband seeming defeated. "Hey, look at me." He averted his eyes and she turned his face back towards her, making her voice somewhat softer. "Tommy, look at me baby… Whatever happened in your past, whatever happened with you and Brendan tonight- none of that matters. You have to think past what you're feeling right now- you've got four fights in two nights Tom; its sixteen fighters down to one. Winners gonna be the last man standing and look at yourself right now, you're barely thinking beyond this moment," Jen said, stroking his face. He wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers and exhaling quietly. "I have all of… this inside of me-" Tommy cut off in the middle of his sentence, knowing that his voice was unsteady. But she already knew and leaned forward to press her lips against his, nodding, "Its alright- let it out Tommy. Let me have it…" She pulled him onto the bed and let her love and warmth surround him, wrapping herself around him as she comforted him the best way she knew she could. To Tommy, the feeling was akin to being a child and running to his mother's arm but much closer and more powerful than that need to be comforted could be taken care of with a kiss to a scrape or a cut- no, his wounds went much deeper than that.
She breathed hard when Tommy rolled to her side, her hands pressed to her chest as her face crumpled in pain. He stared at the ceiling, his chest heaving just as her own did but his face was stoic, almost carefully blank. He still couldn't make himself let go of the anger he had carried for so long, even when he wanted to and Jen was willing to help him, to have him still. Tommy knew that it scared her to see when he let himself wallow in that… angst and he never wanted to have her scared of anything, much less him, someone who loved her with every fiber of his being.
"I don't know what you need Tommy," Jen said, her voice cracking more than once.
He sighed and reached out to her, Jen raising her head up to let his arm rest in its place. All he could do was stare into her eyes, trying to share it with her without talking; hell, he couldn't put the feelings into words, not for her or the doc. "Please." Tommy closed his eyes and settled back in the bed, bringing his hand over his face. "I, uh, gotta get some sleep before SPARTA babe," Tommy murmured in reply, hearing her sniffle.
Jen sat up in bed and pulled on her underwear and the oversized tee shirt she had stolen from Tommy, sighing, "I'll see you in the morning.
And with that she got up and walked out, the door creaking to a shut behind her.