Alex smiled and nodded her way out of the hospital room, repeating her grateful phrases again and again as the unfamiliar nurse begrudgingly took a seat. Since they had moved Olivia to the hospital's oncology wing two days earlier, Alex had been forced to start from scratch in developing relationships with the doctors and nurses now assigned to help her girlfriend. Despite her honed negotiating skills, it hadn't been easy. The nurses in the ICU had been exceptionally and obviously compassionate. Oncology nurses, however, were proving to be a different story. Though they clearly cared for their charges, they were professionally stoic to the point of being almost outwardly cold. They had to be. Surrounded by patients suffering through the deathly unpleasantness of radiation, surgery and chemotherapy, they had to maintain their distance or search for a new career. Having seen and dealt with her fair share of horrific scenes, Alex respected the tenacity of these men and women. That said, Alex resented having to beg and plead for every little comfort.
Once in the hall, Alex checked her watch. She knew that she had one or two more hours at most while Olivia slept before they would take her for her first round of chemotherapy. After that, Alex knew from the pamphlets she had been given that the next few days would be filled with Olivia's bouts of debilitating nausea and pain. Alex had no intention of leaving her girlfriend alone in that condition so she had to make the most of the times when Olivia could sleep. Buttoning her coat as she hurried down the hall, Alex mentally ticked off the items on her list of errands. First she needed to stop by a department store for some fresh clothes. Then to the drug store for toiletries and magazines. She checked her watch again and picked up her pace. If she hurried, she would be back in time.
Alex had just enough time to drop her bags onto a chair, slip out of her coat and profusely thank the obliging nurse before an orderly rapped smartly against the doorframe. Waving him in, Alex bent over her girlfriend and touched her cheek. "Wake up, honey," she murmured warmly. Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she slowly smiled up at Alex before the waiting orderly caught her eye. Olivia sighed heavily and Alex's struggled to maintain her encouraging expression. She was dreading this almost as much as Olivia but she forced herself to remain strong. Stroking Olivia's cheekbone with her fingertips, she waved the orderly over. If it had to be done then, for Olivia's sake, Alex would make sure it was done.
Blinking rapidly to hide her tears, Alex wrapped her arm more securely around Olivia's waist. Trying to block out the heart wrenching sounds, she held the basin steady while her struggling girlfriend heaved. As she kept her cheek pressed to Olivia's soft hair, Alex focused on the good parts of the day. She had to do something comforting if she was going to make it through the night.
Once the orderlies had brought Olivia back to her room after her chemo, Alex had hurried to make the most of their short-lived peace. Grinning with half-felt glee, she had opened her packages and showed each new item to her waiting girlfriend. First, there were new pajamas. In the weeks since being brought to the hospital, many of Olivia's wounds had healed and the nurses no longer required such complete and constant access to the brunette's body. So, understanding the depth of Olivia's resentment towards hospital gowns, Alex had chosen a set of heavy flannel pajamas in a navy and brown plaid. With tender touches, Alex had helped Olivia discard her flimsy gown and had smiled with real gratitude when Olivia had brushed her fingers serenely along the sleeve.
With Olivia safely back under her covers, Alex had gently dumped the contents of a second plastic bag into the brunette's lap. Here was a wide assortment of comforting items that Alex had picked up on impulse. There was lip balm to soothe Olivia's cracked lips and a tub of lotion that claimed to moisturize even the driest skin. There was a special pad that could remain hot after only one minute in the microwave and a large box of the thickest, most soothing tissues Alex could find to replace the scratchy hospital issues. She couldn't help but chuckle quietly as she had watched Olivia pick gingerly through the items, touching and smiling tiredly at each one. Acknowledging that Olivia was tiring quickly, Alex had carefully arranged the items on the table at her bedside. She turned off the overhead lights, though she left the lamp on, and had settled herself at Olivia's side.
Opening the lotion, Alex had smeared a generous amount between her palms before reaching for Olivia's hand. Lovingly, she rubbed the lotion into Olivia's skin, keeping her touch firm but gentle. Olivia had only sighed quietly and closed her eyes. Alex was glad. The doctors had warned her that, soon, Olivia would feel the effects of the drugs. For now, Alex wanted Olivia to rest and feel loved.
A particularly violent cough brought Alex back from her reverie and to the painful present. She cooed encouraging sounds softly into Olivia's ear and grimly acknowledged their new reality. The doctors had, regrettably, been correct. The calm hours between the treatment and the realization of the side effects had been far too brief. Instead of resting, Olivia now struggled to bring up the meager sips of ginger ale she had managed. In between heaves, Olivia gasped for breath and moaned wordless pleas for relief. She was exhausted and Alex could feel it as well. The sensation brought fresh tears to sting at Alex's eyes. This was only the first night of the first treatment. They had so long to go, so much more to endure. As Olivia fell back to rest against her, Alex fought to stay strong. She set the basin aside and wrapped both arms around her girlfriend, hugging her as tightly as she could. Logically, she knew that this was best, that Olivia would have to get worse before she could get better. But, in her heart, Alex felt that it would kill her.