25

What had he done? She was fighting the bond every step of the way, and after she recovered from her collapse she wouldn't even allow him into the same room as her. She had asked the rest of the family if she could move rooms, and Carlisle and Esme had given her their bedroom. He gnashed his teeth in frustration. Why couldn't she sleep in his bed? Her clothes were in his closet, he had set up the bathroom for her with everything she needed.

Her father had been no help at all, he had just grinned and patted him on the shoulder as he left for his shift. Edward supposed he should think himself lucky, when they were talking before he had stated that "if she says no, you leave her alone, you get me son?" He had agreed, thinking that nothing in life was stronger than the mating bond, but even though Bella had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him Charlie hadn't insisted that he leave her. In fact he seemed amused more than anything.

Edward now had to do something that he never thought he would, he had to ask Emmett for advice. Carlisle and Esme never fought, and he didn't know enough about Alice and Jasper to know how they would react after a fight. But Emmett, oh Emmett had a LOT of practise at grovelling.

Rose must have a temper tantrum at least once a week, if not more. Emmett was a gold medallist at apology, even when he had done nothing wrong.

After Bella had moved into the new bedroom Emmett and Jasper had decided to go for a hunt. Edward didn't feel the need, but it would be a good time to pick Emmett's brains, so he went with them, leaving the girls to the house and hopefully to talk sense into Bella. Carlisle had left with Charlie for his shift at the hospital, his warning not to push Bella rang loud in Edward's mind.

"You're nervous." Jasper stated as they were both burying the bodies of their kills. Emmett had taken off trying to find a hibernating bear he could wake up and irritate.

"I don't know what to do, I was going to ask Emmett…" he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"You have to go slow, Alice told you that."

"What was she feeling?" he asked.

"Irritation mainly," Jasper tried to hide his thoughts but Edward caught them.

"Shame?" he declared.

Jasper sighed and sat down on a boulder, Edward paced in front of him. "Bella will never be comfortable with close personal contact if you keep pushing her." he tried to explain, "She isn't used to being touched, or hugged."

"I was just trying to act the way others act." He explained.

"And the fact that Bella has never had a boyfriend doesn't tip you off to the fact that she doesn't want you to act like that?" he picked up a stone and crushed it in his fingers, "You will have to go slow! Start with just the occasional touch, a brush of a hand or walking a bit too close, but nothing overt."

"He's right." Emmett had given up on his quest for bear and had settled for a stag that had crossed his path. "Though it isn't quite the same as it was with my Rose, you have to realise that they were both abused, Rose was assaulted but it was a one off matter, Bella has been told all her life how she isn't good enough. You need to apologise and promise not to push her or she will bolt, and if she does you will never get her back. You HAVE to let her make the first move!"

Edward nodded, seeing in Emmett's mind the various ways he had sought forgiveness from Rose, even when it wasn't his fault in the first place. Edward had always seen him as a rather weak character, the way he allowed Rose to dominate him, but he realised that Emmett was actually a lot more than he looked on the surface. The ex-farmer realised very early in their relationship that Rose's experience meant she needed to feel in control of the relationship to feel safe. If she had lived for a while after the attack it may not have affected her so much… but she didn't, she died and was changed and so was stuck as she was. A strong, loving woman who had been abused by someone she trusted, she had reacted by acting harsh to everyone. Emmett loved her enough to give up control of their relationship to her, unless it was something he felt strongly about, at which point he would put his foot down. Never during the whole of their marriage had Rose ever rebelled when he had forcefully stated a position on a subject, such as Bella. She may disagree with him privately but once he had stated his position she had either backed him wholeheartedly or stayed silent.

In fact Emmett was someone to be admired, Edward realised. He loved his wife so much that he gave her everything she needed, emotionally… rather than physical things. He was definitely a stronger man than Edward had been up to that point, but he was nothing but helpful in his thoughts to his 'older/younger' brother, which Edward was surprised about. He had expected to be teased by him, but Emmett was earnest in trying to help him, as well as the emotional support that he had provided he also listed things that he had bought Rose in the past, as a way of smoothing the path.

A new car (well that was out for a start), lingerie, flowers, clothes, memorabilia from places that meant a lot to them both, holidays in far off places, {and chocolate, Bella loves chocolate, it's not something I ever get Rose, of course. But remember Edward, Rose came from a wealthy background, she liked nice things and lots of them, Bella is different, maybe stick to the simpler things, the flowers and chocolates for now.} Edward thanked his brothers and sped off to get his car and head towards Seattle. He was on a mission.

Bella sat quietly in the large master bedroom, her copy of Pride and Prejudice on her lap, she felt awful about the way she had treated Esme and realised that if she continued the way she was going she would lose her only real friend in all the world. Alice had always been there for her… well not THERE exactly, but she had been Bella's only confidant for half her life. For years the only good advice she had ever received was from Alice. The Cullens didn't deserve the treatment she had doled out that afternoon.

{You weren't fair to Esme, in fact you were hateful!} she told herself.

{But Edward just… all I wanted was some space, some time and he wouldn't give me any.}

{Is that really an excuse to be so nasty?} she sighed and shook her head to her inner voice.

{And what if he were to leave? After all you told him to leave you alone, do you REALLY want that?}

{Of course I don't!} she bit her lip in frustration. {It's just that he seems to think money will solve everything. I just want him to hold me. I don't need his things!} She was shocked by the realisation.

{So you admit you like him?} her inner voice prompted.

{Of COURSE I like him! But realistically what can I give him? I don't have good looks, I don't have money… hell I don't even have the guts to tell him how I feel!}

{That's true.}

{I just wish he wouldn't tip the scales more off balance. If he just treated me as Charlie does… not like my father, but allowing me some independence and realising that I would rather have an hour of his time, sat quiet in a room listening to music or reading, than a million dollars!}

A car engine sounded loud in the late afternoon air. She knew the rest of the family had left to go hunting or something, it had to be Edward. She stared at her book, refusing to look up at him, frightened that if she did she would either burst into tears or anger. They needed to talk. She hoped she could talk rationally to him, without flying off the deep end again. After all, what could he have done in the few hours since she had last seen him to piss her off?

He probably could have got there and back faster if he had run, but he wasn't sure the flowers would have survived if he carried them at speed. As he made his way up the stairs he noticed that everyone else was out of the house. He was thankful for Alice alerting them and getting them away so he could spend some time talking with Bella without them listening in and distracting him with their thoughts.

He paused at the landing, smelling the air to see if she was still in his parent's room or if she was back in his, he sighed slightly when he realised she was still on that floor and not the one above.

He approached the door hoping to find her sleeping, she looked so fragile and vulnerable when she slept, but her worries were gone and her face looked beatific. He remembered the words she had said the last time he had watched her sleep at her house, how she declared she loved him and didn't want him to leave. Was it really so easy to change her mind that less than 18 hours later she had run away from him to the reservation and had got so cold and wet she developed a dangerous fever?

What had he done? {you pushed it} strange how his conscience sounded like Alice. He had decided he was going to go back to an old fashioned courtship and then had done the opposite. He had never courted a girl back when he was alive, but he still knew the rules, and he wouldn't have even dared hold her hand until they had known each other a month. He would never have put his arm around her in public or the chaperone would have broken them apart and he would have been banned from even being in the same room for a time. He needed to start again, and hope that Bella was willing to allow him to.

He pushed open the door, he could tell she was awake by her breathing and heartbeat. As he looked at her his breath caught in his throat, a strange reaction for a vampire, but one he couldn't help. She was sat in the bed, her hair mussed from her earlier sleep and around her head like a halo. The sun shone into the room, a shaft of light landing right on her as if directed there by God Himself.

"Hi," he swallowed the venom that flooded his mouth quickly.

"Hello Edward." She sounded sad and didn't turn to look at him, she was concentrating on a book in her lap. He moved a couple of steps into the room, she looked at him at last, her eyes widened and he smiled at her, he breathed a relieved sigh when he saw her lips curl in a tiny smile too.

"I'm sorry." He said holding out the largest bunch of purple hyacinths he could find in Seattle. The smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, in fact a small giggle almost escaped her control, he was sure of it. He stepped closer to the bed.

"A bit overboard don't you think?" she asked calmly. He shrugged.

"The lady in the shop asked how badly I screwed up, so I told her a lot, she suggested these." She giggled again.

"Renée did a flower arranging course once, she made me learn all the meanings of flowers for her." She scowled, but he could tell she wasn't really upset. "Did you have to buy so many?" she asked.

"I'm REALLY sorry." He put the box he had also bought her on the bed.

Suddenly her smile dropped, she looked at the box as if it was a venomous snake.

"What's that?" she asked, making no move to pick it up.

"It's for you." He told her, she sighed.

"That doesn't answer my question." She frowned as he picked the box back up and presented it to her on his outstretched palms.

"I thought you may like some chocolates." Her eyes lit up and then she bit her lip. He hoped that meant she was going to accept his peace offering.

She gingerly opened the box to see 9 round balls of chocolate… somethings (he had been assured that they were very special and so had bought them without asking anything more, chocolate didn't smell as bad to him as other human foods, but he wouldn't go so far as to actually try them). They probably looked unlike any chocolates she had ever seen before, they certainly looked unlike any he had seen.

"What are they?" she asked.

"Truffles," he replied rather proud of himself that he had found a shop specialising in only the best luxury chocolates. "try one!" she picked one of the chocolates up and looked at it.

"It looks like it has gold on it." She pointed out as the beam of sunlight glittered on the top of the truffles.

"It does," he said, her eyes widened.

"Real gold?" she squeaked.

"Yes, I didn't know it was edible actually, but the woman in the shop assured me that only the most luxurious chocolates have it."

She dropped the chocolate back into the box as if it had burnt her. "How much were they?" she asked.

"They are a gift, you shouldn't ask how much a gift cost." He had a sinking feeling that his grand gesture of chocolate wasn't going to be as well received as the sales woman had assured him.

"How much?" her voice had grown colder.

"Bella, please, I just wanted to say I was sorry, and I hoped that this would be the best way." She folded her arms and set her jaw, Edward sighed, no, it definitely wasn't going to go the way he hoped. "Just try one, please?" he begged. She refused to even look at the offending confection. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out what to say to make things right.

"How much?" she asked again.

"$11." he gave in and told her.

"$11 for the box?" she pushed. He shook his head. "$11 EACH?" she asked incredulously. Edward sighed.

"Yes, $11 each." She backed away from the box, looking at it in horror.

"I can feed Charlie and myself for more than 2 weeks for that amount!" she told him.

"Bella! Yes, it's extravagant, yes, you would never buy them for yourself, but PLEASE, realise. We have a lot of money, and if I want to spoil you by spending a tiny proportion of a week's income, then I should be able to!"

"Have you any idea what I could do with money like that?" Bella asked.

"If you need any money just say." He knelt at the side of the bed, almost begging her to tell him that she needed something from him.

"I don't need your money!" she snapped. Tears stood in her eyes, Edward's heart was breaking, he had made her cry again. He was forever upsetting her and he had no idea how to fix it. His hands gripped his hair in frustration.

She threw back the covers and got to her feet, before she could leave him he rounded the bed and put his hands on her arms gently, he could feel her breathing deeply trying to keep her temper under control.

"Bella, please." She met his gaze and he was grateful that she seemed willing to hear him. "I can't bear to see you upset, please tell me what to do to make things right between us. I'll do anything… except leave. I can't leave you."

"Why can't you understand?" she asked, the tears streaked down her cheeks. He put his hands on each side of her face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "I don't want you to spend your money on me, why can't you treat me like everyone else?"

"If you mean treat you like your mother did? Or like the girls at school that you complained to Alice about? I can't do that. I love you." She gasped. He put his forehead against hers so they were so close they were breathing in each other's air.

"You …l…l…love me?" she stuttered incredulously.

"Yes, I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone else, ever."

"But… I… you can't!" he frowned at her vehement denial.

"Can't? Why can't I?" he asked.

"Because." He just looked at her, she dropped his gaze and he lifted her chin with his finger until her eyes met his again. "I'm not… you're… It isn't right." She told him.

"It feels right to me, in fact it feels more than right."

"Is this the mating bond you were talking about?" she asked, he nodded, "Then you don't really love me, it's just this thing making you think you do." He scowled, she didn't understand.

"Bella, the bond happens when a vampire finds the one perfect person for them, honestly out of all the vampires I have met only about eight couples have actually been bonded, and I only know of another 5 or 6 in the world. Our family is very VERY lucky. Some other couples are together like some humans are sometimes, for company or security, but actual bonded pairs are rather rare." He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her towards him. At the last second he sat her beside him rather than on his lap as he intended to start with, but he kept hold of her hand and stroked the back of it softly with his thumb constantly, pleased that she seemed to allow this small contact. Maybe Jasper was right?

"Let me see if I can explain… We believe that for every one of us there is a perfect mate. Just one, in the whole world. Can you guess how rare it is to find them? That we not only find them, but that they are young enough to be turned when we do? Or that they are already vampires? Think how devastating it would be if I had waited 150 years only to find you when you were nearly 70? I would have to face losing you in a very short space of time, and could you accept me if I looked 17 and told you I loved you?" she shook her head. "But I would love you, you would be my perfect fit, no matter your age.

"What age could you accept me? Think, could you accept me if you were 50?" no "40?" no. "30?" she looked less sure and shrugged her shoulders before shaking her head again.

"Probably not." She admitted in a soft voice.

"Now consider that I may not have come to Forks at all, that by the time I visited again you were already dead of old age. I would be alive but alone through the rest of eternity, remember poor Carlisle waited over 270 years before he found Esme, and if he had been one hour later she would have been lost to him forever even though he knew she was his mate when she was younger, he knew that after he left she would have married and he hoped she would be happy without him, but he knew he could never be fully happy without her. I could have ended up like that if I had not found you. I will be forever in Alice's debt for bringing us together at this time."

"Oh," she gasped. Her hands lifted as if by themselves and smoothed over his brow and down past his temples to hold his cheeks as he had held hers. "But I'm not a vampire," she pointed out quietly.

"No, you aren't and if you don't want to change into one of us I will accept that, but I will still love you for all the rest of your days."

"What about when I die?" she asked, he considered lying to her but decided against it. Alice would probably tell her anyway.

"I would visit the Volturi." He said simply. He had to explain who the Volturi were and why he would visit them, she looked at him aghast and shook her head violently.

"NO!" her hands tightened on his face, trying to force him to meet her gaze even though he had not broken contact. "Promise me! You won't!" his hands smoothed the tension from her face and they sat there, each holding the other's head, noses less than 2 inches apart.

"Shhh, don't worry my love," he reassured her. "It won't happen for a long time, we will have many happy years together before it comes to that."

"You said, IF I don't want to change?" she pointed out.

"Alice says she has seen you in a vision, you are one of us." She frowned and chewed her lip.

"Doesn't that mean I will definitely be a vampire?" she asked.

"No, it just means that with the decisions being made on what is happening at the moment, you will probably become one. However Alice's visions are always open to change if someone makes a different decision."

"Like when you left?" she asked, Edward winced.

"Yes like that. I have to ask Bella, as things stand now, would you want to join us?"

He was glad to see she actually gave it serious thought before answering, but he cursed internally that he still could not read her mind.

"I… I'm not sure." She told him. "I mean it sounds too good to be true, but there has to be a downside to it." She immediately started chewing her lip again, he freed it from between her teeth with his thumb, and then could not think of anything else but her lip. "Edward?" his tongue coated his bottom lip in venom as he watched her perfect mouth form words, it was only when she stopped speaking that he realised she had been saying something while he was daydreaming.

"Downside?" he shook his head, what was she doing to him? A vampire's mind was complex and vast, able to think of thousands of things at once and give each more attention than the average human could give to one thing. However he often found when he was near Bella or even just thinking of her, everything else just ceased to exist. He had done it again he realised as he saw her patiently wait for an answer. "Well, has anyone mentioned the problem of being newborn?" he eventually formed a sentence and asked.

"You mean not being able to resist killing people until a few years after becoming a vampire?" he nodded, evidently someone had told her.

"It would mean you wouldn't be able to see Charlie for a few years, but as he knows what we are there's no reason why you couldn't keep in touch and then see him again when you have your thirst under control." She looked relieved that she wouldn't have to give her father up, he didn't mention Renée. "Also, if you became one of us, you wouldn't be able to have children."

"That isn't exactly a down side." She told him. "I never intended to have any." Once again the women in the family were right. He had expected every woman to want children automatically.

"There is also the guilt of living with yourself if you… slip." She did look worried about that. "And of course, you will have to repeat high school an infinite number of times." She groaned. "On the positive side… you will always be young and beautiful." She scoffed, he allowed it to pass, he would revisit that subject later, "you will have a large annoying but loving family already made. People who love you already, and you won't ever have to worry about money again." She made a moue of distaste.

He couldn't help himself, "Don't move," he whispered, she froze, hardly breathing as he moved closer in slow motion. The strange tingling sensation that passed through him when they touched made his lips vibrate as they got closer, until with infinite softness he pressed his lips into hers.

He was amazed that she allowed him such intimate contact, but as they parted he knew he wanted more. More of her lips, more of her! He could taste her subtle fragrance on his lips, her breath, now ragged and uneven, flooded into his lungs and he breathed her in willingly. Without plan his lips returned to hers, he was shocked when she opened her mouth to allow his tongue in, but when she pushed hers into his mouth he recognised the danger and it made him pull back. In fact he pulled back so far, so quickly that he hit his back against the far wall of the bedroom.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were in pain again. He read her fear of being rejected in every line of her body.

"Don't be," he told her, flashing to her side again. As she met his gaze her eyes widened and he realised that his hunger for her was showing in his back eyes. She touched the purple bruise-like shadows under his eyes with fingers so gentle he could almost think he was dreaming her. He could smell her arousal, flooding the air with the rich scent of her. His body rose in response, how could it fail to? What she was doing to him was amazing and welcome, but it was also very new. He understood the mechanics of what was happening, but had never considered the fact that they would happen to him, his feelings overwhelmed him.

"I wish… I wish you could feel the complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand." He was frustrated by his inability to articulate what was happening.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"I don't think I can, I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger-the thirst- that rages inside me for you. But… there are other hungers. Hungers I don't even fully understand, that are foreign to me." His body strained towards her without his will. Seeking the fulfilment he knew resided in her.

"I may understand that better than you think." She smiled ruefully, he caught her quick glimpse in the region of his groin and groaned as he realised she did know something on the subject, after all he could smell her. But identifying the hunger, and coping with it were two different things.

"I don't know how to be close to you, how to do enough, but not too much, like yesterday," he admitted, "I don't know if I can be physically close and stay sane and in control. And I'm afraid of pushing you away, of doing something wrong, of you realising you don't want me and leaving. But I am also afraid that you won't, that I will go too far and push you into doing something you don't want to do." She gasped and paled. He realised how that sounded and rushed to assure her. "I don't mean physical intimacy, I'm afraid that you will decide to become like us just to make it easier for me to touch you, to be with you… when you have not yet thought it through properly."

She sighed and leant into him, he put his arms around her shoulders, not in the passive/aggressive way he had at school, this touch was loving and giving. He pressed his face into her hair, something he had longed to do every time he had seen her sleeping, and breathed in the scent of her shampoo, mingled with her own fresh scent of arousal and woman.

"Thank you," she sighed. He smiled, he was doing something right after all. He was tempted to try and feed her one of the luxury chocolates, but they were getting along so well he didn't want to risk spoiling it. He pulled her so she was sat across his lap, her head rested on his left shoulder and his face buried into the crook of her neck.

"You are better at this than you give yourself credit for." She straightened and so did he, their gaze met and held. Her fingers ghosted over his lips and he automatically licked them, her pupils dilated more, he slowly drew her finger into his mouth, covering his teeth with his lips to make sure he could not damage her accidently. His tongue danced across her fingerprint, and he gently sucked the appendage. Her breath became even more uneven and he worried that she would faint if she did not get more oxygen. He released the digit from his mouth.

She reached her hands into his hair and pulled him towards her. He allowed himself to move and she kissed him, the merest brush of butterfly wings against his lips. His mind vaguely registered that most of his family was returning from their stint at the cottage. He blocked out Emmett's crude thoughts and tried to ignore everyone else but he was glad that they would be there to make sure he didn't take things too far, he returned the kiss and deepened it.

However what he had not counted on was his family's gifts. As Jasper approached the house he picked up on the lust swirling in the air, and without thought he amplified it and returned it. Before Edward's lust-drugged brain could react Bella was suddenly straddling him as he sat on the bed, her soft human flesh pressed into his cold hard body, only protected by their clothes. She ground herself against him, repeatedly trying to push her tongue into his mouth. Her scent got even stronger on the air. He felt his body swell until it was actually painful. She panted into his mouth and a moan floated from her. The moan broke into his consciousness and brought him back to himself slightly.

"Please," she whimpered when he fully got his senses back and held her away from him. The separation seemed to bring her out of the sexual haze and she was mortified and horrified by her actions. "Oh god! I'm sorry!" she burst into tears and curled up on the bed as Jasper reined in his ability. Edward wasn't sure if it was all shame or if the unresolved sexual tension was adding to it. He knew his own UST was enormous.

{Christ! I'm sorry!} Jasper's thoughts flooded his mind. {I do that to Emmett and Rose sometimes, I never thought. Is she alright?}

Edward pulled her into his arms again, she tried to resist but he knew that this was a time he could push physical closeness onto her. In fact there was more harm in NOT touching her than in giving into the impulse to comfort the now crying girl. He pushed his own lust to the back of his mind and concentrated on soothing her. Aware that outside the bedroom door his mother and sisters were waiting and willing to help if need be.

"Shhh, hey it isn't your fault." She was actually shaking! He held her to him, almost in the same position as they had been when she kissed him. He wrapped her legs around his waist and allowed her small body to cuddle into his. "Jasper says he's sorry, he didn't mean to flood us."

Her bright red cheeks peeked through the curtain of hair that was obscuring her face, "What happened?" she asked, her breath still uneven and her pulse racing even though her body was calming slowly.

"When Jasper approached the house his gift 'tasted the air' I suppose you could say. He magnified what he found and we got caught up in it." He wasn't sure she could understand what he was telling her properly, but the shaking subsided. She still wouldn't meet his eye fully though.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as low as a human could.

"What for? You have nothing to apologise for my love." He told her.

"I attacked you." It was obvious she didn't want the family to hear what she was saying, so to maintain the illusion of privacy he whispered back, right into her ear.

"You can attack me any time my love, nothing you did was unwelcome." She shivered.

"Then why did you stop me?" her blush became even brighter and the venom flowed in his mouth like a river.

"Because if I hadn't we may not have stopped until we did something you would regret later."

"Who says I would have regretted it?" he tried to raise her face but she determinedly kept it down and out of his view.

"Oh my love." He pushed her hair away from her face with his nose as his hands stroked her back and he tried to calm his body again. "You deserve so much more than that. I want to show you how much I love you, worship you, and then, when you are ready… truly ready… I will marry you and take you to bed. We will spend days making love and I promise you, you won't regret waiting."

"Marry?" she squeaked.