Stay: a HZGG1 retelling inspired by the song 可能否, and somehow a bit of scandalousness snuck its way in, thus elevating the rating
"And what if...what if I asked you to stay...for me?"
He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that...he was usually much more patient, considerate, eloquent. But staring at the back of her head, hearing her resolution to leave...he couldn't just do nothing.
"What do you mean?"
How wide her eyes were. A part of him wanted to take back his words but...oh how much he meant them. He found himself explaining out loud all the things that he had thought in the days since he had gotten to know her. What a relief it was to finally say them, to have her hear them.
When she turned away from him again and spoke so practically...his heart ached...but she couldn't keep the emotions from her voice, could she?
"And if you could think that way?"
He felt her stiffen and released her from his grasp. Indeed, he hadn't even been aware that he had gripped her so tightly. How much he wanted to hold on to her! She would never know how much it cost him to apologize and walk away.
ZiWei watched him depart, his shoulders slumped so dejectedly. She hated to cause anyone pain...especially when that person was him. She clutched at her chest...she wanted to hope, wanted...she took a step towards him.
"Wait."
He whirled around at the sound of her voice.
ZiWei stopped herself as her mother's departing words sounded in her mind.
"I…" She didn't want to see the hope in his eyes, but also found that she couldn't look away. She wanted, needed, him to understand. "If I stayed...what would I be?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat, " I...I can't...my mother...I cannot betray her last admonition. I cannot let history repeat itself."
His image blurred as her traitorous tears fell.
"Oh ZiWei…"
She couldn't see but could feel his presence near her again.
"Don't…" she managed to gasp out as she felt his hand on her cheek, "don't make it more difficult...please…"
"ZiWei...you must know...I would never...I would never ask it of you...if you stayed, I would do all in my power to make you my wife."
"You can't promise that." ZiWei wiped her eyes and stepped away from him. She willed herself to stand her ground, "I have faith in your intent, but...things do not come true simply because we want them to…you have to let me go."
"You don't mean that…"
She felt fresh tears fall, but still she said, "please."
"You don't meant that…" he said again, "if you did...you would not be crying…"
She wanted to laugh, trust him to be insightful.
"ZiWei...if things were different...would you stay? For me?"
She did laugh this time, at his persistence, at the hopelessness of the situation, "It's not you I'm rejecting."
He let out a long breath. How could he feel so close and yet so very far away from her?
"Alright. I will honor your wishes. Only...you shouldn't leave so suddenly, so abruptly...let us...let us help arrange for a suitable place for you."
She shook her head, "your family has already done too much for me…"
"Please...let me do this last thing for you."
She couldn't bear to hear the subdued tone of his voice, "alright."
He smiled at her crookedly, "Good...ZiWei...just know...whatever happens, I have only well wishes for you."
"Thank you."
He looked at her one more time before finally leaving.
He asked a servant to bring the listing of the properties his family owned. As he waited, he paced within his study. He wanted to respect her wishes, he did. But...what were her wishes? He knew what his wishes were...he wanted her to stay, wanted to keep her by his side...and she…
"It's not you I'm rejecting."
He remembered her words then. Oh. Oh.
Of course she couldn't be as blunt as he had been. Her modesty surely prevented her from admitting that what he felt was not unrequited. But her tears...he had seen her cry too much, had seen too many of her moments of heartache. But this time...her tears were for him, for a future that she did not think she could ever have...a future...with him.
His hands tightened into fists. He would respect her wishes, the ones to which she could not give voice. With the arrogance of a noble from a favored family and the foolhardiness of a young man passionately in love, he decided to take a gamble.
He could have barged into Shu Fang Zhai and confronted Xiao Yan Zi, could have demanded that Xiao Yan Zi act like a proper older sister and assist in ensuring ZiWei's happiness. But he didn't.
Instead, he presented his observation to the emperor the very next day, that in reviewing the palace guard assignments, he noticed Shu Fang Zhai was noticeably absent from the list.
"Is that truly necessary?" the emperor asked.
"A mere formality," ErKang answered carefully, "cheng only wishes to ensure that nothing is remiss in arrangements for Huan Zhu Ge Ge's incorporation into the Palace."
"Hmm...in that case, zhen leaves the matter in your capable hands."
"Cheng obeys."
ErKang was glad he had assigned Gao Yuan and Gao Da to assess the perimeters rather than accompany him into Shu Fang Zhai itself. As he saw the servants scrambling to hide the evidence of their gambling and heard Xiao Yan Zi's nonchalant greeting, he couldn't help the flash of anger he felt.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"It's just a bit of harmless fun," Xiao Yan Zi shrugged, "life here is so very boring."
"Do you know what would have happened if it was Huang Shang or...heavens forbid, Huang Hou Niang Niang who happened upon your 'harmless fun'?"
She shrugged again, "So what?"
"Gambling is forbidden."
She scowled, "Everything is forbidden here!"
He couldn't hold his tongue anymore, "Do you give
thought to no one but yourself? Do you not know how much tears ZiWei has cried because of you? How worried she's been? How much she's giving up because of your mistake? Just yesterday...she was going to leave. Just so you can be Huan Zhu Ge Ge in peace...just so that she can protect her jiejie. And today...I find you...if any trouble should befall you, what will ZiWei do?"
"ZiWe...is leaving?"
ErKang sighed, his anger leaving him. Of course that was all she heard. "She wanted to."
"Where is she going to go?"
"Nowhere for now."
"She's leaving...because of me?"
"To ensure your life."
"But I...I don't want to stay here. I always meant to return this position to her. I was only...was only borrowing it…"
Was she really so simple? ErKang shook his head, "Do you really mean it?"
"Of course! I didn't mean to...to steal her father…"
He sighed, "Xiao Yan Zi. You don't deserve to have ZiWei as your sister."
She winced at his harsh words but made no protests.
"Still, she sees you as her jiejie, the closest thing she has to family now. As such, I need to ask for your blessing."
"My blessing?"
"Yes. ZiWei...she has come to mean the world to me and I...I want her to stay as much as you do, perhaps even more so…As things stand...I cannot marry her...but I refuse...I refuse to have her be anything other than my proper wife. Do you understand?"
Xiao Yan Zi stared at him, wide-eyed, before nodding, "she deserves someone like you."
ErKang shook his head, "I am convinced that no one truly deserves someone as good as ZiWei...but, I will endeavor to do all that I can to protect her and ensure her happiness."
"And I am in your way."
Yes, he wanted to say. If it weren't for you...ZiWei would not have had to cry so many needless tears. Instead, he just said, "You are important to ZiWei...so important that she would sacrifice her father, her position, her very happiness so that you can live."
"I am not worth it."
"ZiWei has decided that you are."
XiaoYanZi sank down into a chair and propped her head on her hands, "So now what?"
He blinked at her in surprise. "What?"
"You must have a plan, what must I do?"
He stared at her some more.
"Well, go on, the sooner you tell me, the sooner I can get back to my own life and the sooner you can marry ZiWei."
"You don't need to think about it?"
She snorted, "what is there to think about? I don't want to be here and learn to be all proper. If it weren't for my fear of losing my head, I would have revealed the truth already. I demanded to be the older sister, it's about time I lived up to the position. Besides, you wouldn't let harm come to me. ZiWei would never forgive you."
He tilted his head. She wasn't as clueless as he had expected.
"Well?"
He nodded, matching her briskness, "here's what I think…"
He didn't expect her to be as enthusiastic as she was. Nor did he expect her to embellish on his plan. Nonetheless, he couldn't deny that he was beginning to understand ZiWei's devotion to her 'sister.'
He had prepared himself to tolerate XiaoYanZi for ZiWei's sake, but...there was something so open, so straight-forward about the girl that he found himself forgiving her, if only a little, for the trouble she had caused ZiWei.
He could not avoid telling his plan to his brother or to Wu Ah Ge. They protested, driven by their own desire to protect XiaoYanZi. But when XiaoYanZi remained resolute and told them off none-too-gently during a tutoring session to help her with school work, they found that they were easily bullied into agreeing with her.
News of Huan Zhu Ge Ge's nightmares soon spread to the emperor's ear. She had been so unusually well behaved that week that he felt the compulsion to visit her in person. The sound of her scream met him when he entered Shu Fang Zhai, causing him to hurry to her side.
"XiaoYanZ, what is the meaning of this?!"
XiaoYanZi clutched at her chest, "Huang Ah Ma...what are you doing here?'
"Zhen heard you hadn't been sleeping well."
XiaoYanZi broke down into tears without needing to pretend. She wanted to return ZiWei's rightful place to her, she did, but...she would miss having the emperor as a father.
"You should not be so kind to me."
"Of course zhen should be, you're zhen's daughter, aren't you?"
She shook her head, "I've been trying to tell you...I'm really not."
"What nonsense...not this again..."
"No, you don't understand...please, listen to me...I am not your daughter, ZiWei is...and she...she is so kind, so selfless, she has forgiven me. But her mother...in my dreams, her mother haunts me, begs me, threatens me, entreats me to do right by her daughter."
She turned imploringly to the emperor, "You can't know...how much ZiWei looks like her mother...and I thought...I thought it was ZiWei at first, in my dreams, but ZiWei would never be so cold, so angry, so vengeful…"
She slid off her bed and knelt at his feet, "But I deserve it, I know I do...all the comforts afforded to me...it's all hers. Should be hers...but...I didn't know how to return it all to her...everyone said I would lose my head and I...I was so afraid...and ZiWei...she just let me. She didn't demand that I right the wrongs, she just asked that I be a filial daughter, fulfill duties that she was meant to but cannot…how can one person be so forgiving? So good? So...so kind?"
"Xiao Yan Zi…"
She glanced up at the emperor, "Huang Ah…" she caught herself, "Huang Shang, I have no right to call you Ah Ma, not really. The painting, the fan, the question, it's all from ZiWei...I was only meant to be a messenger. And oh how she trusted me...but...I cannot bear to face Xia Yu He again. I cannot stand her accusatory look any more."
"Yu He...you dreamt of Yu He?"
She nodded.
"Zhen also dream of her...zhen made a mistake and...if zhen understands you correctly...not returning for her was only the beginning of mistakes zhen has made."
He sighed before lifting her to her feet, "sit properly. You're very emotional right now...your words are all muddled. Calm yourself, and then tell us the story, from the beginning."
"I don't deserve…"
"Let zhen be the judge of that."
And so Xiao Yan Zi told him the whole story, from beginning to end, not even leaving out ErKang's feelings for ZiWei. Honesty, she and ErKang had both decided, was the best policy. They would lay out all their cards and let the emperor decide their fate.
The emperor did not give her an answer that night. Though Xiao Yan Zi's patience was tested, still, she knew she needed to wait.
ErKang, walking towards ZiWei's quarters, also waited. As he drew closer to her door, he could hear more clearly the words of her song...how very wistful it was.
Can the spring breeze blow in summer's rain?
Can autumn's moon shine upon winter's snow?
Can the stars in the night skies fall towards the ocean?
Can the brook in the mountains meet the geese flying south?
His hand paused a moment on the door, just letting her voice surround him. He wanted to hope, wanted to believe that fate would be kind...for now though…
"ZiWei."
She stood, a blush staining her cheeks at the realization that he must have heard her song.
He tactfully made no reference to it. Besides, he didn't trust himself not to beg her to stay.
"Our family owns a small cottage, on the outskirts of the city...the location is quite secluded, it'd be very peaceful...its surroundings are quite beautiful, I think you'd like the field of wildflowers and the nearby pond…"
"How can I repay your family?"
He shook his head, "E Niang means to name you foster daughter…"
He smiled slightly, "it's not how I imagined for you to become part of our family...but…perhaps it's for the best…"
"You said once...that fate surely had other plans for me…"
"Yes...I did, didn't I?"
There was so much regret between them.
"If anything happens in the palace, with XiaoYanZi...you will send word, won't you?"
"Of course."
"Thank you."
"ZiWei...could I…" he wanted to hold her in his arms, just once.
"Yes?"
His nails dug into his palm, "If you need anything…"
She nodded, "though I trust you to have made very thorough arrangements."
"Still…"
"I will be well."
"Or you could just...stay here." The word slipped out despite himself.
"ErKang…" how much she did want to.
"I know…" he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."
"I am too."
He made another effort to smile, "let me know when you wish to depart."
She watched him go and stamped down the urge to run after him. Her fingers plucked at the strings of the guqin but she did not trust herself to sing the words. It should be easier...but...he had already set down roots in her heart…
She never made it to the cottage. Summons came the next morning for her to face the emperor. The eunuch gave her no chance to ask questions but directed her into the waiting carriage.
Her thoughts were jumbled the entire journey. Only one thought remained constant. ErKang, what did you do?
"Xia Zi Wei, Xia gu niang!"
How odd it was to be announced in such a way. She followed the eunuch into a study. Her gaze fell first upon the man sitting behind the desk. Was that…
She fell to her knees, "Huang Shang…"
"You're right, XiaoYanZi, she does look so very much like YuHe."
His voice caused her to glance back up and see her sworn sister for the first time.
"XiaoYanZi...what?"
"I promised to return your father to you, ZiWei."
"But…"
"It would be unseemly to rescind XiaoYanZi's title at this stage. But zhen has thought of a solution. He Qin Wang has agreed to add you to the family roster under his name. Because you are learned and He Qin Wang's consorts both passed this past year, zhen thought it logical for you to move into the palace and exert some positive influence on Huan Zhu Ge Ge. What say you?"
"I…"
"Please, ZiWei?"
"It would afford zhen a chance to get to know you as well. XiaoYanZi has certainly sung your praises."
ZiWei felt her eyes tear up again, "Of course! ZiWe obeys."
"Excellent," the emperor grinned, "we have grown fond of this troublemaker here, enough that we will leave her head attached. She made a mistake but then...we were also at fault for acting so rashly."
"Huang Ah Ma!" XiaoYanZi protested.
A lesser human might have felt jealous at the obvious ease with which XiaoYanZi and the emperor interacted with one another, but ZiWei was much too astounded to feel anything other than great happiness.
"Now then, XiaoYanZi says you are well trained in qin-qi-shu-hua? She does have a habit of boasting...zhen would like to test you personally."
"Of course," ZiWei found her voice again.
The emperor laughed in delight as ZWei proved more than capable at any task he assigned her.
"I told you, didn't I?" XiaoYanZi crowed.
"Hmm...for once, you have proven truthful."
"Now the last thing, will you play for us, ZiWei?"
She answered by sitting down at the bench and placed her fingers onto the strings.
Silence greeted her when the last note faded. She glanced up and noticed that the emperor's eyes seemed suspiciously moist.
"Yes...how very much you look like YuHe…"
He coughed as the moment passed, "Shu Fang Zhai will prove a merry place."
"ZiWei does not know how to thank HuangShang…"
"Thank us? Dear child...how you have suffered...if you must thank us...then speak to us of your mother sometimes, yes?"
"Of course...mother...mother said that she waited, hated, pined her whole life. But she was still grateful that the heavens saw fit to give her someone worthy of her wait, hate, and pining."
"Zhen did her wrong. What zhen owe her, zhen will be sure to give doubly to you."
Things had to be done in such a way as to keep up appearances. ZiWei returned to XueShiFu that day and made ready to move temporarily to He Qin Wang Fu. She thought wryly to herself, as the carriage rolled away from the Palace, that it seemed quite timely, for her belongings were already packed.
"Xiaojie…"
ZiWei grapsed JinSuo's hands, "JinSuo...I'm fine...I met him, JinSuo...oh I understand now, why mother waited. JinSuo...he is so learned, so generous, so kind...to think that he is my father…"
JinSuo was greatly relieved, "I owe XiaoYanZi an apology, don't I?"
ZiWei just smiled, "It will be best, I think, for we shall be sharing her living quarters."
"What?"
ZiWei's smile broadened as she explained the emperor's plan. "I am to be Heshuo Ge Ge HeSi, younger daughter of He Qin Wang and, at HuangShang's special request, temporary companion for HuanZhuGeGe."
"Oh! But Xiaojie…"
ZiWei knew what JinSuo wished to say, "I am satisfied. It means...oh JinSuo, he hasn't forgotten mother. And this way, he means to protect both XiaoYanZi and me. I've been afforded a chance to get to know my father...what more could I ask for?"
"A chance to be with ErKang shaoye."
"JinSuo!"
JinSuo looked unrepentant, "I have kept my silence, because I know how much it has hurt xioajie to reject ErKang shaoye. But now…"
"We mustn't be greedy."
A knock on their door sounded then.
"ZiWei…"
ZiWei turned around and found that she did not know what to say to him.
JinSuo hid a smile and quietly withdrew.
"I thought," she at last whispered, "that you were to honor my wishes."
"And I did."
And that was the truth, wasn't it? Despite the soundness of her choices, the logical manner in which she made her decisions, they were not her true wishes.
"At such great risk to yourself, to your family," she couldn't help but scold him.
"XiaoYanZi was meant to take all the credit."
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't know?"
"ZiWei…"
"I would have never forgiven myself, if any harm had befallen your family."
"It was worth the risk."
"Was it?"
"It was." He had no intention of apologizing.
"You should have told me."
"You would have stopped me."
She looked up at him, when had he gotten so close?
"I can't stay."
"I know." He stared at her a moment longer, searching for but not finding blame in her gaze, "but will you come back? For me?"
"Surely it's not up to me to decide."
"ZiWei…"
"In what manner would I return?"
"As my bride."
"You are so confident HuangShang will appoint me to you?"
"Yes." he reached out and held her hands in his. "Will you return to me? Share this lifetime with me?"
"ErKang…"
"Will you?"
She wondered if he could hear her heart beat. "ErKang…"
"Will you?"
She didn't trust her voice in that moment and so merely nodded.
"ZiWei…" he released her hands and gathered her into his arms at last.
She tentatively wrapped her arms around him, "yes?"
She could feel his sigh of contentment. "You can't take it back, I hope you know that."
"I think... I think I've been yours since that day in the streets."
His arms tightened about her, "ZiWei…"
She smiled against the fabric of his shirt, how light she felt. Right there, within his arms, that's where she belonged. All the previous heartache she had experienced...if they were the price for this moment, then she would willingly go through all of it, all over again.
"HuangShang named you very aptly. Until the day you return to my side, I will not be able to stop thinking about you and missing you."
"Promise me," he said as he moved her so he could stare into her eyes again, "promise me you'll be careful. XiaoYanZi has already made enemies in her brief time in the palace...even as a Ge Ge, you must answer to Huang Hou Niang Niang."
"I know."
"If it were just you...I wouldn't worry so much. But XiaoYanZi…"
"I think she's learned her lesson."
He shook his head, "That jiejie of yours...she is so unpredictable…"
"She doesn't mean any harm."
"That doesn't excuse her."
"Don't judge her too harshly," ZiWei said softly, "her life has not been without hardship."
"As long as she doesn't drag you into her messes…"
"I'll do my best to reign her in."
He shook his head, "What she lacks is discipline…"
"For me, she'll try."
"I can't deny the truth of that statement."
"Besides, I think you scared her."
"Hmmp, I doubt it. She's someone who holds her own counsel."
ZiWei smiled, "she told me that you are probably the closest she'll ever get to having a big brother."
"She said that?"
"She knows she can't beat you in a fight. She also told me what you said to her."
"I didn't think she heard me."
"XiaoYanZi only pretends to be dumb. She admitted that she deserved your admonition, that you were right to call her selfish. She's never been beholden to anyone but herself in the past."
"I never actually called her selfish…"
ZiWei chuckled, "but it's what you meant, no?"
"Someone had to tell her." He insisted stubbornly.
"She'll behave as much as she's able, if only to avoid another lecture from you."
"I must frown at her more often then."
"ErKang!"
"I'm taking no chances with your well-being."
She just shook her head helplessly. Still, she couldn't deny that a part of her was touched that he cared so much for her.
"ErKang...there's something else...I wondered if I could trouble you…"
"What is it?"
"LiuQing and LiuHong. XiaoYanZi and I, we both owe them so many explanations...and now...we may never get the opportunity to tell them in person…"
"I understand. Whatever message you wish to pass on to them…"
"LiuHong is clever. She has probably already guessed the truth. But they are trustworthy...they will never reveal it. So, whatever you do, you mustn't act heavy handedly. They may be poor, but they have their own self respect as well."
At his sheepish look, she sighed, "You already did, didn't you?"
"When I first brought you to XueShiFu...when I had gone to gather more information...I...they had risked their own lives to protect you. I...for you to have such loyal friends...it's to you credit but I...I must admit even then I was a bit jealous."
"Jealous?"
"That...that he had the privilege of meeting you before me. Not only that, but to have interacted with you so casually on a daily basis…"
She was torn between exasperation and a growing fondness, "at Da Za Yuan, we were like a family...we were all sisters and brothers, taking care of each other. And now…"
He understood that she was seeking to reassure him. He thought for a moment, "when I was perusing the deeds of our family's holdings, I came across a building in the city that has stood empty over the last year because the previous tenants decided to return to their hometown. I wonder...if LiuQing and LiuHong may be interested in it…"
He decided that seeing her smile like that at him was worth putting aside his pride.
When the empress approached the emperor to apologize for her behavior towards Ling Fei and Xiao Yan Zi, he listened to her words about XiaoYanZi's behavior. She wasn't altogether wrong…
"And what does Huang Hou suggest?"
When the empress asked to be tasked with teaching XiaoYanZi manner, however, the emperor shook his head.
"XiaoYanZi's temper reminds zhen too much of zhen's own, she's definitely someone who holds a grudge. That Huang Hou would wish to amend the relationship between you two is to be commended, but...Zhen thinks it may be better for XiaoYanZi to have someone her own age provide guidance."
"Someone her own age?"
"Hmm...Yes."
"But there are no GeGe's of similar age…"
"Ah, within the palace, no. But lao wu's younger daughter should be right about the same age. Zhen has heard that she is a true cai nu. Not only intelligent and talented, but also of a most kind and patient disposition."
"Cheng qie was not aware that He Qin Wang had another daughter."
"Hmmm? You know how odd Lao wu can be...HeSi had always been of a sickly disposition. Indeed, the taiyi's fully expected her to pass away before the age of five. Lao wu made sure she was in the family records but then did little to bring attention to her, to allow her seclusion and ensure her health. And it has worked! The child not only lived but has fully regained her health!"
"How miraculous."
"Indeed. Lao wu did always have odd ideas...but there's some genius to his madness. Yes, HeSi may be just the influence Xiao Yan Zi needs. As you say, there are no princesses of XiaoYanZi's age within the palace, XiaoYanZi may well be bored. What a splendid idea, Huang Hou!"
"Chengqie lives to serve Huang Shang."
The emperor made sure to maintain a smiling face, even though his shrewd eyes caught the strained expression on his companion's face.
"Zhen will of course rely on you to ensure HeSi feels welcomed."
"Chengqie will do all she can to ensure HeSi Ge Ge's comforts."
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and laughed, "zhen has full confidence in you!"
The emperor of course knew the empress would check. But he hadn't risen to his position solely because of his father's and grandfather's favor. The empress found little enough about this mysterious princess, but as none of the tidbits contradicted what the emperor had said, decided to reserve her judgement until HeSi made her appearance.
"Meimei, if you should find yourself in need of anything…"
ZiWei smiled at her companion, "Liu-ge (6th brother) worries too much."
Yonghuan glanced at the doorway in which Rong Mo Mo stood waiting, "I've heard things about this Huan Zhu Ge Ge…"
"Huan Zhu Ge Ge comes from the common people, it's only logical that she should retain some of her Han roots."
"Meimei is much too kind…"
"Liu-ge, Qi-ge (7th brother) and ba-di (8th brother) will surely keep you up to date on how I'm doing."
Yonghuan, seventh son of He Qin Wang, just sighed. His words were purposeful, meant for Rong Mo Mo to overhear. But in the short time he had known ZiWei, he had truly come to care for her as a younger sister. She was so very sweet, no wonder ErKang wished to protect her so much.
"It's not polite to keep the mo mo waiting," ZiWei murmured.
Yonghuan lowered his voice, "ZiWei…truly, if you are ever in any danger, remember...you have six brothers to call upon, to say nothing of ErKang."
ZiWei nodded, taking the deviation from the preplanned script in stride, "I know."
"Good." Raising his voice again, Yonghuan declared, "meimei, remember, this is only a temporary arrangement. You'll be home again in no time."
"I know. Do make sure Ah Ma takes breaks from his inventing and concocting?"
"Of course."
"And remind Liu-sao (six sister-in-law) that she must eat despite her nausea."
"She will miss your companionship."
"As I will miss hers. I do hope HuangShang will be generous and allow me to visit home for my new nephew's arrival."
"I'm sure he will."
She nodded, "I really must go now…"
"Alright…JinSuo...I know I don't need to tell you to look after her…"
JinSuo nodded obediently.
ZiWei turned back once to smile at him reassuringly before turning to greet Rong Mo Mo.
"Ge Ge must be very close to her siblings."
ZiWei followed behind Rong Mo Mo quietly, "Liu Ge worries so, even though it's been so many years since I was last ill. E Niang entrusted me to him on her passing...he takes such responsibilities very seriously."
She carefully answered other questions the mo mo saw fit to ask. She had expected such an interrogation and had prepared well. It was also easy to show affection for her 'brothers.' They had accepted her so easily, partially because of ErKang. They all knew him and thought well of him. They had been much amused at the obviously besotted way he stared at her when he brought her to He Qin Wang Fu. The older ones had their own households and their obligations to the military, but her sixth, seventh, and eighth brothers remained at home. And so, she did her best, in the brief time she was there, to be of help to her new family.
She paid her respects to the empress, knowing her every move was scrutinized. She answered more inquiries, knowing that they were another test.
Finally, after an indeterminable length of time, she was finally allowed to go to Shu Fang Zhai.
It was hard to keep a straight face as she and XiaoYanZi pretended to be strangers. And so she was ever so grateful when Rong Mo Mo finally departed.
Once she was sure the front gates were closed and Rong Mo Mo was on her way back to the empress, XiaoYanZi ran back inside and hugged her sworn sister.
"ZiWei! Oh finally!"
ZiWei laughed, "Huan Zhu Ge Ge ji xiang."
"ZiWei! Stop it! With other people I can pretend, but with you…"
"It's alright, XiaoYanZi. Am I not a Ge Ge now as well?"
XiaoYanZi turned towards JinSuo, "JinSuo, I owe you an apology too."
JinSuo sighed, "xioajie has already forgiven you, what can I do but follow suit?"
"In the future," XiaoYanZi said, "if I'm ever in danger of bringing ZiWei harm again, you must tell me."
"As Huan Zhu Ge Ge commands."
"JinSuo!"
JinSuo grinned, "I couldn't resist."
"I suppose I did deserve that."
"Alright, alright. The two of you must have much to say to each other, I'll go make sure xiaojie's belongings are settled adequately."
When JinSuo departed, XiaoYanZi sank onto her knees in front of ZiWei.
"XiaoYanZi! What are you doing?"
"I am so sorry, ZiWei, that I couldn't truly return your father to you."
ZiWei lifted her sworn sister to her feet, "Oh XiaoYanZi...you've apologized plenty. I stand by what I said, if you're truly sorry, you would be a good daughter in my stead."
"Huang Ah Ma decided that was to be my punishment too," Xiao Yan Zi grumbled.
"Oh?"
XiaoYanZi nodded, "I told him I didn't belong here, but he said...he said since lying to the emperor is punishable by death, I was getting off lightly. I can't give back the Huan Zhu Ge Ge title."
ZiWei smiled at her disgruntled expression. ErKang was right, XiaoYanZi did need discipline...it was probably the first time she had been told she couldn't do something. "Hmm...and what an awful punishment it is! To live in the lap of luxury and to have gained such a large family! What a thing for a poor orphan to experience."
At her words, XiaoYanZi noticeably perked up, "It's everything I've ever wanted, isn't it?"
"And you know...we are now doubly sisters, of our choosing but also because we're formally cousins."
"Huh." XiaoYanZi grinned broadly, "I'm so glad you're here."
"I am too."
"Even though I stole you away from ErKang?"
"XiaoYanZi!"
XiaoYanZi giggled at her sworn sister's blush, "He is so very devoted to you, he'd literally move heaven and earth for you. Though...he is rather serious, isn't he?"
"Just because you can't intimidate him into letting you have your way…"
XiaoYanZi's grin broadened as ZiWei realized the sharpness of her retort, "Ah, he is not the only one who is devoted…fine, if being Huan Zhu Ge Ge means I can ensure the unity of such a pair of mandarin ducks, I'll play my role. It won't be so different from the performances we used to put on with LiuQing and LiuHong."
"Though they likely won't have to do it that much anymore."
"Oh?"
ZiWei nodded and explained about the Fu family holding, "Hui Bing Lou is set to open its doors to is first guests this week."
"Oh how wonderful!" XiaoYanZi clapped her hands in glee, "alright, alright, I suppose I do approve of your suitor then."
ZiWei laughed.
The empress didn't want to admit it, but the emperor's plan did indeed seem to be working. She still didn't approve of XiaoYanZi on principle, but she couldn't deny that the girl did seem to learn more manners under HeSi Ge Ge's influence.
She even made a surprise visit to Shu Fang Zhai, on guise of seeing how HeSi Ge Ge was settling in, and found the two girls in the study. She couldn't deny that XiaoYanZi performed the greetings appropriately enough. The movements were not as graceful as she would have liked, but there was little on which she could actually comment.
As she disappointedly walked back to her quarters, however, she couldn't help but feel unsettled.
"Rong mo mo, do you not find it suspicious?"
"Suspicious, Niang Niang?"
"How quickly Huan Zhu Ge Ge and HeSi Ge Ge seems to have become...friends." Her last word was not spoken without distaste.
"I imagine HeSi Ge Ge has not had much opportunity for female companionship with young ladies her own age either."
"Hmm...maybe…"
"Niang Niang...the court has been much more peaceful since HeSi Ge Ge's arrival. Her demeanor, the way she holds herself...there can be no doubt that she is well bred."
"Yes...she certainly does behave as one of the royal family ought to."
"If she can curb Huan Zhu Ge Ge's wild ways, it can only be beneficial. Why, even Huang Shang seems to have softened in his demeanors towards Niang Niang…"
"I know what you mean to say. Because of Ling Fei and then, because of Huan Zhu Ge Ge...my temper has been sorely tested and I have let it hurt my relationship with Huang Shang."
Rong Mo Mo nodded, "Niang Niang sees clearly. Besides, the two Ge Ge's will be married off sooner or later. Why fuss about these minor characters? Niang Niang must focus on the long-term, the big picture."
"Yes…"
"ZiWei...I'm sooooo bored!"
ZiWei looked up from her embroidery, "I thought you were planning a puppet show for the younger Ah Ge's and Ge Ge's."
"I was...but...urg...I can't just sit still like you. I need to...I need more motion in my life…"
"Why don't you ask Huang Shang if you could get tutelage in martial arts?"
"I did...Huang Ah Ma says it's too unladylike. That no one will want to marry me if they knew I could beat them up."
"Ah...well, he's not wrong."
"But why must I marry at all?! Urg!"
"XiaoYanZi...it's an inevitability...unless you become a nun."
Seeing the look on XiaoYanZi's face, however, she felt an impending dread, "Oh no, don't you get any ideas."
"Urg!"
ZiWei took pity on her sworn sister. Honestly, she was surprised it had taken so long for her to become stir-crazy. She knitted her brows...surely there were arts more suitable for a lady…
Without warning, XiaoYanZi ran out into the yard.
"Where are you going?!" ZiWei sighed and looked at her sewing project mournfully. Standing, she followed her friend.
"XiaoYanZi! Do be careful!" So focused on looking up at the figure of her friend climbing the tallest tree, she missed the entrance of the two young gentlemen.
"What is she doing?"
"Oh! Wu Ah Ge."
"XiaoYanZi! What are you doing?" Yongqi yelled louder.
XiaoYanZi waved a hand, "don't distract me!"
Yongqi turned towards ZiWei questioningly.
ZIWei sighed again, "she was just telling me that she needed more activity in her life, but that Huang Shang wouldn't let her learn martial arts."
"And so she thought to climb a tree?" ErKang looked incredulous.
ZiWei shrugged helplessly, "At least she's staying within Shu Fang Zhai."
Yongqi looked thoughtful before yelling out again, "Xiao Yan Zi! Come down! I've got an idea that even Huang Ah Ma wouldn't reject!"
"You do?" ZiWei was curious.
"You do?" XiaoYanZi was out of breath as she hurried in their direction, but her eyes shined with excitement.
"How are you with a sword?"
XiaoYanZi blinked, "I really don't think Huang Ah Ma would approve of me holding a weapon."
Yongqi smiled, "Ah! Sword dancing is not exactly fighting, is it?"
A wide smile spread across XiaoYanZi's face, "Oh! It wouldn't be, would it?!"
"Gao Yuan! Gao Da!"
"Ge Ge!"
XiaoYanZi smiled charmingly at her guards, "could we borrow your swords? Just for a brief moment?"
The guards looked at each other. They had seen their charge do some odd things, including standing on her head so that the poems HeSi Ge Ge was trying to teach her would "sink in" better. But...this request...
"Go ahead," ErKang spoke up, "I give you permission to let your weapons leave you sides, just this once."
XiaoYanZi grinned widely as she turned towards Yongqi, "let's start!"
"I didn't mean...we really should start with some tree branches first."
"What's the fun in that?"
ErKang shook his head at XiaoYanZi's antics even as he walked with ZiWei to the other side of the courtyard.
"How are you?" Mindful that they were in the open, he didn't reach out to hold her hands as he wished to.
She smiled at him, "I am well...only…" her expression grew worried, "should you be here?"
"Wu Ah Ge is free to move about the palace. That I should accompany him while discussing a matter of state is only natural."
"Still…"
"I won't make a habit of it...no matter how much I wish I could."
"ErKang…" she flushed but did not look away from his gaze.
He cleared his throat, "But you really are well?"
She nodded, "Huang Hou Niang Niang seems to have decided that XiaoYanZi and I are beneath her notice."
"That may change…"
"Oh?"
ErKang nodded, "Huang Shang has given more responsibilities to Wu Ah Ge...and Yongqi has made no secret of his fondness for XiaoYanZi."
"About that…"
"You see it too?"
ZiWei nodded, "it's a complication I had not thought to foresee."
ErKang sighed, "and XiaoYanZi?"
"XiaoYanZi does not think in such a way...she treats all three of you like her brothers."
"Poor Yongqi…"
"HuangShang has such high regard for him…"
ErKang nodded, understanding what ZiWei was asking, "hence you must still be careful, particularly once Huang Shang announces the upcoming trip."
"Trip?"
"Huang Shang likes to travel among his people, particularly if it means he can escape a winter in BeiJing by venturing to the south."
"Ah."
"Wu Ah Ge is the only Ah Ge he has determined will accompany him."
"It's a great honor."
"Yes. The first time he has bestowed such an honor."
ZiWei nodded to show her understanding, "was that the matter of state you and Wu Ah Ge were discussing?"
ErKang nodded, "Ah Ma, ErTai, and I are to accompany them."
"For how long?"
"Three months at least."
"Oh."
"ZiWei...will you miss me?"
She was tempted to play coy but, looking at his earnest expression, couldn't bring herself to do so. "You did say that Huang Shang named me aptly…"
"ZiWei…"
The way he looked at her…
She was glad for the interruption as JinSuo set down the teaset on the table. Automatically, she poured a cup and handed it out to him. He let his touch linger and she felt her breath catch again.
"ErKang…"
"HuangShang knows...sooner or later, he will grant me my heart's wish."
"I want to go," XiaoYanZi declared resolutely over dinner that evening.
"Go where?"
"On the trip of course, I'm sure ErKang told you."
"And I suppose you're just going to ask HuangShang to let you?"
"And why not?"
"Well…" ZiWei paused. Really, why not? It was meant to be an inspection trip but...ErKang made it sound like a chance for the emperor to gain a reprieve from his usual responsibilities as well.
"You'll come too, won't you? Or would you rather pine after ErKang for 3 months?"
"I wouldn't pine…"
XiaoYanZi rolled her eyes, "What have we to lose by asking?"
What indeed?
"I should have known there'd be a condition," XiaoYanZi muttered when they returned to Shu Fang Zhai.
"You've made such improvements, I'm sure you'll memorize this poem in no time."
"But it's so long!"
"We will approach it little by little; it won't seem long after that…"
XiaoYanZi made a face.
Three days later, she threw down the piece of paper in exasperation, "I can't do it! I'll remember the first part but then not the third, or I'll remember the fourth part and then completely forget the second!"
ZiWei shook her head, "you won't succeed in such a temper. Here, let me play a song for you, maybe you just need a break to calm yourself."
"I think," ZiWei added as she settled herself in front of her guqin, "that you want to go so badly that you've given yourself too much pressure."
XiaoYanZi propped her head on her hands and let ZiWei's tune sooth her a little bit. She did very much want to go on this trip. Life in the palace was one of luxury and, with ZiWei's company, she wasn't lonely as she had been in the beginning. But...there were times when she felt like she couldn't breathe because of all the rules and the need to behave with decorum. Learning sword dance helped, but she just wanted to feel free again.
She sighed...why couldn't the stupid poem be in plain language instead of being full of fanciful metaphors and flowery imagery? And the worst part was...she found that she actually understood some of the references! Urg. She barely knew herself sometimes.
"XiaoYanZi, what else troubles you?"
"Hmmm?"
"The thundercloud on your face is so dark, I'm inclined to ask JinSuo to bring an umbrella."
When XiaoYanZi didn't react to her teasing, ZiWei stood and then sat closer to her friend.
"XiaoYanZi?"
"I'll never be able to go back, will I?"
"Go back where?"
"To Da Za Yuan, to LiuQing and LiuHong, to...to a normal life."
"Do you want to?"
XiaoYanZi opened her mouth, intending to say a resounding "Of course!" But something held her back.
"I…I don't know." She at last admitted.
"You mustn't think me greedy," she added quickly, "though it is nice not having to worry about clothing, food, or shelter...it's not just that…"
ZiWei nodded sagely, "you don't want to disappoint HuangShang."
"I become powerless when people are nice to me. But...he's your father."
"Oh XiaoYanZi, family does not always been blood relation. It was like that when you lived with LiuQing and a LiuHong, wasn't it?"
"Yes...but also no...ZiWei...I've never had a father."
XiaoYaZi didn't know the right words to convey herself, but ZiWei understood nonetheless. "We swore to the gods, didn't we? You fu tong xiang, you nan tong dang. My father is your father."
"ZiWei…" XiaoYanZi still lacked the right words, but she pulled the paper resolutely towards herself and exerted more effort to focus and learn.
ZiWei smiled and left her to her task.
She walked into the courtyard and glanced up at the moon, how bright it was that night! And maybe, on this trip, she would be able to share a similar sight with ErKang. She blushed a little at her own daring thoughts but...how her heart thrilled at the possibility.
XiaoYanZi spoke truthfully. Neither of them could go back to their old lives. The ZiWei of a few months ago certainly wouldn't have been able to understand the implications of royal favor. But change was inevitable. This world in which they both now found themselves...it did not suffer fools. She had stayed, because she should have and truly wanted to, for her mother, for ErKang. And in staying, she had to learn to adapt.
Whether or not XiaoYanZi consciously understood, she was also changing. For who's sake? ZiWei liked to think it was partially for their sisterhood, this fated friendship of theirs. But she also knew not to underestimated the bond between father and daughter. The very fact that XiaoYanZi had no background surely granted HuangShang a certain freedom to indulge her so much. And even XiaoYanZi had come to realize, if only subconsciously, that such indulgence was not without expectations as well.
And what of WuAhGe? XiaoYanZi admired him, for his intelligence and fighting abilities. ZiWei knew that much. In XiaoYanZi's eyes, ErKang was the stern older brother and ErTai was the playful younger brother. And Yongqi? What was he to XiaoYanZi? Does XiaoYanZi even know? If he asked XiaoYanZi to stay for him, would she?
ZiWei shook her head. What a strange direction her mind had wandered. Wu Ah Ge surely knew that as Huan Zhu Ge Ge, XiaoYanZi was destined to remain his sister. His own destiny was also surely enough to stand between them. Ah, but what right did she have to pass such judgement? Was her present circumstance not enough proof that the determination of a man in love could create what is seemingly impossible?
She smiled, an expression that seemed inevitable whenever she thought of ErKang. Her fingers tingled in remembrance of the feel of his hand on hers. Three months...what was three months to a lifetime? And yet...how glad she was that she had no need to 'pine.' She took out the he bao (荷包) she had finally managed to complete. She wasn't brave enough to embroider anything too obvious, such as mandarin ducks, but...surely she could be forgiven for taking a chance with the flowers for which she was named?
XiaoYanZi was in high spirits as their carriage rolled through the countryside. She pulled aside the curtains and stuck her head out into the fresh air.
"XiaoYanZi, do be careful!"
XiaoYanZi retracted her head at ZiWei's words but continued to laugh gaily, "What a beautiful day it is!"
The emperor also laughed with her, "No wonder you tried so hard with that poem! If you like being out of the palace so much, perhaps I should arrange for your marriage soon. Hmm...you and ZiWei are as close as sisters, why don't I appoint one of you to ErKang and the other to ErTai?"
ZiWei startled and looked sharply at the emperor.
XiaoYanZi though, looked distinctly uncomfortable, "Huang Ah Ma! Why must you ruin such a wonderful day with talk of marriage?"
"Ruin? Why would you say ruin? ErKang and ZiWei seem pretty fitting for each other."
"Though I agree wholeheartedly," XiaoYanZi remarked, "Laoye surely likes ErTai too much to punish him so cruelly."
"Oh? You have such a low opinion of yourself?"
"Laoye...must we talk about it now? And in front of Ji Shi Fu too? Such a thing should be discussed in private...if only to protect my maidenly modesty."
JiShiFu laughed, "Ah, even you possess some maidenly modesty? After those poems about cow's excrement...I had thought you were above embarrassment."
"Those were really early works...after ZiWei's coaching, I too can remark on the beauty of the sun beam or the sight of dew on flower petals."
The emperor laughed, "Yes, yes, you have improved much. All to ZiWei's credit. ZiWei, we must reward you somehow."
"ZiWei needs no reward, the amusement I gain from XiaoYanZi's first drafts is enough reward."
"ZiWei! Even you would tease me?"
ZiWei smiled at the pout on XiaoYanZi's face, "what was that song you sang on your way to class?"
"Oh? XiaoYanZi, you have a special song for school? We must hear it."
XiaoYanZi made a face but complied.
Ji Shi Fu laughed at the lyrics, "Ah! So even you have moments of fear!"
"Not everyone can spout literary greatness from birth," XiaoYanZi retorted.
"A very wise observation," the emperor chuckled.
"ZiWei, now it's your turn, I think."
"My turn?"
XiaoYanZi nodded, "to sing of course."
"Ah yes, it has been long since you've sung for us, ZiWei."
At their expectant looks, ZiWei found that she had no choice but to comply.
Cheered by the bright nature of her song, XiaoYanZi forgot her earlier indignance and joined with her own voice.
Outside the carriage, ErKang smiled at hearing ZiWei's sweet voice...how happy she sounded.
"You must be thinking about ZiWei again," ErTai couldn't help but tease.
"Have I become so transparent?"
Yongqi laughed, "Only when it comes to ZiWei. Even a blind man can see it."
"What have I to hide?"
"You just want to stake your claim, so that no one else would dare think about her in such a way." ErTai observed.
"Can you blame me?"
Yongqi shook his head, "You know, as a guard, you're not supposed to have feelings about any maid within the palace, let alone a Ge Ge."
"But we're not in the palace now, are we?"
Yongqi inclined his head in recognition of the truth of the statement.
"Besides," ErTai added, "we all know that this trip has more than one purpose."
Yongqi sighed. Oh how well he knew it. Hearing XiaoYanZi's voice, he smiled sadly. ErTa was right to remind him.
"Enough," ErKang said, "listen to their song...the day really is too beautiful to speak of such solemn topics. Let us just enjoy the present."
Yes, Yongqi thought to himself, he should take ErKang's counsel to heart. He would enjoy this time, the simple joy of being around XiaoYanZi before...before she became someone else's wife.
Ji Shi Fu shared the emperor's passing comment about ErKang and ErTai with Fu Lun. The two of them had formed a camaraderie over the years...both were in service to the same master, both ever observant so as to predict their master's wishes.
"I must offer my congratulations," Ji Xiao Lan offered.
"Is it not too premature?"
JiXiaoLan smilingly shook his head, "surely you can see it too. This past week...the youngsters get along very well with one another, but ErKang's eyes never leave ZiWei if he could help it."
"ErKang has been taught better than to offend a Ge Ge like that."
Ji Xiao Lan just laughed, "HuangShang has always meant for him to become an E Fu. You mark my words. When we return to BeiJing, you will be preparing for at least one wedding."
WIth a last slap on FuLun's shoulder, Ji Xiao Lan departed for his own room.
FuLun thought carefully on his associate's words. He had suspected, when ZiWei had stayed at XueShiFu, that his elder son had developed feelings for the girl. But as nothing seemed to come of it, he hadn't interfered. And then...just as everyone had come to accept the new reality, ZiWei suddenly became a Ge Ge as well. He had attributed the change to XiaoYanZi, but...having had the opportunity to observe Huan Zhu Ge Ge these past few days...he wondered.
He should be upset that his son had prioritized his own happiness over the future of their family. He should summon his sons and reprimand them both. But...no harm had truly been done. And if Ji Xiao Lan's words prove true...it was to the Fus' benefit to have not one, but two, Ge Ge's marry into the family. He had learned that often, the best course of action was inaction. He was proud of both ErKang and ErTai. And they were not children anymore, it was time his sons learned to shoulder the consequences of their own choices. As long as they did not threaten the safety of their family, he would hold his peace.
"You can't." ErTai's words made Yongqi pause.
"Who are you to tell me what I can or cannot do?"
ErTai ignored Yongqi's sharp tone, "You can't tell her. It's already a dead knot."
"You just want her for yourself."
ErTai sighed. Yes. He also liked XiaoYanZi. He had never known anyone like her. But he valued his friendship with Yongqi even more. "Have we really come to this? That we'd let a girl fracture our friendship?"
"She's not just a girl...you can't understand…"
"You're right, I can't. I know what you feel for her is as strong as what my brother feels for ZiWei. As such, you should protect her. What she did today, with that ball, it angers you...it pains you...because she seems so oblivious. But you can't. If you tell her, what would it accomplish? She is Huan Zhu Ge Ge. You are Wu Ah Ge."
Yongqi hit the wall in frustration. He wished sometimes that ErTai wasn't so logical.
"Her ignorance is part of her charm." ErTai added, "her ignorance ensures her happiness."
"But it hurts."
ErTai sighed, "ying xiong nan guo mei ren guan. My brother is not the only one…"
"It's not fair. ErKang will have his ZiWei. Surely you've noticed the subtle looks among the elders. Huang Ah Ma only had to allude to it once."
"You're jealous."
"Of course I am! To the point that...I can hate ErKang for it."
"Yongqi...don't let this destroy you, your future…"
Yongqi stared at the wall for a long moment before turning around to face his friend, "Why must you be so sensible?"
"Among the five of us...someone has to be."
"I think...I think I need to be alone for a while."
"You won't do anything foolish?"
Yongqi smiled sadly, "I promise, alright?"
ErTai decided to trust him. At the doorway, he turned around, "it might behoove you to spend some time with Laoye, just the two of you. The other Ah Ge's would kill for a chance like this."
And that was the truth, wasn't it? His brothers would literally kill for a chance to be chosen. He knew what was at stake. He also knew why ErTai felt it was necessary to continue reminding him. It wasn't just about his own future...the Fu family had thrown their support behind him. Whatever happens to him will also affect their future. And they weren't the only ones. It was his duty, in obligation to all who supported him, in obligation to his departed mother, in obligation even to his father, not to disappoint their hopes.
Oh, but how much he wanted to be selfish!
Another soft knock sounded at his door. He looked up wearily.
"WuAhGe?"
"ZiWei, what brings you at this hour?"
ZiWei bit her lip, "I just wanted to see if you needed company."
"ErTai was just here."
"Ah. Then...I won't disrupt you."
"Wait."
She turned back around.
"XiaoYanZi...she…"
"She's puzzled by your reactions to her well-intentioned act. But I explained to her that your marriage had to be very carefully considered. She thought it all utterly boring and even felt sorry for you."
"She feels sorry for me?"
ZiWei understood the irony of that statement, "Yes."
"Wu Ah Ge...I know you have no need of my sympathy, but...should you ever need someone to talk to…"
"Thank you, meimei."
She smiled gently, "the summit of a mountain allows one to see far and wide, but it can be a lonely place to stand..."
He sighed, "Yes."
"HuangShang means to keep XiaoYanZi at his side for a few years yet."
"But sooner or later…"
"She joked about joining a nunnery."
"Then the nunnery must have a very stable foundation."
ZiWei was glad to see that he could still joke. "Good night, Wu Ah Ge."
ErKang accosted her on her way back to her shared room with XiaoYanZi.
"ZiWei? You are very pensive."
"Yes...I just spoke with Wu Ah Ge."
"Ah…"
"XiaoYanZi really is clueless." ZiWei sighed.
"It may be for the best."
"I feel guilty."
"Why?"
She just looked at him.
"Wu Ah Ge's position comes with certain expectations and demands, he is no stranger to them."
"But it's the first time he's been tested like this, isn't it?"
"He will face many more in the days ahead."
"I cannot help but think that he may face challenges better with someone at his side for whom he cares and who cares for him."
"ErTai and I have ever supported him."
"You know what I mean."
ErKang sighed. Yes, he did.
She paused suddenly, "ErKang."
"Yes?"
"Do you think they're even suited for each other?"
"It's hard to say," ErKang replied honestly, "they come from such different backgrounds...XiaoYanZi has changed, but she will never truly understand Yongqi's position and the burdens that come with it. As for Yongqi...he would face the pressure of molding XiaoYanZi into someone she is not."
"So maybe it really is for the best…" she murmured, "still...I want to believe that love can overcome all differences."
"Your optimism is one of the things I treasure most about you."
She felt his fingers wrap about hers and smiled shyly at him.
"ZiWei...how is that I see you day in and day out and yet...I still find myself missing you? And I find myself wondering...do you think of me too?"
"Of course I do!" she let go of his hand for a brief moment to retrieve the item from her pocket.
He took the he bao from her, "ziwei flowers…"
"With every stitch..."
"I will treasure it and never let it leave my side." he vowed, grasping her hand again and, this time, laying upon it a soft kiss.
"ErKang…" she shivered despite the warmth of the night.
"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't…"
"I…" she bit her lip and looked away from him.
She felt him release her hand but her relief was short lived as she felt his fingers tilt her chin towards him.
"ZiWei…"
She should move away, all the manners she'd been taught demanded it, but she found that she could only look into his eyes as his lips came closer.
A sudden sound caused them to jump apart guiltily.
"It's only a stray cat…" ErKang needlessly said.
She looked back at him.
"ZiWei...I…"
She shook her head, her voice a little shaky, "I think...I think it'd be better if we bid each other good night."
"Yes...that might be best."
She smiled, in part to reassure him, "till the morning then."
"Yes."
She was grateful that XiaoYanZi had already fallen asleep. She lay in bed and stared at the canopy overhead. He was going to kiss her and she...she was going to let him. How was she to face him again in the light of day? She wasn't...wasn't that type of woman…
They weren't married, not even officially betrothed. But she had already promised herself to him, hadn't she?
She shook her head. Maybe she was doomed to repeat her mother's mistake. She wanted to believe that she was stronger, that she had enough self control…
Eventually, she did fall asleep. If XiaoYanZi noticed that she was slower to rise, she didn't comment on it. As she buttoned her shirt, ZiWei smiled...she had never been so grateful for XiaoYanZi's obliviousness than in that moment. Over breakfast, she found herself avoiding ErKang's gaze. In truth, she didn't trust herself.
As they walked around another town, however, he pulled her aside so that they lingered in the rear of the group.
"ZiWei...I wish to apologize."
"What?" she looked at him then.
"I...I should have controlled myself better. I shouldn't have frightened you. Please...don't stay angry with me?"
"Angry with you? I'm not angry with you."
"You're not? But all day..."
ZiWei shook her head, "I should have stepped away…"
"No, ZiWei...I took advantage of you innocence and kindness. I will do better, I promise."
She shook her head, "we were both at fault. Perhaps if we felt less…"
"Still...although, in my mind, you are already mine, I know that in reality, I need to control myself better until we are properly wed."
At her expression, he added, "I should not speak so frankly…"
"No, you should not…" she agreed, "but...I'd rather hear your honesty."
He let out a breath, "You're certain, you're not angry?"
She smiled, "I promise I'm not."
She glanced up the street, "We should catch up before we're missed."
He followed her lead as they rejoined the group just in time to hear Ji Shi Fu's explanation of the purpose of market day in small towns.
"Do you think there'll be performances?" XiaoYanZi asked ZiWei.
"None that can match the ones you used to do, I'm sure."
"Well, of course not! No one can compare to me."
ZiWei laughed at XiaoYanZi's boastful tone.
"What's so amusing?" the emperor cut in.
"Just XiaoYanZi," ZiWei replied simply.
"Ah yes, she is our resident kai xin guo."
"Laoye, admit it, this trip would be much more boring without me."
"Hmmm we certainly would have missed out on a lot of laughter."
"See!"
A commotion ahead of them on the path caught her attention, "hey! What's going on there?"
"XiaoYanZi! Wait!"
ZiWei's cry, however, fell on deaf ears as XiaoYanZi charged ahead. They watched as she exchanged words with a burly looking young man as she stood in front of a frail looking young girl kneeling on the ground. Before they knew it, a fight broke out.
"ErKang, ErTai, Yongqi," the emperor barked, "go help XiaoYanZi."
The three young men didn't need to be told twice.
"And stay away!" ZiWei heard XiaoYanZi yell as the ruffians ran. She then turned towards the young girl, "are you alright?"
"Jiejie...you saved me! CaiLan will be forever grateful! Zuo niu, zuo ma...whatever jiejie wishes, CaiLan will do."
"Oh heavens, I already have more servants than I know what to do with. Just tell me, why did they attack a harmless thing like you?"
"You didn't even know why and you picked a fight with them?" ErTai asked incredulously.
"They were obviously in the wrong," XiaoYanZi retorted, "5 men going after a single girl...it's never anything good."
"Still…" ErTai grumbled.
"Don't mind him," XiaoYanZi turned to the girl again, "CaiLan is it? Come on, tell me your story."
And so unfolded a sad tale of a young girl who was willing to sell herself to ensure her father's burial.
"Three days ago...in another town, they did buy me, but...my father was never buried…"
"Did they hurt you?" XiaoYanZi looked alarmed.
CaiLan shook her head, "I ran away before they could…I left the money, I didn't take a single penny...I didn't think they would find me here."
"Where is your father's body?" ZiWei asked kindly.
"In the abandoned temple yonder."
"We will help you bury him," XiaoYanZi said resolutely.
"XiaoYanZi...we still have a distance to travel today…" ErKang reminded her.
"Well, we can't just let her sell herself again…"
"We could just give her the money for it."
"But what if the ruffians return?" ZiWei shook her head, "CaiLan, what were you plans after you buried your father?"
"I was going to find work as a maid somewhere."
"Don't you have any family left?"
CaiLan shook her head, "Father said we may have distant cousins in ShiJiaZhuang, but they had lost touch years ago."
The two girls exchanged helpless looks with each other.
"Jiejie…" CaiLan implored, "Let me travel with you, I won't be much trouble. I can cook and clean and..I don't even need that much food…"
When XiaoYanZi hesitated, Yongqi spoke up, "I know you want to help her but it really wouldn't be practical...she's not a stray pet that you can just claim…"
"Well of course not! She's a living, breathing human being!"
"Why are you upset with me? I agree with you!"
"Alright, you two," ZiWei broke in before an argument could ensue, "we all want to help CaiLan, we're united in that goal. Why don't we help her bury her father first? We can think of how to help her as we're doing it?"
XiaoYanZi shot Yongqi one more glare before turning to smile at ZiWei, "you are so smart, ZiWei."
ErKang sighed, "I'll go explain to Laoye the cause for delay."
"The Ge Ge's have kind hearts," JiShiFu remarked quietly in response to ErKang's report.
The emperor chuckled, "XiaoYanZi just likes to duo guan xian shi."
"Like father like daughter," HuTaiYi muttered.
The emperor turned slightly but then just smiled, "indeed, like father, like daughter. Alright, Fulun, why don't we find a tea house in which to settle while we wait for the youngsters to complete their good deeds?"
When the youngsters finally returned, XiaoYanZi had an extra bounce in her step.
"Do we have your permission to hit the road again?"
XiaoYanZi smiled, "oh yes!"
"What happened to the girl?"
XiaoYanZi grinned broader, "ErTai had the perfect idea! We took her to the local prison."
"The local prison? How is that helpful?"
"That place is full of guards, those ruffians would surely never dare to bother CaiLan there! And they just happened to need a scullery maid."
"Still, a prison is so...depressing a place…"
"Oh, but the kitchen is a rather cheerful place. And the head cook a stern but nice sort of lady."
"How could you tell?"
"From experience. I'm very good at telling good masters from bad ones."
"From experience?" JiShiFu asked curiously.
"Oh yes!" XiaoYanZi paused as ZiWei kicked her beneath the table, "I mean, from intuition!"
"Intuition, huh? The poor girl…"
"Laoye! Have a little faith in me."
"XiaoYanZi is not altogether wrong," Yongqi commented, "from the way the other servants dressed and behaved...they are well cared for. The local magistrate seems very responsible."
"The guards all did have only favorable reports for their superiors as well," ErKang added.
"Ah, if Yongqi and ErKang conducted the investigation, then I feel better. FuLun, you must record the name of the local magistrate...he will have rewards coming his way."
"Laoye, you really trust me so little?"
The emperor laughed as he turned back to XiaoYanZi, "I can barely trust you to look around a marketplace without finding more unnecessary trouble."
"Trouble? Laoye, is not the purpose of this trip to find out about the lives of the people and help where we can?"
"Did ZiWei tell you to say that?"
"Hey! I'm perfectly capable of thinking altruistically too." So saying, she quoted words from Confucius about how to improve the state of the world.
"Hmmm, definite progress. ZiWei is an excellent influence on you! We might have to make her occupancy with you a much more permanent arrangement!"
ZiWei laughed, "XiaoYanZi is a capable pupil when she chooses to apply herself. I would be surprised if she needed my help for much longer."
"Ah! After all we've been through together, ZiWei, you're so quick to abandon me so that you can be with…"
XiaoYanZi winced as she received double the kicks beneath the table.
The emperor felt his lips twitch at the display. He certainly had noticed the new object hanging from ErKang's belt. Out loud, however, he just declared, "enough delay, the road beckons!"
Everyone was tired from traveling at a greater speed to make up for lost time, so the group retired early that night. Early the next morning, however, ZiWei was surprised to run into Yongqi at the well.
"Here, ZiWei, let me help you."
"Thank you." ZiWei let the prince pour water into the basin she held in her hand.
Setting it on the cover of the well once he put it back in place, she turned towards her brother, "You wish to talk about XiaoYanZi's indignance yesterday."
"Yes."
ZiWei sighed, "XiaoYanZi saw too much of herself in CaiLan...she had been in a similar position not so long ago...alone, without family or friends, at the mercy of those stronger than her. She's also had her share of bad masters...she still bears some scars from whippings she's received."
His eyes widened at such a revelation.
"XiaoYanZi doesn't like to talk about it much, she'd much rather forget. Her ill temper was not directed at you, but at the sense of helplessness that CaiLan's circumstances made her recall."
"I had no idea…"
"XiaoYanZi always speaks her mind...except when it comes to her emotions. Before now, she's never really had to consider them. She was too focused on surviving."
"But she has such spirit and joy…"
"Yes," ZiWei nodded, "she doesn't like to admit loss. Her joy, her laughter...it's her way of refusing to let the harsh realities of life sink their claws into her. Although...I don't think even she is aware of it. It's just simply how she is, how she's always been."
"I see.."
"She is starting to have moments of identity crisis...and it can make her...prickly."
"Identity crisis?"
"She is still trying to figure out how XiaoYanZi and Huan Zhu Ge Ge can be the same person. Such introspection is also new to her."
Yongqi was quiet as he digested ZiWei's observations.
ZiWei lifted her basin again, "Laoye will be wanting his water soon."
"ZiWei?"
She turned back to look at him.
"XiaoYanZi is not the only one who can learn from you."
She smiled, "For what it's worth, wu ge (5th brother), I believe in you."
"Thank you." He said, and meant it.
She just smiled at him again.
The toured the gorge for which the region was famous. Their appreciation for the colors of the cliffs were rudely interrupted by the sudden appearance of a young girl who knelt and begged for help saving her father.
As XiaoYanZi charged ahead again, ErKang sighed, "Not again."
Even so, he followed behind his brother and Yongqi as they joined in the fight.
The emperor also sighed.
"Laoye, at least this time, you can't say that XiaoYanZi went looking for trouble."
The emperor just shook his head.
ZiWei helped the girl and her father stand, "won't you tell us what happened and who you're running away from?"
The old man stumbled but then stood with his daughter's help. His words caused the emperor's expression to turn thunderous.
"FuLun! We must go meet this Luo Da Ren."
By then, the ruffians had all fallen into a pile with the three young men and XiaoYanZi standing guard. He turned towards the ruffian who seemed to be the leader, "You there, where can we find Luo Da Ren?!"
The ruffian struggled to his feet with a sneer, "Ha! Luo Da Ren has a cousin in BeiJing who is an important magistrate. The lot of you just wait…"
"Oh? And who is this esteemed cousin?"
"Liang Da Ren. Even the emperor listens to his counsel."
"Indeed?"
"Liang Da Ren?"
XiaoYanZi uncrossed her arms as she shared a look with ZiWei.
"Do you know who that is?"
XiaoYanZi nodded, "Is he still a magistrate? He would force a girl to be his daughter-in-law and his cousin would force a girl to become his wife...such similar crimes, of course they're family!"
"Oh?"
ZiWei explained, "XiaoYanZi told me that when she came to BeiJing, she had tried to apply to Liang Da Ren for help to meet Laoye...the wedding was open to the public, so she thought she had a better chance for speaking with Liang Da Ren…"
"Instead, I found the poor bride attempting to commit suicide."
"And what did you do?"
"Helped her escape of course!"
"The Liang family didn't look for her?"
"I pretended to be her to give her time."
"Of course you did," the emperor commented dryly before turning to the ruffians again, "even the emperor must listen to him, huh? Well, I am impatient to meet the relative of so important an individual."
"Laoye. Laoye surely doesn't have to trouble himself personally. Fu Liu Shu and I will go."
The emperor nodded, "Fine...a lovely outing, ruined."
"Laoye, why not have XiaoYanZi tell you more about what happened at the wedding?" Yongqi suggested.
"There's not much more to tell," XiaoYanZi protested.
"Ah, then it won't take long."
XiaoYanZi sighed and launched into the tale of how she escaped that particular predicament. She was careful to leave out that it was ZiWei who had saved her. As Yongqi had intended, the emperor's mood was much improved when they arrived back at the inn.
In the privacy of his own room, the emperor turned towards ZiWei, "Ah, so that's how the two of you met!"
ZiWei nodded, "XiaoYanZi caused quite the commotion but she seemed so desperate that I couldn't not help her."
The emperor smiled but then sighed, "every year...the testing is so strictly monitored...and yet still...people like Luo Da Ren and Liang Da Ren manage to come to positions of power…"
"Laoye, that Laoye got so angry on his people's behalf is to the country's benefit. These magistrates who falsely represent you, karma will surely deal with them."
"Ah, you are too naive, ZiWei. We can't just trust in karma. No, I will think of a more systematic method to inspect magistrates."
XiaoYanZi arrived then with a plate of delicacies. As the emperor laughed at their wordplay, he couldn't help but feel content. These two girls, they had both become so dear to him. How he wished he didn't have to part from them. But, they were his daughters and he knew he had to marry them off sometimes. At least, he comforted himself, at least the Fu family still lived within the city.
He was reminded again of such thoughts during the rainstorm a few days later. He watched as ErKang hesitated between protecting ZiWei from the rain and helping move the carriage. He silently took in the concerned expression on ZiWei's face as she wiped ineffectively at the rain on ErKang's face with her handkerchief when they finally found a pagoda beneath which to wait out the rain. He didn't miss the way ErKang smiled at such a show of care or the blush on ZiWei's cheeks as she lowered herself from her tiptoes. How much he was reminded of another scene...of when YuHe had done the same for him once upon a time. Had so much time truly passed?
He had selfishly avoided speaking to either ErKang or ZiWei about the matter. He wanted some more time to get to know his daughter, particularly after he actually met ZiWei. How much like YuHe she was! But he also saw himself in ZiWei. His daughter was so very insightful and so very brave. The strength she had shown, the sacrifice she had been ready to make for XiaoYanZi's sake...how could he not be moved? He knew that if he asked for ZiWei to stay in the palace for a few years longer, she would. And ErKang would wait for her. But that would be cruel, wouldn't it? He had been in love before, he knew what it was like to be impatient. Distantly, he heard ZiWei and XiaoYanZi's voices, how worried they sounded. He wanted to reassure them, but he felt so very tired.
"HuTaiYi," ZiWei knitted her brows, "will he be alright?"
"It's just a chill, nothing too serious, but I'll go prepare some medicines to aid his immune system."
ZiWei nodded even as she wrung out the towel and used it to wipe her father's face.
XiaoYanZi, for once, was quiet as she hovered, not certain what to do with herself.
"XiaoYanZi, why don't you go make a pot of tea? I brought LaoYe's favorite from home...I'm sure he'll appreciate it after taking what is sure to be bitter medicine."
XiaoYanZi nodded, grateful for something to do.
Yongqi found her in the kitchen. "XiaoYanZi, you should be resting."
"ZiWei sent me to make tea."
"Ah."
She set the water kettle on the stove and knelt to check the flames. He watched as she just stared at the fire. She was unnaturally still.
"XiaoYanZi?" He approached her quietly and was alarmed to see her shoulders shake. He reached out a hand to grasp her shoulder. She startled and turned to face him. "You're crying…"
"It's silly," she wiped at her tears as she stood up and went to the table to fiddle with the teapot.
"XiaoYanZi…"
"Hu Tai Yi said it's barely a cold."
"LaoYe is strong, he will be well."
"Of course he will be."
"XiaoYanZi…" he reached out and turned her to face him, "he's my father too."
She glanced up at him, her eyes still brimmed with tears.
"Come here." He wrapped her into his arms.
The moment when he felt her cling to him was bittersweet.
He patted her back, "it'll be alright."
"It's silly," she murmured again.
"Not at all." He said just as quietly, "it's never silly to worry about someone you care about."
"ZiWei said...her father is my father too."
"ZiWei is usually right, you should listen to her." He smiled at hearing her chuckle. "Better?"
He felt her nod but still she didn't make any movements to let go of him.
"I never knew my family," her voice sounded unusually subdued, "I've always been scared that I was abandoned, that no one wanted me."
I want you. He thought but did not dare say out loud. "Oh XiaoYanZi. You're very much wanted. This family would not be the same without you. LaoYe would miss out on having you as a daughter, ZiWei would miss out on having you as a sister…without you, LaoYe would not laugh nearly as much and ZiWei would not have met ErKang…"
"It's scary," XiaoYanZi admitted after a moment, "to care so much."
Thinking on all that ZiWei had told him about XiaoYanZi, he replied, "caring is not a weakness."
He heard her sniffle before she made to move out of his grasp. He reluctantly loosened his hold on her and wiped the last of her tears from her cheek.
"Better?" He asked again.
She nodded, "thank you."
"I am your big brother, it's my responsibility to look after you."
The rattling of the boiling water within the kettle stole her attention.
"Ouch!"
"XiaoYanZi!" He grabbed her injured fingers and blew on them. "How could you forget a towel?"
"Oops?"
He shook his head at her. "Go prep the tea leaves, I'll get the kettle."
She moved to comply.
"I'll go fetch the medicine from Hu Tai Yi," he said as she lifted the tray with the teapot carefully, "you'll be careful?"
She nodded, a look of concentration on her face.
He smiled and made to go complete his own task.
"Yongqi…"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
He smiled, "I will always be there for you."
She nodded. "Thank you."
She could not know what his words truly meant. But it was alright. He had gotten to hold her in his arms...it was enough.
ZiWei stilled as she felt her father stir.
"YuHe?"
She saw as he blinked the sleep from his eyes, "ZiWei."
"LaoYe."
There was a look of sadness on his face, "will you call me Ah Ma? Just once?"
ZiWei felt tears gather in her eyes but she nodded, "Ah Ma."
"My daughter…"
"Ah Ma…" she dared to say again.
"How precious those two words are...I said once, that I would doubly give you what I owe YuHe...and I can think of no better way than to give you away."
"AhMa?"
"You and ErKang…" he sighed, "I've given other daughters away...but it never gets easier. And with you...it's so soon…"
"ZiWei can wait."
"Dear child…I was young once too...I know how a day can pass in the blink of an eye and how a year can seem like a lifetime. You and ErKang...I've never been so assured of a daughter's happiness. Just promise me...that you won't forget about your father...remember to visit, yes?"
"Of course...I've waited 18 years to meet you, traveled so much distance on the slim chance that I would be able to...I could never forget about you, Ah Ma."
"Good. Good."
A knock on the door interrupted the moment. ZiWei quickly wiped her eyes before standing.
"Ah Ma, your medicine."
"And your tea."
The emperor smiled at his favorite children, all three of them gathered in the same room. Yes, despite all the mistakes he had made, he was very blessed.
"ZiWei…"
She barely had time to turn around from closing her door before she felt his arms wrap around her.
"ErKang...what…"
"Just...let me savor this moment…"
He let go of her slowly, "LaoYe summoned Ah Ma and I for an audience last night..."
"Oh."
He smiled down at her, "Oh? Is that all you can say?"
"Did he assign some task to you?"
"Yes, in fact he did. The most important task I've ever been given."
"Dare I ask what it is?"
"You have the most right to know."
"Indeed?"
He clasped her hands in his, "he's entrusted me with a most valuable treasure."
"How valuable?"
"Priceless."
"Ah. Valuable indeed." She nodded agreeably.
"ZiWei...do you not wish to know what it is?"
She smiled back at him, "do enlighten me."
"A most beautiful blossom...to be my wife."
"How strange of LaoYe to appoint a plant to you."
He laughed at the twinkle in her eyes, "XiaoYanZi is a bad influence on you…"
When she continued to smile at him, he couldn't help but hug her again. "How very happy I am."
She sighed contently as she leaned into him.
Suddenly she pushed him away.
"What's wrong?"
She glanced around to make sure they weren't seen.
He smiled again at her shyness, "I did say I would behave, didn't I?"
He reluctantly took a step away from her, "But it's so much easier said than done."
ErKang didn't want to believe that she could be hurt. He watched her pale face, silently begging her to wake up. Surely fate wouldn't be so unkind? To snatch her away from him when they were so close to having their forever?
"You should go rest, you're injured too."
ErKang turned briefly to look at the emperor who sighed, knowing that his words would not be obeyed.
"I care very much about her too."
ErKang nodded and turned back to watching ZiWei. He held her hand in his uninjured one. He really should be helping Yongqi investigate the assassination attempt. But he couldn't tear himself away, not with how much blood ZiWei had lost...besides, it was reasonable to give Yongqi this chance to shine.
And so they waited.
The emperor watched over his sleeping daughter and her worried suitor. Such devotion ErKang was showing; he should feel reassured that he had made a good decision for his daughter's future. There was a part of him, though, that felt resentful. His position was such that he did not have the freedom to give his heart so fully. It was a lesson he suspected his son was starting to learn.
Oh he wasn't blind. Though he had joked about betrothing XiaoYanZi to ErTai, he hadn't actually done it. He rationalized that with ZiWei leaving him soon, he would keep XiaoYanZi at his side a little longer. But really, he was also testing his son. Yongqi had such potential. In intellect, in manners, in skills, he did not have his equal among his brothers. The hardest test though was one of the heart. Yongqi had to learn to be cruel, to those who would wrong him but, most of all, to himself.
He knew the three young men knew that this trip had been a test of sorts, knew that they had probably discussed the matter. It was good to see the genuine brotherhood among the three of them. Yongqi will need such loyal and honest zhengzi. The marriage between ErKang and ZiWei, it was as much for his daughter's happiness as it was another way to ensure Yongqi's success. Lao wu had been so careful to stay out of the fight for the throne in their youth. Through this marriage, though, because ZiWei was in name lao wu's daughter, lao wu's sons became inevitably tied to the Fu family and, in turn, to Yongqi.
He wondered if the children thought on these other implications. ErKang and ZiWei might have, if they weren't so caught up with each other. ErTai, the most clear headed one, probably did. And Yongqi? Did he realize it was a test? Or was he too entrenched in his own misery to notice?
"ZiWei…"
ErKang's voice, so full of relief, disrupted the emperor from his thoughts.
"ErKang…"
"ZiWei…" the emperor rose and joined ErKang at ZiWei's side.
"Laoye…"
"What possessed you to do something so stupid?"
ZiWei tried to smile, "there was no time for thought, only action. And I could only act on instinct."
"And your instinct was to put yourself in danger?"
"This country needs you…"
"But there are people that need you too."
ZiWei shook her head, "the stability of a country is far more important."
The emperor sighed. Yes, she was very much his daughter, wasn't she? Yongqi will do well to have this sister as an advisor as well. "ErKang would surely disagree."
"Laoye…"
The emperor shook his head at ErKang, "I will not intrude now...ZiWei, what you've done...I will go elevate your title to that of a HeShuo Gongzhu and formally adopt you as my daughter."
"Laoye has no need to..."
"You can't refuse... not after almost losing your life... besides, there's a clear precedent with your older sister, HeWan gongzhu...ErKang, make sure she rests, yes?"
"Of course."
The emperor nodded and departed.
ErKang only had eyes for ZiWei, "ZiWei...I've always thought I was so strong...but at the prospect of losing you...promise me, you won't scare me like that again."
"ErKang…" she lifted her hand, the one that wasn't held tightly in his, in an effort to wipe his tears, "don't cry...you must know, I do not mean to cause you sadness."
"I can't...ZiWei, you've become so much a part of me...I can't survive without you."
"Don't be silly, you have so much to live for, so many responsibilities. Besides, what would your parents do? The ErKang I know would never disappoint in his duties and obligations."
ErKang shook his head, "don't you see? ZiWei...you are my world. Without you...those duties and obligations become meaningless."
"Oh ErKang..." ZiWei felt her own eyes grow moist at his heartfelt words, "I'm still here…"
"Yes…" he rose and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "yes…"
"ErKang...your arm…"
He sat down again and shook his head at her sound of distress, "A superficial wound. I've had worse."
"Is anyone else injured?" ZiWei asked worriedly.
He smiled at her caring nature, "Scratches here and there, nothing major."
"Oh good."
"ZiWei!"
ZiWei grinned when XiaoYanZi's figure came into view.
"Oh I knew the heavens would answer my prayers. I asked for a sign, you know, that if the sun rose this morning, that meant the gods agreed with me that it was too early to steal you from us. And wouldn't you know, the sun rose so brilliantly this morning!"
ZiWei chuckled but then winced as she pulled at her wound. At ErKang's look of alarm, she just smiled through her pain and shook her head, "Did you now?"
XiaoYanZi nodded and left briefly to return with the medicinal bowl, "Hu Tai Yi taught me to brew it...Yongqi and ErTai are too caught up in tracking down the assassins who escaped, so I had to do it myself."
"You brewed it?"
XiaoYanZi sniffed, "ErKang, don't think so little of me. Besides, Hu Tai Yi very closely supervised."
"Let me…"
XiaoYanZi shook her head, "You've just got one arm, what if you spill some and burn ZiWei? No, no, I'd better do it."
ZIWei sat up with ErKang's arm supporting her and obediently let XiaoYanZi feed her the medicine. Despite the bitterness of the taste, she felt that life was still very sweet.
"You were so brave, ZiWei," XiaoYanZi's voice was so full of awe and admiration, "even when Hu Tai Yi was pulling out the knife...you didn't even flinch."
"But you also worried us so," she added, "that's so unlike you."
"I promise, I won't do it again if I can help it."
"See that you don't," XiaoYanZi scolded.
ZiWei smiled at such a role reversal. Despite herself, her lids grew heavy again, "I'm sorry…"
She felt ErKang lower her to the bed again and tuck the comforter around her, "Rest...it'll help with your recovery…"
She nodded obediently and drifted off to sleep.
Under Hu Tai Yi's expert care, under ErKang and XiaoYanZi's careful watch, ZiWei recovered quickly. The news that they were to return to the capital soon so that they could welcome the Tibetan lord and his daughter was met with different reactions from the three young men.
ErKang was just relieved that he would not be among those considered as a possible suitor. ErTai knew that with his brother spoken for, he very much was. As for Yongqi, he berated himself for not considering the possibility that a marriage could be arranged for him before one was appointed for XiaoYanZi.
As for the two ladies...though ZiWei was reassured that ErKang had been assigned the task of security and was not part of the martial competitions, her seventh brother was. She couldn't help but worry at her lip as Yongkun flipped and turned in an effort to escape the weapons of his opponent.
Yongkun would be the first to admit that he had no particular talent in either martial or literary arts. Not that he was hopeless at either but, when compared to his peers, he was really just average. His goal that day was simply not to embarrass himself or the dynasty too badly.
ZiWei sighed in relief when Yongkun bowed graciously in defeat.
"At the rate they're going," XiaoYanZi muttered miserably next to her, "we're going to lose so much face." She glanced at the increasingly smug expression on Princess Saiya's face across the way on the other platform. She had wanted to stand and hop and yell just like the other princess had done, but ZiWei's death grip on her arm as Yongkun faced his opponent kept her in her seat.
She perked up when she saw Yongqi step into the field and cheered loudly when he gained the first victory of the Qing representatives. "Finally!"
"Don't you find it all very stressful?" ZiWei asked, her handkerchief now hopelessly rumpled.
"Only when we were losing," XiaoYanZi said.
"But it's so very brutal…" she winced as the opposing side landed another lucky punch.
"Hence why it's so exciting," XiaoYanZi replied, not taking her eyes off the action, "the stakes are so much higher."
ZiWei just shook her head and thanked the heavens again that ErKang had been excused from this particular spectacle.
The day ended in a draw which ZiWei thought was the best case scenario for the ego of both parties. Princess Saiya, it seemed, did not agree. Ignoring protocol, she had flown out of her seat and entered the arena herself.
ZiWei saw the young men from the Qing party glance at each other uncertainty even as the Tibetan delegation gave raucous cheers in support of their princess. She hoped that the emperor would put a stop to it, but the emperor only laughed as he exchanged words with the Tibetan Tusi.
Finally, a lone figure stood and walked towards the princess.
"Oh, it's ErTai." XiaoYanZi observed.
ZiWei watched as ErTai bowed to the princes before entering into a fighting stance.
"Oh...he's toying with her." XiaoYanZi remarked thoughtfully.
"How can you tell?"
"He could have attacked more intensely there and brought an end to the match, but he let her catch her balance instead."
They watched a little longer.
"What is he doing?" XiaoYanZi muttered as with a few flashes of his sword, ErTai made flower patterns on the princess's skirts.
"Giving her a graceful exit," ZiWei responded.
"She doesn't seem to want to accept it."
A booming laugh caused ZiWei to look towards the dais holding the emperor again. She sighed in relief as he laughingly called for a close to the day's activities.
"She got off too lightly," XiaoYanZi declared as they sat in Shu Fang Zhai's courtyard.
"You're just upset you can't go out and fight too."
XiaoYanZi made a face but did not disagree. Instead, she went to fetch her sword, kicked off her shoes, and launched into a practice routine.
ZiWe just smiled and went to fetch a book. She had meant to work on her new song, but the day was too lovely to spend indoors.
ErKang bore the teasing from his peers graciously, that the younger brother was to wed before the elder one. Still, as he watched ZiWei giggle at the interactions between SaiYa and XiaoYanZi as they prepared SaiYa for the second part of her wedding ceremony, he couldn't help but feel a spark of impatience. When would it be their turn?
"SaiYa...don't lose that apple now," he heard ZiWei say.
"You sure I can't eat it?"
ZiWei's lips twitched, "I'm sure."
SaiYa sighed, "You Manchus have such odd customs. At least with our traditions, the bride is allowed to eat."
"I agree," XiaoYanZi commented even as she brought over another plate of pastries and shoved a piece at SaiYa.
SiaYa took it gratefully, "Thank you for feeding me all day."
XiaoYanZi waved a hand carelessly, "Can't have you go through this day on an empty stomach."
"XiaoYanZi thinks it's the most egregious of sins to go hungry when one doesn't have to."
"Quite right," SaiYa commented around the cake she was chewing.
ZiWei just laughed at the two of them.
No one had expected Princess Sai Ya and Huan Zhu Ge Ge to become friends. Particularly not when the princess challenged XiaoYanZi to a fight when she caught wind that Huang Shang might have at one time considered XiaoYanZi as a bride for ErTai. Their battle soon spilled out of Shu Fang Zhai and into the royal gardens and caused quite the commotion. Even when their whips intertwined and became inseparable, they just switched to hand to hand combat. XiaoYanZi, who had no idea why she was being attacked, gave as good as she got. She might not have had much opportunity to practice actual fighting, but sword dancing had taught her to be graceful and light on her feet.
When a panting ZiWei finally caught up with them, SaiYa was glaring at a grinning XiaoYanZi.
"Oh! That was fun!" XiaoYanZi remarked, heedless that her headdress was a breath away from tumbling off her head. "Princess SaiYa, we must do that again!"
"Gladly." SaiYa raised her chin, "I will keep a vixen like you away from my ErTai."
"What?!" XiaoYanZi blinked at the princess and then broke into uproarious laughter, "you think...you think that I...and ErTai!"
SaiYa looked bewildered.
ZiWei, who had finally caught her breath, explained, "Princess SaiYa, XiaoYanZi has no designs on ErTa, I promise."
"No?"
"No," ZiWei said resolutely, turning to her sworn sister, she said, "XiaoYanZi, enough."
"But ZiWei, did you hear her? Me and...ErTai! You might as well say me and Yongkun!"
"What's wrong with ErTai?!" SaiYa frowned again.
"Nothing!" XiaoYanZi said, "nothing is wrong with him. Just...SaiYa, I promise, I have no designs on him whatsoever."
"No?" SaiYa still looked suspicious.
"No," XiaoYanZi said resolutely, "I've seen what love does to people...just watching ZiWei and ErKang moon after one another…" she shuddered, "it's very sweet, ZiWei, I won't deny it, but...it's definitely not for me. I'd rather remain a free XiaoYanZi."
"Huh," SaiYa said eloquently.
XiaoYanZi went to pick up their whips where they fell and took a moment to untangle them. Handing SaiYa's back to her, she said, "So, SaiYa, how about it? Want to be my sparring partner?"
SaiYa grinned back, "Certainly. And I will definitely beat you next time."
"You can certainly try," XiaoYanZi retorted.
ZiWei looked between the two of them and just sighed...the trees in the palace will surely not survive.
Nonetheless, she found herself liking the brash princess. SaiYa was more worldly than XiaoYanZi, but had the same no nonsense approach to life that ZiWei admired. As for SaiYa, once she realized that ZiWei was betrothed to ErKang, she was more inclined to be friendly.
Speaking of which, ZiWei glanced up and saw ErKang standing in the doorway. "Oh, is it time?"
ErKang, who suddenly had a vision of ZiWei in red, did not trust himself to speak and so merely nodded.
ZiWei turned back to her companions, "Where's the head covering?"
JinSuo helpfully brought the tray over, "I put it aside, I didn't want XiaoYanZi to spill crumbs on it."
"Hey!"
SaiYa took a swig from the teacup ZiWei held to her gratefully. "Well...here goes."
"You're not nervous, are you?" XiaoYanZi commented as she took the cup away.
"Of course not! After the ceremony during the daytime, ErTai and I are already married in the eyes of our people, this," she waved an arm in a sweeping motion, "is just for show, to appease your emperor."
"Said emperor is my father," XiaoYanZi said.
SaiYa just made a face at her.
ZiWei smiled. In her own way, XiaoYanZi was trying to put SaiYa at ease.
"It's perfectly normal for a bride to be nervous on her wedding day. XiaoYanZi, you would not fare any better if it were you in SaiYa's position."
"You won't be nervous though, when it's your turn." XiaoYanZi stated.
"Of course I would be."
"Really?" SaiYa turned to her almost sister. She had seen with her own eyes the genuine affection between ErKang and ZiWei.
"Of course. It's the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another. As much as I care for ErKang...it's a milestone."
SaiYa let out a breath, "Yes."
ZiWei took the red cloth in hand and made ready to place it over SaiYa's head, "But it's also an occasion for great happiness."
"Besides," XiaoYanZi commented, "you can always hit ErTai if he does something you don't like."
"Quite right." SaiYa's voice was muffled by the covering over her head, but it remained steady.
ZiWei and XiaoYanZi watched as the wedding party departed from Shu Fang Zhai.
"Soon enough, it'll be you leaving…" XiaoYanZi muttered when the music from the parade faded into the distance.
ZiWei turned towards her friend, "XiaoYanZi, if you'd rather I stayed…"
XiaoYanZi shook her head, "No. As you say, it's the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another...you've been ready for that new life...my dislike for change should not keep you back."
"You've grown up," ZiWei observed.
XiaoYanZi smiled crookedly, "Only a little."
ZiWei wrapped her arm around her sworn sister, "No matter what, we will always be sisters."
"You fu tong xiang, you nan tong dang."
"Always," ZiWei agreed.
The moon shone brightly the night ZiWei herself departed Shu Fang Zhai. She should have set forth from He Qin Wang Fu, but the emperor made a special exception. ZiWei, making away to her own bridal carriage, heard the congratulations from her brothers and dipped a curtsy to show her gratitude. She felt XiaoYanZi squeeze her hand one last time before the flap of the carriage shut out some of the noise of the crowd outside.
She clutched her own apple and took a deep breath. Was it really only a year ago that she had despaired of ever meeting her father? What a year it had been! And now...somewhere ahead of her, ErKang led the way back to XueShiFu, the place that had originally sheltered her and the place that will now permanently become her new home. Just thinking of him made her smile. Was he thinking of her too? Did he feel as though he was in a dream as well?
There were two voices she did not expect to hear when she alit from her carriage at XueShiFu.
"Congratulations, ZiWei!"
She squeezed LiuHong's hand, "Oh!"
"Yes, congratulations!"
That was LiuQing's voice.
She wished she could flip the cloth off her own head.
"ErKang invited both of us," LiuHong explained as they walked across the courtyard.
"And of course we couldn't miss such a happy occasion!" LiuQing added, "we have only the best wishes for you."
She was glad that LiuQing's voice held no hint of bitterness or wistfulness.
"Here, hold this," LiuHong handed her one end of the red ribbon. She felt a tug on it and knew that ErKang held the other end.
"Watch your step," LiuHong added as they walked forward, crossing the threshold.
She beamed as she made the three bows. Oh how thoughtful ErKang was!
She heard LiuHong giggle with JinSuo before she was left alone in her bridal chamber. Distantly, she could hear the sounds of celebration. She took a deep breath to calm herself and reminded herself of words she had spoken to SaiYa. It was only natural to feel nervous.
Her heart sped up when she heard the sound of the door opening and she clenched her hands tight when she felt the bed dip. It took her a moment to dare to turn her head, when the red cloth was flung off her head. There was ErKang, looking at her in a way that made her flush. They twisted their arms and drank the sacred wine. The voice of the officiant fell into the distance as they just stared at one another.
The thump of the door shutting made her jump. She gasped as she felt him draw her into his arms.
"ZiWei...finally…"
She relaxed. She meant to thank him, for thinking to invite LiuQing and LiuHong, but the look in his eyes as he let go of her briefly made the words stick in her throat. She lowered her gaze, trying to calm her heartbeat.
"ZiWei…" there was the slight pressure of his fingers on her chin again, the same intense look in his eyes that made it impossible to look away...and this time, there was no stray cat to interrupt them.
The thought made her smile, which of course ErKang saw.
"What is it?"
He was so close that she could feel his breath ghost over her lips.
He also smiled at hearing her thought, "No...there isn't, is there?"
"And now," she added, "we are properly married, aren't we?"
How was it possible for him to look at her even more intently? "Not quite…"
Before she could ask him to explain, his lips descended upon hers. Oh.
He pulled away, to gauge her reaction, and, not seeing any censure, pressed his lips to hers again.
ZiWei wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed right back. The lack of control she was beginning to feel, it should have frightened her. But she was his wife now and, just like the first time he had held her in his arms, she felt that she was exactly where she should be.
"ZiWei…" he had purposefully not imbibed that much wine, despite the insistence of his guests. He had wanted to stay as clear headed as possible, so that he could control himself and not frighten her. But the way she kissed him, he felt very, very drunk.
"ErKang...make me your wife."
All the things he had planned, the slow introduction to lovemaking that he had so carefully thought out, had prepared for...he suddenly couldn't remember a single thing. Nothing mattered but her.
"ZiWei…" his fingers trembled as he undressed her, his breathing quickening as she did the same for him. And when she pressed her lips against his, dressed in just a doudou...he couldn't help the moan that escaped him.
"Let me look at you," he whispered against her lips when it became necessary to part for breath.
She looked at him so trustingly as she laid back down on their bed. His eyes swept her figure...she was all his. A wave of possessiveness crashed over him and he drowned.
She felt his weight settle on her, his hands roaming all the places his eyes had traveled as his lips pressed desperately against hers, as though he wished to suck the very breath from her lungs. She shivered as his touch brushed against the side of her chest, just at the edge of the fabric. She followed as he pulled her upward and felt his fingers pull at the ties that hid the last of her modesty. Her cheeks flushed as he laid her back down and just looked at her with an expression of absolute worship.
The feel of his fingers over her breasts made her whimper but it was nothing to when she felt his lips close around the peaks. She couldn't help but arch towards him.
"ErKang…"
"Yes?"
The way he looked at her made her press her thighs together. Ling Fei Niang Niang had explained the basic mechanics of the marriage bed to her. What the consort had failed to mention was the overwhelming sense of want ZiWei felt.
He felt the shifting of her body and responded by sliding a leg between hers.
She bit her lip as she felt her legs open for him.
He traced circles on her hips and then let his hands wander inward. "ZiWei...do you trust me?"
Her eyes were so bright as she nodded.
"Good…"
He felt her whole body shake when his hand brushed against her center. Heavens, she was so wet. He wanted...he had wanted from the moment he had first laid eyes on her. And now...he pressed his finger insistently against her. Her eyes closed as another whimper escaped her. There was no shred of shyness left as she gave herself up to the feelings he was eliciting in her. The pleasure he was deriving from reducing her to such a quivering mess may not have been right, but what he felt for her was such a strong combination of love and lust that he couldn't help but slide a finger into her. Her eyes snapped open at the invasion and she reached to push his hand away.
He captured her hand in his free one, "let me…"
He pressed against that special spot with his thumb and was gratified as he felt her hand tighten around his.
"Let me…" he whispered again as he set a steady rhythm. She was so very tight...how much he wanted to claim her right then. But he loved her too much not to make sure that she would enjoy the act. He needed to be certain that she would want to repeat it and often.
The sounds she was making, he didn't think he could grow harder. He set this chin stubbornly, all the more reason to let her have her pleasure, so that he wouldn't hurt her.
"My dear ZiWei," he said, his voice sounding hoarse even in his own ears, "how much I love you. And how much I want you."
ZiWei felt an urgency grow within herself, spurred on by both his touch and his words.
"Let me please you, my wonderful, beautiful wife."
A long groan escaped her as she felt as though she was falling off a cliff.
He finally stopped the movements of his hand as he felt her clamp down on his finger. Slowly, her breathing evened out and her eyes opened again.
He slowly withdrew his hand from her. "ZiWei...are you alright?"
"ErKang...I didn't know that it would be so…" for once, she couldn't find the right words.
He kissed her gently, "good."
He resettled himself so that he hovered over her and pressed the tip of himself at her entrance.
"ZiWei…" he paused, "I don't want to hurt you…"
"I know…" she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, "my thoughtful, considerate husband...make me yours."
He pushed inward, feeling her warmth surround him, "ZiWei...you're so…" he didn't have the words, could only stare into her eyes. When he felt a barrier, he paused again, "ZiWei…"
She smiled at him and said again, "make me yours."
How could he resist her?
She winced.
"ZiWei?"
She opened her eyes and met his concerned gaze. She could feel the restraint in his body, the control he exercised in that moment. She wiggled experimentally, it wasn't as painful as she had been led to believe it would be.
"ZiWei…" how strained he sounded.
"Don't stop."
He stared at her a moment more, as though to make certain, before sliding in bit by bit until he was completely seated within her.
"Heavens...ZiWei…"
"Don't stop," she whispered again.
He withdrew until just his tip was within her and then slammed back into her to the hilt.
ZiWei shuddered.
"ZiWei…" he couldn't hold back anymore and let his instincts take over. He could hear her make those noises again and they added to his own pleasure.
ZiWei found that she could only cling to him. Her eyes closed of their own accord again as she felt him plunder her body over and over. She really was all his now. His lips claimed hers again and she returned his kisses with equal fervor. She felt him touch her in that spot again and her already sensitized body quivered again. Unconsciously, she wrapped her legs around him and gasped as he seemed to pierce even deeper.
Her arms tightened around him as she felt that sensation build again. And as she felt herself fall again, she also heard him groan her name.
He pressed their foreheads together, still holding himself within her, "ZiWei…"
"Are we properly married now?" she couldn't help but ask when she felt like she had her voice again.
"Yes...and, as long as you don't object, I plan to properly marry you many times over."
"Oh."
He opened his eyes then, "oh?"
"What makes you think I'd object?"
"ZiWei…"
The way she smiled at him made him want to kiss her again. And so he did.
He parted from her reluctantly, "you're not too tired? It has been a long day."
She shook her head, "all the days we've waited, were they not for the exhaustion of today?"
"And if I tell you that I plan to exhaust you utterly?"
She shivered at the seductive way he asked his question, "It's our wedding night, is it not to be expected?"
"And if I do not mean just tonight?"
Her breath caught both at the huskiness of his voice and at the way his lips were trailing across her skin again, "ErKang…"
"I fear," he whispered between kisses, "that you will find me insatiable, for I have no self control when it comes to you."
"ErKang…" she pulled at him until he rose to hover over her again. She tugged at him until he pressed his lips to hers again.
It wasn't long before he felt himself stirring again.
He grasped her and rolled so that she straddled him.
"It seems, dear wife, that you have me at your mercy."
She blinked down at him, uncertain what to do.
He smiled at her. She couldn't know how often he fantasized about such a scene. He took her hand in his and wrapped it around his member.
"Oh."
Nonetheless, she followed his lead and started pumping him. She watched his expressions, fascinated by the way his eyebrows knitted together and his lips opened slightly as he panted. She wondered if he did this for himself before that night. She bit her lip at the thought that he probably thought of her as he did.
"ZiWei…" his eyes opened again, "yes, always."
She hadn't realized that she had asked her question out loud.
"Have I been too frank?"
She shook her head, "I stand by what I've said in the past, I much prefer your honesty."
"In that case…" he wet his lips and decided to take a gamble, "I want you to ride me."
"What?"
"I want to feel you slide down onto me. I want you to set the pace and give yourself pleasure. I want to see you come undone."
"ErKang…" she was starting to become familiar with this feeling of arousal.
"Will you?"
"I…" she released him and pressed her hands on his chest to brace herself. Holding his gaze, she reached down to hold him in hand again and line him up with herself. Slowly, she pressed downward, moaning a little as she felt herself stretch to accommodate him.
"ZiWei…"
She glanced up and felt her breath catch at the way he looked at her. Bracing herself again, she moved her hips experimentally. It felt somewhat different, but no less pleasurable.
She was tentative at first but as she saw his eyes flutter closed and a look of such bliss descend over his features, she gained more confidence.
Wrapped up in the pleasure she was feeling, she wasn't aware when he opened his eyes to watch her in turn. She really was his match in every way. This passionate side of her, how privileged he was to be the only one to know of it. His mind had concocted so many scenarios since that evening on their trip when he had almost kissed her. It had been wrong to think such things before tonight. But now...now she was his wife and he was determined to ensure her happiness in all ways. He wanted her to know that he was as much hers as she was his.
Her movements grew erratic.
"That's it, ZiWei…"
She moaned in response before she collapsed onto his chest.
He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair, "Thank you."
"For what?" she responded when she could talk again.
"For staying, for returning to me."
She snuggled closer and sighed contently, "With you, that's where I belong."
He heard as her breathing evened out and she fell into slumber. He did not begrudge her rest. He raised the comforter so that it covered both of them. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he also closed his eyes and, with the scent of her surrounding him, drifted off into sleep.
Outside, the celebrations lasted long into the night as the wine flowed freely. Within their chamber, however, ErKang and ZiWei were cocooned in their own world, one made of just the two of them.