This chapter has mixed POV's. Just a warning incase you get confused. ;)
EPOV
The word echoed menacingly through my head. I had realised why Bella had looked so afraid when that person yelled her name.
It was because she recognized them. Recognized them too well. I knew in a split second after she muttered the word. "Jacob," she had choked. My eyes had widened. I placed myself between Bella and the pathetic excuse for a human being she used to be friends with.
He was a person she trusted. A person she thought she was safe with. A person who had scarred her. A person that now holds a part of her life. It sickened me. Because of him, BBella may never have a day without thinking about him, how he hurt her. I thought back to my parents. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about them. That I wasn't burdened with the guilt, the agony that enveloped me.
But it had been my fault. Whereas Bella had been the victim, just like my parents were, undeserving, innocent people. People that were indisputably good. The fact that she had to live with that pain, it caused me pain, too. To see the clear anguish in her eyes was a feeling that could not be described by words.
She was so fragile, but so strong. She had even moved back to Forks, where she had vowed never to go again, just for her father. She was unselfish and loving, always putting the needs of other before hers. It made me feel pathetic, even less of a human being, which was what I was. I had accepted that. But could Bella? Could she accept me as less?
Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella.
I knew her secret. He raped her.
I wanted to end him...to exterminate...to fucking annihilate anything and everything of him, making his existence perish. The rage was clouding my vision. I had him, I had my hand to his throat...and I let him go! I roared at myself.
I had a chance to end it right there, to end Bella's suffering, her torment, everything that made her scared at night, the essence of her nightmares—everything that pained her so badly, and in turn pained me—was at my mercy, and I let him go.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me, I just had to turn and see her face. I could have finished him, but I saw Bella's eyes. The pure hatred and fear emanating from them, knowing I would become the monster if I did what I wanted to do so badly.
So I didn't...I wanted to do it for Bella, but I ended up not doing it...for Bella. Life was fucked. But, mark my words...Jacob was fucked, too.
He was beyond fucked. I'm sure Alice and Charlie would like to make him disappear.
From what I gathered, Charlie was a good father, he would do anything to protect his only daughter, his only descendant.
He loved her, even though he was never one for emotional shows, that much was obvious even from distant observations.
But, there was the matter of Billy, Bella had filled me in on the fact that they were life-long friends. Billy had asked his best friend to take care of his only son, his only descendant. I could tell the loyalty to his friend may hinder his motivation.
But when it came to children, I had seen the unwavering protectiveness, the love, the irrational obligation to your own flesh and blood. It was natural, instinct, and I knew then that Charlie would do what was right by Bella. That thought settled my rage only marginally.
I was driving around—going nowhere. Where would I go? I couldn't go home, I would be stewing in the rage, getting more and more frustrated the longer I couldn't do anything about this. I either needed to be with Bella, or I needed to be with Jacob—committing the ultimate crime of passion.
But, then again...Sigh. Bella deserved more than a murderer, no matter how just the act may be.
I had to think of her first, and that was what I was doing. However, I was also thinking of my own pleasure...Bella wouldn't be very pleased with me if I went to jail for murder...premeditated murder.
So, I had to keep my control.
The road was disappearing swiftly under my tyres. I sighed, keeping firm hands on the steering wheel as to keep them from pulling my hair out. I was only going around in circles, my car was quiet enough that no-one would be disturbed if I passed their house more than once tonight.
I wallowed in self loathe, loathe for Jacob and loathe for the fact that I remained useless...for the moment anyway.
I had only left Bella's house moments ago, but my heart still yearned for her. She was a permanent place there now. My car was slowing to a crawl, creeping along the slick asphalt. So suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, an uneasy feeling came over me...a tingling in my body, an unbridled panic.
It sent deep shudders through me...going all the way down to my bones.
BPOV
"I told you not to tell." He whispered...I didn't even have time to scream. I sucked in the necessary breath, but a firm hand grabbed my hair, throwing my face forward and into the banister on the stair case. I let out a pained gurgle. "Argh!" I wailed, trying to pick myself up off the floor. His hands grabbed my arms, throwing me back, I tumbled over the couch. He was on top of me in an instant. "No!" I begged, breathless. His weight was too much.
Not again! Please, no! I begged the universe. All to no avail. He picked me up again, only to punch me. Pain shot through my cheek and around my eye. I fell backwards, again, hitting my head on the opposite wall. My hands caught me before I could fall.
"This will teach you!" he growled. I was on all fours, he kicked me in the ribs. I cried out.
"Edward," I choked.
"Edward!"
EPOV
I was brought back to reality. I swear I had heard someone say my name. Well, not heard, but felt.
It was so surreal. I couldn't place the inkling feeling that I was needed somewhere. Why? I frowned out my windshield, wondering what to do next. I felt so...odd. I felt a pull, a tug from some place. I needed to go somewhere. Maybe it was because I was frustrated, I needed to work it off.
I should drive around some more, maybe see Carlisle at the hospital. He was working late tonight. I should go visit him, he would be pleasantly surprised. Plus, seeing his face, it would help me forget about him.
I sighed, still not shaking that strange feeling, and started out toward Fork's hospital...
BPOV
"No!" I screamed. His hand wrapped across my face.
I let out an agonized sob. He was kneeling over me. I was on my back again.
I was going to die. This time, Jacob was going to kill me. I savoured the feeling of breathing in and out. I would surely be losing that pleasure soon. There was no dignity in death, usually. Charlie had told me this. After sighting numerous autopsies.
There was no dignity, maybe a scrap, a partial piece of who you were.
In this moment, I knew there would be no dignity for me. I was going to die...I was going to be murdered...I was going to be raped.
Again. I felt the bile rising in my throat.
I caught a glimpse of the sick look of pleasure in his eyes while he struck me over and over and over again.
His hand lifted, my mind wandered, only for a moment, filling my head with distant and close memories.
When I was eight years old, my mother had taken me to the beach when we were visiting my Grandma in California. I had fallen off the brick wall, her hand catching my ankle before I split my head open on the sharp rocks below. I remembered the look of relief on her face when she said "My baby's okay."
Another memory blazed like burning embers before my lids. I was ten. I was on my Summer vacation in Forks—my home away from home. I liked to call it my home now. Charlie had his hand on the seat of my new bike. "Come on, kiddo. Get on." He smiled encouragingly. I grimaced, taking a deep breath.
"Da-ad," I complained, turning his name into two syllables. "I don't wanna do this," I murmured, scared of falling. He lifted me up onto the seat, not taking no for an answer. My hair blew with the breeze and I was flying, that was my interpretation at that age. Riding my bike was equivalent to flying.
I had been so elated. I had no help from Charlie. I had done it all on my own, I had been so proud.
Another spark of reminiscing. This one was more recent, not as old, but by far, more unique more imperative.
I had been strolling through the cafeteria, bottle of lemonade in one hand, my other hand swinging by my side.
Tripping on the flat floor of the lunch room, like the klutz I was. I had stumbled, dropping my soda bottle.
It rolled towards the door, I ran after it like a little child, coming to an abrupt half when I encountered a pair of sneakers. He bent down to retrieve the bottle for me as I gaped silently up at his face. Later that day...He had caught me before I fell back into the paint trolley, we shared pleasantries.
That's what it would seem like to an outside observer...to me it was so profound.
"Bella," he had repeated my name, seeming to like it. I remembered with perfect clarity, the hot burning of my cheeks when I ran into him again in the halls. That was when he had been avoiding me. He was being polite, but not trying hard to talk to me. I had felt so self-conscious and rejected.
But I remembered that morning he had rescued me from Newton.
As I looked back at it now, I could see the same set of his jaw, the naked hatred in his eyes as he glared jealously at the rival he thought he had.
I hadn't realised it then. I had been wrapped up in my own feelings, unaware of the mirrored emotions he held for me. I remembered the first time I made him smile.
The first time I had realised I was in love with him. I thought it had been one-sided, unrequited.
That I had fallen for Edward and he hadn't felt exactly the same way. I also remembered the pain. The crippling pain. After our first kiss. That one kiss I had thought destroyed us, destroyed me all over again. The kiss that I could not regret.
I couldn't regret it even when I thought he didn't love me...there was no regretting it now. Then, when he confessed. The shared moment when he held my eyes with his, gazing intensely, trying to see into me, trying to decipher me. The moment he said, "I love you, Bella." At that moment I thought my heart would stop beating.
My world halted, the planets aligned. The sun exploded, the moon dropped out of the sky. Anything would have been less of a surprise.
But nothing—nothing would have made me happier. He held me to him, and I admitted what I felt for him, too. Just mere words to a lot of people. I had shared my heart, my soul. There was no turning back. From that point, I believed in soul mates. I still do, even as I lay here, preparing for death on my living room floor.
The night he stayed with me. So beautiful, so important...one of my favourite memories. A memory I had hoped to build upon. I had hoped a lot of things.
I had hoped to get better. I had hoped to grow up. I had hoped of finishing school, getting married. I had hoped of a future with Edward.
The only man I loved. The only man I would ever love. He was everything I had, everything I ever was. I wanted to have children with him. I wanted to grow old. But fait had other plans. Plans that didn't have a happy ending. But, that's how life worked. Who was I to object? It wasn't my place.
I had been handed a gift, something so beyond what I expected. I had been given my share and then some. It was only fair that I shouldn't get more happiness than everyone else in the world. What about Edward, though? He would find his perfect other. I knew it in my heart.
He would live out the future I would never get to see. As long as he existed, I knew I could let go.
He would learn to let me go, too. People healed with time. I had begun to. I knew it, I had been getting better. I had owed that to Edward, though.
He was my safety net. But now I was free-falling again. Edward was nowhere to be seen. He had been dealt a different hand. I shouldn't interfere with my wants, my desires, my will to live. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. How long could one person be loved anyway?
Life didn't go on forever. I opened my eyes to see Jacob's upraised fist collide with my face. I choked on the blood in my mouth, coughing it up.
A look of sheer determination shadowed his face. He was my demon. He was here to ruin my life, to take it away.
Instinctively, I tried shielding my face from his hands. His weight was gone, I rolled to my side, coughing up more blood.
He kicked me in the stomach again, unrelenting, merciless...pure evil. I bid silent goodbyes to my family and to Edward. Tears streaking down my face. Despite my resolve to go willingly, survival was strongly ingrained in my genetics. I tried getting up, tried crawling away.
His hand caught my ankle, pulling me back to him. I kicked and scratched. He just chuckled, like he was enjoying it.
His giant hands encircled my throat, cutting off my air supply. I willed myself. I couldn't help it. It was painful.
Yes, I had lived through worse pain. But pain was pain. And it was normal to try everything you could to stop it.
I struggled under his grasp. He brought my head forward, banging my head back into the floor boards. I stared up into his eyes, finally able to do so, only when it was too late. I could see the front door and the kitchen from where my body was sprawled.
With an enormous feat of strength on my part, I managed to raise my knee, pulling it flat against the floor and pushing it forward with enough force to cause him pain. His hands loosened for just long enough. The blood trickled down the corner of my mouth.
I knew I was bleeding in other places too. I sucked in that breath. But I didn't use it to scream. I uttered the words on my mind. The only word I knew at that point. "Edward." I whispered. His calloused hands tightened convulsively around my neck again. It hurt more than before.
I struggled feebly against his strength, the force he was exerting to end me.
"Edward." I mouthed, no more air able to escape or come in. My eyes drooped, the darkness taking me, pulling me further away.
A loud crash sounded in my ears, it must be my neck breaking.
I managed to turn my head slightly. The front door lay in shards of splintered wood across the floor. A bellowing growl echoed through the room.
I lay motionless, not sure I would move again. I blinked, trying to keep from falling. Falling into oblivion, losing the battle. And, I was losing. I had fought for so long. I wasn't winning. I was tired. And I couldn't fight anymore.
I was being defeated. More growls and what sounded like thunder erupted in my ear drums. It was painful, but my arms wouldn't move to cover my ears.
So I did nothing. I just concentrated on blinking, on staying. I could no longer see Jacob. I was in an abstract blackness. I was detached from my body somehow, like I could no longer feel it. I sighed, the movement hurt. So I was still attached. My head lolled to the side, more blood pooling under my cheek.
I heard glass shattering, wood splintering, growls and furious roars. But I couldn't tear my eyes off that light before me.
It offered bliss, peace...numbness from this pain. It was so tempting. I tried to move forward. I could feel the glow beckoning me forward.
I needed to breathe, and that wasn't happening here.
I needed to follow the light... "Bella." the angels called.
:D This was so fun to write! Hope you like it. Please R&R. :) *tear*