I sat down at the table as Edward scooped the mushroom ravioli onto a plate. His brow was furrowed. I could tell he was concentrating with everything he had and I didn't think it was on the ravioli. He walked a little slower than usual and then sat down beside me. I started to get worried. What was making him nervous to sit by me? Was he leaving? Did he want to explain that he only wanted me as a friend and that my hugging him was irrational? I knew I loved Edward, could never love another but I also knew I couldn't survive being hurt so badly again. Could I handle just being Edwards friend? Watching him fall in love with some beautiful immortal?
Surely not.
But I also couldn't go through him leaving again.
Can't trust myself being with him, can't trust myself being without him.
"Your heart is racing" Edward said "What's wrong?"
"Just nervous about what you want to talk about" I said a little too quickly
He took a deep breath
"I'm just as nervous" he replied. Oh god he was scared I was going to go into another mental breakdown and stop eating and cutting. God I need to cut right now this tension is driving me insane
"Just say it" he seemed a little surprised by how tense I was. His eyes flickered to my hand which was clenching the fork with all my might. He slowly reached out and grabbed my hand, testing to see how I would react. And massages small circles until I was able to relax
"Don't be scared Bella. Eat and I'll explain."
"Okay" and I took a bite
"Bella after your birthday" I winced at the memory but he kept going "I was so upset with what happened. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried I was constantly putting you in danger. First with James then my own family. I wanted so much for you that I couldn't believe how selfish I was to be constantly putting you in harm's way. I knew that the only way you could be safe was if I removed the danger, removed myself."
I was trying to figure out what he was getting at but my mind was drawing up blanks
"I need you to look at my for this part Bella" he said and grabbed my hand again "When I brought you into the forest and said I didn't love you that was a lie. The biggest lie I ever told anyone walking this earth. Mortal or immortal."
"A….lie?" I asked hesitantly
"Yes a lie Bella, I could never fall out of love with you. I love you now and I'll love you forever"
I then threw up all over the table and fell out of my chair
I didn't know how long I had been passed out for only that I was just beginning to hear what was going on around me
"Bella always had the funniest reactions to things" Emmet said
"Emmet this isn't funny" Edward growled
"You know how embarrassed she is going to, she has no reason too but don't make this harder on her" Esme scolded
"Neanderthal" I heard Rosalie call him
"Bella can probably hear us now" Alice said
Suddenly a cold hand was pressed to my forehead as my eyes fluttered open
"How are you feeling" Edward asked gently
"Embarrassed" I replied I sat up a little on the couch but my hard started spinning. Edward chuckled slightly
"Here's some water love" my heart fluttered slightly
"oh Edward can laugh at her funny reactions but I can't?" Emmet said under his breath as he and everyone else left the room
"How are you feeling, really Bella" Edward said
"a little woozy but I'll survive" I took another few sips of water "I think I just need more sleep" and before I knew it I was being carried into my bedroom "This is unnecessary"
"Bella I tell you I love you and you throw up and pass out, it's a little necessary" he said with a grin. He laid me down on the bed "mind if I sit?" he asked
"not at all" he sat very stiffly at the end of my bed I crawled under the covers and sighed "If you going to stay you might as well get comfy he moved up so that he was sitting with his upper body leaning against the head board and his legs laid out on top of the comforter
"I need to know Bella"
"Know what?" I asked confused
"Have you fallen out of love with me? It would be understood if you did. The pain I caused you. What all of us leaving did to your mental state? It would be more that understandable if you did" I could hear the sadness in his voice
"Edward. I could never love anyone like I love you. I will never love anyone besides you its just…."
"Go on tell me"
"I don't think I could survive you leaving again. You never saw how bad it was at the beginning just how I eventually coped with it. I know It's pathetic but I don't think I could make it through a second time"
He thought about this for a second. Then he slowly put his arms around me. I tensed, the touching made me tense but he waited until my muscles relaxed.
"Bella I am over the moon with joy hearing that you still love me. I will love you forever and I will spend forever proving that I will never leave you again"
"But Edward, those dangers are still out there you could change my mind"
"But Bella I know the dangers of me leaving as well. You said that you couldn't survive me leaving again and I believe you. I also know that if you did survive the dangers you would be putting yourself in. I know that you will either starve yourself, cut yourself or party yourself to death eventually. I couldn't leave you knowing what decisions you would make in order to forget the pain. It wouldn't be your fault if you chose these things again. It's not your fault now either. Its mine I forced you into a situation you didn't want. I could never leave knowing the risks. Besides I am also an entirely selfish creature I couldn't leave knowing what it would do to me. I can't be without you. In face I refuse." He finished with a small smile
"I like the sound of that but right now Edward those are just words I can't let my walls down yet."
"I understand Bella for now sleep."
DON'T WORRY! This isn't the end hope you guys enjoyed this !