Title: A Life Lived

Pairings: Kurogane/Fai

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Spoilers.

Notes: Found this on my laptop and I'm pretty sure I haven't posted it before, so I thought I'd share.

Fai wonders when he had gotten so used to death, but then he remembers that death has always been a companion of his, has walked by his side for as long as he can remember. When his brother had died, had fallen like the bodies that littered that pit, he had died that day too. Or at least a part of him had.

Then Ashura came, all bright and warm. It was a combination he had never felt outside his brother's touch. He had been made a prince, again, had been able to let his Fai rest. He had been given a second chance that even then he felt shouldn't have been his.

He should have never let his guard down in Celes. After all had he not learned from Valeria? When he had seen his king staring so darkly at his stained fingertips, had watched as Ashura turned and smiled at him he should have seen it coming. But, Fai had hoped against all else that he could be useful and accepted, for he never once dared to think of anything more.

When he had run away, he knew it was only a temporary solution. He had left in hopes of not having to kill the first person that had given him a chance. Then he was forced to travel with such an odd group.

It made him miss his own childhood whenever he saw Sakura and Syaoran blushing and skirting around each other or when Mokona bounced and sang. It made him think of how he hadn't let himself have one in the first place, despite Ashura's wishes. Fai wondered if that was one of the reason's why he acted so childishly.

Then there was Kurogane. He was always an enigma, still is actually. Fai had never met someone so frustrating before, someone that could see through him like his brother and Ashura could. It used to scare him to know there was someone that could read him so clearly.

But after all they had went through, Fai still found himself growing closer to Kurogane. Despite knowing better, Fai still let himself feel for his companions. It's why he tried to save the clone's heart, why he tried to distance himself from the others.

It was painfully obvious he had failed when he had realized just how far Kurogane was willing to go to save him. It frightened him to think that someone was in love with him and when he saw Kurogane's face for the first time after losing his eye he could see just how much the man hurt.

It was by then that he knew it was useless trying to get Kurogane to back away, but he tried regardless because he knew he couldn't stomach the idea of having the man's blood staining his hands. He had been terribly relieved when Sakura's vision hadn't come true, though it isn't to say he was happy at how things really had turned out.

Then when he was forced to confront Ashura, after what felt like years of running, Kurogane had decided to once again prove just how selfish he could be. And Fai had cried, had sobbed at the idea of loosing him as they arrived in Nihon. He had fought their rescuers, had clung to a Kurogane who was hanging on to his life by a thread against him.

It had taken Tomoyo's promise to let him go and he had spent every minute afterwards staying just outside of the man's room, thinking over his own feelings. He had never fathomed he would care for someone so much, at least not someone other than his brother. He had even dared to think that he loved Kurogane. When he saw Kurogane awake, he had planned on doing more than punching him, but when he found both of them were smiling, he couldn't seem to find the will to do anything else.

After all that, Fai had slowly began to find it was safe to be by Kurogane's side, to let himself be shown for who he really was in front of the man. After they had won their final battle and things had been set right, the blonde was able to smile for real. It was odd to think of letting himself live after decades of doing anything but.

Now as they traveled between worlds, looking for a way to let their companions have the life they deserved together, Fai felt a peace for the first time. He had no reason to hide away, he had seen that the two people that had been there for him in his younger years were at peace and that the family he had now were safe.

He smiled, thinking that he was happy too and that he had Kurogane to thank for that and as much as the other would insist, he can say that he has himself to thank too. Fai still wonders from time to time if death still hovers over him, waiting until he least expects it to strike, but if the journey has taught him anything it's that his family is quite resilient and in Kurogane's cause stubborn.