Hello to each and every one of my readers, just wanna say a quick thank you to my new followers and favouriters; cheekymadom & katharosxg. Also a MASSIVE thank you to SkyWanheda and tcatch20, this chapter is a day later than usual so I apologise but I hope each and every one of you enjoy it. And just a heads up this chapter is a little longer than usual it's about 8250 words long….
Chapter 25-Push
Lexa had sat in the kitchen for ten minutes just staring at the contact number in front of her she couldn't knowingly go behind Clarke's back and call her mum she knew Clarke and she knew that Clarke wouldn't forgive her easily not after everything that she had just been through, she knew she want to be with Clarke just like they used to more than she wanted anything at this moment in time but she knew that right know she just needed to be there for Clarke no strings attached and she was determined to be that even if it meant pushing her feeling aside, standing up from the table she placed the phone in her pocket she walked into the living room seeing Clarke dressed in her Boston Celtics jersey and a pair of jogging shorts walking over to her she sat down next to her on the couch as she leaned back Clarke looked at her and asked
"How did your talk with Sasha go?"
"It went good thanks I told her everything I know about our families lies, she's not forgiven me yet but I think it's a start"
"See told you…soulmates"
Lexa giggled softly at Clarke's comment "Thanks" She paused thinking over Sasha's words about Clarke "Actually you came up in our conversation"
"Me?"
"Yeah Sasha told me you don't wanna tell your parents what happened, how come? Cause if it's to do with me I can back off you know..." Lexa smiled when Clarke wrapped her arms around her right arm
"I don't want you to back off in any way shape or form please"
"Good because I don't wanna go anywhere to be honest with you" Lexa honestly replied looking down into Clarke's eyes she asked "So why don't you want to tell your parents though"
"I can't handle them both at the moment it's enough trying to get over what Mitch did physically to me let alone mentally I just need a day or two to process then I'll call them, I know they'd mean well but my dad is selfish at the best of times I know he doesn't mean to be but he is and my mom would just worry about all the what if's and I don't have the energy to keep reassuring her"
"Ok… whatever you want"
Clarke and Lexa fell into a comfortable silence as Clarke leant her head gently against Lexa's shoulder both of them thinking about how good it felt to be back together
Flashback
Lexa and Sasha had just arrived at their base camp the journey had been long and painful as usual they had endured 16 hour plus flight then the two hour bumpy jeep journey to the camp and they were now finally at camp and where being shown where they would be sleeping as usual they were bunked in with their unit both of them taking the bunks at the back of the make shift rooms placing their backpacks on their beds they toured the camp it hadn't changed much in the year they had been away but a few changes had been made to the catering tent and the communications unit so they made a point of seeing the changes now so they knew where to go when they needed said places. They both began unpacking their rucksacks placing all their items into their lockers one by one once their rucksacks were empty they both sat on their beds laying back looking up at the ceiling, Sasha was the first to talk out of them both;
"Did Clarke give you a letter?" She asked as her hand rested over the pocket that held the letter Octavia had given her
"Yeah she did…." Lexa responded pausing as she too placed her hand over the pocket the letter was in, lifting her head up so she could see Sasha, who too had lifted her head up to look at Lexa "Did Octavia give you one?"
"Yeah, she said to wait until I got to my bunk" Sasha laughed out
"Same" Lexa said as she and Sasha sat up at the same time letting their legs rest on the floor as they both leant forward resting their elbows on their knees "Wanna read them at the same time?" She asked her and Sasha did most things together anyway so why not read the letters at the same time as well
"Yeah, then maybe chat afterwards?" Sasha asked as her and Lexa both removed the letters from their pockets and held them in their hands looking down intently at them
"Sounds like a plan Twinsy" Lexa comforting smiled
They both took a deep breath opening the envelopes that they had been given by their girlfriends completely going into their own worlds as they both took in the contents of the envelopes they were holding in their hands
Lexa opened up her envelope pulling out the paper inside she opened the pages up finding two pages with writing on and another which was folded up so she couldn't see the contents, she kept her attention on the two-page letter beginning to read it:
Lexa's Letter:
Dear Lexa,
I know it's kind of a cliché to write a letter and a little bit of a cop out to write down all the things I wanna say but everytime I try and tell you all these things I look into your eyes and I'm either overcome with passion or tears so I decided to take this route which is surprisingly less easy to do, trying to find the right words to express how much I really love you is almost impossible but I'll try my best to do my feelings justice.
When we first met I told myself that you weren't as amazing as I thought you were and as everyone said you were, I did that because I knew you were in the army and I already knew what that felt like, having someone you love so much someone who is your whole world thousands and thousands of miles away in danger every second of the day not knowing if your gonna wake up to a phone call saying they were dead and gone without you being able to say so much as a goodbye, I didn't want to feel that twice over but the more time we spent together the more I knew I couldn't fight it, the more I knew that what we have wasn't just a fling or something that would die out after a few months I knew, no I know that you're the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life, I know that might be a little weird for you to read because we've never talked about our future but it's true and I know it because I'm writing this letter and your laying in my bed a few feet from me and all I can think about is finishing this letter and getting back into bed with you because I miss being near you, I miss the way you smell the way you wrap your arms around me and make me feel like they're the safest place in the world I know that's incredibly cheesy of me but whenever you hold me I feel like I can take on the world no matter it might throw at me, like I could you save the world from almost certain destruction.
I know I'm rambling on a little but I have to get all these thoughts and feelings out of my head because I know I can't say them to you without one of us getting emotional, I love everything about you from the way you smile to how I can see how much you love Sasha and your family I love feeling like you'd do anything in the world just to make me happy I feel like that because I know you would. You are one of the most incredible people I have ever meet in my life and the thought of losing you makes me feel like my whole world is going to collapse because without you it probably would, you're probably thinking why let me go then right? Well to answer you because I love you so much I can't be the one to ruin all your dreams and plans for the future especially when I want to be involved in those future plans, I know how hard you work to shut everything off when you're out there fighting to survive, doing the job you love but in your darkest moments when you're thinking about giving up and not even Sasha can pull you through it I want you to close your eyes and think about me and how much I NEED you to come back to me how much I wanna marry you one day and move into our own house, maybe even have kids of our own and then I want you to remember that I can only have all of that if I have you in my life because without you I don't want it. I don't want marriage I don't want my own house and I don't want kids not if I can't have you at the same time. I watch how much you care about everyone else how much you make sure everyone else is loved and knows their loved and I'm blown away by it but I need you to know that your loved too so much by so many people that if you were gone more than just my life would be ruined, so as your girlfriend and your future wife (which you have no say in) I am ORDERING you not to get hurt when you're out there I'M ORDERING you to come back to me so we can make our own perfect life together a reality
I'm going to stop writing now partly because I don't want to get too emotional because your waking up and there are a few things I wanna do to and with you before the sun comes up, so I'm going to say the one thing I'm gonna miss saying to the most over the next year and that is
I love you more than you'll ever know
Love from the Love of your life
Yours Forever and A lifetime
Clarke
xxxxx
Lexa smiled as she held back the tears in her eyes the last thing she wanted was for any of the other guys in the unit to come in and see their leader the person who was meant to be the strongest of them in tears on their first day of the tour. Turning her attention to the folded up piece of paper that was in the envelope with the letter carefully opening it up she smiled brightly as she took in the hand drawn image on the page it was a sketch of numerous of Lexa's pictures that she kept on the wall in her bedroom there was the picture of her Clarke and Atom on Christmas day 2010 that picture mixed into a picture of her, Raven and Sasha in their army uniforms just after they had all joined up and that picture mixed into one of her, her Mama, Atom, Costia, Tristan, her mema and papa she smiled brightly at the sketch in her hands she could feel the love and care that Clarke had put into each and every part of the sketch, gently running her finger over the signature in the bottom right hand corner of the sketch she couldn't help but feel happy. She stared at the picture for a few minutes before she stood up walking over to her locker she opened it up placing the letter carefully underneath her spare uniform she removed one of the magnets from the door and placed the sketch onto the door securing it with the magnet she carefully closed the door her mind travelling to Clarke as she felt a sudden urge to talk to her girlfriend, as the locker door closed in her hand she sat down on her bunk again her attention turning to her slightly younger cousin who she could see was wiping away tears from her cheeks as she read her letter she couldn't help but feel an urge to comfort Sasha but she decided to bite back that urge and let Sasha finishing reading the letter because she knew whatever was in it was going to bring Sasha comfort just as hers had brought her…
Sasha and Lexa's Living Room
Clarke and Lexa had been sitting in silence for about twenty minutes both lost in their own thoughts as they enjoyed being in each other's arms again;
"Sasha wants me to talk to Octavia…do you think it's a good idea?"
"Yeah I do…O's been through a lot and you're the only one that understands her and the pain she went through, yeah me and Sasha have been in fights and been hit but we can't really understand what you both went through because it's different that fear that knowing that shock at what happened is something you both share that we'll never be able to understand…and right now Octavia needs someone that understands what Mitch's grip felt like"
"How are you so good at giving advice?" Clarke asked it was like Lexa always knew the right thing to say to her no matter the situation
"It's a Wood's Twin thing I guess" Lexa responded smiling down at Clarke who snuggled into her side a little "How's the pain today?"
"Bearable I suppose I just took some painkillers their helping at the moment"
"Are you sure? Cause I can drive to the hospital and wait with you to see a doctor it's no trouble"
"I don't need a doctor Lexa I'm fine I promise I just need to give myself time to heal"
"As long as you're sure"
"I'm sure I promised didn't I?"
"Yes you did" Lexa responded laughing softly as she looked down at Clarke both their faces stonewalling slightly as they both felt the same urge to kiss the other looking into each other's eyes they slowly moved closer to each other. Before their lips could touch they both heard a loud scream come from behind them causing them to both move backwards
"MORNING" Costia shouted as she ran into the living room rushing to where Lexa and Clarke were sitting and jumping in between them both "Morning Alex…Morning Clarkey"
"Morning" They said in unison smiling at each other
"Your very happy this morning" Lexa said poking the little girl gently in the stomach
"I didn't have any bad dreams…you made the monsters so away" The little girl happily responded smiling at her older cousin leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck
"That's awesome did you have a good dream then?" Lexa smiled as Costia nodded her head pushing herself up to look at Lexa her hands on Lexa's shoulders
"Can I have breakfast please?" Costia sweetly asked looking up at Lexa sweetly smiling at her
"Of course you can Sunshine..." Lexa responded making Costia smile brightly at her wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck squeezing her tightly Lexa stood up carefully looking back at Clarke she asked "You coming?"
"I'm gonna rest up here if that's ok"
"Of course you need anything just call me ok?"
"Ok" Clarke responded smiling as best as she could at Lexa before closing her eyes resting her head against the back of the couch
Lexa carried Costia in her arms she smiled when Costia shouted over her shoulder "Bye Clarkey" When Clarke responded her with a 'bye Cos' Costia buried her head in Lexa's shoulder as they walked through the kitchen doorframe walking up to the fridge she looked to Costia asking "What do you want?"
"Pancakes"
"Pancakes?" Lexa questioned, when Costia nodded at her she asked "How many do you want?"
"Loads"
"Loads?" Lexa responded laughing softly at the little girl's word
"For everyone"
"Loads for everyone?"
"Yeah" Costia responded nodding her head shyly as she rested it again on Lexa's shoulder
"Ok loads for everyone it is" She responded placing the little girl on one of the chairs next to the table before walking over and removing all the items she needed from the cabinet and the fridge putting them on the side she looked at Costia noticing the sad look on her little cousins face she softly asked "You wanna help make them?"
"YEAH" Costia yelled jumping out of her seat and onto the ground jumping up and down the excitement massively clear for Lexa to see, she walked up to the little girl kneeling down in front of Costia she softly said
"You know the rules right?"
"YES" Costia shouted as she jumped in the air in excitement again
"And the rules are?"
"Rule One: Wash your hands, Rule Two: No being silly, Rule Three: No touching hot things"
"Good" Lexa paused looking into her younger cousins features and added "You forgot one rule…" When Costia looked at her a little upset and confused she added "Rule Four: We have to have loads and loads of fun" She watched as the smile spread across Costia's face as she laughed at Lexa and jumped forward wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck hugging her tightly, Lexa pulled back looking at Costia she asked "How about you wash your hands and I'll get your apron" Costia nodded her head excitedly pulling the chair from near the table to the just below the sink she climbed onto it washing her hands excitedly
Lexa walked over to Costia who quickly dried her hands holding them in front of her for Lexa to inspect them, Lexa screwed her face up a little pretending to be inspecting the hands like a judge would, she turned over the little hands with one of her own as she held the apron behind her back with her other hand after she had turned Costia's hands numerous times she brought her other hand around revealing Costia's apron holding it forward she handed the apron to Costia who excitedly placed it over her head and looped the strings of fabric around her before tying them in a knot at the front of her then looking to Lexa who said "Hold on" to her, she smiled as Lexa bent down lifting the chair and the little girl off the ground for a second placing it next to all the ingredients and kitchen appliances that she had prepared moments before
"Ready?" Lexa asked the little girl
"Yes" Costia responded smiling brightly at Lexa
"Go on then" Lexa said to Costia who looked at her not sure where she was meant to start smiling at Costia she placed a small bowl with milk, eggs and melted butter inside it she looked to Costia softly whispering "Mix it together" She explained as she handed Costia the whisk, watching as Costia mixed the ingredients together, once they were mixed together enough she slide another bowl in front of Costia she then placed the flour, baking powder, salt and caster sugar inside the bowl looking to Costia "Pour that one into this big one" She softly said watching as her younger cousin carefully did as she was told.
Lexa continued to guide Costia in making pancakes letting the little girl do almost everything for herself the only time she stepped in was when it came to cooking the pancakes in the frying pan then she told Costia to be careful ten minutes after placing the first batch of pancakes in the frying pan they finished making the fifth and final batch placing them all on a plate Lexa let Costia carry them to the table and place them in the middle of it as she grabbed two plates and knives and forks placing them on either side of the table she moved the chair Costia had been standing on back to its rightful place at the table she watched as Costia sat at the table getting herself a pancake and began carefully eating them, she could see the happiness and pride on the little girls face when she bit into the pancake and it actually tasted good, there had been a time when they had tried making pancakes and they had to be thrown away because they were inedible.
"Thank you Alex" Costia sweetly smiled at her as she finished her first bite of her pancake
"You're welcome Sunshine" Lexa responded beginning to eat as she did she noticed Sasha walking towards them she noticed that she was on the phone so didn't attempt to talk to her until she knew she had finished talking, she watched as Sasha stood just in front of the doorframe talking intently to someone after a few minutes Sasha hung up the phone placing it in the her jeans pocket as she walked into the kitchen instantly walking up to Costia she leant down kissing her little sister on the head
"Morning Mini Me" She said as she stood up "Once you're finished eating you have to take your medicine ok?"
"Can Alex help me again?"
"Of course she can" Sasha smiled she loved that Costia is was opening up to other people not just her, she loved that her and Costia were close she always had and always would but especially after everything that had happened with Octavia the night before it was nice knowing that she had two other people in Raven and Lexa that Costia loved and trusted enough to be left alone with.
Grabbing a pancake from the plate she rolled it up slowly placing it in her mouth she looked at her younger sister "Nice Cos, you're getting better you'll be a chef in no time" she said winking at Costia smiling at the bright goofy smile that appeared on her young sister's face
"Can I go get Rae Rae?" Costia asked sweetly her legs swing on the edge of her chair as she looked hopefully at her big sister
"Course you can…go on" Sasha responded smiling as her little sister excitedly pushed her chair back jumping down and running out of the kitchen in the direction of the guest room, Sasha took the opportunity to take sit in the empty chair leaning forward placing her an elbow on either side of the plate Costia had left on the table she let out a deep breath causing Lexa to ask;
"Everything ok?"
"Not really sure…" Sasha started looking Lexa in the eyes "I just spoke to Bellamy, he wants to talk to Octavia but she won't talk to him She just flat out refused to when I asked her just know, It's just hard telling him something like that he got so upset about it I promised I'd try and talk to her but I don't think she'll budge on it"
"Just give her time Lexi, she just needs to get her head around what happened before she's bombarded with relentless question from her protective older brother"
"Maybe, I just don't want her to close off everyone else in the world…I know her and I know that it's easier for her to open up to me but I know that her depending on me won't help her get over what he did to her, she needs to talk about it with other people not just me"
"I know it's easy for me to say give her time but that's what she needs this all happened less than 24 hours ago…let her process ok"
Sasha nodded at Lexa's words before looking up at her slightly older cousin "Thanks"
"Don't mention it" Lexa softly replied smiling at Sasha, she was about to speak again when she noticed and heard Costia running towards the kitchen dragging Raven by her hand behind her
"Look Rae Rae Pancakes" The little girl excitedly said stopping once she and Raven were in front of the table
"Good looking out Munchkin" Raven responded pinching Costia's cheek before she stretched out her upper body her actions making Costia giggle loudly, when Raven went to pick up one of the pancakes Costia grabbed her hand the action causing her to look down at the little girl "Can't I have some?"
"Can you help with my medicine first please?" She sweetly asked holding onto Raven's hand with her both of hers as she looked up at Raven innocently
"Sure I can, why don't you go get it for me"
"OK" Costia shouted running out of the kitchen and to the bathroom where she knew Sasha had put her medication
"You don't mind do you?" Sasha asked looking over at Lexa who shook her head
"Why would Lexa mind?" Raven asked slightly confused
"Because Costia asked Lexa to help her earlier"
"Well looks like you got left behind for the upgrade Lex" Raven winked playfully at Lexa
"Upgrade? In your dreams Reyes" Lexa responded winking back at Raven as she softly giggled
Neither of them could continue the conversation as Costia came running back into the kitchen a pack of medication in her hand as she stopped in front of Raven looking up at her adorably pulling on Raven's lounge pants she held the pack in the air for Raven to take hold of, which she did before she looked down at Costia and asked:
"So how many do you have to take now?"
"I take one now then one in the after…." Costia began looking at Sasha who nodded in her direction giving the little girl the confidence to continue with her sentence "Afternoon…. but I have to eat before I take them Rae Rae"
"And have you eaten?" Costia nodded up at Raven who leant down picking the little girl up and lifting her until she was sitting on the counter her little legs hanging off of the side of the countertop her feet gently tapping the cabinets underneath the counter "Juice or water?"
"Water please"
"Yes madam" Raven responded bowing in front of Costia causing the little girl to giggle loudly at Raven's actions as she watched Raven retrieve a glass from one of the top cabinets filling it up with water from the fridge before she walked back over to Costia stopping in front of the little girl she stopped placing the glass next to the little girl before she removed the slip of tablets from the packaging removing one pill as Costia had mentioned to her placing the pill in her hand she placed the packaging on the side and picked up the glass of water with her free hand she then held her hand in the air for the little girl to take the pill, Costia smiled sweetly at Raven before she picked the pill up from Raven's hand and placed it in her mouth a second later Raven handed her the glass of water, the little girl drank the whole contents of the glass handing the now empty glass to Raven she giggled softly as she stuck her tongue out showing she'd swallowed the pill "Oh sticking your tongue out at me huh?" Raven said placing the glass in the sink she moved back to Costia as she stows in front of her she reached her hands forward beginning to softly tickle the little girl lifting her off the counter and into the air as she did so.
Lexa and Sasha watched on as Raven played around with the little girl they couldn't help the smiles that appeared on their faces and the laughs that erupted in their stomachs as they watched Costia wriggle and laugh loudly as Raven continued to tickle her, Raven placed Costia carefully on the floor and continued to tickle her, the little girl let out numerous no's in between laughs as she wriggled around on the floor underneath Raven's hands her laugh getting louder and louder as Raven continued to tickle her, after a minute or so Raven's attention was brought to the door of the kitchen causing her to stop tickling Costia and look up seeing an amused Clarke standing in the door causing all three of the older women that were in the kitchen to watch her intently after a second she softly laughed stepping over Costia laughing as she heard Costia shout out 'help me Clarkey' she walked over to Lexa not thinking about what she was doing she sat down on Lexa's lap a second later once she had realised what she had done she looked down at Lexa attempting to get up;
"I'm so sorry"
"Clarke its ok, it's not like you can sit anywhere else" Lexa responded easing the blonde's worries as she smiled up at her, she didn't think too much into it as Sasha's voice filled the room
"Rae she's trying to escape" Sasha pointed out as Costia stood up and ran away from Raven and into the living room, all three women laughed as Raven darted to her feet running into the living room and they heard footsteps running around the living room the most amusing thing to Sasha was that she could tell the difference between the two thanks to Raven's heavy footing, Sasha stood up walking towards the kitchen door about to watch Costia and Raven playing around when she saw Octavia standing at the end of the hallway that lead to her bedroom and the guest room walking over to Octavia she smiled at her softly smiling at her she said "Morning"
"Morning" Octavia responded smiling softly at Sasha
"You want some breakfast?"
"Yeah that'd be nice" Octavia responded her hand slipping forward and into Sasha's hand their fingers interlocking together she smiled softly at Sasha as they slowly moved towards the kitchen, before they could get there Costia's voice filled up the room
"TAVI" Costia shouted from her place standing on the couch as she looked excitedly at Octavia and Sasha jumping down she ran towards Octavia not stopping until her body hit Octavia's legs her arms out wide ready to hug Octavia, as Costia's body hit her legs Octavia instantly pushed the little girl backwards sending Costia flying to the floor the force of her body hitting the ground Costia instantly started crying removing her hand from Octavia's Sasha rushed forward kneeling down next to Costia she picked up her little sister checking she wasn't physically hurt,
"What the hell Octavia?" Raven loudly exclaimed as she rushed forward and knelt down next to Costia, who was still crying loudly as Sasha tried to calm her little sister down to no avail, she watched as Octavia's eyes filled up with tears as she backed herself to the wall she could see that Octavia's whole body was shaking softly as she held in the tears. She was about to speak when Clarke and Lexa darted into the living room Lexa instantly moved closer to Costia when she saw the little girl sobbing, while Clarke's attention was focused on Octavia completely she could tell something was wrong but she didn't know what it was.
"What happened?" Clarke finally asked looking from Octavia to the little girl sobbing in between Raven and Sasha
"Tavi pushed me" The little girl cried out
"You WHAT?" Lexa let out as she looked at Octavia her face filling with anger before she could move Sasha interrupted
"She didn't mean to"
"How do you not mean to push a six-year-old?" Lexa asked looking at her cousin slightly shocked that she was defending Octavia over her sister
"Don't start Lexa" Sasha retorted as she watched Octavia burst into tears and run in the direction of her bedroom
"Don't start, are you kidding me?"
"GUYS" Raven interrupted gaining their attention as she motioned to Costia "Now isn't the time for an argument" Raven firmly said making sure the tone of her voice told them both that they didn't have a choice in the matter, she sat on the floor crossing her legs she looked at Costia softly asking "Are you hurt anywhere?" Costia gently shook her head her crying beginning to soften a little as she looked at Raven rubbing her eyes gently with her hands as a sad pout filled up her face "Does it hurt?" Costia nodded at her moving a little closer to Raven placing her hand to rest of Raven's shoulder gripping onto Ravens shirt slightly "Where does it hurt?" Costia hesitated in telling Raven as she looked around at all the other people in the room "It's ok munchkin you can tell me" She ventured gently tapping the little girl on the nose making Costia smile for a second as she sniffed back tears looking at Raven she pointed to her heart "Your heart?" Costia nodded softly at Raven, "Oh Cos…come here" She softly said opening her arms to Costia, who looked at her moving forward slowly she climbed onto Raven's lap curling up she rested her head on Raven's chest "It's ok Cos" She softly said gently rubbing Costia's back, looking up from the little girl she looked at Sasha mouthing 'go' before she motioned towards Sasha's bedroom, Sasha hesitated for a second before Raven mouthed 'It's ok' at her smiling Sasha stood up walking towards her bedroom knowing that her little sister was physically unhurt and was safe with her best friend
Raven sat with Costia curled up in her lap for a few minutes as Lexa sat next to her just watching her younger cousin as the little girls crying softened even more until it eventually stopped, Lexa herself had calmed down a little more now she was calm she didn't feel as much anger towards Octavia as she had done she knew Octavia wouldn't hurt Costia on purpose but she was still unsure as to what exactly had made Octavia push Costia, she was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Costia's voice
"Why did Tavi hurt me?" The little girl asked looking up at Raven, Raven looked at Lexa both of them unsure what to say to the little girl, Raven carefully lifted the little girl carefully turning her around so she was looking at her some of Costia's hair had fallen from on to her face, the little girls face was filled with so much sadness that it was almost painful to look at
"Tavi didn't mean to hurt you Cos" Raven softly said gently brushed the hairs out of Costia's face
"But she pushed me" Costia argued confused by Raven's comment
"Tavi isn't well at the moment…. something happened to her last night and now she's a little sick and that's why she pushed you" Raven tried to explain she knew she'd used the wrong words when Costia looked at her confused, she looked to Lexa for help seeing Raven struggle Lexa softly ventured
"You know how sometimes we do things without meaning to or wanting to…" Lexa started stopping softly as she noticed Costia turn towards her and look at her anticipating Lexa's words "Like how you laugh when someone tickles you like Rae Rae did earlier…" Costia nodded at Lexa's words "It's kind of like that, Tavi didn't mean to push you it was just her reaction to you running at her"
"But I did it before"
"I know you did…but it's different now because Tavi is sick"
"So I can't hug Tavi anymore?" Costia asked looking softly the confusion on her face was clear for Lexa to see, seeing the look she couldn't find any words to tell Costia
"Hey Cos" Raven softly began seeing the look on Lexa's face she decided to step in, Costia turned looking at Raven expectantly "Come here" Raven softly said Costia instantly moved until she was standing in front of Raven moving forward she sat herself down on the floor innocently looking up at Raven "It doesn't mean that you can't hug Tavi anymore it just means that you have to be careful around her and that means that you have to get permission before you hug her as well because she's a little scared at the moment…" Seeing the look of slight understanding on Costia's face Raven continued "Just like everyone is with you because you're sick…."
"Does Tavi have to go to the hospital like I do?" Costia innocently moving so her hands were resting on Raven's legs
"No…you see she's a different kind of sick than you are…so sometimes you have to ask her before you hug her because otherwise she might push you again without meaning to…does that make sense?"
"So I can still hug her?"
"Yes you can"
"But I have to ask first?"
"Exactly" When Costia went to speak but stopped Raven softly said "It's ok Cos you can ask anything you want"
"Do I have to ask to hug you?"
"You never have to ask" Raven smiled at the little girl, she watched as Costia stood up and launched herself onto her wrapping her arms around her neck holding onto her tightly before she pulled back and sat down on Raven's lap again
"I love you Rae Rae"
"I love you too Munchkin" Raven responded smiling brightly at the little girl's innocent declaration of love "How about we go eat some of those pancakes?"
"Yeah" Costia softly responded removing herself from Raven's lap she stood up watching Raven stand up once Raven was on her feet she reached up taking hold of Raven's hand smiling when Raven smiled and winked down at her
Sasha's bedroom
Sasha walked into the room finding Octavia crying on her bed she paused for a second as she looked at how distraught Octavia was, she didn't know what to say to her this wasn't something she ever wanted or expected to happen but she knew that Octavia didn't mean what she did but at the same time she needed to know why it happened after a second or two she took a deep breath then walked over sitting down on the bed so she was next to Octavia she gently rubbed her back
"It's ok O"
"No it's not…" Octavia released as she continued to sob gently her face buried into the pillow under her
"I know nothing I say can make sure you feel better just talk to me please…." Sasha softly said her hand resting gently on Octavia's back rubbing gently up and down, the motion caused Octavia's sobs to soften slightly as she removed her face from the pillow looking sadly at Sasha "Please just tell me what happened to make you push her like that?" Sasha asked softly smiling as she looked into Octavia's eyes ignoring her phone buzzing in her pocket she took hold of Octavia's hand squeezing it softly, Octavia looked into Sasha's eyes she slowly sat herself up crossing her legs she kept hold of Sasha's hand wiping her cheeks with her free hand she softly spoke;
"I didn't mean to push her I just reacted I couldn't stop myself…. you know I'd never hurt her on purpose"
"I know you wouldn't babe and so does Costia she's just upset that's all she'll be ok in a little while" Sasha assured her again gently squeezing Octavia's hand she reached her free hand up to wipe away more tears that had escaped Octavia's eyes "Why did you push her though?"
"When she hit my legs something from last night flashed in front of my eyes" Octavia began to explain when Sasha didn't stop her or even flinch at the mention of the previous night she continued "When he dropped himself onto me I felt his weight on my legs and I suppose Costia running into my legs triggered something in my mind and I just pushed back…. I really didn't mean to hurt her"
"I know you didn't babe….do you think I'd be in here if for one second I thought you pushed her on purpose" When Octavia shook her head at her she continued "I know you Octavia better than I know most of my family and I know that what happened to you last night isn't something you're going to be able to get over easily…. but you can't hide away from it because it won't get better"
"I know honestly I do…it's just everytime I think about him and what he did it feels so real it scares me" She looked at Sasha the compassion on Sasha's face was comforting and made her feel at ease to talk about what she was feeling "I can't even kiss you or think about kissing you without the thought of him popping into my head…I don't want you to leave me because you think I don't love you or that I don't want to kiss you because I do but I can't because all I can think about is him"
"I'm not going anywhere because you don't want to kiss me right now"
"That's the thing I want to but I can't" Octavia explained fresh tears rushing down her cheeks as she looked into Sasha's eyes
"Look…..." Sasha began, she climbed onto the bed moving until she was resting against the headboard of her bed holding out her hand to Octavia who took hold of her hand quickly she pulled her towards her until Octavia was sat between her legs with Octavia's back pressed against her chest, she wrapped her arms around Octavia her right arm wrapping over Octavia's right shoulder then around her chest while her left hand wrapped around Octavia's waist from her left side crossing over her right arm "This is enough for me….When we were apart I wished more times than I could count that you were there with me just so I could wrap my arms around you, you always made me feel grounded like I had a place in the middle of all the madness that was going on…if you can't kiss me then you can't kiss me I love you for more reasons than being able to kiss you in fact that's pretty low on my list of things that I love about you…."
"Tell me some of them…" Octavia ventured looking back at Sasha "Please"
"Well…there's how soft your hands are for a start…" Sasha started as Octavia brought her left hand up to Sasha's right hand their fingers interlocking "Then there's the way you smile at me like I'm the most amazing and perfect person in the world…then there's the way you say my name and how you call me Alexis when I've done something wrong or something not to your standard….I love the sound of your voice in general….the way you make me feel like the luckiest person in the world when you hold my hand…" Sasha was interrupted from continuing when she heard someone knock on the door softly she looked down at Octavia asking "You ok?" When Octavia nodded at her she removed herself from Octavia and climbed off the bed walking over to the door opening it up she saw Raven standing at the door looking down at her she saw her little sister holding a plate of pancakes in her tiny hands "Who's that for Cos?"
"It's for Tavi to make her feel better" Costia sweetly said looking up at Sasha
Kneeling down in front of Costia she softly said "That's really sweet Cos, I'll give them to her for you" When she went to take the pancakes Costia stepped back stopping Sasha from taking the plate from her hands
"No I want to give them to Tavi" Costia defiantly said looking at her big sister
"Ok" Sasha released looking at Raven who winked at her, she stepped to the side letting Costia walk into her bedroom she had no idea how Raven had managed to get Costia to calm especially enough for Costia to actually come and offer Octavia pancakes she watched as Costia walked up to the bed and held the pancakes up in the air for Octavia
"Here Tavi, I made you these" The little girl sweetly said
"Thank you Cos, they look delicious" Octavia responded softly taking the plate from Costia as she tried to stop tears from falling from her eyes
"I'm sorry I upset you Tavi…. I didn't mean too"
"It's ok…I'm really sorry I pushed you Cos"
"It's ok Tavi, Rae Rae told me that you didn't mean to so I forgive you" Costia turned to talk away but stopped herself turning to face Octavia again she sweetly said "I'm sorry I didn't ask to hug you…I didn't know you weren't feeling good"
"You don't need to be sorry Cos" Octavia responded she was guessing that Raven had explained her behaviour as her being sick and she honestly didn't mind or disagree with anything that Raven may have said she was just happy that Costia didn't fear or hate her as she watched the little girl walk back to the door tears ran down her cheeks as she thought about how upsetting and confusing everything must have been for the little girl as Costia got to Sasha she softly spoke calling out to Costia "Hey Cos…" Costia turned looking in Octavia's direction "Can I get a cuddle please?" She asked moving forward until she was at the edge of the bed when Costia's face filled with happiness and she nodded her approval Octavia stood up off of the bed kneeling down so she was about Costia's height she held her arms open she watched as Costia looked up at Sasha who nodded at her with Sasha's nod Costia jogged quickly toward Octavia stopping in front of her she slowly leant forward wrapping her arms around Octavia who instantly wrapped her arms around Costia hugging the little girl she felt a burst of happiness inside herself as she felt the little girl squeeze her a little as she rested her head on her shoulder "I'm really sorry Cos…I never meant to push or hurt you" She whispered to the little girl, after a minute or two Costia pulled back seeing the tears the little girl gently reached her hand up wiping the tears away from Octavia's eyes
"Don't cry Tavi…it's ok" Costia's words made her feel a million times better about the whole messed up situation that had occurred minutes ago, as she softly laughed at the little girls words "I have something that will make you feel better" Costia excitedly said turning and running past Sasha and Raven out of the bedroom they all looked at each other amused as they heard footsteps coming from the guest room seconds later they heard footsteps coming back towards them and sure enough Costia came running through the door hiding something behind her back once she was a few steps from Octavia she stopped herself in her tracks slowly taking the steps until she was next to Octavia she said "Close your eyes Tavi"
"Cos…." Sasha went to intervene but was stopped when Octavia looked at her and spoke
"No it's ok Sasha honestly" She assured Sasha as she smiled, she had no idea how she could ever be scared or nasty to the little girl in front of her the sweet Mini version of Sasha she loved just as much as she loved her own brother smiling at the look of contained excitement on Costia's face she closed her eyes
"Hands out please Tavi" Costia politely directed when Octavia held her hands out in the air Costia placed the item she had retrieved from the guest roll into Octavia's hand "Open your eyes"
Octavia slowly opened her eyes looking down to see a picture sitting in her hands she carefully held on to the picture holding it in between her fingers she knew exactly what it was, it was from Christmas Day 2010, and she knew it was the picture that Sasha had given to her little sister years ago looking from the picture to Costia "Cos I can't take this"
"Don't you like it?"
"I love it Cos but it's yours"
"I want you to have it Tavi..." The little girl sweetly said looking at Octavia "When your sad you can look at it and be happy"
"Are you sure?" Octavia asked looking at the little girl that happiness inside her growing more and more and all thanks to the little girl
"Yeah" Costia said nodding her head softly at Octavia "Look Tavi it's you and me" Costia said pointing at the picture as she smiled giggling softly at the same time
"Come look at the picture with me" Octavia said softly smiling at Costia, the little girl smiled seeming to forgot all about the earlier incident she sat down on Octavia's lap with her back pressed against Octavia's chest Octavia placed the picture in front of her and Costia listening to the little girl tell her everything about the picture
Sasha watched as her little sister and Octavia interacted she couldn't believe that of all people Costia was the person that seemed to be able to get through to Octavia maybe it was the fact that she was completely innocent in most of the things she said and she only cared that Octavia was happy, she was brought out of her thoughts when her phone began to continuously buzz in her pocket pulling her phone out of her pocket she looked at the number on her screen she didn't know the number looking at Raven she signalled that she was gonna answer it to which Raven simply nodded before turning her attention protectively back to Costia, Sasha walked to the end of her bedroom hallway she slide the screen to the right answering the call she placed the phone to her ear cautiously saying;
"Hello…"
"Hey is this Sasha Woods?"
"Yeah who's calling?"
"It's Anya…...I know it's been a while but I need to see you"
So what did you all think?...Hope you all enjoyed it...so Abby and Kane aren't gonna be told just yet or are they?...Sasha's letter flashback will be in the next chapter….perhaps along with a fast forward of a few months I haven't decided for sure yet…if anyone has an opinion on it then please let me know…as always please feel free to leave a review or if you prefer then inbox me Hope you all have a pleasant week love to you all…