Various Illegal Subjects

Snape was waiting in the classroom that had been set aside for Potter's Occlumency lessons, or to be precise, his Occlumency and Various Illegal Subjects lessons. He smiled to himself, as he tallied points for a Ravenclaw exam. Harry would be late, by at least twenty minutes.

Harry arrived on the run wrenching the door opened, and slamming it behind him. He leaned against it, breathing heavily.

"Mr. Potter," said Snape silkily, replacing his quill in the inkwell, "you're late."

Harry looked flustered, as he swung his bag of books to the floor. "Sorry, Professor, for being late, but I ran into Peeves, who yelled down the corridor about belligerent boys invading the dungeons after hours, so naturally Filch arrived, and I've spent all this time getting away from him."

"We will just have to stay later to make up for your tardiness, Mr. Potter," returned Snape. "Now, tell me, what have you learned over the week from your reading?"

"Well... that Avada Kedavra isn't just used to kill," Harry answered. "And that-"

"One thing at a time, Mr. Potter," interrupted Snape. "First, the Killing Curse. We will not be referring to it by name for obvious reasons. How does the Curse work?"

"It's a very primitive Spell," answered Harry. "It is activated less by the Intent of the Caster, and more by Desire. Theoretically, if I wanted to ... heat up my cocoa, and that was either ALL I wanted, or the only thing within reach of the spell that I wanted, that would be the result. However, any deeper desire will take over the spell regardless of my immediate Intent."

Snape nodded. "Your imbecilic brain does manage to hold a few facts after all, Potter. Now, tell me, what is your deepest Desire at this moment?"

Harry sighed. "I'm not sure."

"You don't know?" Snape mocked. "Surely, you have some idea of what you desire most of all, Potter?"

Harry bit his lip. "I ... for a while I thought I wanted to kill Voldemort, and destroy those loyal to him. But then I got to thinking... if I simply mercilessly slaughter them, am I not descending to their level? Using their methods doesn't seem right to me, but I can't see another way to do it. I am certain that what I want most in the world is to destroy his evil, but I don't think I'm capable of killing anybody."

"Mr. Potter," sighed Snape, "a person's soul is an immensely complex thing. It is impossible to separate a person's 'good,' side from his 'evil' side. Or to even say just what part of him makes him the way he is. Similarly, you can't separate a man's humorous side, from his serious side. A man is too knit together to divide into elements of himself. It's simply not possible."

"I know," said Potter quietly. "But it shouldn't matter, should it? If my Desire is impossible, my Intent should be enough. And if I intend to kill him, I should be able to."

"You don't want to kill him, do you?" asked Snape, his eyes glittering keenly, as he leaned forward over the desk, rising out of his chair slightly.

"What difference does it make what I want?" asked Harry bitterly. "It's never made much difference before. Why should it now? It's not important. I have to do this, and I'm here to learn how from you. I don't want the threat of Voldemort hanging over my head my whole life. The sooner I eliminate him the better."

Snape rose and walked around the desk towards Harry, his cloak a swirl of gray, with a billow of black robes. "You must understand, that even if you do eliminate the Dark Lord," said Severus softly, "the war will be far from over. Some of the Death Eaters will not stop with his demise, but rather see an opening for their own ascension to power."

"That may be true, professor," answered Potter, "but that won't be... my responsibility. Other people can do that. My plan... once it's over, and I'm out of school, is to leave. I want to go somewhere, anywhere. Far away, where nobody has ever heard of me. Muggle if I have to. So that I can simply live like an ordinary man, doing things an ordinary man can do. Once I kill Voldemort, there will be nothing to make me different anymore. Nothing to make people fall over themselves to keep me safe, or attempt to kill me. Where people will get to know who I am, and not who they expect me to be."

Severus sighed. "What we want is not always possible."

"I know," admitted Potter. "But I need a dream."

For a moment there was a silence in the room, as both thought about what had been said. Finally, Severus brought his hand down onto the desk with a slap. "Enough," he said. "Let's get on with this."

"Yes, sir," said Harry, immediately bringing himself back to full attention.

"Since your deepest Desire is impossible, your Intent will have to do as a focus the Curse. I am going to teach you to cast the Killing Curse. We will start small, to get over your natural aversion to casting it. Gradually, you will become accustomed to using it, so that when push comes to shove you will not make the fatal error of hesitating."

"Yes, sir," said Harry, drawing his wand. "What shall I start on?"

Snape pulled his quill from the inkwell, and dropped it unceremoniously onto the desk. "Transfigure that," he ordered," into a twig." Severus stepped back from the desk, one hand fingering his cloak pin as he watched.

"Yes, sir." Harry stepped up to the desk, and drew his wand. He took a deep breath, and brought his wand down, practicing the jagged line that had been the last sight of so many Wizards. He called into mind the same feeling he used when Transfiguring for McGonagall; the wish to force one thing into the form of something else. He brought his wand back up, and brought it back down in the same movement. "Avada Kedavra!"

A jet of green light erupted from his wand, and enveloped the quill. Harry squinted at it, as the green light pulsed for a moment before it dissipated, leaving a slightly quillesque twig lying on the desk.

Snape picked up the twig, which was hollow and had a pointed nib on one end, examining it critically. "Not much for Transfiguration, are you?"

"Not very," admitted Harry, "but at least it did something."

"You are afraid of using the Curse," said Snape simply. "You are holding yourself back. Put every ounce of willpower into the Curse. Feel it. Feel the Power, and channel it through your wand. Try again."

Snape Retransfigured the quill, and Harry tried again. Focusing deeply on the quill, and imagining a perfect twig in his mind's eye, Harry raised his wand then brought it back down in the lightning slash. "Avada Kedavra!"

The green light shot out and immediately the quill became a twig with a soft swoosh. Harry blinked at it. "I ... I did it."

"Progress, indeed, Potter," agreed Professor Snape. "My Wards, however, shan't hold out much longer. After all, there are only so many Unforgivables I can filter out without the Headmaster noticing."

"Professor," asked Harry, "can I ask a question? If... the Ministry can detect underage Magic, why can't it detect an Unforgivable?"

"It can, Mr. Potter," answered Snape. "But it doesn't. And even the Underage Magic Detection System has limits. I believe you are familiar with the fact that the Caster cannot always be identified correctly. We are, however, not here to discuss the Ministry or its policies."

Harry nodded, and stared at the twig on Snape's desk. The enormity of what he'd just done washed over him. He had committed a felony, which could land him in Azkaban. He had used an Unforgivable deliberately. He had simply Transfigured a quill into a harmless twig, but at the same time disobeyed Dumbledore's express orders not to meddle or learn any Dark Arts, broken the law, and taken the first step towards his ultimate goal of eliminating Voldemort.

"A beautiful twig, Mr. Potter," said Snape suddenly, "but surely not worth staring at for the rest of our lesson."

"Sorry, sir," apologized Harry. "It's... it's a bit overwhelming."

"Well, if they taught elementary things like this in Defense, we wouldn't be here," said Snape. "However, we aren't here to talk about School Policy either. You are here to learn Occlumency, and the Headmaster is waiting for progress in that department. He's seen precious little this year."

"I've finished the book, sir," said Harry tightly. "It was a bit difficult. I'm not sure I understood all of it, or that I could do it, but I know how it works."

"In general terms," said Snape, slipping into lecture mode, "how does Legilimency work, and how does that effect your options for Defense, both with Occlumency and by other means?"

Harry smiled. "I am prepared for this," he said. "I've written you a four foot essay on the subject. I was sure it would be one of your questions."

"Potter," snapped Snape, "I do hope that this essay is your work, and not that of Granger. I must stress that your foolish Gryffindor tendency not to ask for help apply to these lessons. May I assure you, Potter, that if we are caught at this endeavor, the consequences will not include tea with the Headmaster."

"Look here," grated Harry, "I don't much care what-" He stopped abruptly, and took a deep breath to control his temper. "No, I didn't get help," he said quietly. "I just didn't want to waste too much time talking about theory."

Harry rummaged about in his bag and produced a scroll, which he handed to Snape.

"I shall go over this later, when I have time," Snape stated, pocketing it in his cloak. Harry raised an eyebrow, and Snape sighed. "It's charmed to shrink anything I care to put there," he explained. "Must you always think like a Muggle?"

Harry set his jaw, and said nothing. Snape gave him a steady look and said, "As you claim to be quite prepared with theory, let us try practice. You are to attack me, Potter, with Legilimency. I want you to pay attention not only to the mechanics of your attack, but to my defense."

Snape moved to the center of the room, threw his cloak over his shoulder, and braced his feet. "Begin."

Harry shifted his wand about in his hand as he got into position opposite Snape. Harry waited a moment, before suddenly slashing his wand to the left intoning, "Legilimens!"

Harry stared into Snape's eyes fixedly, channeling the magic through them into the darkness of his professor's mind. Suddenly, the room no longer existed, and all Harry could see was a black wall of negative Magic – Snape's defenses. Harry narrowed his eyes, and contemplated simply barreling into the barrier, but then thought that was just what Snape would expect. He skirted his Spell towards the far corner of the Snape's blockade, and tried to slip around it. He nearly succeeded, but Snape realized what the boy's intention, and ejected his Magic with such force that Harry was thrown across the room.

With the spell broken, Harry shook his head to clear it and then looked back at Snape. He wasn't sure what to expect, beyond annoyance, frustration or anger. What he did see surprised him. The look of satisfaction on his Professor's face was unnerving.

"It seems you weren't just looking through the book for the pictures," said Snape with finality, stepping forward and reaching out a hand to help Harry back to his feet.

Harry blinked. Snape was supposed to be angry at his success, or belittle his efforts. Snape would mock Harry's weakness, not hold out a hand to help him up. A smile of satisfaction was out of place on his face, and ought to have been a sneer. Confused at his Professor's change of attitude, Harry nevertheless took his hand, and pulled himself to his feet.

There was a silence as Harry struggled to think of something to say. "Thank you," didn't seem appropriate, and saying something along the lines of "it's good to see you not being a git," would be suicide.

Snape smiled enigmatically, and leaned against the opposite wall, regarding Harry almost lazily with half closed eyes. "Tell me what went through your mind when you attacked. How did you use your advantages?"

"Well, I had several things to my disadvantage as well," said Harry trying to keep his thoughts in a logical order. "I know you to a certain extent, and so I could imagine in advance what sort of attack you were expecting. I know your method of attack from before, and I know memories you find painful that I could use to weaken your defense."

"All of which facilitated your attack," remarked Snape serenely. "What factors weakened it?"

"To begin with, you were expecting the attack, and therefore had put your defenses in place before I could penetrate your mind. You know me, and therefore could anticipate how I was likely to attack. I subverted that, by deducing that you knew that, and going around instead of head on, as I suspect you anticipated I would."

Snape blinked. "Do you mind repeating that, Potter? It was slightly garbled."

Harry grimaced. "Er... let's just say my disadvantage was that you were prepared and were familiar with my more reckless qualities."

Snape nodded. "Continue."

"Also to my disadvantage was the fact that you are very skilled at both Occlumency and Legilimency, whereas I am unskilled at both."

"You are acknowledging your weaknesses," said Snape. "Good, that's the first step in overcoming them."

Harry nodded. "I think that's all."

"Very well," said Snape, sliding back from the wall, and returning to the center of the room. "Now apply those principles to your defense. Legilimens!"

Harry gritted his teeth as he felt Snape's prying magic delve into his mind. He shut his eyes, and concentrated on the mental image of a Beater's bat, with which he repelled Snape's invasion.

Harry opened his eyes, and was greeted by Snape's sardonic smile. "I ought to have known you'd apply Quidditch logic, even to this. I believe we've done enough for tonight. By next week, I expect you to be able to repel me with your eyes opened. If the Dark Lord tries to attack your mind while in the midst of a battle like the one at the Department of Mysteries, closing your eyes to concentrate on Occluding could quite possibly be fatal."

"Yes, Sir," said Harry. "Anything else?"

Snape put his head to one side and considered. "You'll want to get yourself simpler robes," he said. "Those sleeves can get in the way."

Harry blinked in surprise, and nodded. "You can have the books back, sir. I've read them."

"You took notes, I hope?" asked Professor Snape.

"Yes, Sir," nodded Harry, handing his books to his Professor.

"Don't leave your notes lying about, and burn them as soon as possible," ordered Snape. "Dismissed."

Harry grabbed his bag, and disappeared through the door and down the corridor, wondering for the hundredth time whether he was actually doing the right thing by trusting Snape as much as he was.

Snape smiled silkily as he ran a finger down the spine of the Legilimency text. At last it was his. He wondered, idly, if it was worth the bother of teaching and being civil to Potter. He would read it as soon as he'd finalized Philomena's Potion. With her life possibly on the line, she had priority over his personal studies and safety. Pocketing the book in his cloak, he banished the others to his rooms, and made his way back to his lab.