Santana looked out towards the dark night as they pulled up in front of the club. Dianna looked at her and grazed a hand on the Latina's face.
"Hey, are you feeling okay?"
Santana just nodded. She felt that empty feeling again. She looked at the nape of the blonde girl's neck and she imagined it was another blonde. She imagined it was her blonde.
Her blonde? Was she even allowed to call Brittany that way? After everything between them?
They went into the club, its stroped-type lights rhythmically hitting Santana's face. The room was dark although, a little visibility was offered. Santana walked towards a couch set in the corner of the room.
"Tana!" Puck's voice drifted through the room. He might as well be beside Santana to project a voice as loud as that.
"Puck," Santana nodded. Dianna looped her arms loosely around Santana's.
Puck's smile faded as he saw the blonde behind Santana. He shifted his gaze at Santana, who threw her a dagger-like gaze. Puck lowered his head.
"Are you, two going out?" Puck said, as softly as he can.
"No," Santana clarified, yet softly that Dianna could not hear it.
"Okay," Puck gave out a relieved sigh. At least it wasn't the worst, he thought. He led the two girls to where he sat.
On it was Finn and Rachel huddled together. Dave was also there, slowly drinking his beer.
"Hi, Tana," Finn nodded softly to Dianna, whom the green-eyed blonde smiled a somehow sarcastic smile.
"Tana, have you seen Britt, lately?" Rachel's shrill voice pierced through the Afrojack rhythm.
"No, hobbit," Santana grumbled. The mere mention of Brittany's name suddenly catapulted her back to her inner cataclysmic dilemma of being torn choosing between two lovers.
"Hey, Tana, are you okay?" Dave asked, seeing Santana's absent-minded face.
"What? Uh, yeah." Santana lied, snapping instantly back to her reality.
In a reality that she's stuck here with a woman from her past and not really certain of her decisions.
Conversation between Dianna and Rachel followed, although the boys felt a little awkward at the blonde's abrupt arrival in Santa Barbara.
"I mean, like…I feel that the faux Mark Jacobs jacket was a total bomb," Rachel said.
"I agree, However, I like the Ben Chan stuff…" Dianna chattered happily.
Santana could only listen to the conversation, almost drawling at the topic. She was never the 'fashion for passion' type of girl although she made it to a point that she looked good in front of people.
"I'll…umm…I'll just go get some vodka shots," Santana grumbled, not really meaning it. But, as much as she's concerned, she'd rather get drunk rather than listen to that troll and her ex talk about goddamned fashion and fashion shows.
She lumbered her way through the dancing crowd and cut through the dance floor, causing the dancing people to brush her. Suddenly a hand grabbed her left arm.
"I see you're back with that dirty Dianna blonde again, lesbo," Sebastian's voice hovered over her ear.
"It's none of your business, dickwad," Santana growled. Somehow Sebastian just really knows how to make her go up the wall.
"It is. You are just so dirty. I'm glad it wasn't that newcomer," Sebastian smirked evilly. "Santa Barbara will know."
"Let them know about it! It's not like I would care. People will get over it," Santana snapped.
"I am making sure they won't. Have a fun night with your blonde, Santana," Sebastian smiled sarcastically at her as he moved away from the Latina.
Santana counted one to ten, trying hard to make her anger dissipate. She realized that she was failing at it, so she decided to try her Plan B.
She might as well take a shot of vodka.
She walked towards the bar and presented her credit card to the bartender.
"Tab it on me. Two shots of double-vodka. On the rocks."
Santana nodded to their table. "They're with me."
She had a couple of shots before asking the bartender for a bottle of hard beer. Santana, who was holding a bottle of hard alcohol, made her way towards the couch where Dianna sat with the beer in her hand.
"Hi," Dianna smiled.
"Hi," Santana flopped on the couch. She stared into the dance floor and saw Puck flirting with some random girl.
"Fucking devil," Santana cursed. Sometimes, she envied Puck. He was so single, he never had any attachments, and he's happy. He seemed to get his way through things.
Or was he really happy? As the word happiness crossed her mind, Santana suddenly remembered the same blonde who had been running through her mind. It was her face each time she thinks she could be happy. It was the same blonde, who managed to let her think hard about everything.
That blonde wasn't Dianna. It was Brittany.
But Dianna had promised her that she won't leave again, right? Brittany can't do that. She'll leave. Or Santana wanted her to, just to save her from the social discrimination.
Santana looked at Dianna in her peripheral view. The blonde was bringing up her beer towards her mouth. It doesn't make sense to Santana. She was happy, she would say. But it doesn't feel right. It was as if she needed more, something that Dianna doesn't have.
"Hey babe, you okay?" Dianna smiled.
"Yeah," Santana said as she turned away, hoping to cover up her dilemma.
Worst of all, she wants to save Brittany from all those talks, those looks…she can't bear to shame Brittany by outing her as a lesbian. Brittany doesn't deserve to be hurt. She's too innocent, too delicate to be hurt.
Rachel came back to their table, bringing with her two bottles of beer. She was sweaty from the dancing. Puck joined them shortly afterwards, then Dave.
Dave wasn't as much as sweaty as the other three and since he can't have his place on the couch, he took a stool from somewhere and also bringing a bottle of tequila and a shot glass when he came back. Santana opted to sit on the stool, giving her distance from Dianna and not facing the messy crown either.
"And the drinking begins!" Dave, who was sitting beside Dianna half-slurred and half-yelled out of his drunkenness as he held out the shot glass filled with tequila to Santana.
Santana accepted the drink heartily, and brought it towards her mouth after chewing on the citrus and licking the salt. She felt the alcohol burn down her throat, and felt it course through her insides.
Puck began striking a conversation as the music decibel started to go higher. The conversation went on casually, indented by Rachel's drunken giggle when Finn tries to touch her.
"Please, troll, shut up!" Santana quipped angrily, the alcohol clouding her control. However, Rachel fortunately ignored the Latina.
Suddenly, Puck stopped speaking. Finn's eyes grew wide, then mouthed a 'don't turn' to Santana. Dianna's eyes were dilated too. Rachel's eyebrows were raised so high that it could have went out of the boundaries of her face and into the sky.
"Holy fuck, that dance…ass," only Dave could make out the words.
Santana slowly turned around and regretted instantly that she had. The scene was as crystal clear to her, it was two blondes. One girl and the other was a blonde boy. She had never seen the boy though, but she had seen that girl too many times. She had hit her with a soccer ball, she had spilled her drink on her dress, and she had insulted her.
But that girl had also forgiven her, accepted her for who she is, but most of all, that blonde loved her.
And now that she saw the girl sensually grinding her own body towards another man, another person, Santana instantly knew that she can't give Brittany up. She knew she would regret it but, she would kill any person who would take Brittany away from her. And she would kill just to be with Brittany.
When Brittany faced them, she was still sensually grinding her hips on the blonde boy, but she threw Santana a look that somehow triggered the Latina's burning desire to get up and stash her away from that jerk who's dancing with Brittany. The look was challenging her. It was challenging Santana to come out.
If she wants it, then she'll have it. Santana thought.
It was a trap for Santana. It was a trap that might cost Santana her reputation, her life and not to mention Dianna. And not to mention both of their safety from discrimination, it was a trap that may cost them everything.
But it was also a trap that Santana Lopez would walk into. Jump into it, even.