Aftermath intro plays, with scenes featuring the eliminated contestants sliced in.
Wallace
"I couldn't be bothered going the whole way through the teleporter."
Haruhi
"HEY, CHRIS! I demand a do-over. Honey's not a kid, he's 18."
Alice
"Oops, I was so busy feeding I forgot to deliver these."
Kathryn
"To hell with Bridgette. With Edward's two votes and my one, we should have enough to get rid of Zidane."
Peter
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Intro finishes, and cuts to a stage with Blaineley.
"Hello, fabulous people," said Blaineley. "Obviously not as fabulous as me, but you already knew that. Welcome to the final episode of Aftermath for this season. Don't worry, Aftermath will be back for season three, with yours truly at the helm. At least, I assume I will be, with Geoff and Bridgette out of the picture. Anyway, now with the horribleness of last time out of the way, I should be able to host without any problems. So let's get into it, shall we? Please welcome the Peanut Gallery for tonight: Brick, Cody, Courtney, Justin, Katie, Owen, Staci, Trent and Zoey." The Peanut Gallery were each thrown onstage when their name was called.
"Ow. You are so hearing from my lawyers about that," said Courtney.
Owen got up, revealing Cody beneath him. "You think you've got it bad?" said Cody, too injured to get up.
"It's not all bad," said Katie, sidling right up to Justin.
"Ohmygod, you're gorgeous," said Staci. "Too bad we're related."
"What? Really?" said Justin.
"We must be," said Staci. "My great-great-great-great-uncle invented the gorgeous gene."
"Umm, I don't think . . ." started Zoey.
"Shh, let her dream," said Trent.
"So guys, what do you think of the show so far?" asked Blaineley.
"Well, I for one . . ." started Brick.
"Hey, that's great. Let's bring out the first guest," said Blaineley. "He was meant to be here for Aftermath II, but never showed up. Now, we've made sure he is here. Please welcome Wallace." Wallace appears onstage, strapped to a trolley and wheeled out by an intern.
"Is this really necessary?" asked Wallace.
"We're making sure you don't run away again," said Blaineley.
"Technically, I didn't run away a first time," said Wallace.
"And technically, shut up," said Blaineley.
"Wow, great comeback," said Wallace, voice dripping in sarcasm.
"I know, right?" said Blaineley. "Now Wallace, as one of the only adults on the show, I have to ask: what time are you gonna pick me up?"
"What?" said Wallace.
"Come on, you know you want some of this," said Blaineley.
"Umm . . . you do know I'm gay, right?" said Wallace. "Actually, you probably don't."
"Doesn't mean you can't have some of this," said Blaineley.
"Actually, it does," said Wallace. "Now Justin, on the other hand . . ."
"Back off, he's mine," said Katie.
"Yeah, he's mine," said Owen. "I mean, he's hers."
"Ugh, what is wrong with you people?" asked Blaineley. "Is it too much to ask to make this show about me?"
"Yes, actually it is," said Courtney. "The show is about Total Drama's recently eliminated contestants, of which you are not one."
"But . . . I'm a host," said Blaineley. "And I'm so fabulous."
"Nobody cares," yelled someone in the audience.
Blaineley glared at the audience, then sighed in frustration. "Fine, whatever," she said. "Let's just get to your call from home." A giant TV screen dropped down from the roof, and Ramona's face appeared on it.
"Wow, you're actually here this time Wallace," said Ramona.
"Hi Ramona," said Wallace. "Scott not with you?"
"He's . . . around," said Ramona. Suddenly, there was a loud crash behind her.
"Lemme guess: another evil-ex?" asked Wallace.
"Another evil-ex," said Ramona.
"Wow, you really got around before Scott," said Wallace.
"Actually, this one isn't mine," said Ramona. "It's Scott's. Envy Adams, in fact."
"Wait, shouldn't you be fighting her then?" asked Wallace. "And since when does Scott fight girls?"
"I should, and he doesn't," said Ramona. "He wants to protect me from her, so he offered to fight her for me. But since he doesn't fight girls . . ."
"Classic Scott," said Wallace. "Well, seeya Ramona."
"Bye Wallace," said Ramona as the screen cut out.
"Okay, time for the next freak," said Blaineley. "Bring out the spider creep." There was a moment of silence, followed by Blaineley's thugs being thrown out onstage wrapped in webs. Peter then stepped onstage and casually took his seat. "Jeez, those guys were bigger than you in height, width and breadth, and you beat them in seconds," said Blaineley.
"You forgot one very important thing," said Peter.
"And what's that?" asked Blaineley.
"I can shoot webs out of my fricken hands," said Peter. "Along with about half a dozen other powers."
"Settle down, not all of us were lucky enough to be bitten by a radioactive scorpion," said Blaineley.
"Spider," corrected Peter.
"Cockroach, got it," said Blaineley.
"I don't even think those bite," said Zoey.
"Who cares? They're all bugs," said Blaineley.
"Spiders are arachnids," said Trent.
"Marsupials, got it," said Blaineley.
"Wow, they dropped Bridgette and Geoff for this?" said Peter.
"Hey, I am way more talented than those two," said Blaineley.
"Something that they sacrificed for brains, clearly," said Wallace.
"How could you say that about your lovely host?" said Blaineley.
"He's not saying it about a lovely host. He's saying it about you," said Peter.
Blaineley glared at him. "Security?" she called.
"Ahem," coughed Peter, pointing to the guards he'd just incapacitated.
"Fine, let's just go to your call from home," said Blaineley. The giant TV came down from the roof and revealed Mary Jane on the screen.
"Hey MJ," said Peter. "What's up?"
"Well Peter, 'what's up' is everyone in New York knows who you are now," said Mary Jane.
"Well yeah, I mean I was just on TV. Plus they read my articles in the Bugle . . ." said Peter.
"No, I mean they know you're Spider-Man," said Mary Jane. "You know, because you didn't bother to hide your identity the whole time?"
"Wait a minute, you're Spider-Man?" said Wallace. "How did I not notice this?"
"Wait, what?" said Peter. "That doesn't make any sense. And in the context of this fanfic, that's saying something."
"By the way Peter, when you get back, Jameson wants a word," said Mary Jane. "And so does Aunt May."
"I'll deal with that when and if I ever get back," said Peter. "Seeya." The giant TV cut out.
"Okay, now for something I'm going to enjoy," said Blaineley. "All these jerks getting hurt in That's Gonna Leave a Mark."
An animation plays for That's Gonna Leave a Mark.
First up, Zidane was sneaking through a kid's room. He creeps up to the kid's bed, only to find he's not there. He looks down, and finds the kid hugging his leg. Zidane attempts to shake him loose, overbalances, and falls onto a large pile of Lego.
Next, there was Edward being thrown between the two catapults. Chris threw a couple of bear traps into one of the catapults. 'Nuff said.
Next, Chef is seen in some kind of cave-like area. Suddenly, a black dragon swoops down and spews some kind of purple sludge over him. Chef shakes it off, only to have the dragon lands on top of him.
Next, Zidane was seen with the mermaids. "So ladies, where were we?" he asked.
"We were about to begin our traditional mating ritual," said one of them. "Do you consent to join us?"
"Like you even need to ask," said Zidane. "What do I need to do?" The mermaids just grinned evilly. The camera cut away, with Zidane screaming everything from 'I need an adult' to 'I didn't know that could bend that way'.
Next, there was a shot of the final three landing in a heap on the floor, before bouncing straight into sight of a turret that hadn't been broken yet.
Finally, a shot of Blaineley walking was shown. Blaineley quickly switched the TV off. "Hey, we were watching that," said Wallace.
"It's not that interesting," said Blaineley quickly.
"We'll decide that," said Peter, using his webs to steal the remote. He turned the TV back on, which showed Blaineley walking until suddenly she stepped on a rake. She stumbled around dazed for a moment, only to stand on another rake. And then another. And then another.
By this time, Peter, Wallace, and the Peanut Gallery were laughing hysterically. "Oh man, when did THAT happen?" asked Trent.
"About an hour before the show," said Blaineley. "You have no idea how much makeup it took to hide those bruises."
"And your crow's feet," said Brick.
"Wow, someone must really hate you," said Cody. "And I mean REALLY hate you, because the rest of us are content to just mock you verbally."
"This isn't even the only thing that's happened today," said Blaineley. "Someone put worms in my coffee, drawing pins on the chair in my dressing room, and chocolate in my food."
"That last one doesn't sound so bad," said Owen.
"I'm on a strict diet," said Blaineley.
"Which doesn't appear to be working," said Courtney.
"GAH! You people are intolerable," said Blaineley. "Whatever, bring out the next loser. The smart cross-dressing one." Nothing happened. "Why aren't my guards doing anything?"
"Because I bound them in webs," said Peter. "I can't understand why you keep forgetting that."
"Haruhi. Now," said Blaineley. Haruhi walked onstage and took a seat. "So Haruhi, Kinda sucks that you lost, right?"
"At least it's an improvement from last time," said Haruhi.
"Yeah, right," said Blaineley. "What happened there again?"
"She was kicked out first because Light was a jackass," said Wallace.
"Oh yeah, the guy who should have won last season got rid of you," said Blaineley. "So, you must have a fair bit of angst about Kathryn doing the same thing to you this season."
"Not really," said Haruhi.
"Why not?" asked Blaineley.
"Because she's not the reason I was eliminated. Chris is," said Haruhi.
"So you have angst towards Chris then?" said Blaineley.
"Not really," said Haruhi.
"Oh come on, why not?" asked Blaineley.
"Because I'm not really an angsty person," said Haruhi.
"What's wrong with you people?" said Blaineley. "Whatever, let's just go to your call from home." The giant TV lowered down from the roof, and Kyoya appeared onscreen.
"Why hello Haruhi," said Kyoya. "Having fun there?"
"I don't have the money Kyoya," said Haruhi.
"Why Haruhi, I'm offended," said Kyoya. "Why do you assume I got this call because of the money?"
"Because you're Kyoya," said Haruhi.
"Be that as it may, that's not the only reason I'm doing this," said Kyoya.
"Not the only reason?" said Haruhi.
"I'm also doing it because Blaineley's goons said they'll be back if one of us doesn't do this," said Kyoya. "And seeing as how Light disposed of much of my family's secret police force, and they managed to incapacitate Honey and Mori, I had no choice."
"No need to worry about them anymore," said Peter.
"Can we get back to the money?" asked Haruhi.
"Oh, yes. We've doubled your bill to cover the funeral bills of the dead officers," said Kyoya. "Well, gotta go." The TV cut out.
"Damn it Kyoya," said Haruhi.
"Well, looks like someone's in money troubles," said Blaineley. "Score one for Blaineley."
"You're like twelve points behind though," said Wallace.
"Shut up," said Blaineley. "Bring out the vampire."
"Tied up guards," reminded Peter.
"You too," said Blaineley. "Alice. Here. Now."
"Aww, someone's not getting her way again, are they?" said Alice as she came out and sat down.
"You're gonna taunt me too, huh?" said Blaineley. "I was hoping at least you could see I'm the most beautiful person in this studio."
"Actually, I'm designed by nature to be attractive to humans so I can lure them in and kill them," said Alice. "I don't do it, but I'm designed to."
"GAH! Why did I agree to do this a second time?" asked Blaineley.
"Because you're nowhere near as talented as you think you are and this is the only paycheque you can collect," said Alice.
"Do you know what a rhetorical question is?" asked Blaineley.
"Yes, it's a question asked solely to produce an effect or to make an assertion and not to elicit a reply," said Alice.
"Can you stop doing that?" asked Blaineley.
"Yes, I can," said Alice.
"Then why don't you?" asked Blaineley.
"Because you keep asking questions, and this is an interview," said Alice.
"*beep* you," said Blaineley.
"And just like that, you lost your paycheque," said Alice. Blaineley stared at her a moment, then screamed in frustration, pulling at her hair and storming offstage.
The contestants and Peanut Gallery looked around at each other for a moment in confusion. "Well, I guess someone should take over the show," said Courtney. "And I think that should be me."
"Fine by me," said Alice. "She'll be back by the time I'm finished my call from home because her contract requires her to finish the show, no matter what."
"Oh . . . okay," said Courtney. "Well, let's do that then." The giant TV came down from the roof, and Bella appeared onscreen.
"Hi Bella," said Alice.
"Alice, where the hell are you?" asked Bella. "The Volturi are still kinda pissed about you exposing vampire kind to the world. They're holding us hostage until you turn yourself over to them for execution."
"Don't worry, I planned for this," said Alice.
"Bull*beep*," said Bella. "How could you have planned for this?"
"Look out the window," said Alice.
"Oh, come on Alice," said Bella. "It's not like when I look out the window I'm gonna see . . . a large army of vampires capable of disabling the Volturi with great ease." Bella was silent a moment. "How did you . . ."
"After I decided to join the show, I foresaw the Volturi getting angry with me, so I contacted every vampire we know to stand up against them," said Alice.
"But . . . that . . ." started Bella.
"See you when I get back Bella," said Alice as the TV cut out.
Almost on cue, Blaineley came back out. "Okay, for some reason I have to keep hosting the show," she said.
"Probably because it was in the contract you hastily signed after you got Geoff and Bridgette booted," said Wallace.
"So now," said Blaineley, ignoring Wallace. "I have a clue to the last challenge. So, here we go." The giant TV dropped down from the roof, and a video played for about five seconds, showing quick flashes of many varied landscapes.
"Is that it?" asked Justin. "I think I saw, like, a forest of some kind in there with little hairy people."
"You mean the one with the lamppost?" asked Owen.
"Lamppost?" said Justin.
"I think I saw a turtle and some elephants," said Wallace.
"I saw a box canyon," said Peter. "No way in, no way out."
"Whoopdee *beep* do," said Blaineley. "Okay, bring out Kathryn then. Maybe I'll finally get some respect from a contestant." Kathryn walked out and sat down. "So Kathryn, I guess we're both disappointed you lost."
"Really? I didn't realise I had a supporter," said Kathryn. "So, what did you do to help me?"
"What?" said Blaineley.
"Well, you're disappointed that I lost, so you must have done something to help me. So what was it? And I'm not accepting moral support as an answer."
"But . . . how was I supposed to help you?" said Blaineley.
"Exactly. You did nothing to help me, therefore you had no right to be disappointed about my loss," said Kathryn. "Zidane could be disappointed at the loss of all the contestants sharing the couch with me because they were his allies and helped him out on more than one occasion. You did nothing to help me, therefore you have no right to be disappointed at my loss."
"I can't believe I'm sort of on Kathryn's side here," said Alice. "It's the last Australian election all over again."
"I can't believe not a single person on this show respects me," said Blaineley.
"That's because respect is earned, not given," said a voice. Everyone turned to see Geoff running onstage, skidding to a halt in front of Blaineley. 'Show's over for you, Blaineley. Now, like I said several months ago, GET THE *beep* OFF MY SHOW!"
"Actually, my contract says that I'm in charge until you AND Bridgette are no longer competing," said Blaineley.
"Right, and Bridgette left the show," said Geoff.
"Okay, where is she then?" said Blaineley.
"I . . . don't know," said Geoff.
"I'll tell you where she is," said Blaineley. "She's . . ."
"Right here," said another voice. Everyone turned to see a motorbike, driven by a woman in red with Bridgette hanging on behind her, pull up onstage, and Bridgette jumped off. "Thanks Carmen," she called as Carmen drove off. "Now Blaineley, get lost. Or else."
"Or else what?" asked Blaineley.
"Well, unless I'm very much mistaken, it's sixteen against one," said Bridgette. "Two of which have superhuman powers. You need to ask yourself, do you feel lucky bitch?" Blaineley stared at her in disbelief, then stood up and backed away offstage. "Alice, can you make sure she leaves?"
"It would be my pleasure," said Alice, following Blaineley. Seconds later, Blaineley's screams could be heard.
"Bridge, about what happened between us . . ." started Geoff.
"Stop Geoff. You don't need to explain anything. I know. I'm sorry I didn't believe you, more than you could know," said Bridgette. "I love you."
"I love you too," said Geoff, kissing her. The audience began cheering, with the Peanut Gallery and most of the contestants applauding them.
"Ahem," said Kathryn, interrupting them. "Don't I get a call from home or something?"
"There's still another superhuman here, you know," said Bridgette.
"Actually Bridge, let's just let her have her call," said Geoff. "Let her talk to the one person in the world who still cares for her without any kind of manipulation." Kathryn glared at him as the giant TV lowered again, showing Sebastian on the screen.
"Ah, Kathryn, I see you lost," said Sebastian.
"The show maybe, but not our little bet," said Kathryn.
"What bet?" asked Bridgette.
"Me and Kathryn had a little bet about whether or not she could have a direct influence on the elimination of five contestants," said Sebastian. "Now, as far as I'm concerned, you only got rid of the bird-kid, the moron, the older moron, and the dragon guy, which is four. How exactly did you win?"
"Because my actions led to the other contestants hating me, so when we had a vote I was the obvious choice," said Kathryn. "I was number five."
"Wait, so that means . . ." started Geoff.
"Yes. I made Edward turn against me so I could beat Sebastian," said Kathryn. "I didn't need or want the million, I just like screwing with people."
"And there are a bunch of herpes sufferers who can testify to that," said Sebastian. "Well, I'll be seeing you then."
"Bye Sebastian," said Kathryn as the screen went black.
"Well, that was unexpected," said Bridgette.
"True, but what isn't unexpected is this: next week is the season finale, unless Kieran gets lazy and can't finish it in time and splits it in two. But hopefully that won't happen," said Geoff. "Until next time, I'm Geoff."
"And I'm Bridgette, signing out for the final time this season," said Bridgette as the screen cut to black.