Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't own me, and neither do the characters. So I don't own them. It's called respect.
Chapter 25
BPOV
The week went by fast, and the weekend went even faster. They didn't tell him this weekend. Emmett ended up getting a call from the guidance office about a scholarship for NYU. He was working on the applications for it all weekend. Carlisle, Esme, and Helen didn't want to tell him. Not when his focus should be elsewhere. I know they were doing it because they really did want him to focus on his college application. But I felt like they were wasting more time. They needed to tell him, before it was too late.
The fact that is already Wednesday is crazy. Rose, Ali, Jazz, and Edward wouldn't speak to us. They didn't tell the parents about my miscarriage. But I told them anyway. I didn't want them to be unaware of what was going on. Esme and Helen cried and pulled me in to a hug. I didn't want it but I knew it would help them.
Carlisle wasn't surprised though, and when I asked him why he wasn't, he replied "I'm your doctor Bella, I have seen your file. But I am supposed to keep your records confidential and I knew you wouldn't have wanted me to say something to you about without you coming to us first." I had a lot of respect for him for doing that. I nodded in my way of saying thank you. They were slowly gaining back my respect for them. It's hard, knowing that they knew so much and yet still told me so little, and Emmett too. Even their own kids. Guess our parents believed that children were better seen than heard.
I also informed them that Alice and Rosalie know because of the investigator and called my ex-boyfriend to yell at him. I could tell Esme was ready to scream. She didn't want her daughter behaving like this. "I didn't raise her to disrespect others privacy. I don't know what has gotten into her." Esme and Helen really were stressing out about what they were finding out. And they fact that they fired Jenkins made things that much more complicated.
Thinking about James, and what happened between us made me feel all the things that I felt when we were in a relationship. It was an on and off again relationship for two years. He was amazing when we first met. He made me forget everything, and made me feel free and exotic. But I figured out that we were toxic for each other. Yet I still came back every time. But after the miscarriage, I knew it was over.
Flashback: March 13, 2008
My hands were shaking as I looked at the pink plus sign.
I was pregnant.
God how the hell did I let this happen? I am only 17! I mean I know my parents had Emmett and I around that age, but my god, I never thought I would follow those footsteps.
What was I going to do? How was I going to tell James? We had just broke up again! He was drinking again, and partying so much I didn't want to be around that anymore. And yet here I am pregnant. I was going to have to tell him. I was going to have to call him.
I discarded of the pregnancy test before Ali or Rosie would find it. No need to worry them about it until I told James. Besides they were packing for their spring break in a couple of weeks in Forks. They tried to get me to go with them but I told them James and I had other plans. I always used him for a defence of avoiding Forks. Oh well.
"hello?" James answered, he sounded crabby which meant he had a hang over.
"James, it's Bella. I-" I felt like crying but I needed to talk to him and I needed to talk to him now, "I need to talk to you. It's pretty serious, I don't want to freak you out, but I need to meet up with you."
I heard him sigh on the phone. He probably thought I wanted to get back together again. We had only been broken up for a week or so. The longest we stayed broken up was three weeks until we fell back together again. "Yeah sure Bella. You want to meet up for lunch."
"Um. Can we actually meet at your place? This isn't a public conversation. If you catch my drift." We couldn't talk about this out in the open. The papz would be all over this.
"Uh, yeah sure. Why don't you head over now then?" I agreed and jumped into my car before Rose and Ali woke up. I didn't need an interrogations. They would have tried to stop me saying that I shouldn't crawl back to that scum again.
This was different.
He looked good. Sad almost. When I walked into his place I noticed there were bottles everywhere. I wanted to cry. He was so much better than this. He didn't need this. He could be happy in other ways than holding the bottle like his dad did.
"So what is this all about Bella." He was hesitant with me with good reason. I kind of threw a lamp at him the last time we were together.
I sighed, "Alright I am just going to come right out an say it. I'm pregnant." I didn't want to look at him and he was quiet, "You don't have to do anything. I can take care of the baby myself, I am financially stable to be able to do that. If you want to be apart of its life I just…" I felt his arms wrap around me, picking me up and he was laughing. Not the reaction I was expecting.
When he put me down he was smiling.
"I'm going to be a dad?" I smiled right back at him. I couldn't believe how happy he was about this. I was scared he was going to yell and everything.
We decided to plan a trip to Mexico for spring break to celebrate. I was going to tell Rose and Alice once we got back. But James and I wanted to celebrate for a while by ourselves. James even was going to quite drinking. He wanted to be fully sober by the time the baby came.
I couldn't have been happier.
When I miscarried, I felt like my whole world was ending, It's dramatic I know, but you don't know what it's like to loose a child. Before you even got to see them.
Rose and Alice don't understand, they could never understand what I went through; I didn't want to talk about it. The fact that it happened hurt me. They just don't get why I have these secrets. I didn't want them to know all of these horrible things that have happened. I don't want to be the downer on them. And I know them. They can't keep a secret.
James and I tried to pretend everything was all right for a while, but James started drinking again. Two months later I told him goodbye. And he didn't fight for me. It was best this way.
I started getting an idea for a song you don't know how to love me when you're sober, when the bottles done you pull me closer… (A/N: Selena Gomez Sober 2015, I know it's a later song, but it holds relevance later in the story!)
ESPOV
I walked into Emmett and Bella's home, looking for Bella. I needed to talk to her. I needed to tell her something.
I went into the basement. I figured she would be there, she was always working on music. And there she was sitting on the floor with a guitar in hand. The lyrics she was singing were hauntingly beautiful.
Sober by Selena Gomez( I know it's from 2015, but it will hold presenece again in the future part of this story)
We fall for each other at the wrong time
Only for a moment, but I don't mind
Guess I don't know where to draw the line, the line, the line
We're playing the same game every night
Up in the clouds, yeah you know how to make me want you
When we come down, oh I know, yeah I know, it's over
You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
You're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober
Why is it so different when we wake up?
Same lips, same kiss, but not the same touch
Don't you know that you're doing just enough, but not enough
But I know what's next and I want so much
Up in the clouds, yeah you know how to make me want you
When we come down, oh I know, yeah I know, it's over
You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
You're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober
I know I should leave, I know I should, should, should
But your love's too good, your love's too good, good good
I know I should leave, I know I should, should, should
But your love's too good, your love's too good, good good
You don't know how to love me when you're sober
When the bottle's done you pull me closer
You're saying all the things that you're supposed to
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober
You've got a hold on me
You're like a wasted dream
I give you everything
But you don't know how to love me when you're sober
"bella?" She jumped from her spot, but then breathed a sigh of relief.
"It's you Esme, sorry you scared me." She stiffened a little bit, and I felt myself sigh, she was getting better around us. But the fact that we still haven't told Emmett killed her. It killed us. We didn't want to keep this from him any longer. It's already the end of October. Bella with her accident on their birthday, then she was in a coma two weeks, she was in th hospital for a few days after that, then she was back in school with Emmett and now another week has gone by. Can we blame her for being mad? No not even a little bit.
"what's up?" She asked me putting her guitar aside, motioning me to the couch.
I sighed. This was going to be a hard conversation. "I just wanted to talk to you about what happened with your miscarriage." She stiffened a little, but I went on, "Actually I wanted to tell you actually why your mom left." She whipped her head to me, eyes wide. This was something that they had never known. They always wanted to know but we just never could bring ourselves to tell her and Emmett.
"You know why my mom left?" She looked like she wanted to cry. I suppose she never read all of her mom's letters to her dad.
I nodded, "Yes dear I do." I took a deep breath. "When you and your brother were born, your mom was so happy. She was so happy being pregnant." I laughed, and Bella smiled, "You've seen all the pictures that we have of us then." I bit my lip, "Well about eight months after Emmett and you were born, your mom wanted to try again; for another baby. Your dad wasn't sure, since there were already two of you." I laughed, remember how crazed all of us were. And we had lost John around that time, so all of us just wanted to be happy. I think that's why Renee wanted to have another baby, to bring back a life. "Well your dad couldn't refuse your mom, not when it would make her happy. So they tried. After four months of trying your mom got pregnant." I hesitated, I felt like I was going to cry, "But…but a few weeks later she miscarried. Oh Bella, your mom couldn't get out of bed. She cried and cried." I shook my head remembering that time. She could barely accept it. "And the doctor found out that… that there was 40% chance that your mom could have a baby again." Bella looked at me heartbroken.
I took her hands in mine, "Now your mom didn't know how to handle any of it. She was depressed from the news really, and she just got scared Bella. She was afraid that she would never be able to experience what she experienced with you and Emmett. Sadly, your father and her were always fighting after that. Until she finally decided she needed to leave Forks. It was to dreary she would say." I felt the tears coming up remembering the day she left. "She wanted to take you and Emmett with her, and your dad too." The look of surprise on Bella's face killed me. I know she always thought that her mom didn't want her and Emmett anymore that being the reason she left. But it wasn't true. "But your dad didn't want to go. And she was too scared to raise you two on her own, not that your dad wanted her to take you guys. So she left." I was crying now, so was Bella. It hurt just remembering it. She never said goodbye to me. Not even Helen who had just lost John.
I took a deep breath. "I just wanted you to know. What you are going through now, your mom went through it too Bella." I grabbed her hands and smiled at her, "And you are handling it with grace and pose my dear. You are so strong and your mom would be so proud of you, you have to know that."
Bella's eyes welled up and she did something she hadn't done in a long time. She started crying and laid her head down in my lap, sobbing so hard. She was mumbling words of sorrow. She was so heart broken over the baby, that she didn't allow herself to feel it. There were many moments as a little girl when she would do this with Helen or me. But she hadn't done it in so long.
I brushed her hair out of her face after I got over the shock of her showing emotion to me other than anger, and soothed her, "Oh sweetheart it's going to be okay. It's going to be alright I promise."
A/N: I thought you guys could use a break from Rose and Alice. What did you guys think of Esme and Bella's moment? I started crying a little bit while writing it. I hope you guys liked it! Please give me your feed back of what you thought! I love to hear from you guys!
Love, BellaLaila87