I'm back for the last chapter (I know I said there would be two more chapters but I actually wrapped up the story in one chapter. Two years away has taught me the wonders of editing. Plus 25 is a good number to end on).

Since the beginning I wanted this song to be the last chapter title. It's the only reason Lady Gaga's Paparazzi was never a name of chapter. I promised myself one song per artist.

Again sorry for the wait. My mental health kept fluctuating and in the meantime I started other projects.

Self-promotion for two seconds. So, I'm writing a fan fiction based off The Smuggler. The only caveat is that it's a Les Misérable fan fiction. Hetalia never fit for the story and I've read Les Misérables and fell in love with it. Actually it helped give me the spark to finish what I had written two years ago.

I did learn something from Per Sempre Tuo, make it about a setting you know. I get why Stephen King books take place in Maine. I had to do so much research for this story. Even after rereading this story I can see mistakes I made about the setting (in the first chapters when I didn't finish my research). So, word of advice, write about a setting you know, if not, finish your research before you write your story.

Wow, I basically just finished a novel.

Translations

Je ne sais pas = I don't know (French)

Chapter 25

Another shot before we kiss the other side

Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)

I'm on the edge of something final we call life tonight (Alright! Alright!)

Put on your shades, 'cause I'll be dancing in the flames

Tonight, yeah, baby! (Tonight, yeah, baby!)

It isn't hell if everybody knows my name tonight

Edge of Glory (Lady Gaga) 2012

As you know already, not everyone had the same reaction to my coming out as Tiina. Yeah, it got the reaction I wanted. Now it was: what divorce? Oh did you hear that Romano Vargas is gay? I had to do an interview with this magazine. Oh did I mention that Luise was fucking pissed off that I did that! Okay, she's happy that I came out to the world and I'm being myself, blah, blah that shit, but she was pissed off at the timing. She told me, if I had waited a month, she could have had a press conference or would have organized an interview or something! She would have made it proper. But, no, I had to come out on national television only days before she gave birth to Monika and she couldn't do any press conferences or magazine interviews. Her grandfather had to do that and he's scary.

Oh yeah, the birth. It happened. I wasn't there when Luise's water broke. But I was the first to get a call. Of course it was Feli freaking out about the whole thing.

"Lovi! Lovi! Lovi! It's coming!" he yelled freaked out on the phone. I was at the time doing nothing important, like sleeping. It was three in the morning when Monika decided it was time to get out of Luise before Luise's toxic blood infected her too much.

God knows how many hours later, I was sitting in a waiting room ready to kill someone over my lack of sleep, when Feli announce she's officially here. Gilbert was happy as all fuck. Of course he was there, do you really expect that he would not?

I did not blush when they announced I was the godfather. It's not fucking sweet. You know if Luise kills Feliciano in a murder suicide, I get the brat. I'm the brats fucking father! I love the brat but I'm the cool uncle (well, Antonio is going to be the cool uncle since he loves kids in general and he's kid himself). I'm not a cool dad. I'm the dad you hate because I'm never going to let my daughter out after sunset. I know how boys think! They are fucking horny assholes. If it was up to me, she would be a lesbian… wait aren't girls bitchy and judgy? No, if it was up to me, Monika would be a nun. Her husband is God. There's no better husband than God… Wait, all nuns are his wife. That fucking mormon! How could you bring my little niece in your sick sister-wives cult. Fuck. Okay, last time. She's an asexual hermit. There you go. I don't see anything wrong with that one.

Anyway, I assumed you are so ready to finally hear about what happened when the pictures came out. Unless you really are that interested in my life and my ramblings. Then, I'm worried about your sanity. Anyway, you've made it this far, I better tell you about the reason you've read this. If not, I'm more of an asshole then I thought.

So, you know the certain picture came out. Sure it was to those stupid gossip magazines you get at grocery stores. You know, the ones where 95% of the stories are fake rumours or just plain insulting. (Seriously, guess who has a fat ass? Guess who looks just the worst in a swimsuit? You guys are fucking evil. Yes, a man who has a one way ticket to hell when he dies is calling you evil. Think about it.) Well, Antonio and I happened to be the 5% which ended up being true. Evil fuckers. Remember that fucker I had to pay off so he didn't send that picture of Antonio kissing me to TMZ, well he didn't send it to TMZ. He sent to one of those gossip magazines. I hope he burns in hell with me (hopefully in a different circle of hell because I don't want to see his fucking face ever again). Antonio deserves some privacy. He's actually nice! (Makes mistakes, but our mistakes do not define us. I'm not the person you should learn moral lessons from. I'm the exemple of what not to do.)

Since this happened not to long ago, I'm pretty sure everything is clear in your memory. I don't need to give you a refresher about the public reaction or how Antonio's representatives denied anything and called it photoshopped. My representative did fuck all because she was taking care of a newborn. And like hell was I going to talk about this. The moment someone on the street came up to me, I would push someone (most like Feliks but it could be Sandro) between us and just walked without saying a word. Feliks would babble about how I should talk about it. Since I'm such a pleasant person, I told him to fuck off or vacagare. You know me by now, it sounds like me.

After all the hell, I would call Antonio and just complain and complain and complain. Françoise would laugh at me. Arthur would tell me to bugger off and do something about it. I would wonder when were they breaking up again because I didn't need his fucking opinion. Fuckface.

Antonio was sweet but clearly annoyed because his sister called freaking the fuck out. "You left your wife for another man! How could you do that!" Great way to force Antonio out of the closet. DO NOT FORCE PEOPLE OUT OF THE CLOSET. Let them do it on their own terms you sick fucks! Now, Antonio has to worry about his divorce and accusations of being gay (remember people, bisexual people exist. They aren't magical unicorns).

So, all this talk and I haven't really said my reaction to the whole ordeal. You can read between the lines and figure out my reaction. It's not like I'm all that hard to read. So, let's start when I found out about these "rumours".

I sitting on a city bench, minding my own business waiting for Françoise to find the perfect present for Monika (one terrible thing about dating Antonio, I get to spend way too much fucking time with Françoise). Then, some fucking paparazzo came up to me and basically attacked. Paparazzi need to be eradicated from this earth. When the aliens come and visit and need convincing if they should or should not destroy all humans, I'm the last person you should send. We are all fucking dead but paparazzi will be tortured and killed slowly and painfully. Actually a lot of people would be tortured… Yeah, don't send me. Send Feli. Yeah, Feli would save the world.

"What do you say to the rumours that Antonio Fernandez and you are dating?"

I wasn't listening to him because as a rule I don't give a fuck. So, I ignored him. But this fucker was pretty adamant.

"Vaffanculo," I said swatting him away like he was a fly, which he was. Then, he repeated himself. Thank fucking God I had large sunglasses on because my eyes were fucking wide when I heard what he said. The one fucking day Vash was with Feli. FUCK LIFE.

I got up and the paparazzo followed me. "Can you comment on the picture of you and him kissing."

I made no physical reaction to that. I did make a verbal one. "Fuck off." Ha. This way you can't show this clip on TV. Mwhahaha. Though, you can still talk about. And the internet is a thing. I'm not as smart or clever as I think am I.

I got into the baby store. Paparazzi can't follow you in there. That did mean I would have to shop with Françoise but that is a price I was willing to pay.

I found Françoise and showed her my phone when I found the link to the picture.

She smiled but it was an embarrassed smile. "That's a problem."

"Fuck!" I kicked a baby toy and broke it. I had to pay for it. "What am I going to do?"

"Je ne sais pas," she said. The sad thing, I understood that.

"I'm calling Antonio."

Françoise looked worried but she still looked through the toys.

"Hola corazoncito." That may be the sweetest hello I have ever gotten. It almost made me forget that I was upset and terrified about something. Keyword, almost.

"Google us," I said a little panicky.

"Sure?" Of course Antonio was confused. As a rule, I don't google myself. Do I really need to know what people are saying about me? It can't be nice. "Oh… I thought we paid him off?" How was he calm? How can you be calm about this?!

"So did I," I said rather agitated. "Fuck. Don't talk to anyone about this unless they are your agent or something. Then listen to whatever they want. They will fix this." I'm pretty sure Antonio nodded. I just know him that well. "This will be fixed."

So, there's my reaction to the whole thing. Of course things like this don't just go away. I couldn't go anywhere without anyone asking about the dating rumours! This was hell. It had to be.

"The grammys are coming up," Antonio said. This was like a week or two after the incident.

"Yeah," I said flopping on my couch. Obviously, we were at my house. I was flipping through a new script. It was crap and I was never going to be in that movie. But I had to finish the script. Maybe it had this amazing ending (of course, it didn't but I didn't know at the time).

"I already have plus one," Antonio said. I knew where this was going. By the way, of course, the original plus one was Emma.

"No."

"Everyone knows anyway," he complained.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone isn't sure and it's too close to your divorce." Actually, technically he wasn't divorce. Filing papers is apparently a super hard and long job. It's not like Antonio wasn't very compromising... Or just gave Emma whatever she wanted.

"Once we do come out as a couple, everyone would know we have been dating since my divorce."

"Have you seen the things people write about me on the internet?"

"They don't know you."

"Yes they do." I put down my script. "They don't write bad things about you because for some reason you're the victim. But, I'm the one who seduced you and broke your marriage. I'm sick of being called a homewrecker." That's one of the reasons I stopped showing my face in public. People would recognise me and yell things at me. The most popular was homewrecker. Sometimes they used homewrecker as an adjective. I would have killed the person who called me a homewrecking faggot. I may act like I have a thick skin but I have super thin skin. Despite the truth to it or probably because it is true, it hurts every time someone calls me a homewrecker. It pierces into my soul and cuts deep.

Antonio put his hand on my back and kissed my shoulder. "I'll go alone."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"It's okay… and I won't talk about you or any of the rumours."

"Thanks, caro mio." I called him that to reinforce this kind and gentle behaviour. Not that Antonio really need reinforcement to be kind.

Though, I want to take this time to complain about something (I know I do that a lot but this one is more universal and not just about me). But why is Antonio the victim? Why is it that Emma and I are the bad guys? Is it because you like Antonio and if you like someone it means that they can never do anything wrong? Because seriously, if anyone is the victim it's Emma and Antonio is the least victimy person between us three. Why are we blaming the real victim because she let her husband go? Well now you know the truth, she didn't willingly let her husband go. She fought for him. Antonio still left her for me. Yeah, stop blaming Emma for the whole thing. Victim blaming is bad. Moral lesson brought to you by Lovino Vargas.

So, anyway, it surprises no one that he went to the grammys alone. It also surprises no one when someone mentions the the divorce. Antonio was actually quite skillful at avoiding answering the question. I was proud of him and texted him such. Antonio is learning. Good for him.

I watched the grammys from Luise and Feli's house. Monika cried a lot. It was like she hated music. I really hope she doesn't turn into her mother. Feli is a better person to take after. Everyone loves him and he's nice and cheerful and like I said if aliens wanted to destroy the world, he would save it. He's the one you should be like, Monika (though I hope you never ever read this). I'm going to have to tell her this much. Nothing really interesting happen. Just Feli being the best mom he could be. My God does he love that child. She is going to be so spoiled. Already, Feli is giving her everything single fucking thing she could possible wanted. I don't know why a baby needs a flat screen. I'm pretty sure her eyes are not fully developed and she can only see shapes and colours. What a fucking idiot. Okay, fine. I'll admit that it's endearing.

So, this brings me to our coming out as a couple.

Antonio's national tour was delayed due to the conservancies and the divorce, however, it was never actually canceled. So, when he decided it was time, tickets went on sale right away. Oddly enough, despite everything that happened, some venues sold out rather quickly. Conservancies aren't what they used be. Then again, it's never huge news that a musician had cheated on their wife. Sure the other man part and that other man was also famous was different but those are details. The big picture isn't surprising.

So, Antonio went out. I didn't follow at first because the guy needs his space from me. I can't imagine dating me, I have to be a horrible boyfriend. I'm whiny and bitchy. Anyway, that didn't last long because I would hop on a plane and go see him. Shut up, I missed him. Skype wasn't good enough! There's nothing wrong with missing the person you love.

Life on the road is not glamorous. It kind of suck. You're always moving and working and you live in a bus. Yeah not fun. I'm glad I'm an actor and not a musician. That one time as a groupie is enough for me. It's an experience I'm never living again. My excuse for not going will be work. I'll make sure I'll have work. I'm probably going to be in crappy projects then. Okay, I'm going to have to think this plan out better.

Anyway, it's the end March by this point. Yes, just a month ago. We were on the road to New York from Boston. It was nighttime and Antonio and I were sleeping in the bed in the back of the bus… Btw, it's a horrible place to sleep… And we couldn't sleep. Probably because it's a horrible place to sleep. So, I was looking at the million and one pictures Feli took of Monika and posted it online… Yeah he's one of those parents. Monika wasn't even at her cutest! (Let's be honest, she's going to be an adorable toddler). She had blonde hair which made her look bald. But he loves his daughter.

"That's a cute picture," Antonio said. It's only because she had a hat on… I have that picture framed in my apartment. She's in a sailor's outfit! What do you want me to do? She's in a fucking sailor's outfit! You do realise that's fucking adorable!

"Yeah."

There was silence until Antonio decided to open his stupid mouth.

"I think it's time to come out … as a couple." He really felt like he needed to add the last part because I would not know it what he meant. I knew what he meant.

"It would feel like a publicity stunt. We're finally not the centre of the news."

"I don't want to hide. I'm honest with my fans." He cuddled with me. "We can put it on Instagram and be done with all this hiding." He put his phone up in a perfect selfie mode. Man his smile was perfect.

Yeah, hiding does feel like a lot of work and sloth and I were brothers. I love sloth has much as he loves me. I'm lazy when I'm not freaking out about things. So, it took me two months to calm down enough to be okay, we can be public about our couplehood. So yeah, we came out as a couple because Antonio doesn't like keeping secrets, he's honest to a fault and I was just lazy. Yeah, that our relationship in a nutshell.

"Instagram is tacky. We can find a better way," I said.

He smiled and kissed me.

So there's the background information you need for the craziest thing Antonio will ever do. I'll leave the people who don't know what I'm talking about in suspense.

So, the concert was going on without a hitch. Yay, nearly perfect concerts are rare. Stuff fucks up all the time.

I was in the back watching the whole thing as I do when I'm at Antonio's concerts. Ha, I get in for free because I'm fucking the star. Hahahaha. But let's be honest, concert tickets are fucking expensive. I get it, especially now, that this was house artist made their money since all you fuckers download your music illegally. Yeah, records mean little to nothing compared to the paycheck a musician gets through concerts. So, if you're a fan, buy a ticket. And it's not like Antonio isn't hot. Come to a concert and watch a hot guy sing and play for a couple of hours. What could be better than watching a hot guy for a couple of hours?

Why am I keeping you guys in suspense. You all know that Antonio decides to do something stupid. Go watch it on social media if you haven't already. Or watch it again. Actually don't.

"I'm going to be honest with you, I wrote this song thirteen months ago," he said to his crowd. Um… What?! Antonio, stay on script. What are you doing? "I had spent the day at a park with a friend. It ended with us at a restaurant where I got the inspiration for this song. One look from my friend at the time that got this thing started. I started to write the lyrics on napkins and stopped paying attention to everyone. I spent the next couple of months consumed by the song because what did it mean? I write without think. I just write what I feel. And this song came out of that." Antonio looked around nervously. Then looked straight at me and smiled. By the way, the stage manager was on the verge of freaking out. The band was looking around like idiots who didn't know what to do.

"Then, I showed it to FBT. They liked it but they were worried. Yeah, it was not about my ex wife. That was obvious. It was about me falling in love with someone else." I would have fainted if I was not so shocked. What the fuck, Antonio. I didn't mean to tell everyone during a concert. This was not what they paid for. They don't need your life story on the stage. Maybe you should be doing this during, I don't know, an interview? That seems appropriate and that way you didn't surprise everyone with this random moment. The stage manager was yelling at everyone and mainly in Antonio's ear. He took off his ear piece. He's stubborn. When he has a stupid idea in his head, he goes with it. "I don't want to lie anymore. I hate it and it feels wrong. I don't want to hide because that feels wrong. Everything feels wrong right now. I rushed a marriage while I was still in school. I've learned my lesson and never rushing into another marriage." That made me happy and worried. Happy because I didn't want to rush into something anything. But I was also worried because why didn't he want to rush into anything with me? I know legally, we were not allowed to get married but the courts were settling on that. Did he not love me as much has be loved Emma back then? Am I a mistake? I know it's because he's more logical now but if those things aren't still in the back of my mind. He fell in love with someone else when he was married to her, would he do the same while with me?

"Marriage shouldn't be something you run head first into. It's a big decision. I made the wrong decision. Then, I cheated. Em… My ex did nothing wrong. I did something wrong and I don't know if she believes me when I say I'm sorry. I don't blame her if she didn't." But this point he was so far gone that the stage manager said fuck it and left. Probably to get a drink. I wouldn't blame him. "What was this about?" I head feel in my hands. "The song. So the song is about falling in love with someone else, a friend." He looked at me and moved his head in a way that made me think he wanted me to walk up on stage with him. What? "And I've always be bi." He added that in a hurry. "Lovi."

"What." My eyes were wide and I was catatonic. What the fuck. Antonio you romantic son of bitch. Okay, declaring your love for me in front of thousands. That's, well, so you.

Someone pushed me forward. I looked at the crowd. I still can't process any of this shit. Ask me about how many people were there. I don't know. Actually ask me any details and I would say, I don't know. All I did was wave to the crowd and left. It was totally embarrassing and it's all over social media. Fun. You guys can watch my most embarrassing moment ever.

Antonio eventually came to me. He's mike was off. He looked at me with all his sincerity and love. "You want to sing with me?"

I smiled because how could I say no to that face.

He kissed my cheek.

So, you fuckers got your money's worth and then some. Because as you know, I'm a triple threat. No I will not be in a movie musical. They suck. Through Broadway was always a possibility and it was a perfect excuse to never go on tour with Antonio. Jersey boys. That would be a fun one. Did they ever make the Godfather into a musical? Let's be honest, they will make anything into a music. From a horror book about a telekinetic abused girl (yes there was a Carrie musical), to one of the longest books ever written, to a Wizard of Oz fanfiction, to muppets singing adult stuff, to Legally Blonde. Anyway, so next tour Antonio does, I will be on Broadway. Or in some play at least, if I wasn't filming The Smuggler.

Okay, ignore my ramblings and an ingenious idea. You can see the duet between Antonio and I. What I can tell you about it that it was awesome. I know that's Gilbert's word and he uses it way too much, to the point that I don't know if he really knows the definition of the word. But the feeling of awe was what I was feeling. Everything was unbelievable. I was sing in front of everyone with the man I loved. I was showing people who I really was. I was giving it my all and showing my all. I still can't believe Antonio had me to that. He's the only person who could have. He made me better. Yes, I'm the homewrecker who broke his marriage. I'm still an ass. I'm still rude and spoiled and bitchy. I'm not perfect. I'm so far from perfect, that I would not be able to see perfect if it was right in front of my fucking face. But, as imperfect as I was, these were things I would have never done before I fell in love with Antonio. I would never would have shared things like this with anyone. I would never say yes to something so embarrassing. He made me better. I liked the person I was with him. I was happy to wake up to that face knowing it was growing and getting better. I was happy to wake up to that face because I knew Antonio's face would be close. Antonio loved that face for God fucking knows why. I didn't deserve it. But I want to deserve. Maybe one day I will deserve it. I fucking hope so. It would probably be the day I die. Fuck.

Arrivederci,

Lovino Romano Vargas

PS. My Mamma read this. (Yeah. I know, that is embarrassing. This is the last thing you want your mamma to read.) She sent me to a therapist. The therapist said this could be therapeutic and maybe I should continue a blog... fuck him… I'm probably going to do it. Fuck my life. My life has gone to the dogs.

Thank you everyone! Anyone who has read this, favourite it, reviewed it, alert this. Every single one of you are awesome! Just seeing that this story has hits is sooooo awesome! And you made it this far. That's sooooooo awesome. I never dreamed that this story would be this popular. I honestly expected it to have a couple of hit and maybe a couple of reviews. Wow, all of you are awesome! Thank you for just reading this little (huge) project of mine. The story that was inspired by a question about prostitution! This is the end. I'm going to miss this story and writing it. I love love love writing Lovino, most likely because he's so dissimilar to me.