The sound of thunder woke Lilly up. She sat up frantically looking around her, and then winced at her ribs.

What time was it?

"April?" Lilly called out.

The room was silent. She carefully got up out of bed and looked up in the bunk above hers. Empty. Lilly looked over to the wooden clock on the wall. It was already noon. April must have gone to the Mess Hall for lunch already. Lilly walked over to the window and watched as the rain came down. It was very grey and gloomy out and condensation steamed up the window as she breathed against it. Lilly reached down and picked up her hairbrush from the windowsill and brushed lightly through her hair while continuing to gaze out the window. She grabbed a clean tan jacket and slid it over her shirt and quietly left her room.

Once outside, Lilly made it a point to run quickly to the Mess Hall to avoid getting drenched again, but that didn't work very well. When she opened the door and entered, the amount of soldiers that were inside eating had noticeably decreased. It was quieter, and there wasn't as much chatter.

Everyone was still obviously traumatized from the previous day.

Lilly grabbed a plate before sitting in her spot with April and Ben who had sat alone at their table.

"It's about time you woke up." April said.

"I don't think I've ever slept so solidly." Lilly said as she rubbed her eyes.

"So where's the Captain?" April asked Lilly.

Lilly looked around to see that his whole table was vacant, except Hange. She chewed her apple and swallowed.

"I don't know. Maybe still sleeping? I gave him that tincture." Lilly said.

"Thats probably why. He's usually here for every meal. But sleeping until noon is a bit excessive, don't you think?" April asked.

"Well I'm sure he's busy." Lilly said before sipping her water.

She stared down at the fruit and vegetables at her plate and sighed.

"Hey Lilly, morning." Jean said as he sat beside her.

"Morning. You rest well?" Lilly asked him.

"Not really. Yesterday is still on my mind." Jean frowned as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I feel you on that bud." Ben said as he stared down at his untouched food.

"Well if anyone has trouble sleeping, Lilly is your girl." April said.

Lilly looked over to the empty table where Levi used to sit with his squad, and she could almost picture them all still sitting there. She frowned before standing up with her plate.

"Lilly, I have to talk to you later. So come see me alright?" April said while gazing at Lilly with a frown.

"Of course. Is everything okay?" Lilly asked with worry in her voice.

"Yeah, Yeah. Everything is fine." April said.

"Okay, good to hear. We can talk in the room later tonight if you want." Lilly gave her a smile.

April fiddled with her brown hair nervously as Ben looked at her with suspicion.

...

Lilly had eaten what she could.

She really didn't have much of an appetite at the moment.

That was the hardest part of being a soldier.

Sometimes you had to act like a machine, just so you could carry on and do your job.

Continue to lay down your life for the rest of humanity.

Armin was right about that. She found herself trying to burry her feelings she had now, trying to smother them out like a flame before she caught fire and crumbled into dust and ash.

Weak and weightless.

Easily carried away by the wind.

Trying to be strong and collected.

Is that what strength was now? Not feeling? Is that what made a perfect soldier?

Being numb?

Losing their humanity?

Is this what Levi struggled with before her eyes everyday?

"I'll see you guys around." Lilly said.

"Are you going to go check on him?" April asked.

"Yeah, briefly. I was going to check to see if my parents wrote to me yet also." Lilly replied.

"Well let me know if that tincture ended up knocking his ass out. Maybe he will be in a better mood after resting for once." April said as she raised her cup to her lips.

Lilly nodded before placing her plate on the counter and leaving the mess hall quietly.

She made her way through the rain, trying to avoid any puddles. Thunder sounded in the distance again as she came to the Captain's office door. She lifted her fist and knocked against the wood but there was no reply. She knocked one more time and still no answer. She lifted her hand to the brass knob and turned it to find it was unlocked.

She let herself in and closed the door behind her.

When she turned around, Levi was passed out face down on his desk on top of all his report papers. The tincture bottle was sitting on the edge of his desk.

She smiled to herself and quietly crept across the wooden floor to his fireplace which was just starting to go out. She stirred the logs a bit and got the fire going again before setting the tea kettle over it. She turned around and quietly walked over to his desk and stood over him. She watched as he slept quietly on his paperwork.

She should probably wake him.

He appeared to have a lot of work to do, and it was well into the day already.

She slowly reached her hand out and gently rubbed the smooth skin of the back of his neck, then trailing her fingers up his shaved nape, feeling the stubble against her fingertips. She ran her fingers up to his black hair, moving it out of his sleeping face. He slowly started to awaken under her touch, dark eyelashes fluttering open lazily. He inhaled quietly as his striking steel eyes landed on her.

He then slowly sat up to stretch.

*Levi POV*

How long was he sleeping for?

He remembered feeling completely miserable and alone while he sat at his desk the previous night after getting back in. The faces of his dead squad members had burned into his memory like a hot iron.

He couldn't take the torment anymore. He couldn't take the realization that he was completely alone again. Alone in his office, alone in his thoughts. This was why he never let anyone in.

He never let anyone get too close in fear that they'd just get ripped away. That's how it always worked without fail. His beautiful mother had died in that dark room with him in it. Kenny left him too soon after he had found him in the brothel.

Isabelle, Farlan.

Now his squad after countless others.

They wouldn't be the last.

He'd worn a mask. He'd become cold. Sometimes completely numb.

Because life was all about surviving for him.

It always was.

He had glanced at the tincture bottle on his desk and remembered.

Lilly.

But she changed everything.

The first time he saw her, he felt something move in him. The more he got to know her, the less he started to recognize what he thought he had known about himself. She brought change along with that brilliant smile, her innocence, and the way she got distracted by any fucking thing that moved.

She looked up into his eyes like he meant something.

He had thought he'd lost her too.

Without the chance of getting to say or do any of the things he wished he had to her.

He had been afraid of what could happen to her, and how he'd feel if he'd lost her.

But when he saw her alive, stumbling towards him with the sun burning a brilliant shade of red behind her, he knew right then and there that he'd start living.

Not just surviving.

He had kissed her like he'd been wanting to. And now he found himself never wanting to let that go. It had awakened something inside of him. Something that made him feel that even if the world was burning and crumbling around him, he wanted her there with him for it, and she'd make it feel okay.

He didn't want to be alone anymore.

And here she was reminding him again.

He needed the light that she carried with her everywhere she went. He needed her light in this dark and cruel world, and he'd protect her at all costs if it meant keeping her around, just so she could always remind him.

He wouldn't lose her.

He finished stretching and then leaned back in his chair silently as Lilly stood next to him smiling.

"So Captain. Was that three drops or four?" Lilly asked with a smug grin on her face.

"Tch." He rolled his eyes at her and reached out for her, pulling her to sit in his lap, her legs draped over one arm of his chair as he pulled her in close to him. He rested his chin against her head and sighed.

"I should thank you." He said to her.

"For what?" She asked.

"For giving me one of the best nights of sleep in a very long time." He said as he looked down into her light blue eyes.

How was it that one glance from this woman made him feel like he was melting inside?

He watched as a lovely shade of pink graced her cheeks as she gazed at him from his arms. He then started to feel dampness being transferred from her jacket to his shirt.

Her jacket was soaked from the rain.

He frowned as he saw small puddles across his floor and looked back at her.

"You're soaked. And you left water all over my floor." He said to her.

"I'll clean it." Lilly said quietly as she began to remove her jacket and rose up out of his lap.

He paused as she stood up. She must have been uncomfortable.

"That reminds me, your mother packed you some clothes in that bag you gave me. I forgot to give it back to you the other day." Levi said to her as he watched her stand.

"Oh yes. The dresses. Not that I'll ever get a chance to wear one anytime soon." Lilly said as she walked across the room to grab a mop from his cabinet.

"Well you're soaked. Why don't you change into one while these clothes you are wearing dry. I'm catching a cold just looking at you." Levi said as he leaned back in his chair.

How could she bare to have those wet cold clothes clinging to her like that? The very thought made him cringe.

Lilly started mopping the floor up and sighed.

"I don't know. Wouldn't it be weird if I were wearing a dress and someone came in here?" Lilly asked.

"Tch. No one is coming in here to bother me today. I've got too much paperwork to fill out. A lot of paperwork I really don't feel like doing. I'd prefer if no one interrupted me anyways." Levi said in a low tone.

He looked up to see Lilly frowning.

"Obviously I don't mind you here. If someone knocks, I'll tell them to go away. That was the plan before you came to wake me up anyways." He said as he stood.

He slowly walked over to his door that led to his sleeping quarters up stairs. He watched as Lilly finished mopping and put the mop back in his cleaning cabinet.

"What about Erwin, are you going to tell him to go away?" Lilly asked as she approached him.

"Lilly, do you see me in uniform? We are both injured and off duty. It really must have been a long time since you've worn normal clothes if you're acting this paranoid." He said as he carefully climbed up the stairs leading to his quarters.

Lilly cautiously followed behind him and stopped in the doorway of his room. He watched as her eyes studied the room and glanced back to him. He walked over to his bed and grabbed the cloth bag from the end of it and handed it to her.

"You can change up here. I'm going to start my reports down in my office." Levi said as he brushed his knuckles against her soft hand as he walked past her and slowly headed back downstairs.

...

*LILLY POV*

Lilly felt strange being in the Captain's room.

It almost felt wrong.

She looked around before walking over to his bed that seemed hardly ever used. It was neatly made, not a wrinkle or fold in the blanket. The pillows were placed neatly and straight, and not a speckle of dust was in sight. She looked up to see a bookshelf against the wall with many books placed neatly on it, organized by size. Next to the bookcase was a closet that hung several uniform jackets and dress shirts. His dress shirts ranged from white, grey and black.

She returned her attention to her bag and removed the clothing inside. Two dresses and a night gown. One dress had been a simple white one, the other a more intricate pale blue dress.

She decided she'd go with the simpler white one since she'd only be wearing it for a short time anyways.

She removed her wet clothes before slipping into the white dress. It's neck line was lower than what she had been wearing all these years. It almost made her feel too exposed, although in reality, the neckline really wasn't all that revealing. She was so used to wearing a button up shirt all the way to the collar that this felt incredibly strange for her. The hem of the dress only touched her knees, making her feel cold. The dress came in around her waist, accentuating the curves that had been hidden the past few years. She walked over to a mirror across the room that had been perfectly cleaned. She glanced at herself and her mouth hung open.

She looked like a normal woman.

Had she stayed back at home, her belly would have been swollen with that aristocrat's child by now.

She reached up and touched her pale collarbone that was now revealed and she swallowed. She then turned her attention to another door that was attached to his room. She already saw the closet, so what else could be attached to his room? She slowly walked over to the door, with the floorboards creaking underneath her. She reached out to the handle and slowly opened the door.

Inside there was a bathing basin.

The Captain took baths?

The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She could totally picture him taking a bath. She sighed as she gazed at the tub lustfully. She'd been taking nothing but plain old showers the past few years. She hadn't taken a proper bath in a long time.

She supposed that was a luxury you got to have as a commanding officer in the military. Lilly carefully shut the door and turned around and carefully treaded the floor to make her way back to the stairs. She carefully stepped down the stairs with her petite bare feet, holding her wet riding boots in her hands, being careful not to transfer any remaining water to her dress. When she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, she saw Levi was quietly leaned over his paperwork writing with a stack of scout patches on his desk next to him.

She quietly made her way past his desk and walked across the office to put her boots in front of the fireplace. Hopefully they'd dry quickly so she could leave him to his work. She heard his chair creak and she turned her gaze upon him as she stood in front of the warmth of fire.

He had sat up in in chair and was just staring at her. It made her feel self conscious as his icy stare measured her up and down. She already felt uncomfortable wearing this thing, and he was just staring at her, making her feel worse. She looked away and rubbed her arm with one hand awkwardly.

"When my clothes dry, I'll leave you alone to work. I know you're really busy and you've got a lot on your mind." Lilly said quietly. "I just wanted to come check in on you is all." She added as she looked up at him with big eyes.

He quietly stood up from his seat and walked over to stand in front of her. He looked down at her and raised his hand to cup her face, rubbing his thumb against her fair cheek.

"Don't go." He said quietly.

"Are you sure you don't want to be alone-"

"I don't want to be alone." He said before pulling her in against his strong chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

There was something in his voice that hinted at the loneliness he truly must have felt. She closed her eyes as her face was pressed against him. She felt him take in a deep breath, that almost sounded pained. It felt like he was carrying a lot of built up emotion inside of him, just by the way he felt around her. He slowly dropped his arms before turning to take the tea kettle off the fire.

"Sit, I'll pour you a cup." He said as he walked across the floor to his desk.

Lilly grabbed two cups off his table and followed him to his desk where she sat with her legs crossed. She gently flattened the smooth fabric across her pale thighs. A chill ran over her skin as a small draft from the window entered the room. A flash of lightning and the loud roar of thunder startled Lilly.

She found she had become particularly jumpy since she had been grabbed by that titan. She looked up at the cup in front of her as Levi filled it with steaming black tea.

"Thank you." She said politely.

"You're welcome." He said as he sat down in his chair and glanced over at the stack of patches.

Lilly watched as he stared blankly at them for a couple minutes before she reached her hand out to his, gently brushing her fingertips against his rough knuckles. His hands had many little scars on them, some fresh bruises here and there as well.

Without thinking, she turned his hand over to reveal his palm to her. She traced the fine lines of his hands with her delicate finger tips, feeling the warmth radiate from them. When he moved in his chair, she glanced up at him. He was watching her closely.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Lilly asked from her creaky wooden seat.

Levi sighed and lifted his ink pen again.

"Don't stop." He said to her as he looked down at their hands silently.

Lilly looked down at his hand in hers for a moment and looked back at him. Her touch must have been comforting to him right now. He really must not have had real human touch in years if ever. The closer she got to him, the more she could tell how damaged he really must have been. It's like he hid everything behind this stone wall, to keep everyone out.

He was protecting himself.

But now after he suffered this loss of his squad members, the wall was crumbling for her. He needed the comfort, he needed the touch. He needed the distraction now as he sat at his desk writing death reports with bloodied scout patches sitting next to him, haunting him.

She slowly started making little circles in his palm and he returned his attention back to his reports.

He had become relaxed.

...

A couple hours had past and Lilly's bottom was getting sore from sitting still so long.

She was never one to sit still very long, and this had driven her mother nearly mad. But she suffered through it for Levi anyways.

She had sat quietly as he got through a quarter of his paperwork. He finally sat up from his chair, letting go of her hand and stretching his lean body.

"I need to take a leak." He said plainly before turning to make his way up his stairs.

Lilly stood up herself and stretched after he had gone up. She walked over to the window and looked outside as the rain fell. She traced her fingertips over the raindrops that fell down the window and rested her head against the cool glass.

She stood there for a few minutes, resting her eyes.

She hoped her parents had written to her. Though she wouldn't have been offended if they hadn't. Maybe it'd be best for her to write them first, letting them know she had returned safely.

They'd be relieved to get that news.

"You're going to leave marks on my glass." Levi said as he stood behind her.

She quickly turned around and faced him, heart pounding.

"You startled me." Lilly said as her chest rose quickly with each breath.

"You're awfully jumpy, aren't you." Levi said as he stepped towards her.

"I know." Lilly said as she looked down with embarrassment. "But I didn't hear you come down the stairs." Lilly said as she glanced back up at him.

"Didn't mean to frighten you." Levi leaned in, his lips hovering over her cheek.

"You're light on your feet Captain." Lilly said softly.

Lilly stared at his lips as he pulled away, silently begging for him to press them against her mouth like he had the day before when they first saw each other again.

After they thought they may have lost one another.

It had been her first kiss but she was hungry for more.

"It's useful." He replied in a low tone.

She reached out and grabbed the collar of his black shirt, and he looked down at her curiously. She carefully stood on her tip toes and slowly tilted her head and pressed her lips against his, and he eagerly returned the kiss.

Lightning flashed behind her as her back was pressed against the window.

She tilted her head up and kissed his warm bottom lip again while pulling him closer to her. His solid chest was pressed tightly against hers as they kissed slowly and passionately. He reached around her tiny waist and pulled her in as he rested his forehead against her's. They stood there quietly like that with their eyes closed, just breathing together.

"What does this mean for us?" Lilly whispered, a hint of fear lingering in her voice.

He reached his hand up and held it against the side of her face gently as he continued to rest his forehead against hers.

"It means whatever we want it to mean." Levi said.

"Will we get in trouble for this?" Lilly asked softly.

"I think Erwin suspects. He hasn't said anything to me. And his word is the only word I have to give a shit about." Levi replied to her.

"But the rumors..." Lilly said.

"Fuck the rumors." He said quietly.

"They called me a whore." Lilly whispered.

"You're not." He said.

"But you're a Commanding officer and I'm your subordinate-"

"I said you're not." He cut her off.

She was quiet for a moment as they stood holding each other as the thunder roared outside. She'd never been in a relationship before. Was she capable of being a good soldier and a good lover at the same time? Was it even truly possible?

"I've never been in a relationship before." Lilly admitted quietly.

"I've never been in a real one myself." Levi replied.

"But nothing could ever come of this could it?" Lilly asked, now looking him in the eyes. She was hoping for an honest answer, yet she only wanted to hear him say one thing.

"I can't answer that. I don't know what could happen to either of us." He answered in a low tone.

Lilly frowned in his hand.

"I'll always do what I can to protect you. Always, I can promise you that. But I can't promise you a normal life that would eventually come if things went smoothly. A marriage. A home. Children." He said looking deep into her eyes.

She was silent as she stared at him. He was being blunt. She respected that.

"Knowing these things, I give you the choice to continue this or not." Levi said.

Lilly sighed and looked down.

"At first, I joined the military to find myself. To gain the strength and protection that I was always told only a man could give to me. To travel and see more of this world. And to be my own person. But I joined, I got strong, and I successfully reached most of my goals. And then I found you. And you helped me discover a part of myself I never thought resonated inside of me. And I don't want to let go of you, or the happiness you've given me Captain. I want you." Lilly said as she raised her hand to his jawline.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Stop calling me by my honorific when we are alone. You sound ridiculous." He said before grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling her against his lips hungrily.

He pulled away and looked her in the eyes.

"Just call me Levi."