Seeing Tony come back some two hours after he'd left, looking like a man with a mountain of stuff on his mind, as well as the less than confident look on his face, had Gibbs instantly wanting to find out what was going on. He had just come from checking on Tim and Jethro; both of whom were still sleeping peacefully. This mean Gibbs had the time and now most definitely the inclination to dig for the answer.
"Tony. Come out back. You look like you need to talk." Gibbs directed him.
As the two men settled into their seats on the back deck, Ducky, now startled awake, sat up and quickly resettled himself as well. Something was obviously going on and he wanted to know what it was.
"Jethro? Anthony?" Ducky inquired.
"McGee's fine. Duck. I just checked on him. Tony, I'm waiting. What's on your mind?" Gibbs answered the M.E.'s question before firing one off to Tony.
"Just been doing a lot of thinkin' Boss." Tony answered in a quiet tone that was laced with something like self-recrimination.
"Abby tell you something that bothers you?" Gibbs asked knowingly.
"She just reminded me of my own part in all of this, Boss. Nothing I didn't need to hear." Tony said as he mentally crossed his fingers and head slapped himself. That was too close to a lie! Back this up, right now, Anthony DiNozzo! What the hell's wrong with you?
"I'm listening." Gibbs patiently reminded him.
"Boss, when he gets up, I want to talk to him. I need to set things right between us." Tony said after he'd finished chewing himself out. Looking at Gibbs and then at Ducky, he hoped they would see the sincere desire he had to make things right with Tim.
"That's Tim's call, DiNozzo. No one's pushing him to do anything he doesn't wanna do from here on." Gibbs threw down the gauntlet.
"Understood." Tony accepted. "You said he's okay?"
"I'm fine, Tony. I appreciate the concern, really, I do, but I'm fine." Tim answered for Gibbs from the doorway. As Jethro calmly trotted out in front of him on down the porch steps to the backyard, Tim silently took a seat in the empty chair amidst the concerned looks from the other men.
"How do you feel, Timothy?" Ducky asked almost immediately.
"I'm fine, Ducky, really." Tim answered with a small smile for the concerned M.E. Seeing the unsure look on Tony's face did little to make Tim feel better about the state of things between them. He was sure that everyone would be afraid to say 'boo' to him now and that was the last thing he wanted or needed to have happen to the team.
"You need to eat something, Tim." Gibbs told him, expertly backing the conversation away from any further emotional discussion.
Even before Gibbs had finished speaking, Ducky was up out of his seat and going after his medical bag, intent on checking the young man's vital signs. Patiently, Tim submitted to Ducky's wishes and even refrained from complaining about it. Once Ducky had completed checking and was satisfied that Timothy was, in fact, fine. He put his medical bag back in the house and once again took his seat on the back porch, once again, a spectator and willing peacemaker in waiting.
Getting up, the boss headed back inside to get the young man something to eat. It wasn't long before Tim excused himself from Ducky and Tony and joined Gibbs in the kitchen. While Tim made himself the sandwich Gibbs had pulled out the fixings for, the boss took his seat at the table, waiting with hope that the comfortable yet slightly strained silence would ease up. Finally, after Tim had eaten half his sandwich and downed half the milk from his glass in wordless but obvious anxiousness; Gibbs took the bull by the horns and broke the silence.
"What's on your mind?" the quiet tone held no anger or censure, only the same concern that had been there from the beginning of this whole nightmare.
"Everyone's on eggshells around me now and I don't know how to handle it." Tim answered with honesty and self-depreciation.
"Nothing for you to worry about. Just be yourself and concentrate on you. Work through this, one step at a time. "Gibbs tried to get Tim to stay on track. Letting him get bogged down in guilt over any of this wouldn't help.
"Boss... " Tim tired to explain but somehow couldn't put the words together. He hadn't felt this at a loss for words since this whole mess had first brought Gibbs to his door.
Tony said he needs to talk to you. You up for that?" Gibbs asked without changing his tone or acknowledging Tim's struggle to explain what didn't need to be explained. The way Gibbs saw it, this was the best thing he could do for the young man.
"Yeah. I don't mind talking to Tony about anything; anymore." Tim's need to answer the current question, did what Gibbs had intended. Now over the rough patch, they could keep moving forward in this recovery. The young man's answer didn't' really surprise the boss, either; it did spark some hope that things were headed in the right direction.
"What about Abby? Think you can handle clearing the air with her tonight after dinner?" Gibbs gently pushed.
Tim lost all appearance of comfort and serenity. Almost instantly, his eyes showed the wounded soul still in need of healing. Valiantly, the young man worked to pull himself together and shift his emotions back behind his private wall. Gibbs watched with something akin to displeasure as his agent emotionally tripped himself up; just to do what he thought was wanted of him.
"Yes. I can handle it." Tim finally said after long minutes of obviously putting himself through hoops.
"Don't lie to me. More importantly, don't lie to yourself." Gibbs told him with quiet steel in his tone.
"Boss, I want to do this. I need to be done with it, get it over with!" Tim pleaded.
"Ok. I can understand that. Don't think you're going it alone, though." Gibbs told him reassuringly.
'Why not? I mean, don't get me wrong, Boss, please. I appreciate everything but why don't you think I should talk to Abby alone?" Tim asked in clear confusion.
"I just don't think it's a good idea, Tim." Gibbs said without further explanation.
Suddenly, Tim felt uncomfortable around Gibbs again. Once again, the boss was the boss and he was back to being less than upfront with him and it stunk Without even thinking about it, Tim bolted from his chair and stepped over to the sink; physically forcing himself not to run away from Gibbs.
Seeing Tim nearly jump up from the table startled both incoming silent men into silent shock. Ducky and Tony had been enroute to the kitchen to make sure Tim was in fact, okay. It had nothing to do with not trusting Gibbs; but rather, the overriding need to touch base with the still troubled young man. This new development rattled both of them. This wasn't looking good at all. In fact, it was beginning to look like they had just taken a giant step backwards, which none of them wanted to have happen.
Ducky silently watched as Tim stared at the running sink water while trying to school his features into something that resembled calm. Finding Jethro sitting at the table just as silently watching the young man's anxiety driven actions, was disconcerting to say the least. The look on the Senior Agent's face didn't hide the concern he was obviously feeling, but there was something else there, too. Ducky couldn't quite fathom what it was because it surely couldn't be guilt. Leroy Jethro Gibbs just didn't' wear his heart on his sleeve like this. Did he?
Gibbs quit sitting idly by and stepped over to where the younger man was standing. "Tim." Gibbs tried to get his younger agent's attention, making sure to leave all traces of anger and impatience out of his tone.
Seeing the fleeting show of anger cross the young man's eyes was a surprise to Tony who had stopped where he could better see what was going on with his teammate. Tim's failure to stop running the water and talk to the boss set Tony's nerves on edge. Somehow, the Senior Field Agent felt an explosion was coming and he wasn't even sure why.
Not willing to give up, Gibbs tried again, with more strength in his tone. This time, he threw his authority into it, knowing he was risking making Tim even more pissed than he obviously already was. His gut was screaming at him that this was important and worth the risk.
"McGee!"
Finally, Tim stopped his restless motions and actually looked his boss in the eye; even though he said nothing.
"Talk to me." Gibbs encouraged.
"I think you have that backwards, Boss." Tim said carefully. Even though he was pissed at Gibbs' unwillingness to be open with him, he wasn't about to make the situation worse with rudeness.
"Explain it to me." Gibbs requested.
"You push me to be honest with you and with myself, but when I ask you for the truth, you shade it or worse, don't even share it at all!" Tim boldly answered seemingly oblivious to Ducky and Tony's presence and unwilling to hold it in any more. "After everything I've told you, how could you not understand what that does to me?" Tim asked quietly.
"Wasn't tryin to lie to you, Tim. I'm sorry if you thought I was." Gibbs explained in a tone that was saturated with his apology. "I was just tryin' to keep things simple.".
"I don't need simple, Boss. I need honest! Especially from you." Tim quietly tried to explain, not successfully hiding his frustration. He wasn't trying to lose his cool with Gibbs. The boss didn't deserve it. Gibbs had gone over and above board to help Tim through this, and to give back to him this way felt wrong. It left Tim more than ready to "Gibbs-slap" himself. But years of slowly finding his backbone under Gibbs and Tony and the struggles he'd gone through to get here, were now providing him with the strength to say exactly what was on his mind. This last week of Gibbs pushing him to let exactly what was bothering him out had bolstered his seriously slipping ability to be honest with those around him. Where being brutally honest had never been something he'd felt comfortable attempting before, Tim now found it to be refreshing and stress relieving, to a degree. The fact that Gibbs didn't' seem to be the least bit upset with it, helped immensely.
"Okay. I can understand that." the boss conceded."I don't want you talking with Abby alone because talking to Abby about her behavior requires bumper pads on a normal day, McGee." Gibbs reminded him with a small smile. "And with the last couple of days you've had, 'normal' doesn't exactly describe things, don'tcha agree?"
"Oh." Tim said as he now attempted to apologize for the undeserved anger and disrespect he'd just thrown at his boss. "Boss, I'm..."
"No. Don't apologize. Maybe if you'd found the backbone to react like this a long time ago, a lot of this would have been avoided. Don't stop progress now. Just make sure you tone it down." Gibbs calmly let him off the hook with the patented 'Gibbs' glare that said Tim should know better than to apologize.
The comment about his backbone, or lack of one stung. As Tim's mind stuck on that chord, he had to admit, it stung a lot; hell it felt like Gibbs had just slapped him upside the head harder than any of his 'Gibbs-slaps'. Even as he silently nodded his appreciation of Gibbs' response and quickly turned away, his eyes left evidence of where his current thoughts remained.
"Talk to me." Gibbs calmly pushed as he was startled to see the pain and hurt that had just crossed Tim's face.
"About what?" Tim was unaware of his current emotions being so openly readable in his expression.
"What's on your mind?" Gibbs pushed.
"I'm fine." the young man tried to end the personal discussion. He'd had enough for a while.
"You're not, Whatever you do, McGee, DON'T start trying to lie to me, now! If you don't want to talk to me about it, just admit it." Gibbs said with frustration.
"I'm sorry. You're right." The young mad said with remorse.
"You do remember that you've been able to talk to me about everything else that's been on your mind?" Gibbs kept pushing the conversation forward.
"This is different." Tim's admission came as a surprise to both Gibbs and Tony.
"Why?" the boss requested an answer.
Silence. Tim didn't know how to explain it.
"Because it's about me." Gibbs knowingly stated. Somehow, he knew what Tim couldn't find the words to explain. .Tim's eyes immediately shifting to the floor gave him away but Gibbs didn't push the issue. In fact, it was at this point that Gibbs dropped the whole conversation and patted him on the shoulder.
"Ok, McGee." Gibbs gave in quietly as he gestured for Ducky to walk outside with him; leaving Tony alone with Tim.
"Kinda hard on the guy, weren't ya, Probie?" Tony asked in Senior Agent Mode.
"I know, Tony. Seems like I can't do anything right anymore!" Tim admitted dejectedly.
"Don'tcha think you need to cut the boss man some slack?" The Senior Field Agent pushed.
"I'm tryin, Tony. I really am. You think I want to keep things from him?"
"Then why didn't you just tell him what he wanted to know?"
"I think he's had more than enough thrown at him from me, Tony. He doesn't need to hear anything else."
"Why are you all of a sudden the judge of how much he needs to hear?" Tony pushed.
"Because, Tony, I'm the one he's had to bail out, pick up, and carry for the last two weeks. Trust me, I know the distance between where I'm standing with him right now, and the kick to the curb that's coming down the pike is pretty damn short as it is. I damn sure don't need to be cutting myself off at the knees and making that distance any shorter!"
"Are you serious? That's the dumbest thing I've heard you say in a while, Probie!" Tony said with anger. "After everything he's done for you? Everything he's tried to help you through? You really think he's ready to kick you to the curb just because you need to unload something else?
"Are you trying to help me here or are you tryin to make me feel worse? Cause if you're tryin to make me feel worse, you're doin a damn good job of it! Don't you think I feel bad enough already? I mean seriously, Tony how do you think I feel when I hear Gibbs tell me that all this could have been avoided if I'd only had a backbone long before now? And now, I've got you yelling at me because I think Gibbs is running out of patience?"
"UNBELIEVABLE!" Tony thundered. "What the hell could be so bad that you'd be sitting on the curb by the time you got it out?"
Tim looked at Tony in silent shock mixed with other indescribable emotions as he tried to figure out where things had taken such a bad turn.
Too angry to say anything else without making a bad situation worse, Tony stalked out of the kitchen and went to cool off out in his car. He didn't dare face Ducky or Gibbs right now, he was too pissed. In total frustration, Tony slapped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. Where in the hell did Tim get these ideas from? How in the hell could he justify retreating behind those stupid walls of his again by claiming Gibbs would kick him to the curb? Who the hell could ever accuse Gibbs of giving up on his surrogate kids?" What the hell was wrong with that kid?
Suddenly, his car door was opened and Gibbs was snapping off through Tony's thoughts.
"With me. DiNozzo!"
Tony opened his eyes and looked at Gibbs, knowing before his eyes even reached their target that Gibbs was already pissed. His tone left no doubt.
"Boss?"
"What the hell happened back there, Tony?" Gibbs demanded as Tony scrambled to get out of his car and catch up to the boss who was already stomping off to his backyard.
"I asked him why he was giving you such a hard time. He said he wasn't' trying to but he couldn't lay anything else on you without risking you giving up on him and kicking him to the curb. I left before I could say something that would make things worse. I was just so pissed, Boss.
"About what? What could you possibly be so pissed about that you would leave the situation in ashes compared to where you came into it?"
"Boss, it was like he suddenly lost all faith in you as our Team Leader. Everyone knows you would never give up on any of us like that." Tony tried to explain. "Wait, what do you mean ashes? You lost me."
"Do you have any idea where Tim is right now?"
"Boss, I left him in your kitchen, not ten minutes ago! He was sitting at your kitchen table"
"Well, he's not anymore."