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Chapter 25

"Kanade, are you sure you're up for going to class? I'm sure the professors won't mind you missing the first day back."

"Yes, yes, I can walk just fine!"

"But, you only got out of the hospital four days ago…"

"Makoto."

Kanade was putting on her shoes at the doorway, warning him with a harsh frown. Makoto rung his hands in front of him, worry causing him to fidget.

"Yes, but..." Makoto started, his mouth going dry. He paused to bite his lip and his voice became soft. "But, Kanade… you had a heart attack. You shouldn't be moving around so much."

"I know, I know…" Kanade said softly. She smiled gently at him as she stood to her feet. "I'm taking it easy. No swimming, I know. You ready to go class now?"

"O-Oh, uh, sure," Makoto said. He was about to follow after her but then he stopped. "Ah, wait, I forgot my book!" he whined, and then rushed back to his bedroom.

Kanade raised a brow at him curiously. Makoto was not usually this forgetful, was he? A few seconds later, Makoto came back with his books under his arm.

"You ready now?" Kanade asked.

"Yeah! Let's go."

Kanade led the way out of the apartment and started down the steps. Makoto followed closely behind, his eyes monitoring her every move. After walking out of the alleyway, they passed in front of the rec center, and Kanade stared up at the front of it before turning her head to Makoto.

"Your first class with the kids starts this next Monday. Are you excited?" Kanade asked.

"Oh! That's right!" Makoto said. He reached up a hand to massage his neck. "Yeah, I suppose I'm ready. I just hope I'll be able to teach them."

Kanade's smile fell from her face as she listened to Makoto's shaky voice. He was so excited about it before. She remembered him telling her stories of when he volunteered at his old swim club for a little while, and how much he loved it. He was even disappointed when Goro found a replacement.

"What are you talking about? You're so good with kids!" Kanade said.

Makoto kept his gaze straight ahead, his green eyes vacant and dulled. His lips were pulled into a small frown.

"I don't know, I just don't want to mess up," Makoto said.

Kanade raised a brow at him. "Are you okay?" Kanade asked, and Makoto faltered in his pace, stumbling a few steps and yelping.

"H-Huh? Y-Yeah, I'm fine," Makoto squeaked.

Kanade furrowed her brows in worry. "Okay, if you say so."

They walked on the busy campus where several students were already rushing to get to their classes. Both Kanade and Makoto sighed once they set foot in the courtyard.

"Break was so nice," Kanade whined. "Can't we have another week off?"

Makoto chuckled lightly. "C'mon, let's go to class."

Kanade pouted and followed Makoto into their normal building and then down the hall to the large classroom. The classroom was half full of familiar students, some sleeping while others were getting their notes out. Kanade and Makoto walked up the stairs on the side to take their normal seats.

Kanade took out her books and notebook and set them on the table in front of her. She opened her notebook to read through her old notes to jog her memory of what they learned before the break, but she paused when she noticed Makoto still digging through his bag. He seemed flustered.

"What's wrong, Makoto?" Kanade asked. Makoto sighed and leaned up.

"I forgot my glasses," Makoto said. "I'm not going to be able to see today." He rubbed his face with his hands.

"Don't worry about it," Kanade said, making Makoto turn to face her. "I'll let you borrow my notes later." Makoto's face lit up a little, a smile coming to his face for the first time that morning.

"You're the best," Makoto said softly. He turned back towards the front of the room and got his books ready.

Kanade carefully studied his face, noticing that his smile faded instantly and his eyelids appeared heavy. Did he get any sleep at all last night? How much stress is he hiding underneath that smile?

She had noticed the past few days that he had seemed a little strange. He would stay up late and then be up early. The bags under his eyes had deepened along with the dark circles that accompanied them. Ever since the hospital...

Was Makoto really okay?

Throughout the rest of the week, Makoto had repeated similar blunders. He forgot his books or his glasses on several occasions, and he strained his eyes to see the board. The straining gave him terrible headaches but refused to let Kanade help him. And since he could not really see, he would often doze off during class, prompting Kanade to gently nudge him in the ribs with her elbow.

What was worse was that Makoto was doting on Kanade all of the time, telling her that she needed rest and that she should take it easy.

Kanade had had enough. By the end of the week, she was about to explode with impatience.

"K-Kanade, you really shouldn't go running," Makoto said.

"Makoto," Kanade whined as she put on her shoes. "If I don't exercise, I won't be in shape for swim practice next week."

"But Dr. Koji said—"

"I know what Dr. Koji said," Kanade snapped as she tied her laces on her shoes.

Makoto stood silently for a moment before he rubbed his arm shyly, a little taken aback and stunned silent by Kanade's frustrated outburst. He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck.

Haru would get frustrated sometimes, wouldn't he? Makoto asked himself. What did I do when he got frustrated? Ah, well, I guess it would depend on the situation…

"Sorry," Kanade apologized, snapping him out of his thoughts. He stared down at her, locking eyes with her. "It's just… you've been acting really strange lately, Makoto."

"Eh? Strange?" Makoto squeaked. "I-I'm fine! I was just going to make sure you—"

"Have you called Nanase-kun yet?" Kanade interrupted.

"E-Eh?" Makoto stuttered and scratched his head. "Well… no, but—"

"Seriously?!" Kanade said, standing to her feet. "Makoto, you need to talk to him."

"I will, just… give it time," Makoto said.

"Why? I don't understand why you're procrastinating this." Kanade slung her bag over her shoulder and put her hand on the door. "I don't want to be what comes in between you two," Kanade muttered, and then she thrust the door open and stormed out.

"Kanade! Wait!" Makoto called, but Kanade slammed the door in his face, and Makoto stumbled back a few steps. He rubbed his neck nervously. "You're not… coming in between us."

"Nanase! Push through it! Come on, I know you've got more in you!"

Haru finally reached the wall and slammed his hand against it, popping his head out of the water to gasp for air. He held onto the wall to support himself as he regained his breath and calmed his heart.

That was way too hard.

"Nanase."

Haru lifted his head and saw his coach standing above him with a frustrated frown on his face and his arms crossed in front of his chest. Haru pulled his goggles and swim cap off and stared up at his coach.

"If your times keep going like this, then I won't be recommending you for the tryouts," he said gruffly. Haru blinked at him, remaining silent. His coach sighed and brought up a hand to massage his brows. "It's been a few days since classes started again, and your times are worse. Just what were you doing over break?"

Haru felt his heart flutter as he recalled all of the events that happened over break. Flashes of Makoto and Kanade's hurt faces crowded his memory and he shook his head to fling the thoughts out of his mind. He stared back down into the water and watched as drops of water fell into the pool with tiny splashes. He sighed quietly through his nose, unable to say a word back to his coach.

"I'll give you a week to improve your times," his coach said. He turned his back to Haru and started to walk away. "I'll make a decision then."

Haru kept staring at the water, wondering why it was starting to betray him again. Was it because of guilt? Or fear?

Or the fact that Makoto had not spoken to him in almost a week?

"I thought you said you were going to fix things."

Haru glanced up again and lowered his brows. Of course.

Torii. Again.

Annoying, Haru thought.

"What happened?" Torii asked, lending Haru a hand. Haru stared at the hand for a moment, almost in disgust. But he begrudgingly accepted it and let Torii pull him out of the water. "Did you talk to Tachibana about the rumors?"

Haru hesitated for a moment before answered with a quiet hum. He walked towards the locker room with Torii following.

"And?" Torii asked as they walked into the locker room. Haru grabbed his towel from his locker and started drying off his hair.

"We had a fight," Haru said.

Torii's face softened at Haru's words. "A fight?"

"Yeah," Haru mumbled.

Torii stayed quiet, carefully trying to gauge Haru's mood. He watched Haru put on a shirt without another word about it. Torii sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"What did you guys fight about?" Torii asked. Haru knelt down to put his things in his bag.

"Shizumi," Haru answered simply. "I…" Haru bit his lip, not wanting to continue, but Torii's concerned face swayed him to speak. "I told Shizumi off during break. Told her that I knew about her secret, and if she stayed near Makoto, I would tell him her secret."

"Whoa," Torii responded. "That's quite the threat. I'm guessing she didn't take it well."

Haru furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes as he recalled Kanade's face that night.

"I made her cry," Haru said. Torii dropped his jaw a little and stared back at Haru.

"Ah, geez," Torii sighed. He leaned down to pick up his shirt. "She tell Tachibana?" he asked as he put the shirt on.

Haru paused, his thoughts transporting him back to that night. Wait, did she tell him?

"Is… everything okay?"

"Um…"

"Yep!"

Haru's eyes widened, his chest feeling a little tight. Kanade had kept her mouth shut after all.

"No, she didn't tell him," Haru said. "I told Makoto about it. And he said he didn't believe the rumors. That's when we fought and… we haven't spoken since then. That was… last week."

Torii zipped up his bag, taking in all of Haru's words. "Maybe the rumors are just rumors," Torii suggested.

"Mmn," Haru hummed.

"You should try to work things out," Torii said. "For real, this time."

"I know," Haru said.

After they grabbed their bags, they headed out of the locker room and towards the gate.

"Maybe you should go over to Tachibana's place," Torii said. Haru kept his gaze on the ground. "I don't want to see you removed from the tryouts," Torii added. Haru stared at the ground sadly and sighed quietly through his nose.

"Sorry," Haru apologized.

"Huh?" Torii squeaked. "What're you sorry for?"

"For how I've been acting," Haru said. "I've been selfish."

"H-Haru…"

"Masato," Haru started, making Torii jump at hearing his first name again. "I think you should talk to the coach about letting you try out."

"M-Me?" Torii stuttered.

"Mmn," Haru hummed. "I think you're good enough to try."

Torii blinked at him a few times, his mouth hanging open but unable to speak. Haru turned his head to look up at him and he raised a brow.

"What?" Haru asked.

"Ah, n-nothing!" Torii flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. They walked out of the gate and onto the street. "Just promise you'll talk to Tachibana soon."

"Yeah, I…" Haru's voice drifted off and he stopped in his tracks. Torii raised a brow at him, wondering what he was staring at.

"Haru?" Torii started. He followed Haru's gaze to the bus stop outside of the school. "What's..."

Leaning against the outside of the bus stop was none other than Kanade. She had her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, and her black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She had a sullen and tired expression on her face as she studied her shoes.

"Well, well," Torii started, his lips turning into a small smile. "What do you suppose she's here for?" Haru cut a glance at him.

"Ah, N-Nanase-kun!"

Haru whipped his head back towards the bus stop to see Kanade gingerly approaching them. Haru felt his chest tighten, remembering the last time he saw her. He wanted to look away and avoid eye contact altogether but he forced himself to look at her. She approached with a timid smile, and she lightly bowed to them both.

"G-Good to see you both again!" Kanade greeted. She leaned back up at looked at Torii. "It was… Torii-san, right?"

Torii jumped, a look of surprise replacing his kind smile. "Oh, uh, yeah! I'm surprised you remembered."

Kanade's smile widened a little, looking less strained. "I try to remember people I meet." She then turned to Haru, putting on a cowering face. "Ah, Nanase-kun… do you think we could… talk?"

Haru widened his eyes a little, feeling his chest pang. He looked around Kanade, trying to see if Makoto was behind her or next to her.

But there was no Makoto in sight.

"Well, I'll be off," Torii said. Haru whipped his head up to him, flashing him a begging look as if to say don't leave. Torii caught this but smiled down at him instead. "I'll see you back at the room. See you later, Shizumi!"

"Ah, later!" Kanade called, waving to Torii as he left. Once he was gone, there was a moment of awkward silence as Kanade tried to gather her words together. "I… I was going to go pick up dinner on the way back to the rec center... if you want, I can show you the pool," Kanade said.

"S-Sure," Haru said. Kanade's eyes widened a little and a small, nervous smile appeared on her face.

"Cool," Kanade said, pointing down the street. "It's not too far. Wanna check it out?"

Haru hesitated, staring hard at Kanade with an unreadable expression. His gaze made Kanade feel a little nervous, and her smile faded and she looked down at the ground. Her hands nervously fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie.

"Yeah," Haru finally said. Kanade popped her head back up to look at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, good," Kanade said, forcing a smile on her face. "It's this way!"

Kanade turned and started heading down the street with Haru walking next to her. They walked in complete silence, which Haru was fine with, but he found it odd. Usually, Kanade would try to fill in the silence, just like she did that night of the festival.

Haru glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was studying the ground carefully, her lips pulled into a small frown. Her eyes were a bit droopy and the dark circles under her eyes made her face look pale. Haru winced.

She looked absolutely exhausted.

They finally arrived at a small restaurant, Kanade glancing up at the name in the entrance. She turned to Haru and gave him a kind smile.

"Th-They are small, but pretty good," Kanade said shakily. She pulled open the door and led a hesitant Haru inside. Kanade walked up to the counter and waited, turning her head to Haru. "You should get the mackerel special sometime. Trust me, it's really good," Kanade said with a small smile.

Trust me.

Haru could have scoffed at the irony of her statement.

Soon, the worker behind the counter took Kanade's order of green curry, and then returned with a plastic bag. She thanked him, and then led Haru out of the restaurant and towards the station. They boarded the train and sat down next to each other in an almost-empty car.

Haru kept eyeing Kanade, noticing that she was still quiet. She was biting her lip, keeping her narrowed eyes on the floor and avoiding Haru's harsh stares. Soon, Haru sighed, wondering when the 'talking' would happen. He glanced out the window, watching the scenery whip by at lightning speed.

"I…" Kanade paused. Haru turned his eyes back to her, but she kept her eyes on the ground. "I heard you and Makoto had a fight."

Haru felt his heart leap in his chest, and his jaw dropped slightly. He blinked at her in response, unsure of what exactly to say. When Kanade glanced up from the ground to look at Haru, she winced.

"S-Sorry," she apologized. "I kind of forced it out of him." She twisted the loops of the plastic bag in her fingers, making a little noise to fill the awkward silence. "Nanase-kun… he's… Makoto's not doing so well," Kanade started.

Haru's face turned from cautious to worried in an instant, and Kanade took note. She put down the bag in the empty seat next to her, staring down at it as if it was her child.

"What do you mean? Is he okay?" Haru asked, trying to get Kanade to look at him. Kanade swallowed and quietly sighed through her nose before continuing.

"He's not sleeping and he's hardly eating. And… school is stressing him out and it's only been a week back," Kanade said. She studied her fingers in her lap, watching as her thumbs circled each other in a nervous dance. "His new swim class job starts on Monday, but he seems really anxious about it. It's as if he's afraid he won't be able to do it or… that he doesn't want to do it at all."

The train jostled a little, a faint scraping noise filling in the momentary silence. Kanade paused, taking a risky glance at Haru's intense stare.

"New… job?" Haru repeated. Kanade blinked a few times.

"O-Oh, right!" Kanade stammered. "He's going to be working at the rec center now. My old man was able to start up lessons for kids," she explained.

"He never told me that," Haru whispered, looking at the ground. Kanade jumped, feeling as if she said something she was not supposed to.

"W-Well, I'm sure it didn't come up since you two haven't really been… talking." Kanade's voice trailed off as she lowered her head to avoid eye contact.

Haru winced, turning his head away from her. They rode some more in silence, the only sound of the train knocking on the tracks. Haru watched the scenery pass by outside the window again and sighed. What exactly did Kanade want? She's dragging him out of the way for what? A pool?

What is it you really want?

Haru glanced at Kanade and saw that she was studying her shoes. Her lidded eyes were dulled, and her lips were pulled into a fatigued frown. Haru quickly looked away from her and sighed again. He could feel guilt starting to creep up his neck as cold sweat started to bead on his back.

"Nanase-kun."

Haru slowly turned his head back to her, giving her an apprehensive stare, but she was still gazing at her shoes.

"I… I want you to talk to Makoto," Kanade said softly.

Haru's eyes widened, watching as Kanade turned her head to meet his eyes. Her eyes were pleading as her brows pushed together anxiously, creating a deep crease. Her trembling hands gripped her seat, turning her knuckles white.

"It's killing him that you guys aren't on good terms," Kanade added.

Haru's shoulders tensed as his body stiffened in the uncomfortable seat of the train. He opened his mouth to speak when the announcer on the train called out the next station.

"Ah, this is the stop," Kanade said, abruptly standing to her feet. She grabbed the plastic bag and walked towards the sliding doors. Haru scrambled to his feet and followed her out of the station.

They walked past a few stores in the quickly dimming city and past Makoto and Kanade's university. Haru eyed it carefully, his gaze studying the campus entrance. There were several students fleeing the campus in groups, several of them laughing and goofing off with each other. Haru winced, remembering how considerate Makoto would be with him— just talking lightly, no excessive touching. Makoto would not even force Haru to talk, which Haru appreciated every time.

"He said he wanted to give you space," Kanade said suddenly, ripping Haru from his nostalgic flashbacks. "At first, I understood. But, then he started to stress out. It was as if… he was pretending to be someone else."

Haru pursed his lips and stared down at the sidewalk. He knew all too well what Kanade was referring to. Whenever something was bothering Makoto, it was as if he would try to put on an act to hide it. Even in middle school, Makoto was struggling to change himself. It hurt Haru so much to see him that way, and he never wanted to see Makoto force himself to be something he wasn't.

But it sounds like it's happening all over again. Haru kicked himself mentally for allowing it to happen.

Suddenly, Kanade turned down an alleyway, and Haru paused, watching her open a lone door. She turned back to him and cowered slightly, unable to read Haru's intimidating gaze.

"Ah, I… I want to drop off this first before I show you the pool," Kanade stuttered.

Haru blinked a few times before following her through the open door and up the steps. Once they made it to the top, Kanade froze, her hand on the door.

"Makoto… he…" Kanade paused to bite her lip. Haru stared at her, waiting for her to continue. She inhaled sharply and then she stared at Haru with a serious expression. "He needs you in his life, Nanase."

Haru's chest clenched tightly, his heart dropping like a rock. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Kanade beat him to it.

"I'm really sorry," Kanade interrupted. Haru blinked at her, confused by her sudden apology. "For taking him away from you."

Haru jolted, remembering Rin's words.

"You're scared of Makoto leaving you. Of him replacing you with her."

"Sh-Shizu—"

"I don't want to get in the way of your friendship with him," Kanade interrupted again. She looked up at him with a sad smile. "So I'll take a step back."

She opened the door and nodded towards it, inviting Haru inside. Haru raised a brow, but stepped through the doorway. He turned towards the doorway, waiting for her to follow.

But as soon as he turned, the plastic bag was thrust into his chest.

"Here, this is for Makoto!" Kanade said.

Haru stared at her strangely, his eyes widening in shock as his hands gripped the bag. Kanade gave him a shy smile before waving at him and slamming the door shut.

"O-Oi! Shizumi!" Haru called. He could hear her footsteps as she padded down the stairs. "Oi!" Haru growled.

"Ah, Kanade, are you home?"

Haru froze at the familiar sound of his best friend's voice. He heard footsteps from behind, and he turned to face away from the door.

"I, uh, I was thinking about what you said and—"

On the opposite side of the room stood Makoto, clad in sweatpants and a loose, green shirt. His brows were arched in surprise and his mouth was hanging open.

"H-Haru?" he whimpered.

Haru stared back at him, blinking a few times before looking down at the bag in his hands.

"I… dinner," Haru said, holding out the bag to Makoto.

"E-Eh? For me?"

Haru nodded once, and Makoto paused, blinking back at him. He closed his mouth and gave a strained smile. He walked towards Haru and carefully grabbed the bag from his hand.

"Thank you, Haru," Makoto said. "Would… you like some tea?"

Haru paused, but he nodded. "Sure."

Kanade leaned against the wall outside of the main entrance of the rec center. It was dark now, the nearby streetlamp the only thing lighting the sidewalk. She kicked a few pebbles that rested on the ground and watched them bounce a few feet down the sidewalk. She felt relieved and thankful that she was able to drag Haru all the way to her place. She knew Makoto would take care of things from here.

But something tightened in her chest.

She was glad that Makoto and Haru would finally be able to make up and be on speaking terms again. But, there was a heaviness in her chest that she could not quite place. She replayed the conversation with Haru in her head, from start to finish. They started at the university, and then the train…

Kanade sighed, remembering her words.

"So I'll take a step back."

Kanade grimaced, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. If having Makoto in her life meant that he would lose Haru and get depressed, then she would rather keep her distance and see him be happy. She could be happy for him. She could be satisfied with just being friends. She could be…

Happy?

Kanade sighed and shoved her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. A soft breeze blew and she closed her eyes, letting the wind brush her bangs on her forehead. She clenched her hands in her pockets. She would do almost anything to have Makoto in her life. She wanted to be in his life. She wanted—

"Shizumi?"

Kanade popped her eyes open at the eerily familiar voice. Her back stiffened, and uncomfortable tingles shot down her spine. She turned her head to the source of the voice and her eyes widened.

Black hair, brown eyes, tall…

"You did great, babe."

"See you later."

"I can't do this anymore."

Kanade felt her heart start to pound, immediately recognizing the man standing in front of her.

"T… Takuya?"