"Okay, Mr. McCloud, your dinner is- oh where did he go this time!" The nurse exclaimed and then cursed under her breath. The rabbit then stormed off, leaving the dinner tray on the empty, unmade hospital bed. She started her search on her patient's floor and checked the floor below. Why he'd be in the children's ward, she had no idea, but she had found him in stranger spots, like the roof for example. Finding the alien was the easy part, getting the alien who was terrified of heights down from the roof was another.
"I swear, if he was my kid, I'd… I'd… I'd tell him I loved him every day." She sighed to herself as her heart melted at the sight she found.
"And then, without hesitation, I picked my gun and began firing at everything that moved!" Relics exclaimed as he pretended to shoot invisible enemies all around him. The little Cornerian kids cheered loudly as he did, bringing a warm smile to the rabbit's face and the other nurses watching.
"But suddenly, a plasma grenade dropped between my feet!" Relics said, silencing his audience. "I ran, and barely avoided the blast but I found myself in the middle of a squadron of elites. My heart beat furiously, they closed in all around me, every one of them pulling out their energy swords. I was down to my last clip, with only enough shots to take out a mere fraction of their numbers." Relics said growing quiet, creating a level of suspense. "Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, just me and my shadow against five-no! Against fifty elites! But that's a story for the next time."
A great cry of complaints and aw's came from the little children. They wanted to hear more about his stunning escape from a planet called Reach. It was a slow process, but Relics finally managed to convince them that he'd be back to finish the story and if they were all good, he'd tell them about his escapades in Skyrim.
"You really are something special Mr. McCloud, you know that?" The white rabbit said which made him blush.
"Yeah well, what are you gonna do? These kids don't have all that much to look forward to, just more meds and treatments." Relics said as he turned around and waved to one of the cancer patients that couldn't leave her bed. She waved back and he even got the little seven year old kitten to smile.
"I haven't seen her smile the entire time she's been here." The nurse commented.
"You're not mad that I left my room again, are you?" Relics asked, hoping he wouldn't be getting another earful from Jason when he got here because of all the nurses complaining about his rowdy behavior. First it was the morphine incident, then the roof incident, then the morgue incident, and now this. All that trouble he managed to cause in just a week's time.
"After seeing all their happy faces… how could I be. But you're still eating your food when we get back." She added which made Relics groan. If he was ever challenged with finding a worse cook then Jason, he'd look no further than the automated robots down in the galley. "Oh, looks like Jason's here to pick you up… um, you wouldn't happen to know if he's seeing anyone, would you?" She asked looking up from her data-pad that verified that Jason was in the building.
Relics shrugged. "No, just his wife of four years."
The rabbit's face went blank and she changed the subject very quickly. "So, you ready to go on TV later today?"
'Like a boss! …A first level boss but a boss none the less.'
"Not really much to say really, just deny that my people mate like insects." Relics shrugged as he started walking with the nurse back to his room. In truth, he was extremely nervous to go on television, anything that looked like a camera made him nervous ever since he arrived on Corneria. Still, if there was one good thing that came out of all of this, it was that his hair was finally starting to get some color back.
Relics had heard about some rare cases where hair color could come back, and that was because the modifications to his DNA had slowed down. The modifications relied on mass production of a hormone that allowed the changes to stay in effect. Relics guessed that since he had the suppressor on, that chemical wasn't being that readily produced, and the Pheomelanin wasn't being disregarded. With any luck, as long as he kept the suppressor on, his sandy blonde hair and a tanner skin color would come back.
'Then I won't look like a fucking Q-tip that's running from the sun.' Relics thought as he imagined himself lying on the beach, getting a perfect tan, his neatly kept hair a nice rich sandy blond color, and Lana laying next to him with her bikini off also getting a tan. 'Oh yeah, that's hot. Good thing I got me some lotion to rub all over her back and massaging her. Yeah, I don't give a fuck anymore, Lana is something special that I'd love to… oh, nurse Goodman is still talking to me.'
"Uh huh. Yeah." Relics found himself saying to which was the right answer to whatever NurseGoodman was talking to him about.
"Good, I'm glad we both understand each other." She said pleasantly as they got to his room where a very anxious and excited German Sheppard was waiting.
"Relics!" Jason said as his tail wagged furiously and he converged on the human.
"Jason!" Relics said just before he was nearly crushed by the soldier and then lifted off the ground. He made small coughing and choking noises but Jason didn't stop hugging him until the stars Relics started seeing turned into birds. "What's the good news?"
Jason beamed at the human and said. "The General okayed it."
Nurse Goodman was a little confused as to why Relics perked up and put his hands on his head. "No way! I can't believe he bought it!"
Jason chuckled. "Yeah, but he did agree with that a foster family might be a hard transition. Since you already know me and my wife, it was quite easy convincing him to let you come stay with us. At least until we can get to the bottom of… well, you know."
'The possible assassination plot on my head is more inconvenient then dangerous. I mean, I survived getting T-boned by a car doing thirty five! Good thing I'm indestructible- OW! OH CRAMP, CRAMP!' Relics thought and stretched his arm to rid himself of the mild cramp.
The thought of living with Jason and Chloe blew Relics' mind. He had come to greatly enjoy their company, Hell; he could probably venture to say that he considered them family. That was entirely unethical of course, and Relics thought it would be rude to start calling people family without any blood relations. Besides, the only family he ever had was his father, and look what happened to him. No, he was destined to walk alone until he started a family of his own. With who however, was yet to be known.
'Imagine having kids with a Cornerian. Like that's even possible!' Relics scowled in his mind to shake the thoughts of a certain minx carrying their hybrid child.
"I think we can stop by your old house and pick up your things before we have to head to the interview, if that's all right with you." Jason suggested.
"Sure, the sooner we leave here the better. I think the nurses are planning something." Relics whispered to Jason since Nurse Goodman was still in the room.
"We were planning on putting you into an induced medical coma until you were discharged so to save the hospital from your shenanigans, but since you're leaving we'll call it off." Nurse Goodman giggled and held out her hand which Relics took and gave a gentle kiss that got the blood to rush to her face in a soft red glow against her white fur. "Goodbye Mr. McCloud, I sincerely hope to never see you here again."
Relics gave the rabbit a sad look implying he didn't understand her meaning and she quickly moved to take it back.
"No! I mean I hope we don't ever see you here in the hospital again because that would mean that you'd been hurt or got sick or…" She trailed off scratching behind her ears. "I didn't mean it like that- what are you smiling about?" She growled.
"I'm sorry; you're just too easy to fool." Relics sniggered before the nurse stomped over to Relics' bed, grabbed the pillow and started nailing him with it.
"Get out of here before I hit you with my car!" The rabbit snapped halfheartedly and chased the fleeing human down the halls with Jason in tow.
"He sure has his own way with the ladies." Jason sighed.
~X~X~X~X~X~
"Are you okay Relics?" Jason asked as he watched the human wake up with a jolt from yet another thirty second nap. The human was trying desperately to stay awake, but as Jason could plainly see, that was not a battle that he was winning.
"I'm… fine Jason. Just a little tired. I was up all night telling those kids stories." Relics admitted.
Jason cocked an eyebrow. "You were up all night telling children stories? Why?"
Relics' eyes fluttered but he stayed awake. "I saw them all in their ward one day when I got lost on my way back from the vending machine. They all looked so sad and bored, almost like they started to give up hope. Some of them clearly had, as the nurses couldn't get them to eat. One little girl in particular, refused to talk, eat, smile, or do anything but stare at the wall with a solemn look on her face." Relics explained. "When I showed up, I must have invited their curiosity and I stuck around." Relics explained and then smirked to himself. "You should have seen all their faces, so adorable… so…" The human managed before he passed out.
Jason looked back through the mirror and saw that the human had finally succumbed to sleep's gentle caress. He thought about what the kid said and that only added more points for him in his book. Before, Relics seemed like a good kid to the canine, now he knew for sure that he was. Relics had all the comforts of home in his private hospital room, a TV, video games, a phone, friends that visited him, and even all that, he still went down to see a bunch of sick kids that probably wouldn't get to see their thirteenth birthday.
For once, Jason decided to drive slowly and safely, so not to interrupt Relics' sleep, he earned that much. When they got to Relics home, he even packed up his things for him. For a little while he just looked at the sleeping teen, proud of the young man he'd be even prouder to call son. Having him around the house would be a good thing to have, especially for Chloe. She desperately wanted a kit of her own, and having Relics might satisfy her maternal instincts until they could have one of their own. And speaking of Chloe, Jason was sure she'd love a picture of the human curled up in the back seat. He took out his phone, took a picture and sent it to his wife.
"Awwww, that's so sweet! Thanks Jay-Jay!" She messaged back.
The canine rolled his eyes at his nickname and texted back. "I thought you might enjoy."
A few seconds later he got another message. "Yeah. He looks so cute, like a little sleeping kit…"
Jason's ears laid back and he sighed. "Don't worry honey; we just have to keep trying. I'll get you a baby even if I die trying."
"I'm sure you would hon. But in the meantime, at least we've got Relics. He's such a good kid."
"You're telling me? He's been telling terminal kids stories in his free time when he was at the hospital!" Jason said and smirked at the teen.
"OMG! That's the sweetest… what does he want for dinner? What's his favorite?"
"I don't know but whatever you think he'll like, I'm sure he will." Jason replied as he sat in his car and got an idea. "You know, I told them a few space stories of my own."
Jason didn't get a reply for a while but when he did he burned absolute red. "I'm going to suck your duck like I'm mad at it."
Before Jason could reply, he got another message. "Stupid auto-correct."
~X~X~X~X~X~
"How do I look Mrs. Mahoney?" Relics asked.
"You look amazing Relics." The panther purred. For some reason, it seemed to Relics that she was even nicer than before. But then, he noticed that most everyone was nicer to him ever since the accident and before the little stunt on TV. "That jacket really brings out your eyes."
Relics looked down at the grey jacket with red lining and the white undershirt he had underneath that. He nodded in approval and took her word for it. He only had about two hours until his televised interview, and already the pressure was setting in. The General had given him a list of five shows he could go on and receive mass coverage. In the end he decided to choose a talk show that he'd probably never watched since he didn't watch TV all that much.
"Alright, now that you're all dolled up, let's get a move on!" Jason said impatiently since it was his ass if they didn't get there on time.
"I'm sure you'll do great hon." Chloe reassured as she hustled both of them out the door. "Just don't look into the camera, you'll get deer-in-the-headlights syndrome."
'Deer in the headlights? Come on! No way that'll happen.'
~X~X~X~X~X~
Relics ran to the small trashcan and emptied out everything in his stomach. He was sweating bloody bullets and his heart was racing. His cocky attitude went down the drain when he realized that he was going on the same show with the four women that determined just how "doable" he was. Not only that but one of the interns let it slip that they had at least half a billion viewers and climbing. To make matters worse, they did a mock interview in the backroom and he couldn't say a word so long as a camera was in the room. All he wound up doing was holding his hands up next to his face like he was going to do something with them, and started rambling.
'Deer in the headlights? More like fly in the sun.' Relics thought as he groaned and swigged some water from a bottle to get the nasty taste out of his mouth.
"Mr. McCloud, are you alright in there?" A mousy intern asked as she knocked on the door of his changing room.
"I'm fine… just, just freshening up!" Relics replied as he popped several mints to hide the smell of throw up. Once he had consumed the entire pack, he threw it away and exited the safety of his private dressing room. "Alright, let's do this."
"About time! You take longer to get ready then Chloe!" Jason growled who was starting to feel the effects of the upcoming interview as well. He was constantly checking his uniform, his ribbons, and his medals, making absolute sure they were always on spot. Relics was doing the same but with his hair and jacket.
'I'm a pretty girl, I'm a pretty girl.' Relics thought as he fiddled with his hair again. 'I'm a… man! I'M A MAN DAMN IT!'
"This way please." The field mouse squeaked as she led the two through the back studio.
Relics adjusted the cuffs to his jacket and cleared his throat before following. He knew that he could physically go out there and explain to millions upon millions of people that his people didn't mate like something out of a child's biology report, but that was only theoretically. In reality it was taking everything he had not to run off and hide under Lana's bed.
"You nervous?" Jason asked as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"Shit yeah." Relics muttered.
"Well, don't worry. I'll be off in the sidelines with my blaster just in case." Jason reassured.
'I'm not worried about someone killing me; in fact I kind of welcome that right about now.'
"Thanks Jason. I just hope you're the crack shot you claim to be." Relics said with a small and very weak smile.
"I'll have to take you hunting some time then." Jason suggested. "That and fishing, camping, and dare I say swimming."
"If I didn't know any better Jason, I'd say you were taking me out on a father son bonding trip." Relics said cocking his eyebrow.
"I- well you see… Chloe is trying to put me up to it. I'd be equally satisfied staying at home and popping open a couple cold ones with you and watch the game." Jason said a little too quickly to sound sincere.
'I already had a father… I don't need another one.'
"Right. Well thanks for the offer but right now, I have a date with half a billion people." Relics sighed as they reached the very edge of the set where he saw the four women sitting in their rather comfy looking chairs that surrounded the one in the middle.
"I don't care what that scientist said! I mean look at him!" The youngest one of them, the black and grey she-wolf exclaimed. "I'd gnaw through my own left arm to get a piece of that action!"
'Oh God! Not this again.' Relics said as he face-palmed himself at the sight of him shirtless on the big screen behind the four women.
"Well, you're about to get that chance because today we have a special guest. A young man who's volunteered to go where none of his kind has before, the man of the decade, the talk of the Lylat… Mr. Relics McCloud!" The oldest one of them, a silver fox announced that created an eruption of applause.
'Exit stage left!' Relics thought as he performed an about face and attempted to run off, but Jason had been around the sly human to know when he was going to pull a fast one. The German Sheppard quickly grabbed the human around the waist and (with difficulty) launched the squirming human out onto the set.
Luckily for him he didn't fall, but he did look a little silly coming on stage backwards. Relics slowly turned around with a bad poker face on his visage before waving to the massive crowd. The human quickly scurried to his chair like a dog with its tail between its legs and before he could sit down, he was introduced to his hosts an older grey vixen, a young looking feline female, a young she-wolf, and a middle aged rabbit. He shook their hands and gave them all quick pecks with his lips and noted that every host had their nails done in a way that was fashionable, but at the same time deadly.
"Mr. McCloud, so good to have you here on the show with us." The she-wolf said with a small glimmer in her eyes.
"It's nice to be here Mrs. Catalina." Relics replied, feeling much better now that he was sitting down.
"It's Ms. Catalina, but please, call me Denise." She said with a certain tone in her voice and an alluring smile.
"Only if you call me Relics." The human found himself saying. 'Whoa there killer! Cool it before you go and make an ass out of yourself on TV! Besides, what would Lana think? I mean, we're almost there with that girl, and I'll be damned if we get cock-blocked by your ridiculous shenanigans! Yeah! That's right! I don't give a fuck anymore! Cornerian, human, Martian! JUST GET SOME ACTION ALREADY!"
"Charming." The wolf growled in approval and eyed the human like a predator does a hunk of meat.
"Relics, I hate to interrupt, but a rather ambiguous rumor has been going around involving human reproduction. Tell us, is it true that humans… well…" The middle aged rabbit asked but faltered.
Relics frowned. "Not in the slightest. At no point did my head come off after making love. I don't know where that guy got his research but we don't swing that way."
"Well that's a load off my mind." The feline to the far right of Relics sighed. "And here I thought you men made cuts and then…" She said but turned too red to continue.
"Trust me; I've never even considered doing something like that." Relics replied.
'Holy shit! This is easy as fuck! I am on TV being interviewed by two, maybe three attractive women and I don't care! ... Note to self, brain doesn't get to think anymore.' He thought as the realization dawned on him. Almost immediately, his eyes connected with the nearest camera but he tore them away but it was a vain effort. All throughout the interview his eyes diverted back to the camera, sometimes for several seconds at a time. Still, the interview went smoothly and somewhere down the line, Relics forgot he was talking in front of five hundred million people, maybe more by now.
"Which brings me to my other point, why are peace talks breaking down do you think?" The silver fox asked the white human.
Relics shrugged. "I guess the delegates can't find any common ground. To them it's all business and what can they get out of the other. They're not looking at the big picture."
"Just what exactly is the big picture?" Denise asked, hanging off every word he said like he was Socrates and she a mere Greek acolyte.
"That war is the last thing anyone wants. A war between our races isn't the answer to any of our problems and doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left." Relics said solidly trying to send his message that had taken him almost a year and a half to realize. The day that his father was killed, he prayed for the extinction of the Cornerian race, but now that he came to live amongst these people, he'd seen a new way of thinking and formed his own unique awareness. Yet even his newfound views couldn't sanction his true reason for coming to the Lylat system.
"That's so deep." Denise swooned making Relics blush a bit.
"That said, will your people push for war any time soon?"
'Not too soon at least.' Relics thought as he recalled his orders from the Chancellor.
"No, I wouldn't worry about my people invading yours in the future."
'I'd count on it.'
~X~X~X~X~X~
AUTHOR'S NOTES~~~ Hey guys! I'm back! Out of boot camp, in A school and learning about my rate. Good ol' Florida, God's waiting room. But anyways, sorry if the quality isn't as good as before, I've been getting beat for the past couple of months so my writing skills may be a little rusty. Hope you enjoyed and it feels great to be back!