The pounding on the door grew louder and more insistent the closer he got to the front entrance. Whoever was outside was damn set on getting his attention. The question on Rick's mind as he made his way through the front room was: why? Nerves jangled as a cornucopia of answers for that question ran through his mind.
The logical answer was a horde of walkers gathering outside the gate. He passed a pack of undead as he returned to Alexandria with Michonne and the others earlier that morning. He had wanted to stop and take care of them but Michonne convinced him it'd be better to wait until they got some rest. Goddamn it, he thought as more guilt settled atop the pile already turning his innards into knots. I should have stopped and handled the sons of bitches when I had the chance.
Something, however, told him that a horde heading towards Alexandria wasn't why whoever was hammering at his door. No, he realized as his mouth ran dry. There is only one person who could cause this much ruckus. The hair on the back of his neck trembled as he imagined pulling open the door to find Negan standing on his front porch, that bat slung over his shoulder, and that shit-eating grin spread across his whiskered face.
Dread and loathing mixed in his gut at the thought of having to deal with that smarmy-mouthed asshole again so soon. A week was too soon in his mind. Krypto lightly growled as the door groaned with the abuse it was taking. Rick was surprised whoever didn't just kick it inwards. That they didn't break the door down was the only thing keeping him relatively calm.
The same couldn't be said for the super dog. It isn't a surprise that he's in full-on protect mode, he thought as he moved to the door. His mistress is in the kitchen with my son and daughter. Protecting them — especially Raya — was Krypto's sworn and sacred duty. Rick had seen for himself how far the super dog would go to protect those he decided were in his care.
A horde of walkers and a group of men with assault rifles hadn't convinced the dog to head for the hills. No, when Kryptosaw his family being threatened, he leaped into action, attacking the horde and the men with the weapons without any thought or concern for his own safety. There was no doubt in Rick's mind that he wouldn't do the same should Judith and Carl find themselves in trouble.
Having Krypto there, knowing he was keeping watch over his family helped ease some of his anxiety. For a moment, just one, everything felt normal. Not the normal the world adopted after the virus broke out, but the one that came before it. The one where he was a good, decent, and honest man trying to raise his son the best he could. In that world, he was still a law-abiding man who protected people without resorting to cold, calculated murder.
So real was his musing that Rick found himself believing that this was his life and not everything that happened since he woke from his coma. The last three years never happened, he decided. Well, he amended as he spotted Raya's bow and quiver of arrows on top of a table by the door. Most everything since I woke in the hospital didn't happen.
The virus breaking out, the world falling to pieces, and civilization being taken apart? That all happened. He couldn't wish that away no matter how hard he tried. It was the one constant that prevailed no matter how much any of them might wish otherwise.
Waking up and finding the hospital an abandoned war zone, meeting Morgan and his son, Raya, and her two kids? Those were also constants he didn't want to forget. For a moment, Rick allowed himself to consider how different things might have been had Raya never left him in that farmhouse outside Atlanta.
Well, he mused as he paused by the couch, she'd definitely have helped me find Lori and Carl. Until Luthor's men found them in that farmhouse she'd been dead set on helping him find his family. If those men hadn't shown up, if they hadn't spooked her, she'd have seen that promise through. They'd have made it to Atlanta, just as they intended. There they'd have met Glenn and the others on their supply run.
Glenn would then lead them to the quarry camp where Lori and Carl were staying with Shane, Carol, and Daryl. However, that was when he felt things would have gone quite differently from the way they had. Raya would have helped make sure people survived the nightmare the world became.
Everything she said to him earlier in his bedroom about teaching them how to survive without taking human lives, he believed. She'd stop him from compromising the man he was and show him — all of them — that there was a better way of doing things.
So many who died might be alive today had she been there.
Her mentor, a man he had never met and used to believe was only a comic book character, would have found a way — like he managed to do — to not only task her with building a safe zone for survivors but with teaching them how to survive no man's land. I'd have helped her with her mission, he thought as Krypto chuffed softly. I'll still help her. God knows I'll do whatever is necessary to see us — all of us — have a future.
He'd even work with that asshole if needs be.
There was only one flaw to if Raya stayed: he may not have met a number of the people he had. Like Michonne, he realized with a pang. It was very possible they'd never have crossed her path.
Or Abraham, Rosita or Eugene's.
Sasha and Tyrese's.
The Greene's.
They'd also never have met the Governor, the Claimers or Gareth and his group of cannibals. If they'd have still met Negan was questionable. Rick fully believed they'd have ended up in Virginia. Would it have been Alexandria? The Hilltop? Or somewhere else entirely? He didn't know.
He also couldn't say for sure whether he would have given into the thoughts that had run through his head. Had he been tempted to say fuck it all and follow Raya to Gotham? Yes, he had been. Part of why she left him was as much because of the Joker as it was because of his temptation to abandon his search for Lori and Carl.
And she had been tempted to let me.
That, more than anything else, was why she left him, he realized as Krypto sniffed the door. Raya didn't do complicated relationships. She admitted as much when they were traveling together. When a relationship got too difficult, she tended to run. So, how is she handling her relationship with Negan, then? That was what he didn't understand. She ran from him because things got complicated.
Yet, she stayed with a man who idled at complicated.
The pounding on his door brought him back to reality.
Everything that happened since he and Raya parted ways in Georgia, happened. There was no way of denying the truth or wishing away the facts. Lori was gone, Shane was gone, Hershel, Andrea, Beth, Tyreese, Abraham, and Glenn were all gone.
All of them dead because he made a decision that ultimately led to their demise. And placed us at the mercy of a bat-wielding asshole.
"Rick!" Relief coursed through him when he heard Aaron shout. "Open up!"
"Hold on a second," he said as he reached for the knob. "Get back, Krypto."
Krypto complied with only a small chuff in protest. Rick's earlier relief died when he saw the panic on Aaron's red, sweaty face soon as he opened the door.
A plethora of reasons for why he was in such an anxious state went through his mind. First and foremost was Neganwaiting at the gates. It'd be just like that asshole to have lied about how long we'd have before he'd send men around for their first pick-up.
Krypto issued a low growl but Rick quieted him by resting a hand on his head.
"What is it?" Concern made his tone sharper than he intended. He took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "What's going on?"
"There's someone at the gate," Aaron told him in a voice not quite steady. "They're asking for you."
"Who is it?" He nudged Krypto back before the softly growling dog could step in front of him. "Do you know?"
"I don't know the man's name," Aaron replied. "But he's definitely one of Negan's men."
Krypto heaved a chuff that he followed with a soft growl. Rick assumed it was an answer to his question. Not that he understood what the dog was saying. Haven't cultivated that skill like Raya has. Aaron glanced at Krypto with surprise before shifting his gaze back to Rick, one brow lifted in silent question.
"This is Krypto."
It was the only question out of the possible hundred that Aaron could ask that he had any idea about how to answer. I'm gonna have to figure out answers for all the other questions that are gonna be tossed my way and fast, he realized as Krypto issued another soft yip. I've not only got to explain how I know a woman with a connection to someone most people assume exists only in comic books or movies, but who also happens to have a place right at Negan's side.
Of the two, the last was gonna prove hardest to explain. He hadn't come to terms with the relationship between Raya and Negan. How could he expect the others, too? Especially Maggie and Sasha. He had no doubt that the two women would not take learning he was friends with the woman of the man responsible for Abraham and Glenn's death very well.
"When did you—?" Aaron started to ask but Rick cut him off. Not because he didn't want to hear what the man had to say but more because he was functioning on barely an hours sleep and didn't have the energy to handle everything.
"One of Negan's men is at the gate?" He pushed Krypto back with his foot and opened the door wider. "But not Negan?"
"No, Negan isn't with him," Aaron confirmed. "It's just that blonde man who had Daryl's crossbow."
Relief at hearing it was someone other than Negan did nothing to stop the mouthful of coffee in his belly from curdling. For a second he thought he'd end up spewing the bitter brew all over Aaron. He bore down, though, shoved the bile back and focused on the problem at hand.
"What the hell does he want?" He asked. "Did he say?"
"All he said is that he wants you to come to the gate."
"That's it?" Rick eyed him skeptically. "He just wants me to come to the gate?"
Something about that didn't seem... right. It seemed too simple, too unlike Negan. If the asshole sent this man, and Rick fully believed he had, why had he sent him alone? Where were his other men? For that matter, why hadn't he come himself?
What the hell's the asshole up too?
"Well, he also said to tell you to bring some woman he called Fin to the gate with you."
Raya, he realized. That's why the asshole is here. He's been told to retrieve her and take her back to the Sanctuary. Anger and resentment tangled with the guilt and anxiety in his belly. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Aaron to go back and say that this Fin wasn't there. However, logic prevailed. Lying would do nothing but bring more consequences down on them. Rick couldn't allow that. He couldn't let anybody else pay for a decision he made. Too many have paid as it is...
"Rick?" Worry coated Aaron's voice. "What do you want me to tell him?"
"Uh," Rick started to say but he found himself cut off by Raya who had joined them without him realizing it.
"You can go back and tell Dwight know that I said to return to the Sanctuary and tell the jealous jack ass that I will return home when I'm damn good and ready." Krypto yipped and moved to sit beside her. Rick glanced at her and saw her looking down at the dog. "No, a jealous jack ass is exactly what he is."
Aaron blinked his eyes at her.
"You?" He managed. "You're Fin?"
"I am," she confirmed as she moved to stand beside him. "Yes."
Hearing her called by that name rankled even though Rick knew it shouldn't. It's just a name for chrissakes, he thought as Krypto wedged between them. One of the likely dozen she goes by.
If it was a name her family or friends called her would be one thing. He could accept any of them calling her y that name. It was the name he called her, though. There was absolutely no way he'd ever use a name given to her by the man who savagely and brutally murdered Abraham and Glenn. And god knows how many others.
"No," he bit out, surprising Aaron and her both. "Her name is not Fin. It's Raya."
A frown feathered Aaron's brow. "But..."
"I said it's Raya, goddamn it!"
Silence fell after his outburst. He could feel Raya and Aaron staring at him but couldn't bring himself to look at either one. Krypto whined and bumped his hand with his nose. Rick obliged his request for attention because he needed something to distract him from the shame and anger battling for supremacy at that moment. What the hell is wrong with me? He wondered as he felt Raya set a hand on his back. Have I lost what little is left of my mind? Throwing a fit over a name. Yeah, he scoffed. That's real fucking sane.
"You don't like the name Fin because it's what Negan calls me." Raya rubbed his back in slow, soothing circles. "I understand that. I get it. However..."
"It's the name he gave you." He cut a look at her from over his shoulder. "And I won't use it."
"Negan didn't give me the name." She kept her tone light, soothing. "I gave it to him when I chose to go undercover inside his community."
"Still." Why he kept insisting on this, he didn't know. He just couldn't concede. No matter how much logic told him he should. "It's what he calls you."
"Rick." She slid her hand to his shoulder. "He doesn't know my name is Raya."
"Doesn't matter."
"Let's be..."
"It's not your name."
"When I'm with him, I'm Fin." A note of velvet steel underscored her words now. It was a reminder that for every inch of stubborn he was, she was equally so. "Same as I'm Raya when I'm with you, Kit when I'm with my brother, Jason or Mule when I'm with Tarzan."
The name Tarzan set off bells inside his head. She was traveling with a man she called Tarzan before he met her, he recalled as he stared at her. She was staying with him and his older brother in a survivor camp before it got overrun with walkers. Raya never called either by their given names. It was either Tarzan or Roger Swanson.
Is it possible that the moody, surly-tempered man with the crossbow is Daryl? And Roger Swanson his older brother, Merle?
"Is Daryl the one you were traveling with before you met me?"
A smile confirmed his suspicions. "I was wondering when you'd finally connect the dots, Sheriff."
"Why do you call him Tarzan?" Aaron asked curiously.
"Can you think of a better name for that pigheaded, surly-tempered pain in the ass?"
"Not off the top of my head I can't," he admitted with a rueful smile. "Why Tarzan, though? It doesn't really fit him."
"Well, it was that or Rambo." Her eyes twinkled with a hint of that mischievousness that Rick had once been tempted by. "And since he absolutely hates being called Rambo..."
A slight smile curved Aaron's lips. "He agreed to Tarzan?"
"After a helluva lotta threats that we both knew was all talk."
That sounded a lot like Daryl, Rick realized as Krypto licked his palm. Unlike the white wonder dog who just slobbered all over his hand, Daryl's bark was much worse than his bite. Not that he couldn't back that bark up. Rick had found himself on the losing end of one of those bites more often than he liked.
"Where is Daryl?" He asked her. "Is he at the Sanctuary?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Why didn't you tell me where he was before now?"
"I wasn't trying to keep it from you." She made a face. "I meant to discuss it with you over breakfast actually."
"Just tell me that he's alright."
"Physically? He's fine. Mentally?" She shook her head. "I don't know. I haven't and won't be allowed anywhere near him."
"Why not?"
Not that he couldn't figure out why Negan would keep her as far away from Daryl as possible.
"Negan knows I will let him go." Her lips curved slightly. "He knows I've let others go."
That he allowed it struck Rick as unusual. Why? He found himself wondering. Why has he allowed her to get away with things that he's punished others for? Before he could ask her, Aaron sighed and spoke.
"And he doesn't want you releasing Daryl because he's a way of keeping us in line."
"That is one reason." She moved to sit on the arm of the couch. "But he also wants to break him."
"Break him?" Aaron questioned. "Break him, how?"
Not that Rick didn't have a good idea for why Negan wanted to break a man like Daryl.
"He's got Tarzan in his version of isolation right now."
Rick translated what that meant with ease.
"Where is Daryl?"
"In a converted storage room that he calls the Cell." Her gaze moved to the window. What she was looking at, Rick didn't know. Rick suspected it was something only she could see. Finally, she shifted her gaze back to him. Her face betrayed nothing and yet Rick knew that inside she was anything but calm. "It's the epitome of the Hole."
The Hole was a room with no lights, no windows, nothing but concrete walls and a cot. Many men broke down mentally after spending one night in such confinement. Rick couldn't imagine Daryl, even as strong-minded as he was, lasting longer than that.
"The Cell is where he puts those that he wants to break."
"Daryl won't break."
"I have to believe that he won't," she said quietly. "And that he will understand why I have had to leave him in Negan's clutches."
"Because of Wilson?" Rick guessed. "Right?"
She blinked her eyes a couple of times, the only outward sign that he caught her by surprise.
"Yes." She nodded. "It's because of Slade Wilson." She made a face. "As much as I hate to admit it, the man who took him to the Sanctuary is right. Long as Negan has him, Slade's not able to get his hands on him. And," she added as she pushed to her feet, "long as Slade cannot get his hands on him or on you? He can't use either of you against me."
"Much as I'd like to ask about who this Slade person is," Aaron cut in, "we have a man at the gate that is threatening to bring Negan here if you don't come to the gate."
Raya harrumphed.
"I'm honestly surprised it's Dwight at the gate and not Negan."
"Why didn't he come?" Not that Rick wasn't grateful for the small reprieve. "Why did he send Dwight to retrieve you?"
"Probably because Slade Wilson is at the Sanctuary."
"Which means he can't come and get you."
"Either that or he sent Dwight to tell me to keep my cute lil' ass here until he comes to get me." She pushed to her feet and strode to him. "My guess? It's that one."
Rick grimaced.
"I was afraid it would be."
"I could be wrong," she said with a shrug, "and Dwight is here for another reason entirely."
He sent her a wry look. "Like I can get that lucky."
She reached up to pat his arm. "Let's try and be positive here."
"I am being positive." He set a hand on her back and gently nudged her out the door. "I'm absolutely positive that I'm going to have to deal with that asshole again before the end of the day."
"I promise to make him play nice."
"Right." He'd believe that when he saw it. "Let's go."
"Alright."
A/N: Hello, all! Hope this finds you well!