Chapter Twenty Five
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The Smooth Crininimal
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As his call remained unanswered, Jack sniffed in a noisy rush of air then quickly ran through the pre- rehearsed message he'd decided to leave should he be passed through to voice-mail. Almost instantly, and saving him the trouble, the call was abruptly taken, but instead of the dulcet Welsh tones he was expecting, he was greeted, firstly, by some very loud music thumping out in the background and secondly by a distinctive London accent that for reasons that weren't immediately obvious, sent his stomach into a spin.
"Okay, speak. Who's calling my man?"
His man?
At first it was one of those embarrassing 'did I dial the right number?' moments. Then, remembering that his cell had actually dialled the number for him, Jack was very, very quick to respond.
"Where's Yan?"
"Who wants him?"
Jack bit back as the cocky confidence began to hit every wrong button going. "I do! Now, would you mind telling me just who the fuck you are?"
"His boyfriend ….. so what the fuck do you want him for?"
Before charging headlong toward that huge red rag being waved down the line at him, Jack took a moment to consider that maybe he'd misheard the guy and just in case he had, he forced out what he thought, under the circumstances, was a rather polite. "Sorry, what did you just say?"
"I said, Uncle Sam, that I'm his boyfriend, so come on, who the fuck are you?"
The resulting growl matched the glare beautifully. "Put … him …. on."
"He's busy. Call back."
Jack rubbed a finger over his right temple; the pulse that had started to throb there was becoming irritating. "Okay, fella, I think I've been more than polite, here, but obviously that kind of shit doesn't work with you. So listen good; because if you don't do as I say, I promise I will find out who you are … and then I'll come find you. Do you understand? Now, stop fucking me around, you arrogant son of a bitch and do something sensible for once in your sad and pathetic life. Get Ianto for me …. NOW!"
The nerves he'd already been experiencing, now mixing in with this unexpected anger, were making him tremble. This wasn't a feeling he was accustomed to. Yeah, he could lose his shit just as well as the next man, but it didn't happen very often; the situation had to be pretty severe for him to react like this.
He already had a pretty good idea of who it was he was probably speaking to, but even if it wasn't him, this was still somebody that Ianto had felt comfortable enough with to let them take care of his cell … and on top of that this person had had the nerve to call themself his 'boyfriend'.
Of all the times recently when he should have stuck up for himself; avoided being forced into situations that he wasn't comfortable with, why now, was it, that he could suddenly find the balls to fight his own corner? Was the prospect of losing Ianto such a frightening one that he was reduced to making an embarrassment of himself with these idle threats?
As the voice on the other end adopted a deliberately patronising tone he tried to ignore it.
"Okay, man, keep cool; you'll do yourself a mischief if you're not careful, and we wouldn't want that, now would we? Right, I've just seen him and I can tell you that he's just on his way back from the piss-pits. There, panic over. Are you feeling a bit better now, my love?"
Through the muffling of a deliberately placed hand the next thing Jack heard was. "Yan, honey, I've got some hysterical Yank on the other end. Shall I tell him to fuck off?"
Jack's mouth dropped open as another barrage of abuse prepared itself to let rip, but fortunately for everybody, though mostly himself, it didn't come to that.
"Jack?"
The sound of Ianto's voice threw him completely and he quickly wracked his brain as he tried to remember the excuse he'd thought of earlier. He'd already just made a complete fool of himself with that other guy, so having a very good reason to call at ten thirty at night would be a good move in terms of rescuing his reputation.
"Jack?" The confused tone was creeping slowly towards being one of concern. "Is that you? Are you okay?"
He snapped himself out of it. "Yeah, yeah, sorry, I …" He corpsed again as he realised he still couldn't remember those important lines that he'd rehearsed so well, such a short time before.
"Okay, come on, Jack, out with it. You're starting to worry me now. What is it, are you cancelling tomorrow? Or is it something really serious?"
Jack sighed silently with relief as Ianto unwittingly gave him the prompt he'd needed. "No way, I'm not cancelling anything with you …. ever. I was just calling because I've stupidly forgotten what time I was supposed to meet you guys tomorrow."
"Oh. Well, couldn't you have phoned me in the morning to ask something like that?"
Disappointingly, Ianto sounded almost put out by the fact that he'd called him. Okay, so, yeah, maybe he could have called tomorrow, but would it have hurt him to sound as though he was just a little pleased to hear his voice, regardless of whether his reason was necessary or not?
"Yeah, I guess." He sighed again as he realised he had no option other than to go along with this now that he'd started it. "But, you know how it is ….. I was just sitting here in front of the t v ….. doin' nothin' and thinking about things and then, bam, it hit me ….."
"Jack? Are you checking up on me? 'Cause if you are ….."
Okay, so maybe that had been a little too elaborate for the situation. "What? No! Of course I'm not. Anyway, how much of a sad loser would that make me, huh? Come on, Yan … you don't really think that's my style, do you?"
Still over the top? He wondered. This was getting more ridiculous by the second. There was pleading your case ….. and then there was just holding an arrow to your head with the word guilty written on it.
He decided to rein in the court room theatrics in just a little; he should have known from past experiences that they wouldn't impress Judge Jones. "Anyway, why should I feel the need to check up on you?"
"You shouldn't." Mr curt and unconvinced was still holding court.
"Exactly…." He just couldn't resist giving him that extra length of rope. "…. but just out of curiosity, who was the kid that answered your cell?"
Convinced he could now hear Ianto chuckling quietly to himself, he felt even more stupid and smacking the heel of his hand between his eyes he wondered how much more of an idiot he was going to make himself look before the call was over.
There was definitely a distinct amusement about Ianto's voice as he felt obliged to admit. "That was Dixie."
"As in Pixie and Dixie?"
"No….."
Okay, so now Ianto was blatantly laughing at him, was he? Not with him ….. at him. But even he had to admit himself that his pissy tone was getting stronger by the second.
Still sounding amused, Ianto gave a sigh. "You remember the guy from last night? The one that sent me that message?"
Did he remember? How the fuck was he ever going to forget that little episode?
"Well, his surname's Dixon, and everybody calls him Dixie. I think it's quite catchy."
Jack tried; he really did ….. but the words just seemed to come tumbling out all of their own accord. "So are genital warts."
The snort at the other end was more than audible but, still, Ianto went with playing dumb; pretending that he hadn't heard him properly. "Sorry?"
"Nothing." He felt a major sulk coming on. "So, why did he tell me he's your boyfriend? I don't recall you mentioning that little piece of information last night."
The Celtic bark was quickly subdued and a much calmer Ianto chuckled his way through his explanation. "Oh, the guy's desperate, he says that about everybody, take no notice of him."
"I wasn't. So why did he have your cell?"
"Jack, stop it."
"Stop what?"
"The Spanish fucking inquisition, that's what." There was possibly a slight hint of anger creeping into his voice. "Last night we agreed to see each other on a casual basis and this … is not being casual, Jack."
His pissy head made an unwelcome return. "Yeah, okay, fine, you've made your point; now humour me. Why did he have your cell?"
"Jack, stop it; you're really starting to piss me off now. I just let him borrow it to call a ride home, that's all. Happy now?"
"Are you leaving with him?"
"Okay, that's it; I'm going, bye Jack….."
"No! I'm sorry, Yan, wait …."
"Look, whatever you're doing at the moment is none of my business, and whatever I may be thinking of doing, or not doing, is none of yours. But if you really insist on knowing ….. I haven't made my mind up yet, but, having said that, well, let's put it this way …. if you could see what I'm looking at right now ….."
Again, the words slipped out before he could stop them. "Hey, a bare ass isn't ev ….. ry …. thing …"
Ianto stayed quiet for a second, waiting to see how much deeper Jack was going to drop himself in the shit and when nothing else insightful was offered he gave him a gentle nudge. "Go on, you were saying?"
The resulting pregnant pause gestated just long enough for him to jump straight back in to continue with his important line of questioning. "So come on then, Jack. How the fuck do you know what he's wearing?"
"Yan, I'm so sorry."
The game was up. He knew for certain that with every word he said from now on he was going to be digging his grave deeper and deeper; there was no option, now, other than to tell him the truth. That bastard cat had well and truly stuck its head out through the drawstring … and what a game to give away.
Over and done with as quickly as possible, he decided was his best hope for survival, though, even then, the chances of Ianto just brushing this aside were less than slim.
Before he could bottle out, he just went for it. "I might have caught a glimpse of him last weekend."
"Last wee ….? So you were checking up on me last Saturday, as well, then."
"No, Yan ….."
There was no mistaking that Welsh anger now, it looked like it was game over after all. Still, he couldn't just give up on him … not now, and certainly not after he'd managed to cover so much ground with him the night before.
He could hear in the way that his own voice wavered he was starting to sound desperate, but he didn't care; if he failed to convince him that his actions of late were well intended, then he stood to lose a lot more than just face over this . " ….. no, don't you see? That's just it. I wasn't checking up on you, I swear. I just needed to see you, that's all and I know you won't believe this, but … I was missing you. I wanted to come inside and find you, I needed to talk to you … but when I saw you outside, with him, I couldn't pluck up the courage to come over."
At the other end of the line, and with the sudden burst of anger gradually dissipating, things were suddenly becoming much clearer. Earlier in the week, when Els had said she'd bumped into Jack, she could only have been talking about outside the club, because, thinking about it now, it had only been earlier that same evening that she'd spoken to the others about going along to the Heath the following day. So she couldn't have told him before then, and the little minx must have known all along that Jack had seen him with Dix. …. Which in turn explained his unexpected reaction to the text message … Jack knew just who he'd been thinking of meeting up with here tonight, and was jealous. So, again, where was the 'casual' part coming in to all of this?
As for turning up on the Sunday … he'd deliberately not mentioned to Jack that he'd seen him propped up against a tree that afternoon, and Ellie, herself, was under strict instructions not to mention anything either; Jack's punishment for that little piece of undercover work was going to be dealt with in spectacular fashion tomorrow.
The fact that he'd been spying on him the night before that, though, was still bugging him. And as for this barely disguised attempt at keeping an eye on him, tonight? Well, right now it felt like his privacy was being invaded. Okay, most people would give their right arm to be stalked by somebody that looked like Jack, but there was no way he was going to spend every day from now on wondering if he was being spied on every time he left the apartment, or being afraid to talk to other guys 'just in case' Jack might be watching.
He could feel that destructive side of his anger threatening to boil its way up to the surface again and quickly came to a decision. He'd let this one ride for a while, he'd only just gotten this far with the man, so he wasn't prepared to let it all go just yet. But they still had some issues to sort through though, that much was obvious. But not tonight ….. and definitely not with an audience.
"Jack?" He was tempted to go with being understanding and forgiving, but deep down he knew he had to let him know that he'd fucked up with this, and even more than that … he'd pissed him off big time.
"Yeah?"
He could already hear the wariness in Jack's voice; it was starting to sound as if he'd given up hope, and he was no doubt already assuming that he'd blown everything again.
Despite the urge to reassure him that they were still okay, he finally decided to go with what he knew he had to do. "Look, just do me this one favour tonight, will you? I can't be dealing with you right now … so, fuck off ….. before I say something we might both regret."
Jack's silence was painful to hear, but, and although he knew it would be a futile exercise, he still gave in to temptation and began to vent anyway. "I can't fucking believe you came here last week. You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know, and I'm really sorry. Please, don't let this fuck everything up, I'll make it up to you … somehow."
He waited for a response from Ianto, but none was forthcoming. He'd fucked up, then. …. Great.
Accepting his fate, his voice began to fade. "Okay, I guess I'll just be going then."
"Oi!"
The shout took him by surprise, he'd been expecting that to be the end of the conversation. "Oh, um, yeah?"
"I thought you wanted to know what time for tomorrow?"
"Oh, of course, yeah, sorry, you've thrown me a bit with all of this ….." He tried not to sound too delighted that the option to go with him was still open to him. "…. so, yeah, what was it again?"
Ianto paused deliberately before feeding him. "Two thirty."
"Two? I thought you said f …" Aware that he'd just walked straight into a big Welsh trap, he found himself hoping that a little levity might help his cause. "Hey, that's cheating ….. and nobody loves a smartass, remember?"
"No? Well, guess what? Nobody appreciates being spied on, either. Now just fuck off before I change my mind about everything. And I mean everything."
"Right, okay, gotcha, I'm going … and Yan? I'm so sorry ….. I …."
"Jack, will you just shut the fuck up and go ….." He could tell by the change of timbre in the other man's voice that he'd learnt some sort of a lesson, and more than aware that he hadn't really wanted to react like this himself, he gave him just a little something to take to bed with him. "… I'll see you tomorrow … at four. But Jack?"
"Hmmm?"
"No more checking up on me …. And Jack …."
"Yeah?"
"About tomorrow."
"Yeah?"
"Don't forget your toothbrush ….."
Before the comment had time to sink in the line went dead at Ianto's end.
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As his expression of total shock morphed into a delighted smile, Jack fell back on the sofa and pressing his phone to his lips, he gave it a noisy kiss. In a matter of just seconds he'd been reprimanded, forgiven and then given an invite to spend the night with Ianto at his place.
Folding his arms behind his head and stretching out to rest his feet on the coffee table he couldn't help but chuckle ….. boy, was this one gonna keep him on his toes.
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The last time Jack had glanced at the neon display it had been just after one thirty. Tossing and turning, first under the duvet and then on top of it, with an overactive mind playing out one hopeful scenario after another he'd not managed to drop off even just the once.
It was still hard to believe that after weeks of feeling utterly defeated in his efforts, quite suddenly, Ianto was back in his life again … and it felt amazing.
Even more of a surprise was that he'd already agreed to meet up on a regular basis, and who knew what could come from that? They might be able to make this work; they might not. But for a little while, at least, he'd get to have the pleasure of his company.
As the tune continued to revolve around on replay in the back of his head, his eyelids flickered in an attempt to bring him back into the land of the living. Another moment later it registered that the annoying tune was, in fact, his cheesy ring tone.
Hazily making a note of the fact that he'd been asleep for no more than half an hour and unwilling to move his jaded body any further than was absolutely necessary, he stretched out his right arm and clawed at the edge of his cell with his fingertips.
Stifling a yawn he pressed down once on the answer button and as he brought it up to his ear his delicate drum was assaulted by a very loud Welsh bark. "Jack! Answer yer phone, yer fuckin' bastard! Oh, 'bout time. Where the hell have you been? I've been calling …."
Suddenly finding the impetus required to sit rather than recline, he shot up on the bed with a jolt. "Yan? Where are you? What's wrong?"
He was slurring. Not too badly, but it was enough to tell Jack that he'd had a fair bit to drink since they'd last spoken.
Despite the fact that it was now the early hours of the morning, Ianto being drunk yet again wasn't too much of a concern. But what was promising to become more of a worry was the distant voice of an elderly gentleman, threatening to run somebody off of his property ….. but not before calling the police first.
As Ianto began to speak to him in a more considerate tone, Jack could tell that he was deliberately trying not to sound so drunk, and this only confirmed his suspicions regarding the severity of the situation. "Jack, I appear to be locked in this gennalman's garden, so could you please inform him that I am not a burger."
"A burglar?"
"Exactly! That's just what I thought, 'diculous ….Anyway, he seems to be under this 'pression that I'm some sort of a crininimal."
"Criminal?"
"Jack? Now lizzen …. s'portant …. you need ta wake up and consenate ….. you keep repeatin' everthin' I say."
"Yan, I'm awake and I'm listening, okay? And I'll sort this …. but I need to speak to that guy for a second, so I need you to hand your phone over to him, okay?"
Instantly a gruff voice sounded at the other end. "Who is this? Do you know this young man? I think you should know that he's trespassing on my property and I have every reason to believe he was intending to steal from me."
"Yan? Steal? No, sorry, you've got the wrong guy there, I'm afraid." He'd sort of guessed what the answer to his next question might be, but knew he had to ask it anyway. "Sir, could I just ask what it is he's actually told you?"
The old guy chuffed out a disbelieving laugh. "He tried to feed me some ridiculous cock and bull story about losing something in my garden; claims he was trying to retrieve it. But there's no sign of anything here ….. so it was obviously just a ruse to gain him access to my property."
"Riiiiight. I see. Is he on his own?"
"No, unfortunately not. There's some loud mouth on the other side of my garden wall shouting abusive language, and if he doesn't put a stop to it soon it won't be me calling the police, it'll be my neighbours."
It suddenly dawned on Jack that the noise he'd been trying to ignore in the background was in fact somebody screeching obscenities. "Sir? Yeah, hi, me again. If I was able to tell you specifically what I think my friend might be looking for, would you be prepared to let him look for it and then let him go?"
"You're not actually British, are you? How well do you know this man? Are you qualified to vouch for his character?"
"Absolutely. And I can assure you that all that's happened here tonight, is a case of my friend having a little too much to drink and consequently he's behaving like an idiot. So, if I could just press on here, and hopefully before your neighbours get the chance to intervene … Sir? Would I be correct in assuming that he's looking for a black leather cap?"
"He's been telling me the truth, then?"
"Unfortunately, I'm one hundred per cent certain of it. If you could just let him have a look around your garden that would be great. And in the meantime, if you could let the other man come inside, I'll try to quieten him down for you."
"Very well, but I should call the police simply for the bloody disturbance they're both causing."
"Please, no. No police. The gentleman you are looking at right now is actually a manager within a very up market department store in your area and getting arrested is not going to go down well with his employers. Surely you don't consider having one night on the tiles a reason for losing your job?"
One night on the tiles? Who was he kidding? It was rapidly becoming clear that Ianto was quite fond of these little nights out of his, and even more worrying was that he didn't seem to have a shut off point, well, if he did, he frequently ignored it in favour of getting himself into one unsavoury situation after another ….. and that could prove to be a bit of a problem in the future.
As the seconds continued to tick by, he realised with a heavy heart that there were still several issues regarding Ianto's behaviour that they needed to discuss, and, unfortunately, he could only see that leading to yet another row. Maybe he should keep the conversation light and jokey, he wondered, that way his comments might be taken constructively rather than as an insult. His very next thought involved the words pigs and fly.
The gentleman at the other end, sounding just as weary, sighed heavily before addressing his intruder. "Very well, go ahead; find what it is you're looking for. And you young man …."
Realising that this comment was being directed at him, Jack snapped himself out of it and listened carefully.
"If you would care to wait for just for one minute, I shall bring the other boy in from outside."
There was a muffled, rustling noise followed by muted voices and then, just as he'd been expecting to, Jack found himself bristling at the same cocky voice from earlier on.
"Look, whatever it is you've got to say, I don't care, okay?"
"Trixie!" As if they were old mates, he gushed the name in the same cockney accent back down the line at him.
"Don't get fuckin' clever, Yank; I know it's you. And I also know you know that's not my fuckin' name, so if you're clever, you'll just fuck off back to cowboy country."
"Oh, wow. Like now I'm really fuckin' scared. You got me shakin' in my yee ha boots, here, boy."
With normal play resumed, Jack's regular accent, laden with sarcasm, and with more than just a hint of menace added for good measure, would have told even the dumbest of people not to fuck with him.
Before Dixie could respond, and with his snarl audible as he spoke, Jack quickly got his point across. "Look, kid, just so you know, this old guy is gonna call the police any minute, and if he does, I will hold you personally responsible for what happens to Yan. Now, before that happens, would you care to explain what's going on?"
"What's goin' on? I'll tell ya what's fuckin' goin' on, Rawhide. That Welsh wanker over there lobbed me favourite cap over this blokes wall and now he can't fuckn' find it. That's what's goin' on!"
"I thought, when I phoned earlier, Yan said you were leaving."
"What's that gotta do with anything?"
"Nothing, I guess. I was just under the impression that you'd found what you'd really come out looking for and that you were pissing off to crawl back under that rock where you belong, that's all. Where do you belong by the way? Just in case I need to come find you some day?"
"I ain't gotta tell you shit, Jock."
Jack laughed out loud at the deliberate mispronunciation; the kid was sharper than he sounded. "Touche. Yan told you my name then?" He felt suddenly comforted by the fact.
"Told me? Jesus, I'm sick of hearing it. It's fucking Jack said this and Jack does that and I'm like, okay, alright mate, change the fuckin' record, will ya?"
"Found it!"
As Jack beamed at his end of the line, the jubilant cry sounded from a distance.
"Oh no fuckin' way, man."
As the desperate groan came down the phone at him he couldn't help but feel just a small amount of pleasure over the fact that Trixie sounded completely devastated.
"What the fuck have ya done to me 'at, you stupid Welsh bastard? Do you know how much it fuckin' cost me? Look at it! It's fucked!"
Ianto, beginning to sound not only tired, but also tired of playing the game all of a sudden, seemed quite unrepentant. "S'only fuckin' pond water, s'not gonna kill it, is it?"
Jack chuckled happily to himself as he listened on from the comfort of his warm and cosy bed, but as they continued to argue the toss, and with the Londoner growing rapidly frustrated with the slurring man in front of him, voices gradually started to rise in volume again, so schooling himself, he quickly chose to re-take control of the situation.
"Dixie!" He'd deliberately used his correct name in the hope of getting his full attention, plus he still needed his assistance with Ianto, so it wouldn't pay to upset him even more.
"What? You should see what he's fuckin' done to it, it's ruined. The geezer's a fuckin' lunatic. I tell ya what, you can have him, you're welcome to him, mate."
At his end of the line Jack was looking just the teensiest bit amazed. So, he was letting him have him, was he? Hell-oho, reality check, pal. Ianto was already his to start with!
He deliberately refused to respond out loud and when he did speak again he made an effort to keep his voice level. "Look, dude, I'm really sorry about your cap, and I'm sure that Yan will give you the money to get a new one. But in the meantime, for his sake, not mine, you understand, I need you to do me a favour. Could you get him out of that garden, sit him down somewhere out on the sidewalk … and then go home … just leave him for me to deal with, yeah?
"You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's the best fuckin' suggestion I've heard all night. I mean, don't get me wrong, he fucks like an absolute maniac on a mission, but that's what worries me; he might actually be one. The geezer's a fruit loop; a nut case and so, as suggested, I'm outta here ….. so good luck with him, mate."
Although he was experiencing a certain amount of jubilation, Jack's laugh was quiet as he pointed out, what to him, was something really obvious. "Dixie, trust me, if you really think those things about him, then you haven't met the real Ianto, which I can only say … makes me as happy as hell."
"Yeah? Well the pair of you are welcome to each other. Now hang on a tic while I get him outside and then I'll pass the phone back to him, okay?"
"Yeah ….. and thanks for this, fella."
"Yeah, well, like I said, he's a maniac and, in my book, anybody that can fuck like that deserves a little bit of respect …. even if they are completely bonkers."
It was a bittersweet moment for Jack, on one hand he'd just been given a tempting little insight of what he could expect to experience with Ianto, yet on the other, it still hurt like fuck that this other guy had managed to indulge in those delights with him first. But, even now, it wasn't the issue of them simply fucking that was his problem, it was that intimate moment they'd shared before the event that was still eating away at him.
Then it hit him. At last, it was gonna happen, with him, tonight. But what if Yan came away thinking he was a shit lay? What if he was so nervous that he couldn't get it up? What if they both felt so awkward that they both sat there all night with their limp dicks safely tucked away? Or …. looking at it from a different angle, what if it turned out to be the best fuck of their entire lives? There was always the danger that anything after that would seem an anti-climax.
As the sound of squabbling and Ianto protesting sounded down the line he finally decided that … fuck it … any kind of climax with him would be better than none at all, so what the hell was he worrying for?
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"Jack? He's juss walk off and left me onner groun. Jack? I don unnerstan. Why'm I on m'own? And why've I gotta sit onner groun?"
"Listen, I need you stay right where you are buddy. Hey! Ianto, are you listening to me? I need you to listen, Yan 'cause I'm gonna hang up in a sec; I need to get hold of Els. Now, where are you, exactly?"
"Zactly? Not a fuckin' clue….."
"Okay, not helpful. What about street signs. What's the name of the road?"
"Nnnnnope. No signs."
"Brilliant."
"Yep, this street … has no fuckin' name ….. how fucking stupid is zat?" He paused before taking a breath and as he suddenly broke into song the rounded Celtic tones echoed loud and clear all around him. "Where da streets aff no-oh naaaame. Where da streets aff no-oh naaaaaaaaame. We're still buildin' den burnin' down …"
"Yan! Shhh! Stop singing."
"But I don wanna stop zinging."
"Okay, but sing quietly." His eyes already watering from laughing at the first performance, his heart melted instantly as he heard the softness of the next; it was gentle, like a child singing secretly to itself.
"I'm onner road to nowhere …come onnnnnside…."
"Yan?"
"Yeah?"
"That's really nice. You keep singing like that while I phone Els to come get you, okay?"
"Okay … I'm onner road to nowhere. ….."
Shaking his head and trying to decide if he'd ever heard anything so sweet in his life before, Jack forced himself to hang up and as he scrolled through his list of contacts he made his way down to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water.
He could just imagine the response he'd get if he dared to tell Ianto he was sweet. Oh, but how he wished he could see him sitting there right now, all alone, singing quietly to himself. No, on second thoughts, he didn't want to envisage it, he wanted to be there with him, putting his arm around his shoulders and singing along with him; they could go on that road to nowhere together, just the two of them …. then when they eventually got there he'd slap the frustrating son of a bitch, very hard, for being such an idiot tonight.
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Ellie opened her eyes, groaning, then squeezed them tightly again before lifting her head from the pillow and opening them again.
"Poxy phone. This'd better be important. And if it's Jones he can kiss my arse; that boy is all out of favours from me."
She checked her mobile and in a split second answered it. "What's wrong? Jack? Where is he? What's happened to him?" So much for the bastard kissing her arse, then.
Her heart thumped painfully as she listened to the reassuring American tones at the other end. "Hey, it's okay, hun, take it easy; he's fine."
She let out a long sigh of relief. "Where is he?"
"Well, that's just it, you see, I don't know …and neither does he. I think you're gonna have to call him and get him to describe where he is to you."
"Oh shit. So where are you, babe?"
"Well, I was asleep in my bed until I got a call about half hour ago."
"Jack? Do you know where he's been?"
He could hear the hesitancy in her voice. "Yep."
"And did he mention who he was meeting?"
"I kinda guessed. So much for the one nighter, eh? Did you go with him?"
"No, I didn't." She was sulking over something; he could hear it in her voice. "I tried to persuade him not to go, but he's such an obstinate bastard. I told him he was being an idiot and that he was going to end up ruining everything."
"And what did he say to that?"
"He told me not to involve myself in things that I didn't understand. Can you believe that? How long have I known him, Jack? I do fucking understand how these things work between you guys, but I remembered how you reacted last week and ….."
"Hey, it's okay, shhh, Els, don't worry. I'm sure if I'd let on that I knew the guy and wasn't happy about him seeing him again, then maybe he wouldn't have made such an effort to meet him tonight. And if it came to it, he could've just left the cap with a barman or something. But I didn't tell him how I felt, Els, so he has nothing to answer for, okay?"
"He doesn't deserve you ….."
"Yes. He does. And as far as I'm concerned he can have me for as long as he wants me."
"You know, he's had me hooked like that for years." She gave a deep sigh. "But he is just so frustrating sometimes. He makes me wanna scream."
Jack's sudden burst of laughter suggested he was in total agreement with her. "Yeah, you, me both."
She laughed quietly with him then fell silent as something particularly nasty occurred to her. "Is he still with …?"
"Trixie? Nah, I sent him on his way ….. after I'd stopped the old guy whose garden they were standing in from calling the cops, of course."
"Please don't tell me he got violent."
"No, we were lucky tonight, he only made it as far as the happy stage. In fact, when I rang off a moment ago, I left him sitting on the sidewalk singing Talking Heads to himself."
"Psycho Killer?"
"No …" He chuckled loudly at the appropriate suggestion. "….. Road To Nowhere."
"Oh …." She sounded genuinely shocked. "You do surprise me."
Whilst the Welshman was presumably still sitting there waiting to be rescued, they both had a good old laugh at his expense and gradually calming down with a sigh Ellie decided that maybe she should show a little leniency after all. "Right, I'd better give him a ring; see if I can get some sense out of him, but I've got a funny feeling I'm gonna have to ask one of the guys to go out and pick him up."
A soft breath of amusement sounded down the line. "Well, isn't he going to be Mr Popular tonight."
"Isn't he always?" She conceded quietly, her mind elsewhere as she considered who would react best to being woken at this time of the morning.
As she finally rounded off the conversation, her big smile reflected in her voice. "Okay, you gorgeous hunk of American-ness, I'll call you back when I know something, okay?"
"Is that actually a word?"
"What, okay? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. Speak soon, blue eyes. Mwah."
Jack blew a kiss back down the phone at her and as the line went dead he fell back against the cushions with a weary groan.
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It wasn't until he opened his eyes, just under an hour later, that he realised he'd nodded off again and in what was becoming something of a habit this evening, he answered his cell.
"Hey, sweets." He tried to sound as alert as possible as he took the call. "Please tell me you've found him."
"Yeah …." It was a relieved sigh he was hearing rather than a happy one. "Larry's just dropped him off here at mine, I'm just making him a coffee, do you want one?"
"Yeah, that'd be great thanks, two sugars." As she started to giggle he tutted down the phone at her. "Crazy woman."
"You know, you might joke about it, but I'm not so sure that isn't actually the case …. and give it half an hour, when I've locked that Welsh muppet in the spare room, there's a very good chance that he's going to think I'm crazy as well."
Not for the first time whilst talking to her this evening, Jack burst into spontaneous laughter and with his sighs pitching down tone by tone as he calmed himself again he looked for some confirmation that he'd correctly understood her intentions. "You're keeping him prisoner? He's gonna love that."
"Don't care, he should have listened to me in the first place. The tosser's a raving lunatic; he deserves to be locked up. Okay, I'd better shut up now; he's just coming down from the loo."
"So where did Larry find him, then?"
"About six streets away from the club ….. and get this ….. he was still singing."
"Oh, you gotta love the guy. Is he there yet? Can I speak to him?"
"Yep." She agreed. "You most definitely have. And, yep, here you go, babe, I'll pass you over and I'll see you and your cute ass later on today."
"Are you hitting on me, woman?"
"And incur the wrath of Genghis Jones? Not bloody likely, here you go; he's all yours."
A deep and vaguely Welsh grunt sounded down the line.
Jack ignored it. "Hey …." It might only have been an animalistic noise but it was still good to hear him again. "….. how ya doin'?"
"I take it you mean aside from feeling a class A prat?"
Jack's face opened in a show of pity. Having sobered up somewhat and now aware of what he'd just put everybody through, the poor guy sounded so dejected.
He was sorely tempted to just hang up, right there and then, and find an all-night cab rank so that he could make his way over to him and give him the cuddle that he now deserved. "Hey, nobody's calling you a prat …" And he wasn't. …. But he was going to call him much worse than that the next time he saw him.
"Well, they should." Ianto was insisting. "I'm sorry I disturbed you earlier …. I'm such a wanker."
"Hey, as somebody pointed out to me just a few hours ago, what you get up to in your own time is your business. And if jerking off is your thing, then …."
A deep sigh interrupted his moment of joviality. "Jack, don't joke about this, I'm so sick of fucking everything up all the time."
"And, I won't lie to you, I'm growing tired of you getting yourself into these situations all the time, but it's not the end of the world, we just need to sit down later tonight and have another little chat about things. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for fucking up your night as well; I should have been honest about Trixie from the off and then maybe I wouldn't have found myself in a position where I was governed by jealousy rather than logic."
"Okay, rewind just a little there, for me…. did I just hear you actually 'admit' that you were jealous?"
"Yeah ….."
"Hmm. Thought so. That's something else we need to discuss, by the way. And just so I know I'm definitely not mishearing everything tonight, did you just say Trixie?"
"Trixie suits him better, the little ass-wipe. I can't believe that runt got a taste before me."
"Aah, might this be a nasty case of the naughty 'J' word again, Jack?"
"Quite possibly. Look I'll see you this afternoon, gotta go byeeeeee."
As the line went dead Ianto was still yelling …. "And don't forget your fucking toothbrush!"
Ellie was placing a mug in front of him. As she slowly sat down on the opposite side of the table the brow above her right eye was lifting higher and higher.
He shrugged over at her. "So? I want him to stay, nothing wrong with that, is there? He's fun, he makes me laugh and we talk all the time; we get on really well."
She sat, elbows braced on the table and peering over the top of her mug at him. "And…?" She knew there had to be more to come, this was Ianto Jones; if an evening spent in the company of another guy didn't involve sex, he vary rarely wanted to know about it.
He thought about it for a second, stared at his coffee, stared at her, focussed on the far corner of the room, then with the merest hint of smile tickling at the corners of his cute mouth he finally confirmed her suspicions. "And ….. all good things come to he who waits."
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IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH IJ JH
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tbc