A/N: Sorry it took so long! I started school and everything has been hectic!
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A/N: The title and lyrics are from Taylor Swift's "Begin Again."
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'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did
I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again'
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Well, even after Willow's breakdown, the party was great. Molly seemed to have warned the others not to ask her anything, something she truly appreciated. They made their way through two cakes, (mainly Ron and Willow) both of which Mrs. Weasley made for both boys. Neville was surprised that he had been included, blushing profusely as he thanked Molly over and over again. Afterwards, as Will and Ron complained about stomach aches, they all decided to walk down to the small paddock they used for Quidditch until Neville and Luna had to leave. Ron and Harry had grabbed some brooms from the shed and they each took turns racing from one end to the other.
Willow jumped happily on an old rickety one, going in lazy circles around the field. Hermione and Neville flat refused to get on one; Hermione saying that she didn't feel well and Neville just looked scared out of his mind. Luna got on hers and would just randomly follow the others, making Willow laugh herself silly at the looks Ron would give the blonde as she flew behind him.
One thing seemed apparent to Willow though; when he was in front of the others, Neville seemed even more timid then he had when they were alone. She tried to approach him twice when they were in the field, only to have him look panic stricken before he would open his mouth and nothing would come out, finally flushing red and stumbling away. By the second time, she stalked off, felling more than a little hurt. She thought they had gotten off to a good start earlier but was doubting it now.
Harry saw her sulking near the edge of the trees and walked over, his broom slung over his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Will?"
She peered up at him, a happy grin plastered on his face and his hair windswept. Her eyes darted across the field to Neville, who was standing with Hermione and shook she her head.
"Nothing.. I - I have a stomach ache is all..." She trailed off, looking away. Harry wasn't buying it. He chuckled softly and sat down beside her on the ground, laying his broom beside him.
"And would this 'nothing' have a name, maybe?" He asked softly, watching her eyes dart out over the field once more. She shrugged slightly, wanting to hold onto her disgruntled mood. She knew it was childish, but she was pissed, dammit.
Harry shook his head and elbowed her. "Come on Will, I know your lying. Tell me what's wrong."
She huffed, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. "Nothing.. I just - I just thought that he - he liked me..." She trailed off, going red. She looked at Harry, waiting for him to laugh or smirk, but he sighed and shook his head, reaching his hand up to tuck a few stray hairs behind her ears.
"I think he does Will. You just have to understand something about Neville. He's very shy; almost painfully. And in all the six years that I've known him, your the first girl I've ever seen him get this worked up over."
She shook her head, saying, "Then why is he avoiding me? I mean, we were alone out in the garden for almost an hour for Merlin's sake! I don't get it!"
Harry watched as Neville's eyes found them, narrowing slightly at his and Willow's closeness. He grinned slightly, feeling a bit cheeky. If Willow wanted proof, he would get it for her. He put an arm around her shoulders, scooting closer to her.
"If you want to know if he likes you Willow, then look at the death glare he's giving me right now." He chuckled. She raised her head up, looking at him. With a gasp, she shrugged Harry's arm off. "What if he thinks something's going on between us?!" She squealed, making Harry laugh. He pushed himself up and grabbed his broom.
"I'll explain it to him." He shook his head as she tried to object. "I promise I'll be discrete Will. I'm not Ron you know." He chuckled, making her smile slightly.
"Alright, but don't let on about anything I said okay? I - if he doesn't like me then I don't want him knowing that I kinda like him..." She said, looking uncertain. Harry nodded and walked away before she could change her mind again, heading straight for Neville. He was still glaring at him, even as he came up to him. He looked at Hermione pointedly, nodding his head to tell her to leave them be for a minute. She seemed put out but complied, walking off towards Ron, who was sprawled out on the ground, groaning in pain after Ginny had dive bombed him.
Harry waited until Hermione was out of earshot before he turned back to Neville.
"What's wrong, mate? You look mad." He grinned. Neville rolled his eyes, his arms crossing across his chest.
"Nothing's wrong."
Harry chuckled, making Neville glare at him. "I don't think Willow would like that your calling her nothing, mate. She might get offended." He said. Neville blanched, his eyes going wide.
"I didn't - I never said that!" He exclaimed, ears going pink. Harry gave him a pointed look, making Neville blush even deeper.
"She's my friend, Neville. Just my friend. I swear on everything." Harry said softly, looking over at Willow, who was trying to act like she didn't know they were talking. And badly at that. She kept glancing at them and looking away hurriedly when she thought they had caught her. Neville followed his gaze, his eyes landing on the squirming girl and he smiled.
"I know you like her, Nev."
He began to sputter, his face going red and he backed away from Harry. "I - I -I ... P-please d-don't tell her Harry... S-she'll hate m-me forever..." He whispered, his eyes fearful.
"She won't hate you Neville! She thinks you hate her!" Harry proclaimed. Neville seemed confused, his face screwing up as he tried to think of why she would even think that, when Harry sighed.
"You've been avoiding her, mate. Ever since you both came back from the garden earlier. She thinks you don't like her because you won't talk to her in front of us." He said a little sternly. Neville was a good friend and he didn't want the boy's nerves mucking this up before he even started. He gave another tired sigh as his words hit home, watching Neville blush and look down at his feet.
"I-I wasn't trying to a-avoid her... I just.. I don't want to l-look like an idiot... W-when it was just me and her, it was easier to talk to her. But - but with everyone else around... I know the first time I said something stupid Ron would call me out on it.. A-and I don't want her to think I'm weak or stupid.." He finished in a whisper, his eyes still on the ground.
Harry's eyes flicked over to Ron, who was yelling at Ginny for earlier. He knew that Ron had no tact when it came to other people's feelings and would make for certain that he could make this as awkward as possible for both Willow and Neville.
"I'll talk to Ron. I'll tell him if he tries to take the mickey out of you, I'll have Ginny get him with a Bat-Boogey Hex." Harry told Neville, making the boy look up in surprise.
Harry smiled and looked over to Willow, still sitting near the edge of the field.
"If you really do like her Neville, don't avoid her. No matter what anyone says, the only thing that matters is what she thinks. And if she's this worked up because she thinks you don't like her, then that has to mean something, mate." As he finished, he looked back at the timid boy, a knowing look on his face.
Neville blushed again, but nodded, stumbling away towards Willow, a look of sheer disbelief on his face. Harry chuckled softly and headed to where Ron and Hermione stood watching Ginny fly around.
Ron looked over to Neville's retreating form and started to laugh, walking over and meeting Harry halfway. "So what's going on? Them two decide to try for their cabblets?" He guffawed, as Hermione walked up behind him. She smacked his arm, shaking her head.
"Leave them alone, Ronald!"
Ron laughed even harder, walking off and heading for them, when Harry reached out and grabbed the back of shirt, holding him back.
"Listen to Hermione, mate. Leave them be." He said. Ron scowled, pulling loose.
"I was only going to poke a little fun at them! You getting as bad as 'Mione!" He grumbled. Harry laughed at the indignant look Hermione gave the the ginger, pulling Ron back towards the center of the pitch.
"Ron, how long have we known Neville?" He asked.
Ron scrunched his face up in thought. "Almost six years, I think. Why?"
"Well,"Harry said, "in all those years, have you ever known him to like anyone?"
Ron thought back, seeming stumped as Ginny landed and came over to where they were.
"What's wrong with Ron? He looks constipated."
Harry and Hermione sniggered as Ron smirked, rolling his eyes.
"Harry asked if I knew of anyone Neville has ever liked since we met him and I'm trying to remember."
Ginny shrugged, sitting Indian-style on the ground. "He hasn't." She said matter-of-factly. The other three joined her, looking curious.
"How do you know?" Asked Ron.
She shrugged again. "He told me during the Yule Ball. Said that most girls treat him like dirt and the ones that are nice to him are just being friendly cause they want something. Said the only girls he trusted were me and Hermione. He also said he only asked both of us to the ball was because he just wanted to go." She chuckled, thinking back. "He apologized for an hour afterwards, thinking he had offended me. That's how me and Michael got together; Neville just wanted someone to go with long enough to see what it was like and after that he told me that he was heading up and told me that Michael had been staring at me all night and that I should dance with him." She laughed a little at the memory. "And too," she looked around covertly, trying to see where Luna had went, spotting the blonde near the other end of the field, walking around absently, before she continued,"Luna asked him out last year and he turned her down." She whispered.
Ron laughed, shaking his head. "Of course he did! It was Looney Lovegood for Merlin's sake!"
Ginny gave him a withering look and shook her head. "That's not why he turned her down, Ron. I thought it might have been at first, but when I asked him, he just kinda smiled and said he didn't feel the same about her. He said she's very pretty and nice, but he just wasn't interested."
Harry looked over to Neville and Willow, smiling as he saw them walking the edge of the woods, both red as beets and grinning like fools. "Then tell me; what do you three think of him and Willow?" He asked, gesturing towards the two.
Hermione smiled sweetly. "They look happy together." She whispered, looking back at Harry. Ginny nodded, a matching smile on her face as well.
"Do you know how bad I want to go over there and ask them about the cabblets?" Ron chuckled, looking at Harry pleadingly. Harry laughed, but shook his head. "Just leave them be Ron. Willow is the first girl I have ever seen Neville interested in and I think Willow really likes him too. Give them time to get to know each other and work out their feelings and then you can annoy them. But give them time first, alright?"
Ron gave a reluctant nod, looking over at his cousin and his friend longingly.
"Can I just ask what their going to name the first one?"
The other three burst out laughing and Harry shook his head. "No. And if you can't control yourself, I may have Ginny curse you with the Bat-Boogey Hex." He threatened, an evil grin on his face as Ron sputtered.
"You can't do that! She's vicious!" He yelped, making them laugh even harder.
"Well, leave them alone and I won't have a reason to use it!" Ginny laughed, shaking her wand at Ron.
As they all laughed at the look of pure fear on Ron's face, Harry glanced back over to Willow and Neville. He would try his best to keep Ron from taunting them, but he hoped like crazy that being around Willow might give Neville some backbone.
And hopefully calm Willow down.
She was a bit scary sometimes.
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Willow sat at the window in Fred and George's old room, a sappy grin plastered on her face. She been moved here after her first night; Harry had been in here, but upon her arrival he graciously gave it up, deciding to bunk with Ron and give her the space. And right now she was extremely grateful for that bit if kindness on his part.
If she was sharing a room with anyone, she wouldn't be able to let her mind drift to other things (Neville) and the others might want to talk when her mind was elsewhere ( Neville) and really, it was nice to have a little peace and quite to think ( about Neville). She chuckled softly at her own mind, not even caring if it did seem a bit mad, which made it all the more funnier. Her eyes drifted over the garden, to the small area where she and Neville had talked. She didn't know what Harry had told him that day, but what ever it had been seemed to have gave the boy courage. After he had left Harry, he came over to her, his face red and his hands twitching. When he was right in front of her, he seemed ready to run, but with a look of determination he sat down beside her.
They didn't speak at first. Willow was trying to figure out what she could say that wouldn't make her look like a prat and Neville was fighting the urge to bolt.
But, finally, he spoke first.
"I - I wasn't a-avoiding you... I'm s-sorry it s-seemed that way.." He stuttered out, looking everywhere but at her. Willow smiled, shrugging slightly.
"It's alright. I just - I didn't know if you were mad at me or... If I had done something wrong."
Neville blinked, caught off guard by her answer.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
Willow went pink. "I-I don't know... M-maybe you thought more on who I was a-and didn't want anything to do with me?"
She said it so quietly he almost didn't here her. It had been in the back of her mind, even when she was talking to Harry. She hadn't voiced this fear, afraid she might actually be right. She chanced a peek at Neville, seeing his eyes on her, staring intently.
"You really think I'm that - that shallow? That I would really treat someone like that?" He asked, sounding a little pissed.
She sighed deeply, knowing up she had put her foot in her mouth again.
"I've had people do me like that before.. I - it's just something I have come to expect over the years, so - "
"Just because everyone you knew were ponces, doesn't mean I am." He said, cutting her off. "I don't turn my back on people Willow. I - I've had too many people do me that way." He gave her another hard stare.
A tiny smile played at her lips as his words sunk in. "So your not going to realize how mad I am one day and run away screaming?" She chuckled.
Before, he wouldn't have paid it any mind, but now he heard the small trace of panic behind the words. She wanted him to confirm what he said. As he looked at the girl beside him, he wanted to do something that had never crossed his mind before. He wanted to punch the headmaster right in his face. Just the thought terrified him, but hearing her talk like that made him angry. What had he put her through to make her this fragile?
He turned around to face her and did the first thing that came to his mind, not thinking on it because if he did he would be too scared. He reached out and grabbed both her hands, holding them and looking her straight in the eye.
"I promise you that I won't. I'll stick by you. I'm not like the others that turned their backs on you, alright? It's their loss and my gain." He blushed at the end, realizing what his words sounded like. But Willow smiled tremendously and squeezed his hands.
"S-so we're friends?"
She said it with such hopefulness that it filled him with sorrow. The only other person who ever made him feel that way was Luna. How these two wonderful girls were ever friendless was a mystery to him.
"Yeah. As long as you want me as your friend, I'd be happy to oblige." He chuckled, watching pure happiness spread over her face. She jumped up, pulling him with her. She let go of his hand and turned around, walking backwards.
"Let's walk for a bit. I'm tired of sitting." She said, smiling.
From there, they talked some more. And when Augusta called him back to the house, they made plans to keep in touch until the start of term.
Which is technically what Willow was supposed to be doing as she sat and daydreamed. It had been over two weeks and they had been writing one another ever since. But she couldn't get her mind to focus on his letter. It seemed to her that with every one he sent, she began to fall for him a little more. And it scared her. His letters were so sweet. He seemed a bit braver in words than in person, though. Every letter held some sort of compliment, something to make her feel all giddy inside. A stack of parchment on the desk over from her were his once rolled up responses, straight and unfurled now, due to the fact that she would read them every night before bed.
But in the middle of all these feelings he gave her sat the one feeling she tried to block out. Every day it tried to work it's way up and she would push it back, not wanting to deal with it just yet.
Pure, mind-numbing fear.
It was creeping upon her like a thief in the night; her dreams were haunted by Roger's eyes and his sadistic smile as he took her innocence over and over again. But the dream Roger would sometimes morph into Neville, causing her to wake up in terror, holding her self as she cried quietly on her bed. Sleep evaded her more often than not most nights. She didn't want another nightmare where Roger was replaced by an even crueler Neville, his brown eyes gleaming malovently as he abused her over and over again.
The logical side of her brain tried to reason with her that she needed to talk about her fears, to get all of it off her chest. The longer she held in the fear, the more it would torment her. But she didn't know who she could talk to. She knew that Molly would listen, but she could handle the looks of pity that would follow. She didn't know Harry and the others well enough yet to spill her fears, and too, she didn't want them thinking she was crazy.
As she sat tapping her nails on the table before her, she let her mind wander. A fleeting thought of Sirius came to her, making her chest tighten. She needed him more than she ever did right now.
Not wanting to dwell on the what if, she leaned out the open window, breathing in the warm, perfumed air of the countryside. She would just have to find another way to deal with all of it.
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She was interrupted a few hours later by Hermione and Ginny, the latter bursting into her room with a giant grin on her face, bounding across the space happily as Hermione came in grinning.
"What's got you so happy?" Willow asked, giggling at the red-heads antics.
Ginny plopped down on the bed, causing the springs to creak. She handed over a thick envelope, which Willow took, glancing at the front. It was addressed to to her from from Hogwarts. She ripped it open to revel a list of all the books she would need for this year and a list of supplies she needed. As she tucked it back into the envelope, she looked at Ginny questioningly.
"It's just my supply list. What made you so happy?" She laughed out. Ginny rolled her eyes.
"Because Mum said we're going to Diagon Alley this Monday and she wanted to know if you wanted to invite Neville along. Augusta told her that she hadn't taken Neville to get his supplies yet and Mum thought you might like the idea." She said with a sly grin.
Willow floundered for an answer. She blushed about four shades of red as Hermione and Ginny laughed. "Um... Yeah... I'll just- I'll just write him and asked.." She fumbled, grabbing the parchment she was supposed to be writing his letter on and scribbling a quick note.
'Neville,
We're going to be going to Diagon Alley this Monday coming and I was wondering, if you haven't went yet, would you like to come with us? We could meet up at The Leaky Cauldron -'
She looked up at Ginny. "What time will we be there?"
"Around noon Mum said."
'- around noon if you want. Send a reply as soon as you can so Molly and Augusta can make plans. My normal letter will follow this one soon.
Yours,
Willow'
She rolled it up and tied some packing twine around it securely. She bit her lip, turning to the other two.
"Do you think Harry would let me borrow Hedwig again?"
Hermione rolled her eyes and took the scroll. "Of course he will."
Willow gave a shrug before smiling sheepishly. "I know I need to get an owl. I never really had a use for them before now." She said with a blush that caused the other two to giggle. "When I wrote to anyone at the Academy, I always used the school owls."
She tapped her quill thoughtfully on her hand, splattering ink. "I think I might buy me one when we go do our shopping. Do they have any owl shops there?"
Hermione and Ginny looked confused. "Of course they do. Surely you knew that?" Hermione asked.
Willow shook her head, seeming nonplussed. "No, I've never been to Diagon Alley before." She said simply.
"But - but how did you get your books? And your wand?" Hermione asked, taken aback.
Willow shrugged. "My books and supplies were always shipped to me and when it was time for me to get my wand, Albus had Ollivander come to the castle with a large selection of wands. Thought he was going to have to go back for more," she laughed, thinking back, "because I didn't find a match until the second to last one." She pulled her wand out for them to see.
"9 1/2 inches, cedar with dragonheart strings. The old man just laughed when we matched and when I asked him what was so funny, he just said he pitied anyone that got on my bad side."
Ginny looked at her confused. "Why? What's that to do with cedar?"
Hermione answered before Willow could.
"A cedar wand finds its ideal match with that of a wizard or witch with strength of character and unusual loyalty, along with perspicacity and perception. A cedar wand owner is not one to cross, especially if harm has come to those they are fond of, and are capable of being a frightening adversary, and is not one you should carelessly challenge." She explained in a single breath.
"Spoken word for word from "Wands and Their Owners." Willow chuckled, making Hermione blush. "How the hell do you remember stuff like that?"
"But what does all that mean? In simple terms, 'Mione." Ginny laughed.
"It means that we know now that Willow has a bit of a temper, especially if one of her friends or loved ones is hurt. I wonder if that's why you reacted so violently to Roger?" She thought out loud. She looked up at the pained expression on Willow's face and and paled.
"I'm sorry! I - I didn't mean to - to bring him up... I was just wondering is all..." She muttered.
Willow gave a tiny smile, shaking her head. "It's alright Hermione. But yeah, I think that's what causes some of my more severe reactions. The scary part is, is that I was the only one being threatened. I really don't know what to expect if some tried to hurt my friends. I've - I've never really had any before to be able to see what would happen." She whispered the last part, half embarrassed to admit it. Hermione and Ginny looked at one another with sympathetic looks. They had figured as much from what she had told them about her earlier life.
Not wanting a pity party, Willow pushed her shoulders back and tried to lighten the mood. "At least now I sort of understand why I pretty good at spell work, though. Most of my Mum's spells I've tried, I got after the second casting." She said proudly. Since receiving the books, she had only made her way through two out of the eight her mother had left her. Hermione's ears perked at this.
"What spells?"
Willow grinned and reached over to the desk, retrieving a thick volume. "These. My mum started making her own spells in her third year and wrote all of them in these books." She explained. Hermione's eyes went wide and she seemed to fidget.
"Could I - ? I mean, I know they ere your mums, but - ?" She asked, looking hopeful. Willow laughed and handed it over. If anyone would take care of the book, it would definitely be Hermione.
"Yeah, you can read it. There's some good ones in there that I've tried already." She said as Hermione dove into the book. Ginny shook her head and took the scroll out of Hermione's hands, the brunette not even noticing.
"I'll take this to Harry. Get back to writing your letter." She wagged her brow and grinned at Willow as she went out the door, leaving Hermione setting on the bed. Willow just laughed, shaking her head as she turned back to the parchment.
It felt good to have friends.