Hi tis me !
Does anyone read these?
DUCK GIBBON PIGEON LICK!
BANANA ! BANANA ! BANANA ! BANANA !
Anyways, have been busy, in college now, etc and totally obbsessed with the best show ever DEXTER OMGGGGG sexy mofo!
Anyways, short chapter...next chapter is the BIG GIG...only 2 CHAPTERS LEFT after this !
Squee!
read and review or I will HUNT YOU DOWN !
~L~ -haha that looks like a person !
yours (in a strictly non-lesbiany way),
xoxox,
ps Add me on FB ! Gr!
Laurannnnnnnnnnnnnn
Thursday,February 1st
11am
Holy Hell I've overslept.
And then some.
Mad rush to comb hair, find my beret, etc before I remember it's a bank holiday.
Jas is having a sleepover but I don't think I'll go.
She invited everyone...even Emma and of course she'll bring Dave.
Besides,I'm not in much of a party mood.
2 Minutes Later
And I think killing Emma may put off the party mood.
2 Minutes Later
Ish.
Teatime
Over a lovely tea of, erm, nothing, Mum said "We're putting Angus on a diet. We even bought a bag of special cat food."
I said "Fat chance. Literally."
8pm,Bed
Oooooh,I am soo bored.
Did literally nothing all day and NO ONE has rang.
I actually found myself in my room, doing my homework.
I have literally become Mrs. Nobby No-Mates.
My new address is:
Mrs. Nobby No-Mates, in Widowshire.
Pooooo.
And no one has rung, even just to say "Haha you have no snogging partner"
25 Minutes Later
Well, hang on,someone DID ring today, all day. But every time I answered they did stereo hanging-up.
Hmmmm.
It was probably one of Mutti's daft mates or her aerobics instructor for phone-sex.
ERLACK ERLACK NO GET OUT OF MY HEAD !
Midnight
Woke by Vati yelling 'This is it! This is IT !
And Mum saying 'Bob, put the knife down."
Has Vati finally snapped and will have to go to a vatihome?
4 Minutes Later
Angus has ate the whole bag of special diet cat food then did a big poo in Vati's slippers!
Happy days and night, night.
Friday,February 2nd
7:39am
Woke suddenly.
Libby was about 2 inches from my face. No easy feat with a nose 5 foot long (shut up brain).
Libby grinned and gave me a big kiss "I LOBES you my ginger."
Aw, she is so sweet, I really do love her-and then she it was a real knee-trembler.
I pushed her off of me and went down to find Mum .She was in the kitchen cooking soldiers in a see-through nightie.
I ignored it, though, and said "For anyone that cares, I think Libby's arse has imploded."
Vati put down his paper "Don't bloody curse."
Which I thought was vair funny but I didn't say so.
Vati was in a vair bad mood. I guess eating all his special cat food had made Angus sick and he took a big poo in Vati's slippers. Vati was doing relentless moaning.
"They are going to smell for at least a week."
God, on and on.
I said helpfully "You could bathe them in bleach."
Vati looked at me "I meant my feet."
I said "Yes, well, so did I" and Mutti sent me to my room.
Incredible!
Before I slammed my door for emphathisosity (try and say THAT three times fast!) I yelled down the stairs "Yes, I will go to my room !And do you know what I will be doing in there?
Nothing because there is nothing to ever DO here in this bloody house!"
And Mum shouted "Oh shut up !"
11am
I am so restless.
I can't even cleanse, moisturize, and tone.
My Room, Teatime
Jas FINALLY came by.
"The party was sooo much fun last night."
"Huh."
"Mabs forgot her jimjams so she wore my sleeping bag and her knickers only."
"That's great, I am glad you have a lesbian mate."
Jas looked at me. "What's wrong? Oh,GOD, now what have you done?"
I looked at her "Nothing, actually ,Robbie was the one who snogged ME."
Jas went agog.
"Tell me EVERYTHING."
I told her then she used the phone to call everyone round for an emergency Ace Gang meeting.
30 Minutes Later
Told everyone about Robbie snogging me.
Rosie said 'Oh wow, like...wow."
She must be taking a book out of Ellen's, erm, book, and it is called "How To Be A Stuttering Div."
Jools said "What are you going to do, then?"
"I don't know. The gravity of this all is freaking me out. I haven't even got lippy on."
Everyone was going "Oh, poor Gee' but then Jas had to say: "Georgia, gravity can not be blamed for people falling in love".
Good grief.
Do you see what I am dealing with here?
I am surrounded by le idiots.
Or do I mean les idiotes?
Or do I even care?
Jas said "What about the gig then?"
I looked at her blankly "What?"
" Next Friday."
"And the Wedding from Hell on the 14th."
Oh, Bloody Hell.
Everyone was looking at me like I was a, erm, looking-at thing.
To cover my nervosity I stood and said "I'll grab some snacksies" and practically broke my neck running down stairs.
Kitchen
Opened the cabinet for the usual -pop tarts with maybe a hint of moldy cheese-and there were containers in it.
All labeled, in knitted container covers.
Drawers- same.
Fridge- same.
And what's more, there was FOOD in them !
Mum came in as pulled out sticky buns.
"Where did this food come from and why does it have knitted cozies? Did someone die? Was it Granddad?" I said hopefully.
Mum tutted "Don't be so bloody rude, it's your Granddad and Maisie's anni present to Bob and me."
When is your anniversary?"
"Friday. Do you want to see what I made for your Dad?"
"Well, actually Mum-" but Mum wouldn't hear it. She practically ripped my arm off, dragging me to the basement.
I said 'This doesn't have anything to do with leather or bondage does it?"
Mum went "No, but now that you mention it.."
But then she saw my face and laughed "NO, I paid Jem to make -"
I covered my ears with my hands "LALALA"
Mum gave me the Evils so I moved my hands "- a cooking bar with built in wine-rack and wine cooler!"
Oh, good, just what they need, another excuse to get drunk.
Mum was vair excited about it, though. She was all flushed and red, opening me cabinets and showing me things (ooer).
She is going to be vair disappointed when she sees what Vati got her- one of those shoe organizer things that hang on the back of a closet.
"Erm, I hope you didn't spend to much money."
"Don't be stupid, of course I did. And when your dad gets the bill he will feel so guilty he HAS to be me something MORE expensive. I know how men work, Gee."
And she gave a nasty laugh.
I was just going to say "And how IS that, Mum? "
"They are mummy boys who wanted to be treated like children,simple really."
When I heard Vati shout.
"Bloody bollocking bugger!"
I looked at Mum "Does he use that mouth to kiss his Mummy?"
Loo
Libby has flushed the keys to Dad's clown car down the loo!
Brilliant !
I will have to buy her a special prize, for her geniosity !
Dad was taking apart the toilet when we got there.
I looked at Mum but she just shrugged.
"Erm, Dad shouldn't you call a plumber?"
He got all shirty "It isn't rocket science, Georgia."
Later,My Room
The girls've gone.
We've decided we'll just play it 'cool' at the gig and depending on what happens there whether I'll go to the Wedding From Hell (aka Robbie's unholy matrimony with the Prize Slime herself).
I said "OK, everyone agreed?"
Everyone did that maddening nodding thing...except Jas
"Well,see it's his brother..and I know the family really really good..and..."
I just stared at her til she rambled into quiet.
'You are officially an UN-Member of the Ace Gang."
"But, I -like-"
"How can you go like that? When my miserosity hangs in the air?"
"Well-l-like-"
"You are not my bestie matie any more, BackStabber McBackstab!"
"But-I 've known the family longer than you've ever DATED anyone with OUT snoging someone else! And besides, you're just going because you think you can mess it up 'cause secretly you're jealous of Lindsay!"
That's when I kicked Jas.
Bed
I'm never going to sleep again.
2 Hours Later
What on Earth am I going to wear to the Wedding From Hell?
Something to make Robbie he really loves ME, for sure.
Hmmmmzzzzzzz...
2am
Woke up straight.
Why?
It's blacky black out. Vair freaky.
You can't see a thing.
I thought I saw someone standing by the lamppost on the corner but it was only a shadow.
I closed my curtains just, you know, in case anyways.
2 Seconds Later
I wonder what Dave is doing?
45 Minutes Later
Less than a week til the gig.
Shall I go?
Oh, baby Jesus, pleaseee give a sign !
1 Hour Later
Bugger it, I've to piddle.
Tuesday,February 6th
School
I have decided to forgive Jas, but only because we were forcred to work together in English.
We are studying herma-whatsits..you know,like Greek tragedies and so on.
Miss Wilson said 'Can anyone give me an example?'
I said 'I'll tell you a tragedy,having to learn this stuff."
Jas went into Teachers' Bumoley Kisser Mode "An injury committed in ignorance (when the person affected or the results are not what the agent supposed they were). In tragedy, hamartia is often described as a hero's fatal flaw),and covers a broad spectrum that includes ignorant, mistaken, or accidental wrongdoing, as well as deliberate iniquity, error, or sin."
I leaned over "Hey,Jas-how does it taste?"
What?"
"Miss Wilson's bum holio?"
Jas changed places with Ellen so now I'm stuck with Rosie.
Fab.
Wednesday,February 7th
On way to school.
Jas STILL isn't talking to me.
I waited at her gate for about 10 minutes before her Mum came out and said "Oh, she's already left with Tom about 20 minutes ago,Love."
Health
Learning about pimples and monthly...things.
I sat about 2 centimetres behind Jas but she still is ignoring me.
I even passed her zillions of notes but she just crumples them up with out reading them
Huh.
I will NOT let her get to me.
I don't even remember why I'm not talking to her.
35 Minutes Later
Oh, yeah,i remember..bloody backstabbing git...
But still
I do (and don't tell anyone) sort of miss talking to Jas...
Jas raised her hand "Is it normal to have pimples on your bum?"
I said "Have to tried a face mask?"
"I don't have any spots on my face."
I fell to my knees "She speaks!" but she didn't think it was funny as such.
"I meant for your bum."
"Won't that be a bit...squidgee feeling?"
Break
It's nice being mateymates again. Especially as I have no place to do my pre-gig preparations.
I stilll haven't broke the gig to Mutti and Vati yet.
I went in the living room to tell them,yesterday,and Mutti was vair red-faced and sitting in Vati's lap.
Erlack erlack erlack.
I had to do deep mediation yoga to get THAT image out of my head.
Thursday,February 8th
Teatime
Went down stairs to soften Mum and Vati up for the gig.
I even wore my snuggly Teletubbies pajamas for ultra loveblenosity.
"Mum...Vati?"
"No."
"But I didn't even say anything!"
"I know it will involve squids jumping from pocket to your handbag (I mentally heard Dave say 'Handbag Homosexualist" shutupmentalDave) so No."
"Well, no Vati,actually, I have a bit of pocket money."
Actually, I nicked it from Mum's purse yesterday when she was cleaning Libby off in the loo, but I didn't say that.
"And how do you plan to get to -where ever?"
"The gig ? Oh Jools' Vati-erm, dad is giving us a ride."
Mutti and Vati looked at each other, then at me...this can't be good.
Mum said 'When did you become so responsible?"
'Why are you so full of supsiciousnosity? I've always been you've just been to busy sn-erm, working to notise."
Mum went 'Uhuh..well, we'll talk about it.".
My Room
Listened in for a bit at the top of the stairs but all I heard was squelching noises.
Eurghhhh.
2 Minutes Later
Maybe that will make Mum happy and she'll be bound to say yes?
14 Minutes Later
No, never mind, if Vati is anything to go by...
Bugger.
10pm
Drifting off to BoBo Land when Mutti tapped at the door "Gee? You awake?"
I pulled the duvet over my head "No"
"Well,I GUESS I can't tell you that you may go to the gig tomorrow."
I shot out of bed "I can?"
"Yes,and you can even stay over an extra night if you'd like, it's our anniversary and all..' and she giggled.
EUUUUGH
But musn't think about that now..
I'm goin to the gig !
2 Minutes Later
What in the name of Buddha's commodious knickers am I going to wear?
Friday,February 9th
Friday,February 9th
7am
Up at 7am, on a Bank Holiday, no less ! I must be more disturbed than I thought (shut up brain).
Tonight is the Big Gig of a Lifetime and I am sooooooooooooooo beyond nervy !
I got up at 7am on a WEEKEND(ish) for Buddha's sake !
3 Minutes Later
Went down to find a bit of...erm, anything to eat.
Mum saw me and pretended to faint in shock.
I ignored her though and looked for some nutritious nummy Poptarts.
She leaned against the counter and said "So tonight's the big gig huh?"
Her nungas-nungas was very nearly resting on the jelly jar, 2 feet away, urrrgg.
"What are you going to wear?"
Maybe if I ignore her she'll get the idea and GO AWAY.
"Your dad took me dancing once, at midnight on the pier. It was so beautiful, the moon was out and all the stars. It was breathtaking."
I pointedly said nothing ( no easy task -YOU try it someday!) but she still didn't get it.
"And we made love in the sand, under a dock. Well, until the crabs crawled up Bob's swim shorts. You could hear him screaming for miles. "
OH MY GOD
"They literally used shell crackers on the crabs to get them off"
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD My ears have been subjected to porn !
"And it took me literally 3 weeks to get sand out of all my various cracks."
That was too much -I threw my hands over my ears "OH MY GOD MUM THAT IS DISGUSTING."
She just laughed.
I am going back to bed.
15 Minutes Later
Fat chance, and I mean that literally.
Uncle Eddie is here for 'repairs', meaning someone will hammer their thumb, or fall off the roof, then they will spend rest of the day on the couch, drinking beer and farting.
Maybe I can do my pre-gig preparations at Jas' house.
4 Minutes Later
Rang Jas but she had selfishly gone out on a ramble with Tom.
And I was prepared to accept her apology for being a backstabber.
Hm...
I can't do it at Rosie's because Sven will be there and I won't to look normal, not furry and fish-scented.
2 Minutes Later
And I can't do my pre-gig list at Ellen's, she'd dither me to a nervy b.
Last time we went to Costa's she dithered so much it took her 10 minutes to ask them if they were open.
And she had walked in to the front counter to ask them.
My Room
Went down to call Mabs but Dad and Uncle Eddie were already on the phone ordering pizza.
I said "Already fell off the roof then, Dad?"
"No, DIY's tomorrow. There's a Godzilla marathon on today!"
And then they did some weird pantomime. I think they were trying to be dinosaurs.
Please, God, don't let that be hereditary.
3 Minutes Later
Well, it must be, if you look at Granddad (I try not to).
24 Minutes Later
Maybe it will skip a generation. You know, go for two generations, skip one, go for two? Look at Libby -she is as mad as a hatter.
9am
Jas finally rang!
And what's more she said I could do pre-gig preparations at hers but ONLY if I listen to her and Tom's problems.
I only said yes because Dad and Uncle Eddie are driving me mad, going round the house saying stuff, and then when they are done, they still move their mouths then they laugh
hysterically and do that hand-slapping thing boys do.
Completely barmy.
Jas' House, Jas' Room
Told Jas what Dad and Uncle Eddie were doing and Tom (why is he ALWAYS there?) said "Oh yeah ! Godzilla- attacking the city!" then he did the mouth thing and laughed hysterically.
Jas and I just sat there looking at him.
I have said it before and I say it again -I'll never understand boys.
Dave said he wants to be an anchorman so he can say dirty things on TV so it'll be live and they can't bleep it out.
Things like 'PANTS.'
And 'Semprini' **
**(monty python referance)
See what I mean?
I said with as much dignity as I could "Jas I think it's time for un masque du beaute."
Jas nodded "D'accord."
10 Minutes Later
Ahhhh naiiiice face pack on, and cucumbers over our eyes to reduce puffiness.
It's so nice being able to do this without fear of Libby or Angus coming in and eating the cucumbers.
35 Minutes Later
As we washed our facemasks off I said "It is so nice to be able to do this without anyone pooing or pantomiming invisible mad dinosaurs."
Jas looked at me "I thought you'd be used to it by now."
I said slowly "Yes, Jas, but that doesn't mean I like it."
"Speaking of which, what happened with your Ninja Stalking Whatsit ?"
Oh, dear God.
"Noffink."
30 Minutes Later
Rosie and the rest of the gang came round.
They were all at Jool's but her dad saw her skirt she was to wear to the gig, and made everyone leave.
And Jools was forced to climb out the window, poor girl !
Olds are SO cruel.
Anyways,as we put on the first layer of foundation Rosie said "Sven and I got up to #9 last night."
We all looked at her agog.
Number 9, BWA?
"What was it like?"
"Nice, a bit bouncy."
"Oooer."
'We were on a trampoline."
"Ooohla la !"
Rosie looked at me cross-eyed "No, you loon, we were jumping on his trampoline and I forgot to put on any knickknacks before I went round to his."
Oh my giddy God's trousers.
"I can't even imagine going on a trampoline in a skirt and no knickers, especially if Dave was there."
2 Minutes Later
Why did I say Dave?
Jas looked at me "Why Gee?"
I went a bit red "I uhm, so, like uh.. Like, uhm, this- the-do...erm, snogging updates everyone?"
But Jas shook her head "No, Gee, tell us, what's going with Dave?"
So I told them everything, stalking Robbie, following him to the park, and talking to Dave...and everything that Dave said.
Jas went out of her room for a moment, then came back in and gave me a choccie woccie curly whirly doo-dah bar and sat down. "Tell us again, just what Dave said?"
19 Minutes Later
So I told them everything.
Everyone sat there, looking at me.
"So you're going to the gig ?"
I looked at Jas "No, I am doing pre-gig preparations so I can sit all aloney on my owney in my room."
Jas didn't get it as such.
"Why would you do that ? It's just wasting makeup, and then you are just going to ring me over and over saying 'Why don't I have a boyfriend, why, why, why, why, wh-"
I kicked her in the shin.
11am,Home
I left. I don't even really want to go to the gig, now.
I feel like poo, warmed up, not a vair nice feeling.
I should know, Angus did a big poo in the stove.
I still want to know how he opened the stove door with his little paws.
Ah, well, c'est mon merde vie.
2pm, Bed (Still)
Found a survey in Sugar, where a bunch of girls were asked what their perfect snogging partner would be like.
Hmmm.
The very detailed Perfect guy survey
His Look: Tall, Preppy yet sporty (only not sweaty and smelly)
Name: Paul
Doug
Derek
Zac
Jack
Dmitri
Vin
Chad
Anthony
Alec
Taylor
Zane
Matthew - Not matt
Christopher - NOT Chris
Gabe
Julian
Adrian
(and, and I couldn't believe this) : Dave-NOT David
Hair Color: Brown-Black and curly
Hair Style (long, short, bowl cut, cornrows, etc) : Longish but not like a girl.
I could hear Dave in my head saying 'Emergency Hair Gel Application'...shut up Dave the NOT-Laugh.
Eye color: blue
Like Dave's...or Robbie's. Sacre Bleu !
Age: At least 2 years older, at most 4 years older.
That applies to DTL and Robbie both...
Height: 5'8 or 2 inches taller so he is perfect height for snogging
Dave and I are the same size, and Robbie is 3 inches taller than me, I wonder if that means anything? Maybe I can use them both for snogging extraordinaire parties? Ooer !
Size: not skinny. not fat
Body build: muscles can't be bigger than head
Oooer !
Ethnicity: Any
Glasses? Yes
Huh? Why would anyone want to snog someone wearing glasses? Nauseating P Green is a perfect example.
Piercings? No
Masimo has his ear pierced...I think it is quite cool-looking. Dave said it is his left ear, further proving he (Masimo not Dave, ahahaha) is a Homosexualist.
Chest hair? No
Masimo has chest hair, I don't know about Dave...
Big booty or small? Bubble butt
Ooer. What is that, some medical condition? It sounds awful. Dave and Masimo both, though, it has to be said, have got round nummy bums. Not that I would be eating them or anything. ...maybe.
His Mind
His mind in school? Smart but not a complete nerd
Dave is vair good in school but is, as we all know, a nutter. I don't know if Masimo even went to Uni...He is too talented for school.
What does he want be/do when he grows up? Have his own cool, private business-or someone famous (singer, comedian, actor)
That can go for either..oh, Bugger
Can he speak another language, if yes what? Yes, French and Italian
Hmmm...Masimo speaks Italianese because he is Pizza a-go-go Land. And Dave speaks Italian AND French. Oh ! I am so full of confusedosity right now !
Can he read music? Yes
Masimo can...dunno about Dave.
Can he read guitar tabs? Yes
Does that mean he knows how to play guitars, like Masimo?
Can he play guitar? YES!
Masimo can...Phwoar!
piano? yes
I don't think either can
the drums? no
some other instrument? yes
Can he write music? yes
Masimo can, he is an Italian Stallion Music Sex God !
Will he write songs about you? YES!
Masimo sang a song to me over the phone once, but I don't know if he wrote it. Does that count?
Will he write poems about you? yes
Will he be artistic in some way? He should be funny and nice and caring and sweet
All like a certain Un-Laugh...
Will he "blind you with science?" No
His Style
Party hopper or stay at home? stay home
I would rather go to fabby parties every night
Straight A student of Drop out? Straight- A student but not a complete dork
Does he have a best friend? Yes.
Is he straight or bi? Either/Or
Bi ? What is bi ?
Religious? Not overly
Virgin? till marriage or till "the rite time"? Virgin until the right time along as it is with me.
Ooer.
Should he be able to bake or cook? Yes
Is it okay for him to have a lot of gal pals? yes
Dave has got LOADS of girly mates. Masimo's just want him because he is an Italian Stallion Sex God.
Out-going or shy?: Outgoing but not crude
Should he watch chick-flicks? Yes!
Dave quite likes The Sound of Music. It's a bit worrying, honestly.
Would he be a smoker?: NO
Does he drink? : a beer sometimes
No one wants to date my Dad...except Mum.
Cursing Some
does he play footie?: Yes
Dave does, and Footie is, like an international sport in Pizza a-go-go Land.
rugby? Yes
golf? NO
does he have a "pimped up" ride? No he's not a chav
Would he have an accent? Yes- foreign !
You and Him *last part!*
Does he kiss on the first date?: Yes
Dave is a fabby snogger, and he can even do varying pressure and nip libbling.
Where does he take you? Some where fun
Does he pay? Yes
Would he lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies? Yes
Twinkle twinkle little PANTS
Would he use endearments? Yes but never in front of his mates only mine
Would you hold hands? yes
Would you ever stay the night at his place? No
Oooer, nothing Rudey-Dudey!
Would he give you flowers/candy or a big expensive gift?: chocolate/jewelry
Would he walk you to your door at the end of the night?: Yes
34 Minutes Later
There is mostly positive answers for Dave, over Masimo.
Hmmm..
3 Minutes Later
What does that mean?
12 Minutes Later
I mean, Dave is a nice guy and all, and he's dead funny. And he's always been there for me.
He even beat up Mark Big Gob for me TWICE.
1 Minute Later
Well, it was for Jazzy-Spazzy too, but mainly me.
20 Minutes Later
Should I go to the gig, then?
3 Minutes Later
OH I DON'T KNOW!
xoxo~~~~~~~~~~xoxo
DAVE POV
Friday February 9th
1pm
Up like a shot.
No dream last night thank GOD.
Doesn't mean I didn't sleep.
Cuz I did.
5 Minutes Later
Er, I mean...oh who knows what I mean.
2 Minutes Later
I do know I don't want to do the gig today.
3:15pm
Robbie rang "Where are you?"
"What?"
"The gig, practice...ring any bells?"
"Why, should I start drooling when I hear them?"
Robbie sighed "Did you sleep?"
"Not a bloody wink, you?"
"Same."
He lowered his voice "Did you have-you know, the Dream again?"
"Naw I think that's over with."
"I had the dream."
There was a loud bang in the background and I could hear Sven yelling what suspiciously sounded like "Ring my bells, ya, hard !"
"What in the Hell was that?"
"Sven is here."
"So I heard."
"He is quite excited, you don't want to let Sven down. He has even brought giant brass bells."
Of course he did.
"Why?"
"He says for the finale."
Oh dear God.