AN: Yes, it's real. I finished the chapter in less than one year and perfectly in time to make you a new years eve present. And here is a lot to celebrate in this chapter : ) Have fun and leave me a review

And the award for the quickest acting and most reliable beta goes to: my beta! Thank you so much!

Disclaimer: Of course everything of the original Sons of Anarchy universe including all characters belong to Kurt Sutter and the FX Network – except for characters like Dr. Adam Learner, the nurse James, a lot of determined hospital and law enforcement personnel and a blow up doll named Amber.

»What about that, Jackson: If she walks down the aisle, you'll be able to stand up« the redhead grinned at Jax, who wasn't sure if she was kidding or not. He just concentrated on not passing out while sitting up on the edge of the mattress. He felt Tara moving behind his back, probably shaking her head and supporting him physically. Maybe also mentally, he thought with a short glance at his mother. Gemma had arrived in the early evening. She looked a little better than the day before – so far he could tell. She'd slept for half a day and then had watched over her grandchildren while Tara had been working. At least that was what she'd said.

There was also a nurse, Tonja or Tanja – he had no idea and Learner aka the voice in his head, who told Jax what he could not do anymore. Right now he was telling Jax, that he wouldn't be able to run a marathon but if he leaves the bed, he would get rid of that goddamn rubber tube shoved up his dick. Both had been taped to his belly so he could wear the sweat pants Tara put on him. He tried to swallow the sour taste of embarrassment. Jax desperately needed to get out of this bed.

»You're ready, Babe?« his future wife asked from behind him. Her breath was warm in his neck.

He nodded. »Hell, yeah.«

»Alright. Remember the last time?« the redhead wanted to know. Jax gave her a devastating look. »Just remember to breathe. Calmly, deeply. In through the nose, out through the mouth. We'll do this in your tempo, whatever that might be.«

»Dr. Knowles to the left?« the huge black nurse in her violet scrubs suggested and he felt Tara moving.

»Can you sit up?« Tara suddenly let go the support and slid to his left.

»I guess so« he inhaled deeply and tensed his muscles in order to keep sitting. It sent a sharp pain through his chest, but before he could panic over his heart getting nuts again he remembered the broken ribs. Broken ribs were right now the only familiar pain he had to go through and in an odd mood he welcomed it. 'Cause broken ribs heal. The pain will fade away.

»You're good?« Learner inquired, watching between Jax and his vitals monitor.

»Damn, yes« Jax laughed like someone asked a child if it's ready for Christmas.

»Good. So on your feet soldier. Where is Alex?«

»On his way« the violet scrubs answered and Jax found himself suddenly out of topic. She grabbed his right arm while Tara supported his left. He knew the drill and put his weight onto his feet, a bunch of cables and tubes following him.

»Okay. Just stand up slowly« Learner instructed and Jax was wondering what else he should've done right now. He straightened himself up, braced his shoulders and tried to remember when the last time had been, he felt so tall. Gemma moved in her chair watching him with trembling lips. She was about to say something but didn't. He'd asked Tara to bring his mother, not because he wanted her support, but to see him walk again might spare him every other word of reassurance she would try to give him. Gemma was sort of a wreck right now.

»Ready to carry me over the threshold?« Tara quipped at his side and if he hadn't have been concentrating so hard he would've kissed her. He continuously felt energy draining from his body. It was hard work just to stand up, but he would push through.

»Keep breathing, Jackson. In through the nose, out through the mouth« Rachel Harmon encouraged him. He must've held his breath.

»How are you're feeling?« Learner wanted to know.

»Tall« Jax actually tried to crack a joke. Maybe because »good« would've been a lie. He felt his heart pound against his ribs and vertigo taking over his mind. Fuck it, he wouldn't falter. Another deep breath through the nose. Oxygen was a wonderful drug.

»Ah, Alex!« the redhead welcomed the physical therapist who took over for the nurse in the violet scrubs.

»I see you manage to stand on your feet. I want you to walk on the spot, Mr. Teller.«

»That's … somehow … not very … satisfying« Jax announced taking breaks to breathe while lifting his legs and Tara escaped a short chuckle.

»Not satisfying, huh?« the physiotherapist frowned. »Okay, you're the boss.«

»Don't overdo it, Jax.« It was Gemma who joined the conversation. Jax could sense her need of a smoke.

»I won't let him« the physiotherapist reassured her. »Baby steps, Jackson. Put your weight onto our arms. We won't let you fall, alright?«

And he made it. One step. Another step. The taste of freedom. The familiar feeling of his heels working against the ground. He would go down that damn aisle. No, screw that, he would run. He would not die, he would live. Three days away from his fucking deathbed and he was on his feet again. He … but Jax's heart, again, decided otherwise.

»Hell, do you mean Beverly would show up?« Opie frowned confronted by a nearly unsolvable task.

»Do you really think a lap dance is what he expects?« Lyla escaped the bathroom.

»I'm not good at this shit.«

»What did he say in particular?«

»Nothing. Before our wedding he told me he will make it official with Tara and asked me to be his best man. An hour ago Tara called and said they will marry tomorrow evening.«

Opie was quite helpless. Lyla smiled. Finally her husband's worries found another, less guilt beaten focal point. She sat down with him on the bed.

»I don't think he asked you because you throw the best parties. He asked you to be on his side in the scariest moment of his life« she grinned. »Go, ask him if he needs anything. I can organize some flowers for Tara … they gonna need rings!«

»Flowers? Rings?« Opie sounded even more helpless than before. He had no business with girls stuff.

»Nobody would get to the conclusion that you were married like a week before, Opie. You will find the right thing. But, if you need help: I'm right here« she left laughing. Maybe she was enjoying his hopelessness a little too much.

»It's okay. It's okay, Jax!« Tara cried out.

»We gonna sit you back down« Alex commanded and moved Jax's struggling body towards the mattress.

»Just breathe, Jackson. Nice and easy. Deep breaths. There're just PVCs, you can breathe them away. You did it before … Yeah, exactly! Easy… « Rachel also did her best.

Jax felt like a boot was rammed against the inside of his ribcage. He felt the kick and then the lack of gravity, knowing that the final contact with some sort of ground would be utterly painful. But there was no ground. He inhaled, fighting valiantly against the urge to cough just to get his feet back on the floor. Voices were mixing with alarm sounds and the crowd around him must been going nuts. Suddenly he hit the soft surface of his mattress and finally he did no longer feel the need to stay strong. He just forced the air into his lungs and hoped it all would be over soon.

»You … sure … still wanna marry … me?«

Tara woke to almost silent words. Someone had dimmed the lights in the room and even Gemma had fallen asleep. Jax was stroking his soon to be wife's head, that was resting on his blanket. Gently, she weaved her fingers through his.

»You're an idiot, Jackson Teller.«

»You're pretty amazing.«

»You're alright. So far. It was just a … 'n episode.«

»I got that a lot lately. Episodes.«

»You must've had a lot of those in the last year. Nothing bad happened, you did not code or pass out. That's great actually.«

»Great, mmmh? Never felt so … dunno … severe. It knocked me off my feet. You really wanna be the wife of a man who can't walk two steps before collapsing?«

»Would you please shut up? Three steps, you made three steps.«

»Okay« he chuckled. »Three steps.«

»For someone almost pronounced dead, I call that impressive.«

»Speaking of impressive, there is still a tube where I never wanted it to be. I guess, I've been fucked up.«

Suddenly he heard Tara giggling at his side. »'m sorry, Baby« she breathed and caressed his cheek. Even in the twilight he looked like a five year old after his birthday party had been called off. »I remember the promise.«

»Can't you …?«

»Take it out? … I could, but you really want your mother to witness?« she started giggling again and pointed at the figure in the upholstered seat on his right bedside.

»Oh … um NO« Jax shook his head frowning. »How could she still be asleep?«

»Tranquilizers. Put them in her decaf coffee« Tara stated utterly sober.

»What?« Jax asked puzzled and stared at his fiancée asking himself if she was serious or just cracked a joke.

»You left me with her for over a year. Had to find a way to get along with her« Tara continued unimpressed. »Don't worry. It won't interfere with her meds.«

»Meds?« he echoed still perplexed.

»Teller hearts really love to jump out of rhythm. Remember your mother stopped taking her Amiodarone when Abel was gone? Almost killed her.«

»You're a bad girl, Tara Knowles.«

»Just moderately bad, I guess. I'm gonna fetch you a nurse and then evacuate Gemma before you have to suffer any longer« she got up still grinning and left the unit.

When she entered his office a warm beam of light fell into the room. Adam learner looked up, watching his colleague with a slight displeasure.

»You are not turning my ICU into a wedding Chapel.«

»It's not your ICU and I'm not gonna turn it into something. It will be a ceremony more or less, rather paperwork.«

»Sounds romantic.«

»It's necessary. You know why.«

»Well, at least I can guess why. Did you come to get a prognosis? Again?«

»No. He wants the foley out.«

»Mmmmh« Adam blew disapproving and looked up. »I guess, I promised it.«

»I guess, you did.«

»Tara, you know, you are going to be his widow« he suddenly changed the topic and when it wouldn't have been for the true sympathy in his voice she probably would've yelled at him.

»We will all lose those we love. When I become his widow, then I at least have been his wife« she smiled with the pain clearly written on her face and left.

Gemma Teller found herself in a dark hospital room, deeply sunken into the cushions of a not-so-really-comfortable seat. She didn't remember the decision to take a nap, but obviously that was what she just had done. Hastily she tried to smooth the wrinkles from her outfit and got up. Her son was watching her. A chill ran down her spine. Jax didn't say anything at all. He just watched. Judging her. Blaming her. Saying freaking nothing.
She approached his bed, noticing all the tubes and wires, the painful dark bruises on his pale skin that just spread over his bones like a sail. And Jax still watched her.

»They laid you into my arms. You were tiny, so small that you fit into JTs hand. They showed me my little baby and told me there was something wrong with its heart. Like mine. They said the hole would probably close by itself. That every baby was born with such a hole and yours was just a little bigger. You weren't like Abel, nor like Thomas. Your brother was a blue baby. He was struggling for air the moment he was born … he … I can't watch my first little baby pass away, too. I won't. Promise me I don't have to, Jax.«

»What do you want, Mom?« a voice rose from the dark. He took his time.

»I promised you, I won't let any harm come to you … «

»It's not … your fault. You didn't … stab me. Mom, I can't give you … absolution. I don't blame you.«

»I … I don't know what to do« Gemma stuttered. She wasn't used to not knowing the answers. Feeling helpless. But Jax didn't seem to have the patience nor the power to deal with her feelings.

»Look after my kids. Help my … wife. I surely won't be any help to them in the future.«

»Your wife … «

»Tomorrow … Tara will be my wife, Mom. Nothing … could change that.«

»Why this rush?«

»I don't owe you … an explanation. It's a thing … between me and her« Jax stated and ended the discussion right in the moment Tara entered the unit.

»You're up« she approached Gemma who looked somehow driven and upset. Mumbling, she needed a smoke, the Old Lady left the unit. Shrugging Tara watched her leave the room and closed the automatic door behind her.

»Well, me or the nurse?« she grinned already putting on gloves. »Relax. It will be over soon.«

»Erm, her name is Amber, she loves strawberry glitter and she is all yours, Bud« Opie explained grinning from ear to ear, carrying a blowup doll – wearing Lylas lingerie – and a six pack light beer. Meanwhile his best friend underwent a transformation from being puzzled to sheer doubt just to result in a mischievous smile. Opie didn't expect much more reaction to his attempt of a stag party but Jax started shaking his head laughing and tried to sit up a little more.

»I tried to talk this hot Latina at the counter into giving you a lap dance or at least a sponge bath but man, she just sanitized Amber and said we should use our fantasy« the tall guy with his impressive beard shrugged. He wasn't used to act that silly, but his best friends physical inability had changed their way of communication. Jax seemed pleased with Amber, the light beer and naughty nurses jokes.

»Chibs, Juice … all of them wanted to come with me, when they heard that this will be your last day as a free man. I swear Phil was making a plan to sneak half the club into the hospital, but actually I don't think that Phil could sneak even just himself into anywhere, so you will be stuck with me.«

»Wait« Jax interrupted him and pointed at the doll in slight disgust. »Don't tell me Amber is from the bar storage … you have no idea, what Tig did to it.«

»Just blew her up myself – be sure, I will never ever put my mouth onto something Tig had in his hands« Opie started to chuckle and took a deep look into the dolls painted blue eyes. »I guess she's a virgin.«

»Good to know« Jax grinned. »How are they?«

»The club?« Opie wanted to know and took his best friends small nodding as a yes. »They don't understand, why they can't see you. There are rumours about the reason we shield you off from visitors.«

»You don't.«

»I know, but they don't. Even when Chibs was blown up they could visit him and, I guess, some people think … you're going to die, Jax. And we are hiding that from them.«

»Well tell them, I told you, if I'm gonna see their ugly dickfaces in here, I'm gonna make them regret it. I got a lot time in here to figure out how.«

Opie nodded. The answer he internally was craving for, the truth everybody needed so desperately hadn't been given. Maybe his best friend didn't know it himself. But after four days in this place, the man formerly known as Jax Teller, VP of SAMCRO, began to vanish. It was obvious, that Jax had had to muster all his strength to spill out the powerless threat. That nobody should see him like this, Opie was able to empathize. He wouldn't either if it were him but the pure uncertainty was tearing him apart. His face must've been an open book.

»Come on Opie, not that face. I will not die. Not like this. Not like a lab rat. Have I ever broken a promise?«

»Not so far.«

»Well, then: I promise I'm gonna survive this.«

The sun was already on its way to meet the horizon and painted the room in bright orange light. Tara breathed, watched herself in the mirror, breathed again. Thomas stirred and made a sound of innocent bliss. During the five minutes he had been sleeping in his car seat she'd managed to pin up her hair a little and put on some make-up. Actually she wasn't in the mood for such superficial stuff, but this was her freaking wedding day.

»You're done?« her mother-in-law's voice made its way through the closed restroom door. Gemma was waiting on the other side, a marriage license in one hand and a bored Abel in tow.

»Where is the chaplain?« Tara asked entering the hallway leading to the ICU.

»Dunno. You're ready, Doc?« Gemma shrugged a little unnerved.

»After you, Mom« Tara mocked and directed her down the corridor. Even though she was getting nervous, Gemma still couldn't disconcert her.

Jax's unit already was crowded, fortunately not because of an emergency but wedding preparations. Tara heard her future husband's voice, a little gruff but determined.

» … standing. That's all« he finished what sounded like a small riot. Learner's face was carved with worry lines and Alex, the physical therapist was grinning from ear to ear. Tara spotted Opie, Clay, two nurses. A partially deflated blow up doll and the somehow disturbed looking hospital chaplain completing the scenery.

»Here comes the bride!« Gemma superfluously announced and Tara approached Jax, who was sitting on the edge of his mattress wearing his kutte over a white t-shirt.

»I really welcome your enthusiasm, Jackson. All I said was to take it a little easy« Learner calmly explained.

»What is it?« Tara wanted to know and placed a kiss on Jax's lips.

»You look beautiful« he whispered into her ear before continuing a little louder. »I just wanted to marry you standing on my feet.«

»I'm fine with that« Alex rose his hands in agreement. »As long as you are comfortable, Mr. Teller.«

Adam shrugged and nodded so the chaplain jumped into action, obviously relieved that the discussion had come to an end. Opie rushed to Jax's right side while Tara took his left elbow.

»Walked through the room. Ten steps and back« Jax proudly turned to Tara with lowered voice.

»Without me?« she acted disappointed her jumpiness mixing with pure joy. »Did SHE have something to do with that?« Tara laughed and pointed at the blow up doll.

»Her name is Amber« Opie interfered snorting giggly before shutting up again.

»You were busy« Jax exhaled apologetically.

»So you're ready?« the chaplain wanted to know. »Who is your witness, Dr. Knowles?«

»Witness?« she stuttered watching Opie and then searching through the room for help under the observation of Gemma sitting next to Clay while petting Abel's head.

»Erm, I can do that!« Adam suddenly volunteered and raised his finger. »If you'd like me to.«

»Really?« Tara frowned given the fact Adam hadn't been very convinced about the whole wedding idea.

»I've got five minutes« he nodded and walked to her side under Jax's skeptical glance. The chaplain made a satisfied impression. Tara and Opie helped Jax gently onto his feet and Tara intertwined her fingers with his.

»Well, dear friends and family. I've never had the opportunity to celebrate this sacrament in such a unique way then at this location. I'm very moved that love found a way in such difficult times. Tara Grace Knowles and Jackson Nathaniel Teller, you two are about to exchange not just your vows and rings, but an invisible truth that even when life seems darkest, your love will be your guiding light. You already started a family of your own, dividing the joys and burden of parenthood, of reunion and separation and your future. So, to not drag this to an eternity, I ask you to exchange your vows.« The chaplain nodded to Tara who took a deep breath and turned to Jax, never letting his arm go to keep supporting him.

»You're the love of my live« Tara began her vow with shaking voice. » … the father of my sons and the only person I can't imagine a future without. I tried to« she cracked and swallowed tightening the grip on Jax's arm. »I had to prepare to, but I'm not willing to let you go. I take you as my husband in this life and I promise to follow you beyond.«

Jax had watched her with tears filling his eyes. The constant strain to stand upright wasn't his hardest battle anymore. He pressed his lips together, to make sure Tara was done and then gasped for air. For a second she gave him a shocked look but then nodded in assurance. It was his turn.

»Tara … I once laid my heart … into your hands« he started slowly but confident with breaks to catch his breath. »Now I ask you to keep it save … for eternity. Our little family shall be the … centre … of my existence … and I will do anything to protect you … as long as I breathe … and beyond.«

Silence covered the room like a canopy and just Gemma's sobs interrupted the peace of the moment. The chaplain beamed a smile at Jax and Tara. »Do you have rings?«

Tara shook her head »Oh, no we … «

»We have, actually« Jax nodded and turned to Opie, who held something in his right hand. Under the clinking sound of metal he dropped two brass rings into the palm of her hand. They looked as if they once had been flat washers, dressed to size and sanded. A bit unusual but beautiful in its own right. One was small and the other one had a bigger diameter and was a little broader. She felt their weight as if every burden they ever would have to carry was bound by them. Jax, who still was in need of support, just to stand, opened his right hand. She gave him the small ring and offered her delicate left ring finger.

»With this ring, I take you to be my wife« he smiled and slid it over her finger. »And Old Lady« he silently added.

»Alright« Tara chuckled and took the other ring putting it on Jax's finger. »With this ring, I take you to be my husband.«

»By the power vested in me by the 1st Church of Charming and the State of California, I pronounce you husband and wife« the chaplain raised his hands for a final blessing but under an applause like tumbling rain Jax and Tara had already melted into a kiss.

»You may kiss the bride« the reverend surrendered to the newlyweds. Tara tasted peppermint on Jax's lips and felt the urge to pull his arms around her body, but also she felt the strain of his weight growing. Before she even could ask if he was okay Jax separated from her.

»Have to sit« he hastily announced and right that second he faltered.

»Wow, Bud« Opie expelled but managed to catch his best friend, putting him carefully back on the mattress. Gemma jumped up, the nurses were on alert and Learner's eyes had jumped to the vitals monitor, expecting another arrhythmia, though his patient just was exhausted.

»'m okay« Jax coughed, clinging to the arm of his wife. »Really.«

Without a word Tara sat down next to him, placing a short kiss on his mouth and paying attention to the chaplain.

»You're good?« he assured himself, expecting Jax to drop dead every second. He didn't. »Well, in consideration of your special bond I have a last blessing for you: Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.«

Finally the room was cleared of people apart from Jax, Tara and Thomas. Though his patient desperately needed to rest, Learner had removed the crowd out of the unit and had left with Opie and the chaplain to sign the marriage certificate. The piece of paper was now lying on the bedside table and Tara had nestled up to her husband's side. She was holding his hand up, watching the lights reflection in their special weddings rings.

»Ope made them.«

»They're beautiful.«

»Like you« he smiled behind her. »This next of kin thing, is it all cleared now? Or do I have to … «

»No, no. It's fine. I'm your medical proxy now. We can talk about what you want, in case … «

»I trust you, Tara. With every decision you make.«

»But I would be more comfortable if you give me some directions. Not today, but … soon.«

»Not exactly how I imagined out wedding night« Jax sighed.

»Me neither but it's the best night since days. Ten steps. How could we want anymore?« Tara responded. »There were hours I thought we'll never see that night.«

»I know« he whispered. »Are you gonna stay here?«

»I would love to, but you need to sleep.«

»Can't.«

»Why?«

»I may never wake up again. I got everything I wanted.«

Tara rolled onto her knees, causing Jax to flinch in pain. »You got a whole life to live« she explained more calmly than she was feeling right now. She didn't want to yell at him.

»You told me otherwise.«

»I was shaken up. I wanted you to understand. You needed to know what the odds were but now you start to beat them one after another. I never wanted to discourage you.«

»You didn't … everything is limited. The amount of water I drink, the number of steps I'm able to walk. I'm not the most patient person.«

»You're doing fine. You haven't coded for over 36 hours, you've been up, your stats are way better than three days ago.«

»But I don't feel that much better.«

»You're sick, Baby, terribly actually. But considering that, you're better than expected. All those lines running into you veins carry meds to keep your rhythm stable, your BP up and your lungs clear of fluids. They all have their respective side effects. Some of them make you feel sick, some of them will really make you sick if the dose is high enough.«

»And without?«

»No option. But the good thing is: the only thing that can heal your body is your body itself. All this here, is just support.«

»So, technically, I'm in charge?«

»Well, yes. Your attitude is substantial. I guess, it's the only reason we're talking right now.«

»No, Tara. You are« Jax smiled into the darkness, the chilling picture of Tara behind the mirror pane deep down on the bottom of the sea in mind. »You are.«

It was early in the morning, shortly after sunrise, when Jax awoke. Just an hour or two and Tara, who must've left him after he'd fallen asleep, would return. Steadily the respirator provided pressured air to ease his labored breathing. He relaxed but right before he could fell back to sleep a nurse entered his unit. The small, black woman was moving awkwardly, more cautious than her colleagues. The units door closed shut. Quickly she approached his bedside, untwisting the call button from the railing of his bed.

»Mr. Teller? My name is Carla Benson, I'm with the District Attorney's office« she said and started to open the straps of the mask covering Jax's face. Harshly he caught her hand and freed his face himself.

»I don't think you're allowed to be here« he presumed assessing her like a venomous insect.

»Oh, maybe« she chuckled with a voice hoarse and cold like frostbite. »But actually we both know that you don't belong onto this side of the prison fence.«

»What do you want?« he spat, trying to ban the weakness from his words.

»I need a witness, Mr. Teller.«

»For what?«

»The Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club is about to be erased from the map of California. All we need is a coffin nail. Someone, who has everything to lose.«

»And you think I am that someone?«

»Well, you just became the weakest link. Time's a bitch. We've got enough on you to lock you back up in Stockton.«

»You're bluffing.«

»We probably don't have enough to convict you but we have far more we need for an investigative custody. You will be back in the Stockton penitentiary in no time. The infirmary of course. You remember the good care they provide there?«

»Whose whore are you?«

»Nobody's. I have an unique offer. Your full cooperation to bury SAMCRO including a deal, so you can spend the time you've got left with your kids or investigative custody for the planning and the execution of the murders of three Russians and a federal agent who was undercover.«

»You have no evidence. Otherwise I would already wear cuffs.«

»That's the crucial point, Mr. Teller. Nobody needs evidence. You got a motive. There won't be a trial in the end but nonetheless you will die in prison waiting for it. And that is a promise.«

TBC as always! Please review, make me writing a lot faster :D