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Chapter 25 – Peeta's Point of View

I am relieved to know what she has been hiding from me. When she wakes up, I will confront her about it. I also want to know what was going on with Gale. She finally begins to stir and I hold her more closely on her bed and caress her cheek with my fingers carefully. Her eyes open slowly and then dart around anxiously before she sees my face. After seeing my face, the anxiety leaves her but she still looks guarded.

"What did he tell you?" She asks me in a soft voice.

"He told me that you weren't planning on staying with me forever."

She doesn't know what to say and seems to be struggling with her words. "I can't really explain it…I just know that I can't…I can't let you be stuck with me forever. You shouldn't have to take care of someone who cannot care for themselves. I want you to get married, to have children, to be happy."

Tears are coursing down her cheeks and I gently wipe them away before pulling her even closer to me in the small bed. I am holding her face in my hands and I force her to meet my eyes. "Listen to me, Katniss. I will never get married if you die. I will never have children if you die. I will never be happy if you die. You cannot believe that part of your mind that is telling you that you are worthless because you aren't. You are incredible. We are going to bring down the Capitol and then you will see. Maybe you will finally see yourself clearly."

She looks at me curiously. "You wouldn't want someone else if I was gone?"

I don't hesitate and look deeply into her troubled eyes. "No, I wouldn't. In fact, if you take your own life you will be killing me."

This makes her sob and she pushes me away. "Don't say that!"

I grab her wrist and pull her to me. "It would be a shame that you suffered so much to keep me alive only to kill me by killing yourself."

Her eyes are alive with fire. She is mad at me. I can deal with mad. I remember when she was mad at me in the arena for gathering the berries where I could not answer her mockingjay tune. She had pushed me and yelled at me. This fire in her eyes reminded me of that…of the old her. My heart beat picks up hopefully.

"Why the hell would you do that, Peeta?" She pushes me, hard. "WHY?" She shoves me back into the corner. I let her. I want her to feel this anger. I want her to make the connection. "Why would you just throw your life away like that?"

I am all the way in the corner now and her hands push on my chest and then stay there against me. She is breathing heavily and I see the anger slowly fade from her eyes. I use this opportunity to try and get through to her. "Yes, Katniss, why would anyone throw a life away like that?" She leans against me and tears cascade down her cheeks.

"I remember. I remember pushing you like this in the arena. When I was afraid that you had eaten the nightlock berries." She smiles at me and I smile back.

"Yes, you were quite angry with me. Very similarly to how you are feeling right now." I see the fire come back into her eyes and she pushes me against the wall. I think she is going to keep pushing me when suddenly her lips are inches from mine. She is breathing heavily. Her balled up fists have drop to run up my chest gently. My breathing accelerates and I crush my lips down on hers. This is the fiercest encounter we have had yet. Our kisses are rough, thorough, and scorching hot. When I pull away for breath she pulls off my shirt and I yank her shirt off of her, ripping it in the process and not caring at all. We continue our assault on one another and I we are still kissing heatedly. I pick her up and turn her around so she is now in the corner. I pin her arms above her head with one hand and push her pants down with the other hand. It is by far the most intense we have ever been. We are desperate for one another. We are starving for each other. After, we lay together cuddled up in her bed sated after making love.

She turns over and buries her face in my chest. "I love you, Peeta Mellark."

I smile and caress her hair. "I love you, Katniss Everdeen."

We lay like that for a long time and eventually we drift off into sleep.

An hour later, Katniss's quiet sobs awaken me. She has her back to me and has the sheet in her mouth to try and quiet the sobs that rack her body. I move closer to her and trace soft circles on her naked back. She tries to stop crying, but can't. I pull her into my arms, pulling her back to my bare chest and holding her tightly. "It's all right, baby. Just let it all out. Let it out." She sobs for a while and then finally stops. I wait for her to speak, knowing she will tell me when she is ready.

"I…I love you so much. I never knew I would ever feel this way."

"Well I love you, too. I never thought you would love me."

She kisses my wrist and whispers. "I love you more than my own life."

I wait for her to continue, knowing she is going somewhere with this. "I just…I feel so happy with you, but then I hear those thoughts in my head telling me to kill myself. Today for the first time, I was able to distinguish them from my real thoughts."

"Katniss, that's great."

"It is?"

"Yes, you will be able to push them out once you realize they are not really your thoughts."

She nods at this and snuggles closer to me. "I guess that's progress."

"Yes. So, Gale told me you would tell me why he hurt you."

She turns to face me. "President Coin gave him pills that she told him would help him with anger and anxiety. It turns out they actually bring out those mood swings and make it so he has no control over himself."

"Why would she do that to him?"

Katniss takes a deep breath. "She wanted him to kill me, Peeta. She wanted him to kill me, so that you would kill him. She just wants you to be the face of this rebellion and not me."

I am stunned, but I don't doubt it for a second. It all makes so much sense. Coin agreeing to rescue Katniss because I would not cooperate. Coin allowing me to kill Gale in retribution for killing Katniss, so that I would help her take down the Capitol. It is so sick and so twisted and yet I know it is the truth.

"The only way to protect you from her is to go along with her rebellion."

She nods at me. She has come to the same conclusion. "After we take down Snow, then what?"

I look into her eyes and say something that I would never actually have considered saying at any other time in my life. But when Katniss is being threatened I am a different person, more dangerous. "We kill Coin."