See previous chapters for disclaimers and notes.

It was a sad two days, a long two days that Mac went through the motions of living. Since Harm had left she'd been in a constant state of pain, physical and emotional. She hadn't mentioned the note to anyone; she didn't want a divorce, not yet. She had to make him see that while they were miles apart, they were still together in spite of her heated and wretched words.

Mac had an uneasy feeling in her stomach all of Thursday night and into Friday morning. Something was wrong, she knew it. Something had happened to Harm. He'd crashed and he was hurt or worse, at least she thought that was it, until her phone rang early Friday morning. "Rabb Residence," she said sleepily.

"Mrs Rabb?" asked the caller with a think German accent. "This is Mrs. Schultz. I live in Belleville, down the road from Sarah?"

"Yes?" Mac asked her gut tightening. "This is Sarah Rabb. Is everything all right? Is Grams sick again?"

"She's not sick," said Mrs. Schultz. "I hate to say this, but she wanted me to have your number if this happened. She passed away last night." Mrs. Schultz voice cracked as she spoke of her precious friend.

"Oh no!" Mac gasped. "Oh my God!" She began to cry as she absorbed the shock. "How? I mean...How? Where?"

"It was her..." Mrs Schultz took a second to compose herself. "It was her heart. They say she went in her sleep. Amy Jo, her grounds keeper, she found her. I...I saw the ambulance down the road and got there as fast as I could."

"We were going to drive up today to visit her, my husband and my kids...Did she...Do you know if she..."

"Mommy?" Lucy called down the hall, the phone having woken her up.

"I have to go now, my daughter is awake. We'll be up later today," Mac told the kind woman who'd just delivered harsh and terrible news.

"Yes, dear," said Mrs. Schultz. "I'm so sorry. If I can do anything, I'm just down the road."

"I'll make sure we come by to see you," Mac told her. "Thank you for looking out for her. We appreciate it."

"It was my pleasure," Mrs. Schultz replied. "She was such a sweet lady."

"Yes she was," Mac said sadly before hanging up the phone.

Lucy had reached her mother's door by then and had pushed it opened. "Mommy?"

Mac held out her arms to Lucy, "Come here Baby."

"Why are you crying?" asked the child.

Mac pulled Lucy close to her and rocked her a minute, "Well, I'm crying because something very sad happened."

Lucy became very frightened, fearful that something had happened to her Daddy. "Is Daddy not coming back from flying the airplanes?" she asked as her tears began to fall. "I didn't tell him I love him..."

Mac held Lucy a bit tighter, "No Baby. He's coming home. He'll be home soon. Daddy is just fine. Only...this sad thing...it is going to make Daddy very very sad so we're going to have to be really nice to him and help him okay?"

"Uh-huh," said Lucy, nodding her head as she snuggled close to her mother. "When will Daddy be home? I want to tell him I love him."

"In a few hours, before lunch time," Mac replied. "I am going to ask AJ to come and play with you and DJ while Mommy talks to Daddy though. Then we can all talk together."

"Then will we leave to go see Grams?" asked Lucy. "Daddy said we could ride Peanuts."

"Lucy...when people get older sometimes the things that make their body work get broken and worn out and when that happens that person can't stay here on earth anymore. They have to go to another place where they can be even if something in their bodies isn't working right," Mac tried to explain. Harm was so much better at this.

Lucy looked at her mother in confusion. "Did Grams' go away?" she asked.

Mac nodded, "Yes. Grams went away. She went to Heaven," Mac told the girl through her tears.

"Heaven...?" replied Lucy. "But that means she's not coming back."

"That's right," Mac nodded. "She went to Heaven last night and she's not coming back anymore, Sweetie."

Lucy began to sob. "But I'll miss her," she cried.

Mac held the child even tighter and began to rock her, "I know Baby. I'll miss her too and so will Daddy and DJ and Nana Trish. But we'll see her again someday."

"Daddy will be very sad," cried Lucy. "I don't like Daddy to be sad."

"Yes, Daddy is going to be very sad," Mac agreed. "But we're going to have to make that okay for him. We have to let him know that that's okay."

"Uh-huh," said Lucy, rubbing the tears from her face. "Can I lay here with you, Mommy?" she asked.

"Yeah, Baby," Mac said. "You can lay right here with me. Do you want more sleep?"

"Yeah," she answered, snuggling in next to Mac. "But we hafta get up before Daddy gets home so we can make him feel better."

"No, Lucy," Mac shook her head. "We have to let Daddy feel however he needs to feel. We just have to hold onto him and tell him how much we..." Her voice broke. "How much we love him. Okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," she answered as she closed her sleepy eyes.

A few hours later, Mac had the children up and dressed. She'd called Belleville and gotten numbers of several funeral homes and florists in the area and she'd called Trish so she and Frank could make their flight arrangements. It was nearly noon now and AJ was outside in the backyard playing HORSE with Lucy and DJ on a Fisher Price basketball net.

Harm pulled into the driveway tired, sore and discouraged. He was certain he'd walk into a firing squad after the way he'd left, but he knew it was for the best to divorce. They were only hurting themselves and their children by hanging on to a dying marriage. It was with a heavy heart and sore shoulders and back that he walked into to see Mac sitting at the table, stoically waiting for him.

"Hi," he said plainly and quietly, determined to keep it "all business", not to let his emotions take control.

"Hey," Mac replied.

"Where are the kids?' he asked as he thumbed through the stack of mail on the bar.

"Harm, come and sit down, Sweetie," Mac said gently.

He stopped thumbing through the mail and looked her in the eye. "What's wrong?" he asked insistently. "Something happened to one of them, didn't it?" After the way they'd parted, he knew she wouldn't call him "sweetie" unless something terrible had happened.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you...The kids are fine. They're playing outside with AJ," Mac replied gently. "Please, come sit with me."

Apprehensively, cautiously, he joined her. "What's going on, Mac?"

Mac reached out with her hand up, wanting to touch him as she broke this news.

He leaned back, just out of her reach. "Come on, tell me," he said, growing more frightened and impatient by the second.

"I got a call this morning from Mrs. Schultz one of Grams' neighbors," Mac began and let him take that in.

He was quiet for a second. "She's sick again, isn't she? Well, why are we sitting here, let's get packed and get on-"

"She's not sick Harm," Mac said gently cutting him off. "She passed away in her sleep last night."

His eyes grew wide as saucers as his entire mind went numb. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No, no she didn't. She's fine. I just talked to her the other night, and we're going to see her today and she's..." He never broke his gaze away from Mac as his tears began to fall.

"Harm," Mac said reaching out to touch his arms. "She's dead. She died in her sleep peacefully. And now we are going to have to go there and make her arrangements. Okay?"

"No..." he said again. "No! She's fine! She...she can't be gone...she can't...I need her!"

"Honey..." Mac began.

He didn't answer her. Instead, he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

Mac slid close to him and slipped her arm around his back, "Say it," she told him. He'd once made her do that concerning her father.

He lifted his face from his hands. It was red, covered with tears and looked terribly sad. "She's dead," he whispered to Mac. "She's...dead." His face fell into his hands again and the sobbing resumed.

"Good," Mac praised. "Good that's the first step. Can I get you something? Water? Or do you...I could hold you if..." Mac was so unsure...if things were normal there would be no question on what to do.

"Leave me alone!" he said, standing up and moving away from her. "Just leave me alone..." He hurried down the hall to the guest room and slammed the door. He grabbed the first thing he found, a picture of his family from last Christmas. He threw it against the wall before collapsing onto the bed and crying like he hadn't done since learning his father was dead.

From his place in the back yard, AJ heard the picture slam against the wall of the guest room. He told Lucy he'd be right back, and asked her to keep an eye on DJ before rushing in to the house to see what had happened

He found Mac, sitting on the sofa, crying her heart out.

"Well?" AJ asked.

"I..." she sobbed."I told him and...and he just left...He went to be alone and he was so upset...He kept...kept saying it wasn't true and now he's just all alone," Mac cried her heart breaking for her husband's pain.

"Go to him," AJ encouraged. "He'll listen to you."

"Maybe he might have but…We're over, AJ," she sobbed.

He pulled back in shock. "You're over? Since when? Not because of this?" He had so many questions.

"No...It's a long story but it ends with Harm wanting a divorce," she cried. "He...we were having so many problems and I said so many terrible things to him and now he wants Bud or Sturgis to draw up papers. He won't come to me now. He'll just deal with this alone."

"If ever there were two people in the world who do not need a divorce, it's you two," said AJ adamantly. "And if ever there was a rotten time to even try to make any life changing decisions, this is it. My God, the man just lost one of the most important people in his life! What the hell is he thinking asking for a divorce?" He rose from the couch. "I'm going to go talk to him, whether he likes it or not."

"Don't push him AJ, please?" Mac begged. Harm didn't need any more hits just now. "Be gentle."

"I'll be gentle," he promised her. "But he needs to hear the voice of reason right now, and if he won't allow you to be that voice, I'll take care of it instead."

Mac nodded, "I'm going to go on check on the kids. Call me if you need me."

"Go wash your face first" said AJ, "and get a little drink of water or something; you need to calm down before the kids see you." With that, he headed down the hallway and gently knocked on Harm's door.

"Harm," he called knocking. "Harm open the door."

Harm heard AJ's request, but ignored it, too caught up in his grief to care.

"Come on, Harm," AJ pressed. "You know I'm not going to shut up and go away so you might as well let me in and get it over with. Open up."

Forcing himself to rise from the floor, he trudged over and opened the door, not saying a word to his former CO before returning to his spot on the floor beside the bed.

AJ shut the door behind him and sat down next to the shattered younger man. "I'm not going to say I'm sorry because I for one think that's a pretty silly thing to say. But I am going to ask you to talk to me."

"Not now, AJ," said Harm, his voice overflowing with emotion.

"I think now is the best time, Son," AJ replied. "You need someone...I could go and get Mac if you need her..."

"No," he said firmly. "I can't talk to her."

"Why?" AJ pressed. "She's pretty upset, crying...She wants to help you and so do I."

"That's just it!" exclaimed Harm, tears pouring from his ocean blue eyes. "No one can help me! I'm beyond help! I destroyed my marriage, now Grams is gone and so is my hope that we could work things out..." He buried his face in his hands.

AJ lifted one long arm inviting the younger man to lean on him a moment before he tried to offer advice or encouragement. He'd seen Harm come apart a few times, but this...this was the worst it had ever been.

Thought he tried to avoid it, somehow the invitation to cry upon the shoulder of the man who'd seen him through so many rough times in his JAG career was too compelling. Harm leaned into AJ's open arm, rested his head upon his shoulder and sobbed.

"I know where you are, Son. I've been there myself. When I lost my mother my marriage to Marcella was in ruins and I thought I had nothing left, even Francesca was angry at me most of the time. I threw in the towel after that, I gave up and hid away and even now so many years later I think what would have happened if I'd answered when Marcella knocked on our bedroom door. I don't know what brought you and Mac to this point, but whatever it is...you two can work through it. When you two pull together you can do anything...don't keep this between you. See it as what it is," AJ advised in a soft tone.

"We've tried to...to work through it," he cried. "Therapy, talking...we tried. It didn't work and it's all my fault."

"Harm...less than a month ago I was babysitting Lucy and DJ while you took Mac to a romantic dinner and gave her a beautiful anniversary. How could it have gone so bad in that short a time?" AJ asked. "I know it seems dark right now but..."

"Dark as hell" he replied, still crying. "She didn't know then, what I'd done."

"I'm not sure it matters that much," AJ replied. "What does is that that woman loves you."

"And I love her!" he exclaimed. "But sometimes love's just not enough. They say 'love conquers all', and that's just shit because there are some things love can't conquer!"

"Harm, lower your voice," AJ told him. "And you're right that are a lot of things love can't conquer, and that's where faith, trust, and guts come in. And you have those in abundance."

"So what?" he said, trying as hard as he could to get himself under control. "I thought...I thought we could work through it, like we did before, but it's been one step forward and three steps back. Tuesday night was...oh, God..." He began to cry again.

"What happened Tuesday night?" AJ asked him. This was getting him no where.

"Another fight," said Harm, his voice still laden with misery. "She saw me looking at the picture Annie sent and things were fine for a few minutes, then...I guess something in me just snapped and I was yelling at her like some possessed maniac."

"Wait a minute, what picture?" AJ asked thoroughly confused now.

"Shit, I never told you," whispered Harm, realizing that AJ's perspective on the situation had a giant hole in the middle. He took a deep breath, hoping to get the whole explanation out without having to take another one. "When I went TAD to Mexico in August, I ran into Annie; long-story-short, I got wasted and ended up in a cheap motel room with her and now she's pregnant and swears the baby is mine."

"Well, shit you really did screw up," AJ said in his flat monotone. "Well the good sign is that she's still with you and is out there heart broken because of something she said to you!"

"After saying she hates me," said Harm, "I'd hope she's heart-broken!"

"I'm sure she didn't say it like that," AJ comforted. "She was probably just upset with good reason."

"Yeah she was upset," he said, tears still falling intermittently. "And she has every right to be upset, but if she was going to hate me, why didn't she do it from the moment she found out what I did instead of letting me cling to all this false hope?"

"I don't think that hope is so false," AJ sighed. "She's the one who said you asked for the divorce. That gutted her, Son."

Harm cried silently for a moment, his heart breaking further at the mention of the divorce. "It's all I can do. I can't fix... I can't let everyone suffer for what I did. If she hates me that much, hates the person I've become, I love her and my kids too much to keep going like this."

AJ nodded. "I see your point, but I think you need to make her see it. I also think you need to pull yourself together because there are two little children outside playing that are going to want their Daddy soon and they can't see this. Get it together, Commander."

He was so caught up in his grief; he'd forgotten that he was yet to greet the kids upon his return. Taking the retired Admiral's advice, he took long, slow, deep breaths and looked inside himself for every ounce of self-control he had to get himself straightened up.

"I'm going to give you a few minutes, then go see your wife, go hug your daughter and your son, and do the Navy proud," AJ instructed rising from the floor. "If you need me, I'm here. Know that."

"I do," he said quietly.

Harm remained in his room for a couple more minutes before stopping by the bathroom to splash a little cool water on his face on his way out to see the kids. Lucy and DJ were thrilled to see him, and Lucy remembered what Mac had told her about how sad her Daddy would be. She held him extra tight and told him it was okay for him to feel sad. It was all he could do not to break down then and there.

He took the kids inside and got them a snack, and once they were settled he returned to his room and began packing for the trip to Belleville. He could hear Mac in the kids' rooms, packing the things they'd need. He didn't even consider going to talk to her. He was so hurt and more confused than ever, and now with Grams' passing on top of everything else, he couldn't talk with Mac, not just yet.

Two hours later, the family was loaded up and on their way, the only sounds in the vehicle coming from the "Blues Clues" DVD that was showing on the portable player in the back seat.

Mac tried numerous times to reach out to Harm with a gentle touch of his leg or a soft inquiry but every effort was rebuked with stern and cold silence. Finally, she just closed her eyes and drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

The entire family save Harm was sleeping by the time they reached the old farmhouse at about nine that night. Harm put the SUV into park and decided that like it or not he was going to have to defer to Mac just now. He wasn't sure how he'd do if he went in alone.

"Mac," he said plainly. "Mac, wake up. We're here." No touching; no emotion other than pain in his voice.

Mac stirred. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said as she yawned. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," he said coldly as he opened the back door to get Lucy out of her seat. "Let's get in there" he said to Mac. "I want to go to sleep."

"But its only 2100," Mac protested as she did the same for DJ. "I thought we could talk a bit. Have some tea...you need to eat and..."

"Enough, Mac," he said in a tone suggestive of warning. "I can't talk to you right now." Taking his daughter in his arms and grabbing a suitcase from the floor beneath her seat, he headed for the farm house.

Mac decided not to push it she just held her son a bit closer and carried him in.

Lucy woke up just as Harm was laying her into bed. "Hey, Button," he said to her. "It's okay, you can go back to sleep."

"Daddy?" she asked sleepily rubbing at her eyes. "Where are we?"

"We're at Grams' house, baby," he said. "It's past your bed time, you can go back to sleep and we'll get up tomorrow and have a special breakfast, okay?"

"Okay," she said. "Daddy?"

"Why are you mad at Mommy?" she asked him having heard his harsh tones since he'd arrived home.

He sighed. "Mommy and I said some things to each other that weren't nice" he explained. "I need to talk to Mommy about that, and then I'll feel better. It's okay, I won't be mad very long." He knew this meant he would have to follow through on that talk with Mac eventually, but he knew he lacked what it would take that night.

"Okay," Lucy yawned. "Can you sing me my song?"

Lucy fell back to sleep half way into the first verse of her song and Harm slipped quietly out of that guest room. He could hear Mac down in the kitchen, making tea or a snack. She must have put DJ down in the big room; he always got scared when he woke up in a new place. He didn't want to talk, but he had to eat at least an apple or sleep would be impossible. He went down quickly and reached for the basket which she quickly moved away.

He reached out and grabbed it back from her, taking an apple and heading out of the kitchen.

"Harm," she said to make him stop.

He knew she wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't say something to her. "What?" he asked blankly, stopping but keeping his back to her.

"I'm making soup," she told him. "Come and eat something substantial."

The scent of the soup took him back to his childhood. It was Grams' homemade vegetable soup; one of his all-time favorites. Knowing that she was gone, though, turned that aroma into a brutal reminder that everything he loved, everyone he loved, was slipping away from him. "I can't eat that," he said as a wave of tears loomed overhead.

"I thought...you always said that this soup made you feel better. I...When I saw it in the fridge...At least let me get you a sandwich," she offered. "Just sit down here a minute."

He didn't want to; he wanted to go to his room, the one he'd spent so many summers in, and have a nice long cry. He didn't do that, though. Instead, he sat down at the table while Mac made him a sandwich.

"Tuna?" she asked looking in the cupboard. "Or peanut butter?"

"Peanut butter," he answered quietly.

"Are you upset that I told Lucy before you got home?" Mac asked thinking their daughter was neutral topic for now.

He shook his head slightly. "No."

"We never talked about anything like this happening so...She came in after I found out and she was in tears thinking something happened to you," Mac told him. "I have to admit that's what I thought too when they called. I hadn't felt that way since your last punch out."

"I'm sorry she got so upset," said Harm.

"It's not your fault," Mac replied. "I...I just wanted you to know why I didn't wait. I wanted to but I thought it better if she knew." She set the sandwich in front of him. "Milk or tea?" she asked.

"Milk" he answered, keeping the conversation to a minimum for now.

Mac poured him some milk from the pitcher and sat down. "I asked your mother what place Grams like, you know as in funeral homes and such. She said O'Flaherty's so I called them. We have to go there tomorrow about noon."

He nodded, taking a small bite of his sandwich. "I want this all over with" he said.

Mac moved a bit closer to him and laid her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. "I know. I know how hard this is for you, Sweetie..."

"I doubt that," he said sharply. "When's the last time you lost your grandmother 3 days after you realized you needed a divorce?"

"We don't Harm," she said. "But...I was young when my grandmothers' passed away, but I know the pain of loss. I loved her too you know."

"What do you mean 'we don't'?" he asked harshly. "Surely you don't mean we don't need a divorce." It killed him to say that, but he felt in his heart that it was the inevitable outcome of the entire "Annie situation". He wanted to believe otherwise; wanted to believe that they were just going through an exceptionally rough patch in the road to recovery and that they did indeed have what it would take to rebuild their marriage, but...

"I told you I was sorry. I was hurt and angry and I wanted to hurt you, but...I don't...Please stop doing this," she sighed.

"I'm not 'doing' anything!" he snapped. "Except mourning all the recent losses in my life." He rose from his chair, his snack barely touched. "I'll be up in time to fix breakfast for the kids" he said as he made his exit.

"Harm, where...I'll need sheets for the couch," she sighed. "Can you leave some in the hallway?"

"Yeah," he said in a low, hurt voice. He retrieved the sheets on the way to his room, laid them at the top of the stairs and closed the door.

Harm barely had time to remove his shirt before he heard a loud, ear piercing scream of "Daddy!" coming from Lucy's room.

He made a mad dash out the door, flew down the stairs three-at-a-time, and into the room where his little girl lay. "What, baby?" he asked, kneeling beside her bed. "What's wrong?"

Mac was two seconds behind him, "Lucy?" she knelt on the other side of the bed.

Lucy sobbed a minute and sat up in bed, "I had a bad dream," she sobbed brokenly.

He pulled the child into his lap. "Tell me about it," he said softly, smoothing her sweaty hair away from her face.

Mac sat on the bed as well and rubbed her daughter's back. "Its okay Baby," Mac crooned. "Tell Daddy."

"I had...a dream that you...went away," Lucy sniffled. "In the airplanes you fly."

"Oh, sweetie" he said, figuring the nightmare was triggered by her fear earlier that day, when the call came about Grams', that something had happened to him. "I'm not going to go away in the airplanes" he said, looking up at Mac to see if she caught his specificity. "Remember, you asked me if I fly them very good, and I said I did?"

"But you could make an accident," Lucy sobbed. "Mommy was sad and I was sad and...I'm scared."

He held the child tight. "Baby, I'm not gonna go fly any more airplanes for a little while" he said. "I'm here and I'm okay, so why don't you try to go back to sleep?"

Lucy shook her head. "Can I sleep with you?" she asked through her tears.

"Would you like to sleep next to Mommy?" he asked, hoping Lucy would agree to that since he really needed some time to himself.

"You too," she said clinging tighter.

"Lucy, come on now," Mac tried. "Daddy needs to have some private time right now."

The little girl only clung tighter to her father and cried harder.

Harm looked at Mac, his expression telling her he wasn't in any shape to share a bed with her.

Mac tried again, "Honey, remember what we talked about this morning. About helping Daddy all we can?"

Lucy continued to cry, but after a moment remembered what her mother was talking about. "Okay," she said, still crying and sniffling, reaching out to Mac. "I'll sleep with you, Mommy."

"Okay..." Mac smiled. "That's my good girl. Would you like Daddy to stay here until Mommy changes her clothes? Then I'll come back and sleep with you."

Lucy nodded. "Uh-huh."

"I'll be right back," Mac said and slipped off the bed and went to get ready for bed.

Mac came back a few minutes later wearing a USMC sweatshirt, one of Harm's so I covered her to her knees. She stretched then slipped into bed beside Lucy. "Harm, where did Grams keep the extra pillows?"

"In the hall closet," he answered as he walked out of the room.

"Thanks," muttered to herself as she slipped back out of the bed and went to get one. It was a room built for one and Lucy had the only pillow.

Harm returned to his room and crawled into bed, the same bed that had been there for as long as he could remember. The mattress had been replaced twice, but the frame was the same one that had been there the first time he was big enough to sleep in a "big boy bed". Being in the house had always been comforting to him, but tonight was different. Tonight all he felt was pain, loss and sadness. He rolled over and tucked his pillow between his neck and shoulder as a few teardrops rolled down his face.