A/N Ok I am so excited for this request! My girl Rushers Rule The World 97 wanted to see that little scene that Logan mentioned briefly to us during his "goodbye" with Kendall in chapter 18 of "Mystery Of You". I am so glad she brought this up because I forgot about it and I think it will be interesting to write/read. You may want to read chapter 18 of "Mystery of You" to understand what is going on (I'd love you if you did), but if you don't want to, I will leave a brief summary after this atrociously long A/N.

This is also a big chapter for me because Boots n Opals wanted me to write in 1st person and I think that is such a cool challenge, so thanks Bootsie and Rushers Rule The World! And at the end of the chapter is my special announcement.

Summary: After constant bullying and his mother returning to her drinking problem, Logan spends New Year's Eve at his favorite spot, contemplating the unthinkable. Kendall comes to his rescue. This entire story will be 14-year-old Logan's POV.

It's not going to hurt.

It won't hurt.

It can't hurt.

I kept whispering those words in my head over and over again as I stared at the pile of small white pills that I was clutching tightly in my shaking, pale hand. They looked like candy. They were sleeping pills. All I would do is fall asleep and never wake up again…

…Right?

It would be peaceful. I would just fall asleep underneath my favorite pine tree and never wake up, maybe get buried under the thick, white snow. No more pain, just like that.

Besides, anything would be better than this. I was only 14, but I felt as if I had this huge hole in my heart. Everyday seemed to get harder and harder at school. Now that I was in high school, I didn't share all my classes with my friends like I did in middle school. Sometimes I would go the whole day without talking to them because we were so busy. I missed Carlos, Kendall and James so much. I always used to have my 3 best friends surrounding me in a small triangle in my classes, but now I was surrounded by bullies.

I thought I could handle their mean comments. I thought I could handle being dragged out back after school and getting pounded for no real reason, just for the fact that I was only 5 feet tall, 3 inches and that I was in all AP classes.

It was funny. On the ice I was powerful with my buddies by my side. We rarely ever lost a game. But take the mask and my hockey stick away along with Kendall, James and Carlos, and I was just some puny little kid who apparently deserved to get black eyes and insults shouted at him every day.

If it wasn't just that, maybe the ache wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I would be able to handle it, especially if I just got the nerve to suck it up and tell Kendall. But for some reason, I wanted to hold on to every ounce of pride I had left. And I didn't want Kendall to hate me for being bullied. I didn't want him to hate me for having to fight all of my battles, for being weak.

But it wasn't just the bullying. It was coming home a couple months ago to find my mother passed out cold on the floor with a bottle of whiskey lying loosely in her hands, the last drops of the poisonous liquid dripping onto our plush carpeting.

Mom promised me she would stop drinking after dad left. And she did, too. She was sober for 3 years, and then she just started drinking again.

I was sick of it. I was sick of being bullied all day, than coming home to nurse my mom's hangover throughout the night. I was just so tired. My grades were dropping, I could barely think straight. I felt like I was moving through slow motion in someone else's life. It never used to be that way and I simply couldn't handle it. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and just never wake up.

That's why I stole my mom's sleeping pills. She was in one of her drunken rages again, screaming at me how I was supposed to be a doctor and how I am letting her down. Her words stung like razors. She didn't love me anymore, she loved her bottle.

I sniffled and wiped away a stray tear. The white pills seemed to glow in the moonlight, and as I started crying harder, my tears landed on the little pills. I was ready for it to be over.

When I raised my hands to my lips, ready to swallow them in one huge gulp, I saw images of my friends skating around on the pond, snow swirling lightly around them as they sped across the ice. I could hear their laughter and see their smiles through the moonlit fog. They were only memories, but I was so exhausted, it was almost a hallucination.

My hand loosened and the pills slipped through my fingers as my heart seemed to skip a beat. I loved my friends. This was our favorite spot. Before high school started up, we would play here every day, rain or shine. When it was summer, we would swim in the pond. When it was winter, we would skate back and forth "practicing" hockey on the freezing, silvery sheet of ice, when all we were really doing was goofing up. It was my absolute favorite place in the world to be.

My heart clenched and I let a sob escape my chapped lips. I wanted to go home now, but I was too cold and too tired to move. Besides, there was nothing waiting for me at home. There was nowhere for me to go.

I picked up a pill from the snow. My fingers were a shaking, fumbling mess. They were no longer pale, but a beet red. They were getting number by the second.

A little voice in the back of my head told me to go to Kendall's, but I ignored it. I was such a burden to him. He most likely wouldn't want me around.

I picked up another pill and let it fall into my hand, taking a shuddering breath as I forced my numb fingers to move.

I knew deep down that Kendall would never feel that way, but my best friend was almost too good to be true. He was like my big brother. He was always just there. Whether it was to comfort me or to make me laugh, my whole life, Kendall Knight was always there. He had such a comforting presence. He was just so… Warm. The way big brothers were supposed to be. He was only 7 months older than me, but it was like he just knew everything. He was wise and he was funny.

I scooped up a couple more sleeping pills when Kendall's image was distorted by my mothers. I tried to think of Kendall, but all I saw was my mother, until her drunken image faded into the faces of my bullies and tormentors. Their harsh words flooded my ears, and tears ran down my frozen cheeks as I remembered what they said.

Before I knew it, I had all of the little white poisons in my hand. I was staring down my own death. All I had to do was close my eyes, put them in my mouth and finally go to sleep. And that's what I did. I gently placed them on my tongue, one by one.

"Logan, one day, me and you are going to be the 2 greatest hockey players on earth! I'll make sure of it!"

I could hear Kendall's voice clear as day. A few months ago at practice, he went on and on about his hockey dreams and how he wanted to share them with me. He had found me with a bloody nose in the locker room after one of my bullies found me before practice.

"It's gonna be just us Loges, us against the world. I won't let anything hurt you ok? And nothing is going to tear us apart. Not even a bully."

I suddenly spit out the pills, cringing at the bitter taste that melted on my tongue. I didn't want to die. I wanted to be a hockey player with Kendall.

I gasped when I heard a twig snap not too far from me and I quickly scooped snow onto the pills on instinct. I had them all covered just in time to look up and see Kendall standing above me, his emerald eyes wide with shock at the sight of my red, tear-stained face.

"K-kendall," I croaked pitifully, immediately bursting into tears from what I had just done. Or rather, nearly done. I only hoped he didn't see what I was about to do.

"Oh, Logan… You're freezing, dude!" Kendall exclaimed, and his voice was soft yet protective. I breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know I had almost committed suicide. He shook off his initial fear and turned to his big brother mode. He slipped off his backpack and wrapped a blanket around my shuddering shoulders, rubbing my body to get me to warm up.

"I-I'm cold Kendall," I cried. I was starting to hyperventilate and it was making my chest hurt.

"I know buddy. I'll get you warm, hold on ok?" Kendall started bundling me up with scarves, gloves, and a hat. "Somehow I knew you would be here. For someone so smart, you don't always use your brain, do you?" Kendall chuckled to try and ease his anxiousness, and I ducked my head shyly.

"Sorry," I squeaked. Kendall smiled and rubbed my head.

"It's ok. I love you anyway," Kendall teased. He kneeled in front of me, snow crunching beneath his knees, and stared deeply into my eyes, silently begging for me to tell him what happened. "Logan, what's wrong? Why are you crying so hard? Please tell me. I… I feel like you have been hiding stuff from me, Logie."

I blushed with shame at Kendall's sad, pouting face, but I felt like I couldn't tell him. The words were stuck in my throat like a big hunk of glue. All I could do was cry.

"It's ok buddy, it's ok! You don't have to tell me, ssh. I'm here Logie," Kendall said, trying his hardest to calm me down. He rocked me gently in his arms and I clung to him with the little strength I had left. He held me for what seemed like ages. Despite the frigid air, we were both warm, bundled up and in each other's arms. Finally, when I was finished sobbing for the moment, I let everything that had been going on spill from my mouth. I told him about my mother, and how the kids at school were getting too mean. He listened to all of it quietly, just holding me and rubbing my back when something seemed too hard for me to say.

"Logan, I had no idea…" Kendall said apologetically. He cupped my cheek with his small hand and looked me in the eyes. "If I knew, I would have helped you. You know that, right? And I'm going to help you now, ok?"

I nodded, trusting every word he spoke to me. I knew I wasn't alone anymore.

"I'm sorry Kendall," I said softly, tears welling up in my eyes. I felt like I could cry all night. I just wanted for Kendall to hold me and let me cry all night. I didn't want to stop.

"Why are you sorry buddy? None of this is your fault."

I glanced guiltily at the disrupted snow that hid my secret. I would never be able to tell Kendall. I refused to scare him like that. I started sobbing again and buried my face into his chest.

"I'm just so tired, Kendall," I sobbed, breathing in his warm scent. I wrapped my arms around his skinny body tightly, desperate for the contact. I needed it, and Kendall gladly gave it to me. He brought me into his lap and rested his chin on my head.

"I know. Go to sleep now, I gotcha," Kendall told me in a soothing, hushed tone. He whispered comforting words into my ear and I felt my eyes slip shut and my body relax against his. His voice sounded further and further away he slowly rocked me to sleep.

When I awoke next, the first thing I realized was that I was somewhere warm and soft, and wherever I was smelled really good, like soup and candles. I could hear clanking dishes in the kitchen and a flickering sound of a fire.

I nestled down into the soft cushions I laid on, my eyes feeling like lead. I knew I was somewhere familiar, and I was tempted to fall back to sleep, but my curiosity got the better of me.

I moaned and stretched, wincing at the pain that shot through my throat when I made the quiet sound. My eyes shot open and I saw that I was laying on the couch in Kendall's den across form his fireplace.

"K-Kendall," I rasped out. I rubbed my aching throat and realized my head and chest was just as sore. Why was I suddenly feeling so sick?

"I'm right here," Kendall called. I heard his small, quick feet padding through the kitchen and into the den as he ran to greet me. He saw me and gave me a hug smile. "Logie, you're awake. Are you ok?"

"Mmm, what happened?" I asked, confused.

Kendall's grin turned into a sad frown. "You don't remember last night?"

"No?" I squeaked nervously.

"You kind of had a really bad night, Logan. You ran out to the pond and you were freezing when I found you because you weren't dressed properly. I dressed you and you cried on my lap all night, buddy, because of your mom." Kendall looked down sadly. "You fell asleep in my arms so I carried you home."

I rubbed my eyes as the memories of last night slowly flooded back to me. I remember feeling lonely, and like I was giving up. I remembered the light weight of my mother's tiny white pills in my hand. I could still taste the bitterness in my mouth, and I vaguely felt nauseous. I couldn't believe what I had actually considered. I had wanted to die. I didn't want to die though, not anymore.

"Are you ok Logie? You look really pale," Kendall commented when I was quiet for an awfully long time. I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck. He reached over and felt my forehead. "You're kind of warm."

"Yeah, well… I feel kind of sick," I admitted. "You… You carried me all the way home, Kendall?"

"Well, yeah," Kendall said. "You were shivering a lot and I got worried about you. You weren't very hard to carry. Are you ok now though? You still seem kind of cold." Kendall draped another blanket over my body.

"I feel much better now that I'm here," I said. Suddenly I felt my chest constrict and I went into a coughing fit. My body shuddered as I gasped for air, and Kendall patted my back to get me to calm down. He looked at me, panic shrouding his green eyes.

"Oh no, you're really sick," he said. "And mom is still at her friend's house. What do I do, Logan?" Kendall furrowed his brow in deep thought. I chuckled and struggled to sit up, which was kind of hard. I was really weak.

"I'm ok, Kendy. It's just a cold. I'll get some juice and I'll be fine." I rolled off of the couch, but Kendall shoved me back down and tucked me in tightly. I squirmed uncomfortably.

"Kendall…" I whined.

"Ssh, I'm gonna take care of you, Logan. I'll get you the juice." Kendall rushed into the kitchen. He was gone for several minutes, and he came back with a tray full of various things. He had a glass of orange juice, a bowl of soup, a thermometer, and some purple medicine in a bottle with a big spoon.

"It's a good thing I made soup for lunch," Kendall said, placing the thermometer in my mouth. I rolled my eyes, wiggled my arm free from the tight hold of the blanket he had wrapped around me, and adjusted the device so it was under my tongue. We waited a moment and he squinted at the numbers on the old fashioned thermometer after it beeped in confusion.

"Logie what does it say?"

I rolled my eyes again and took the device away from him. "Tell your mom to get a digital thermometer. It says one hundred and one."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I got a fever," I said with a cough. Kendall frowned.

"That's what happens when you go frolicking outside in the middle of the night when it's 15 degrees out!" He scolded. He gave some cold medicine and my juice and we ate our soup together while we watched "Rudolph's Frosty New Year." It wasn't long before we were both sprawled on the couch, exhausted.

"Hey, Kendall…" I mumbled. My voice sounded distant as I started to drift off to sleep.

"Yeah Loges?" Kendall asked in a soft voice heavy with exhaustion.

"Thanks for saving me."

Kendall raised an eyebrow, confused by my comment, than laid his head next to mine. "No problem, Logie. I'm always here for you, even when I'm far away. You don't even have to call me…" Kendall yawned and smacked his lips contentedly. "It's like I just know. Night, Night Logan."

I smiled and brought my blanket up around Kendall's shoulders. "God night, Kendy."

A/N Ok, what did you guys think? I hope I did ok! I am not sure how I feel about this, so I added some cute stuff to make up for my complete inability to write in 1st person. Please tell me how I did, I love feedback. Reviews are turkeys and sweet potatoes!

Ok so here's the announcement! So for everyone's Christmas present, I am writing a holiday one shot off of Mystery of You! I am getting a lot of requests to continue that story, so I thought I would write a one-shot chronicling Kendall's road to recovery during the holidays. So it will take place between Kendall being released from the hospital and his first concert since he got sick. It will be sad, angsy, and adorable. A little bit of everything! It will be up sometime in December! Does everyone like that Christmas present? ;) Love you guys!