"You're supposed to open it." Emma deadpanned when Regina simply stared at the box, "That's typically how gifts work."

Regina cocked an eyebrow at her from behind her mask and carefully picked up the box. "Yes, thank you dear."

Emma thought she might explode if Regina took any longer, carefully removing one corner and then the other. Heart beating hard in her chest, legs shaking so terribly that Emma wasn't sure they would hold her. She grinned widely, her facial muscles stretching to their fullest as slowly the lid to the box was opened.

Regina stared at the card inside, her eyes sweeping back and forth quickly before she looked up dark confusion in her eyes. "What is this?"

Emma took her hands, Jade meeting Chocolate, "It's an appointment for an Otolaryngologist."

"It's a what?"

Smirking a little Emma quickly spelled the word she had been practicing for the last week. It was the first time Emma had let herself sign like that in front of someone that was not her safe little group of friends and Cora's disapproval tickled down her spine uncomfortably.

Regina's hands convulsed, snapping out of Emma's grasp. "Regina, you have an appointment to get a cochlear implant."

Regina stared at Emma, her face blank. Anticipation built quickly in Emma's chest waiting for the smile, the look of disbelief on her face – some type of excitement. When the face stayed blank Emma frowned and lifted her hand to make the sign for the implant but Regina stopped her, holding her hand in place. "I know what you said."

Bewilderment poured through her and just a touch of disappointment. Cora had warned her that Regina would need to be convinced a little but she had been secretly hoping that it wouldn't be true. She had secretly hoped that Regina would be instantly as excited as she was.

Finally Regina spoke, her voice softly alarming Emma of imminent danger like a cat yowling before rain, "How did you find out about this?"

"What?"

"The implant."

"What do you mean?"

"How did you find out about them, Emma?" Regina's back was beginning to straighten, tall and lean, her chin rising high and Emma wanted to bat it all away and stop her from retreating farther behind the mask that Emma hated so much.

"Your mom," she turned to look for her but Cora was far from them, sipping a glass of wine and flipping through a magazine on the couch as if giving them privacy to discuss. "Cora?"

"You were working with my mother?" Regina's voice was quiet, dangerous and Emma was beginning to feel storm clouds gathering above her, threatening bolts of lightning. "You and my mother booked an appointment for me to get an implant without even discussing it with me?"

"Regina, I don't understand. You seem angry. This is an amazing thing. I thought this would make you happy. It would solve all of those problems – Regina, this would make you hear."

Regina's eyes flashed dangerously. Emma flinched but she continued, desperate for her point to be made, unknowingly burying herself under her own words, "no more pretending to understand what people are discussing in a large crowd. No more dancing to the beat instead of the music at clubs. No more needing Ruby at your side to communicate with most of the world. You could do it yourself! No more fighting for respect. Plus you could understand your mother! You could understand me. Don't you want that?"

Regina turned on Cora her voice still like soft ice, "Mother. This explains your gift then. Salt in the wound?"

"What?" Emma's stomach soured. What had Cora done now?

"She began a charity foundation in my name that rehabilitates deaf children. Don't play coy, Emma."

"Rehabilitate as in –"

"As in everything she did to me as a child."

"What?" revulsion washed through her, "Wait, coy? I didn't -" But Regina wasn't looking at her; her eyes were trained on her mother.

Cora sighed as if this whole situation were a huge inconvenience. Setting her drink and her magazine down, she stood and boldly approached Regina. Cupping her cheek she caressed it lightly, lovingly then pat it, perhaps harder than what was kind and leaving a small red mark "it's time, Regina. It's time."

"What?" Emma cried, a picture falling into place before her.

It's time?

"I'm going to join Ruby and Henry."

"What? Cora?" Emma cried even louder. She watched Cora go in shock. "Cora!"

What the hell?

"Oh my god, I'm such an idiot. This has come up before." A small spark of understanding hit her. "This wasn't a new idea Cora just got, this has come up before."

"Yes." Regina turned back to her, frozen eyes falling on Emma's panicked ones, "this has come up many times before. This is just the first time she was able to recruit someone to her cause."

"But wait," Emma grabbed Regina's arm before she could turn from her, "don't you want this? Think about it, hun. Think about what it would be like to be able to hear again. Ruby's laughter? Music? Henry singing? The sounds I make when you make me come?" She grinned wickedly but Regina's face stayed frozen. Panic fluttered harder in her chest, beating an angry rhythm. This was bad.

"No, Emma," Regina said coldly, "I don't want this. I can't believe you let my mother talk you into doing this." Angrily Regina yanked her arm free, "How dare you!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Regina, wait, I don't understand. You're mad at me? You don't want it, fine but you're mad at me? She told me you did, want them I mean. I thought you would want it. I don't get it, being deaf makes you miserable."

"No Emma," Regina barked, loud enough to make Emma jump from her stool, "being deaf is who I am." The emphasis on each word was like a kick to the gut.

Emma had been living on such a high, so excited to help Regina through this wonderful change, that the abrupt let-down was filling her stomach with a nasty rock of hard shock. It was as though she had been enthusiastically descending a steep set of stairs, confident she knew when she was on solid ground again only to reach the supposed bottom and discover her foot flying through another six inches of air, crunching down, radiating a sick jolt through her bones. Perhaps she was Wile E. Coyote chasing after the obnoxious bird only to discover the cliff he had been running on had actually ended ten feet back.

She didn't like the look that was washing over Regina's face, the bitter mask falling aside and exposing the pain twisting her features as the realization hit her, "and you can't handle that."

"What? No! I thought this would be a good thing. I thought I was helping. Of course I can han-"

"Of course." Her lip curled back, her teeth hungrily exposed, her features seesawing back to anger, "you thought you would help the pathetic little deaf girl and all the pathetic little deaf girls in the future. Take their hands and show them back into the world of normal."

"Regina, no!" Emma could see a swirling cloud erupting in Regina's eyes; building, fury growing and it terrified Emma.

How the hell did I get here? How did I make her look at me like that? I'm such an idiot. I should have known!

"It sounds like you think I pity you but Regina I –"

"It's true that deaf is not all that I am but it is a huge part of who I am."

"Of course!"

"Not all deaf people want to be hearing, Emma. I am proud of who I am," she boomed, "I am proud of what I am."

"Regina so am-"

"If there was a magical surgery that could turn you into a heterosexual, Emma, a surgery that could make you" she spat the 'you' so it lie mangled and disgusting on the floor between them, "normal as the world states normal must be, would you do it? Would you give up your Sapphic ways that I know you love so much in order to fit in the box you were given at birth?"

Emma frowned deeply, her defenses beginning to flair, "But this isn't the same."

"Isn't it?" her voice roared, clashed over her ready to open the angry clouds and soak Emma in the suddenly vile venom. Emma could see Regina's anger and hurt building, the meter to exploding slowly filling with angry purple smoke. Her instincts told her to run, to duck and cover and get out of there before she lost her safety net but she couldn't. She needed to make her point and she needed to do it quickly. She needed to calm her love down.

"No! It isn't! Regina, I get that you're proud, I love that about you but it's not the same! I am not missing a basic human function! It's a basic function that you could get back! Have you ever considered it? Have you ever thought about what you could gain? Who you could be?" Regina just stared at her in horror so Emma kept talking, unable to stop "I didn't have anything to do with the foundation, I promise I had no idea but isn't it a good thing? Helping children get along better in the world?"

The mask dropped away again, exposing the raw flesh underneath. There was so much pain in Regina's eyes, a lifetime of being ripped open and sewn up only to rip at the stitches all over again before they had the chance to heal. "You're just like all of the rest of them." A knife's edge slipped between Emma's ribs. "I can't believe I ever trusted you. I can't believe I ever thought – you would teach a whole new generation of children that they are wrong? That they need to be fixed?" A little hurt girl stood where the fierce and angry Regina had stood a moment before.

Emma reached for her; a denial fast on her lips but Regina recoiled as if a spider had touched her fingertips.

"You can trust me! I don't want to teach children that they're wrong! They aren't! Regina, how could you think I would think that? The foundation is in your name! You can make it better, Regina. You can decide what type of therapy is offered – stop! Listen to me for a second!" Emma shouted frustrated, her eyes exploding with tears. There was something in Regina's voice that was scaring Emma to death, a finality that Emma didn't understand nor did she want to understand.

"I thought I could trust you." Regina's face was pale, mortified behind her eyes. She wasn't listening to anything Emma was saying, too busy locked in her own head. Emma could tell she hadn't been listening for a while now.

"You can! That's the only reason why I'm saying you should think about it because you can trust me. I swear I was only trying to help. I thought I was doing a good thing. Damn it, Regina, I thought this was something you would want. I thought this would be a good change!"

Regina's sad eyes searched Emma's face while Emma clung tightly to the side of the kitchen island, begging her internally to trust her, to see she only meant to help - she only meant to make her life better. "Why can't I ever be enough?"

"Regi-"

"Just me. As I am."

"Regina!"

"I never thought you would need to change me in order to be with me. Not you."

"No, I don't!"

Regina's eyes began to fill as they swept over every inch of Emma's face, looking for someone she knew "You're not who I thought you were, are you? Who are you?"

"Regi-"

"What do you want from me?" Regina screamed at full volume, her hands coming down like thunder on the island, tears flowing, dark and bloody, so unlike the beautiful crystal drops Emma had experienced the night before. "I can only be who I am, Emma!"

"No, no, Regina," Emma sobbed suddenly feeling something coming, feeling the spring about to snap, "you don't understand. I'm sorry –" her arms felt heavy, her mind dizzy as she watched her loves cold face stare at her as if she were a stranger, a bug.

"I thought you – I thought you loved me."

"I do! Oh god, I do!" Emma bellowed, reaching for her again and again was denied. "I love you so much, Regina, please. Listen to me! I made a mist-"

Regina backed away, her head shaking, those walls snapping up around her and leaving Emma out in the cold, in the dark. Her neck lengthened, her chin held high as the woman disappeared behind herself, only her eyes remained dejected, confused, "What the hell have you done to me? This isn't who I am. I don't – I don't need people like this. This is so silly!"

"Regina!"

A ripple of fury crossed Regina's face. Emma's dawn exploded, lightening stuck, "You sided with my mother. You're just another lackey, another person who jumps when she tells them to."

"No!" Tears dripped from her cheeks, her heart that had pounded with such joy, such happiness for months was cracking, shattering. Emma clutched at it in her chest, trying to hold it together. This couldn't happen. She couldn't handle this. No, this couldn't happen. "Regina, no! Stop!"

"You sided with my mother! How could you side with my mother? How could you be this person? No wonder you never tried to learn to sign with me. You thought you would tell me to do this and the silly little deaf girl would just comply."

"Regina!" she launched across the room, forcibly taking Regina into her arms but Regina shoved her away.

Her voice was low, purposeful as she went for the throat, "You lied to me. You made me believe - that is unforgivable, Emma."

"Regina, please." The words were meant to be a scream but they only came out in a faint whisper. "Please don't do this."

"Unforgivable." The furious brunette roared, shaking the windows, "Get your shit. Get you shit and get the fuck out of my house. I want nothing to do with you."

Emma's knees hit the wooden floor, slayed where she stood. "Regina!"

But Regina was gone. She had turned and disappeared up the stairs and into the metal box for her escape, running.

Emma couldn't believe it, the words echoed in her mind like a pendulum, slicing into her stomach with every swing. She had barely been in the fight. Regina had, for the second time, built and ended the fight almost entirely herself, leaving Emma strapped to the tracks of the train unable to do anything but watch and wait for the collision.

This is why you never learned sign with me.

But that wasn't true.

She was on her feet, flying after Regina, "No! That is not it! I am not losing this! No!"

The slammed her thumb into the button signaling for the elevator but it didn't come. She pressed again and again, screaming in frustration and planting a kick into the door, yelping with pain as it finally opened.

"Come on, come on, come on!" she kicked the walls as the machine slowly descended.

She flew into the lobby but there was no hope. Regina had vanished like a cloud of smoke.

Emma called her phone three times each time being informed politely by the operator that the number Emma was calling did not pick up.

"I'm sorry, ma'am but it looks like the call is going straight to voicemail now. I think the phone has been turned off."

Emma screamed in frustration, planting a kick into a potted plant. It exploded showering the ground with pottery and dirt.

"Shit!"

Cora fucked me. Cora fucked me. She knew exactly what to say to get me on her side. Cora fucked me. I'm an idiot. And Regina dumped me. What do I do now?

She stood for a long while, looking around blankly. She would go back up, she would go back up and wait. Regina had to return sometime and when she did Emma would fucking be there waiting.

She spun on her heels but a throat cleared next to her.

Humiliation flared but it was only a dull flicker to the barely contained panic coursing through her. "I'm sorry about the plant, I shouldn't have done that. I'll pay for it; I'm sorry."

The giant man who always stood by the elevator was looking down at her, clearly sorry for what he was about to say, "I'm sorry, Ms. Swan but Ms. Mills has asked me to help you gather your things and to escort you to the El."

"What?" Disbelief froze her, "you've gotta be kidding me."

"I'm sorry ma'am." He summoned the elevator "Right this way."

Emma felt like a convict, a death row prisoner as she did her best - and failed - to staunch the tears she sobbed while she picked up the things belonging to her and her son. She could feel the man's pitying eyes on her as she went, slowly, jumping when he spoke again, "forgive me, ma'am, but she said you only had thirty minutes."

Cold. Mean. Nasty. She had always known there was a frost in her girlfriend but she had never been on the receiving end. It burned, biting at her and devouring her willpower.

She couldn't make eye contact with anyone as he waited with her for the El train. She wanted to ask about Henry but she knew that, mad as Regina was, she would not allow anything to happen to him. He would probably show up at home that evening after everyone went skating.

She stepped onto the train, blankly, freezing inside the door unable to process where she needed to go now.

He cleared his throat again behind her, "Merry Christmas, ma'am."

A small sarcastic jilt of laughter popped from between her lips, a bubble from a recent stab wound. The laughter died instantly as the doors to her life for the past months closed with a ding.

She tied Regina's phone constantly that evening, even tried Ruby's once or twice with no luck. She was being frozen out all over a stupid mistake.

It seemed so stupid now, why had Emma trusted Cora? What had made her think Cora was trustworthy? Why was she always such an idiot? She could have sworn she had a talent for picking up when someone was lying to her – why had she put so much power behind that? Stupid.

She paced back and forth in the living room for hours, tears never slowing until she had no idea what else to do or who else to call. She picked up the phone and, words hitching with every sob, she explained to August what had happened.

"I don't – I don't know what to do – what do I do now?"

August was silent a long time, "I think you give her time, Emma. She's mad, let her get over it."

She threw her cell phone across the room.

A knock sounded at the door a few hours later. Emma knew it would be Henry but she flew to the door and wrenched it open, knowing Regina would be there with him making sure her son was safe. Instead she growled when she saw Cora, holding tightly to Henry's shoulder.

"You! Are you fucking kidding me? Henry, go to your room."

Henry looked shocked by his mother's yell but booked it in double time.

"Do not take that tone with me, young lady! Before you get mad, allow me to explain."

Fury and hurt beat against Emma's temples. She couldn't listen right now, she knew she couldn't. "How can you explain? You treacherous bitch, you played me! She dumped me. Because of you."

Surprise flicked across Cora's face, "She broke up with you?"

"Yes, Cora. She did. Of course she did. Just like you wanted."

"I assure you, Emma, that I –"

And Emma slammed the door in the woman's face.

Henry cried when he saw all of his things in the living room, his little feet stomping until he threw himself into his room, slamming the door.

Emma let him go, crumbling onto the couch in a sobbing heap.

Had she really been so foolishly happy a few hours before? It felt so fake now laying here in the cold breeze of her apartment. She could hear Henry crying into his pillow and as much as she wanted to go to him, to apologize for snapping but she didn't think she could - not right now.

She needed a distraction so she could calm herself enough to comfort him. She turned and caught the glitter of something in the mirror. Nausea ripped through her as she saw the glittering diamonds; the drops so like those wonderful tears that were still nestled in her ears. With an anguished cry, she ripped at them, scratching pulling until they sat in her palm, her lobe bleeding slightly. Her arm wrenched back, ready to throw them across the room, her sobs dry in her throat but she stopped herself at the last moment. Instead she walked shakily to her dresser and set them down, covering them with a picture of Henry so she didn't have to see them.

She started in the kitchen and scrubbed and sweat her way across each room – the progress doing nothing to wipe away the ache she felt.

Each moment Regina did not call her back seemed to settle on her like a weight pressing her deeper into the ground, making her sink.

Finally close to his bedtime, Henry emerged from his room, face swollen. Emma jumped up, quickly wiping away her own tears. "Hey kid. Come here. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

He crawled into her lap, still shaking slightly as he cried, "'Gina doesn't like us anymore?"

"No, no, Henry."

Why didn't you hide his stuff and introduce the idea slowly? Scum of the universe. You always have been and you always will be.

"Regina loves you. She does but sometimes – well sometimes when people are dating it doesn't work. They don't make one another happy."

"But you were happy!" he wailed.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Henry."

Everything in Emma's life changed over the next few days. It was like she was a teenager again. Old wounds she thought had long healed were suddenly open and bleeding. No matter how she held herself, wrapping tightly against the gashes, she could not stop the bloodshed.

She had been thrown out, kicked to the curb yet again in her life, passed over in favor of better things and she didn't understand how she had gotten there. Didn't she protect herself against this happening?

She and Henry simply sulked around the house, not saying much but simply surviving together until the ache of the loss waned.

Neither Regina nor Ruby would answer her phone calls and Emma was given a sharp prod of a reminder that before Killian, before Regina; Emma had been entirely alone in this city.

The only person who refused to leave her alone was Cora. She called once a day every day until the morning of New Year's Eve when finally exasperated Emma picked up the phone.

"Did you not know your daughter enough to know that she didn't want it or were you using me?"

"Emma, I wouldn't say-"

"You used me."

"Excuse me?"

"You told me you wanted to make her life better but you used me to push your agenda, didn't you? You knew she would attack you if you brought the implant up so you had me do it. I was disposable to you."

"On the contrary Emma, I thought she would listen to you. I thought you would make her see reason."

"Well, she didn't. She didn't listen to me; she kicked me out of her life which means you are out of my life. So stop calling me."

"Emma. You left Henry's gifts. I have them for you."

Emma considered telling Cora where exactly she could put those gifts but decided against it, "Keep them."

"I will not, Ms. Swan. You will pick them up tonight."

"Tonight?"

"The benefit."

"What?"

"Emma, have you forgotten about the Black and White Ball I am hosting this evening? You are supposed to be playing. I would advise that you do not miss this evening."

She had. Emma had forgotten entirely in the wake of the destruction of her life. Becca had been expensively booked for that evening and would be there within hours. She had forgotten. She wished she hadn't been reminded. "You can't really expect me to go."

"I most certainly do. Mr. Gold has information for you. You will be there, Ms. Swan."

Anger bubbled, "What the hell gives you the right to tell me what I will or will not do, Cora?"

"Because we both know it will be to your benefit to arrive tonight."