James went to the funeral. He wasn't sure she'd want him there, but he couldn't just leave her by herself. They hadn't spoken since the other night. Two days. 59 hours. He tried not to count the minutes.

He had checked in with her friends, to see if she had decided to stay with them, but none of them seemed to know anything at all. James avoided mentioned her parents. He didn't think he had the right to tell them, if Lily had chosen not to.

He stood at the back of the service, dressed in somber black. Lily and her sister sat next to each other. James had the impression it was more for posterity's sake than any sort of familial bond. Her sister sat straight as a board. Lily looked very, very small.

James tried to focus on what the man was saying, but his attention kept coming back to Lily. He hoped she hadn't stayed with Petunia. They had never been close, but if her sister's demeanor now was any indication, James couldn't think of anyone he'd want taking care of Lily in a time like this less than her sister. Not that Lily needed taken care of.

James still didn't understand what he'd done wrong. Why shouldn't he want to take care of her? Wasn't that the point of love? Of family? Of friendship? That you're there for other people when they need you?

He let out a long breath. But somehow he'd managed to not be there for her when she needed him. To scare her off. She had lost the two people in the world who mattered the most to her, and James had sent her scurrying into the night. He had a horrible feeling she was staying in her childhood home. He closed his eyes, feeling ill at the idea of her alone with all the pain she must be in. And in a place full of memories and reminders of what she'd lost.

He hadn't been able to spot her there, but he couldn't think of anywhere else she would have gone. He had sat outside the house both nights, hidden by his invisibility cloak. He kept himself from going in, sure that she would consider it a grave violation of her privacy, but hadn't been able to stay away altogether.

He had made Remus sleep in their apartment and promise to notify James if she showed up. He didn't want her to find the place empty if she did decide to come home.

He returned his attention to the man speaking. He tried very hard for the rest of the service not to lose the thread again. He failed spectacularly.

Lily knew he was there. She had seen him at the back of the service. Now he hovered in the background at the cemetery. Petunia kept shooting him glares. Somehow after years of hating Lily for her magic, Petunia had found a way to blame her for not having magic at the right moment. Or for not being there to use it.

Lily glanced back at James again. She had had time to think about it, and she knew she had been right to end it. If her parents could die with no looming threat of Voldemort to affect them, how was James ever going to last?

She turned her gaze back to her parents, watching as they were lowered into the ground. She couldn't do this again. There were so many people to lose, and she couldn't. She just couldn't.

She focused on keeping her breathing even. It would be bad enough to lose Mary, or Dorcas, or any of her friends. Even his friends. But him. She closed her eyes. She couldn't even bear to contemplate it.

She didn't know how he'd done it. He'd just become , well, a part of her. She didn't know how to live without him. She didn't know how to sleep. She didn't know how to eat. She didn't know how to laugh. She didn't know how to be without him.

She hadn't realized it could be like that. She had known she loved him. That somehow he had insinuated himself into her life, and she'd fallen for him against her will. But this was different. This was too much. This was more than she could bear to lose. And if it was already too much, how much worse would it be when she did lose him? How could it not break her?

Lily realized people had started coming to offer their condolences. She shook hands, returned hugs, and kissed cheeks, all in a haze. Meaningless words washed over her. She knew they offered comfort, but there was none to be had.

Lily couldn't judge the time, but eventually they all drifted away. Petunia and her husband had left without a word to her.

Lily sighed, looking down at the grave. She wished she could speak to them. Wished she'd had a chance to say goodbye. She whispered it now and backed away slowly.

She turned and saw James, still watching her.

"You didn't need to come," she said quietly.

He stepped closer to her. "Yes, I did."

"James –" she didn't get very far before he pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know I didn't say the right thing. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be here."

"I can't do this, James," she said into his chest. "I'm sorry. I know I'm hurting you, but I can't. I can't stand to lose you too."

He pulled back, brushing a hand over her cheek. "Is that why you left?" he asked. "You aren't going to lose me," he said.

She pushed him a full step back. "How can you say that?" she whispered. "We've already lost members of the order," she said. "And my parents weren't even a part of any of that and they're –" her throat closed over the word.

"You're right," he said quietly. "I can't promise you won't lose me. But why would you want to hasten it?" he said. "If you walk away now, don't we just lose each other sooner?"

"I'll only get more attached," she said, looking away.

He took her hand, pulling it up to his lips. "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty attached now," he said, kissing her fingers. "Can you honestly tell me you aren't?" he asked.

She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't make the words come out.

"There's always a risk," he said. "Anytime you love someone, you run the risk of losing them. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it," he argued. "If I lost you tomorrow, I'd be a wreck. I don't know how I'd get up in the morning, or –" he shook his head, not wanting to consider the loss. "But I wouldn't regret being with you," he said.

"I can't imagine how much it would hurt to lose you," he continued, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But I would still have had some time with you. And that's better than never having been with you at all."

She leaned her forehead against his, breathing slowly.

"If you tell me you don't love me, that's one thing. But since I know you do," he rubbed his nose along hers, "I'm not going to give up." He smiled slightly. "I refer you to first through seventh year for an indication of my tenacity."

She closed her eyes, trying very hard not to cry.

"I know you're scared. I can't imagine how hard this is for you," he whispered. "But these are the times I'm supposed to be here for you. These are the times when it's ok to need me."

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, refusing to let any tears escape. After a moment, she nodded, forehead still pressed to his.

"I'm supposed to go back to the house," she breathed. "To decide what I want to keep." She slid her hand down his arm, twining her fingers with his. "Will you come with?"

He brought their joined hands up to his mouth. "Always."

You've probably sorted this by now, but I'm a bit of a review whore. It might be helpful for you to think of reviews as cash on the night stand.

You've got to pay to play ;-)

-Naj