By the following Thursday, Blake managed to come out of her shell for her team, though JNPR and RAIN was still a bit difficult for her. She could make small-talk with Pyrrha, but Nora was a bit too noisy for her tastes. Reina was nowhere to be seen, to the concern of all three teams, who only knew that she was training privately with Ozpin and not much else. Aqua, like Nora, was a little too bombastic in her demeanor and was pushed away by Blake. Ilia... well, everyone knew where she stood with her.
It seemed everyone was happy to see Blake filling out again, as well. She had been thinner than when she left the White Fang when she opened up to Ilia, but now she was on her way to returning to a normal weight. It even pleased her that her skin was matching her foundation again, though she used it less now that she wasn't cutting herself.
To keep Port and Oobleck from worrying about her, Blake started sitting in rows closer to the front, but never going any farther than the second. It did oftentimes bring her closer to Cardin and his team, but she chose to sit near Pyrrha or Yang, two of the strongest girls she shared classes with. It certainly helped thwart Team CRDL's bullying- Pyrrha had officially broken Cardin's leg that one time he decided to jump her, and Yang was, well... Yang. A look from either of those two could shut that bastard down in an instant.
It didn't go unnoticed that while she was slowly beginning to open up to some of her friends, she still had an aversion to others. Ren more than happily prepared food for Blake to help her get her weight back up, but it was Pyrrha who delivered it to RWBY's dorm room. Jaune attempted to approach her in the library for help with an assignment, but luckily Napier was there to stop him and offered his help instead. Sun and Neptune noticed the shift in their friend, too, and it hurt them both that she was closing herself off to them without giving them a reason. Something inside of her viewed all of them as threats, and despite her best reasoning she couldn't make it go away.
The eggshells she walked on finally cracked when she was headed back to her dorm room after classes had finished for the day. Ilia was working on a team assignment in the library and unfortunately couldn't be with her. This meant Blake had to walk alone with her anxiety, thoughts, and emotions... something that for a large part she'd tried to ignore.
"Good to see you, Miss Belladonna." Ozpin's warm voice cut through Blake like glass, and the gentle touch of his hand on her shoulder shattered all barriers between her and her trauma. It all flooded back- the beatings, the torment with Wilt, past abuse from Adam, everything. Blake let out a bloodcurdling shriek as she dropped to the floor in the middle of the hallway and backed herself up into a wall. She didn't see Ozpin standing there with his cane extended; she saw Adam with one hand on Wilt ready to unsheathe it from Blush. She no longer saw the hallway of Beacon's dormitories; she saw the train car she'd been imprisoned in for a day. The Faunus curled up into a ball, shrinking away from Ozpin as every fibre of her being shook with fear. When the Headmaster reached a hand out to help her, she swatted it away with all her strength. Clearly this was another one of her panic attacks.
Ozpin stood and reached for his Scroll, dialing Glynda. "Get Ilia and come to the dormitories, I've got a situation."
"What happened?!" Ilia demanded as she ran down the hall. "What did you do?!"
"I merely tried to speak with her, Miss Amitola," Ozpin explained calmly. "I by no means had any intention to set her off."
"Well, you clearly did," the chameleon Faunus said through gritted teeth as she curled herself protectively around Blake and began to sing for her.
Glynda joined the group shortly after, glaring daggers at Ozpin with her riding crop at the ready. She looked down at Blake, watching her break down into tears in Ilia's arms. "Another one of her panic attacks?"
"The first one I've witnessed," Ozpin sighed. He turned to Ilia. "This has happened before?"
"At least three times that I know of," Ilia told the Headmaster.
"Can you tell me what her triggers were?" he asked.
"The first time was because my eyes were red," Ilia explained. "The other two, she told me, were when Port and Oobleck kept her behind after class. She did have a miniature attack when I tried to hug her from behind, but it was my fault for not giving her any warning."
Ozpin mused on that for a second. "Has she been avoiding anyone? Friends, perhaps?"
"I suggested that she spar with Napier or Ren once," Ilia told him. "She told me she was afraid to. Sun's even approached me wondering why Blake's shut him out."
"That sounds an awful lot like androphobia," Glynda considered.
"What's that?" Ilia looked to Glynda, but it was Ozpin who spoke.
"Fear of men. It's not uncommon for rape survivors to develop anxiety and distrust towards members of the sex that raped them. With proper treatment, it usually doesn't go much further than a little shyness and being guarded. That's not what we're seeing here."
Tears pricked Ilia's eyes. Was she really not helping?
"We're not saying it's your fault," Glynda reassured her. "You might actually be useful for the proper treatment and care we need to ensure this doesn't happen again."
"I'll do anything!" Ilia volunteered, holding Blake closer to her chest. "Tell me what it is!"
"A simple reality check," Ozpin smiled softly. "When she calms down, try to talk to her about her anxiety and get her to open up. Find that little tick in the back of her mind and shut it down. Take what you know about the people she's avoiding and use it to ease her worries." With that, he gave Ilia a small nod and headed back to his office. Glynda followed suit.
It was evening by the time Blake had calmed down from her panic attack. She remained in the corridor curled up to Ilia, not looking anywhere else but into the fabric of her shirt. RWBY and JNPR had returned to their dorms seeing this, but the look on Ilia's face asked them not to say anything and just go about their business. Blake didn't move for a long time since Ozpin and Glynda left the two alone. She started to wonder if she had fallen asleep.
"Ilia?" Blake's voice was muffled by Ilia's shirt.
"I'm here, Blake," Ilia said softly, petting her hair.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the dormitory. You're at Beacon."
"Where is Adam?"
"Probably answering to Sienna Khan in Mistral, if I had to guess."
Blake turned her head out of Ilia's shirt but kept it rested on her chest. Neither really cared that it had been stained with makeup now, or that Blake's mascara had been smudged under her eyes or that her old scars were visible through the tear tracks. They sat in silence for several long minutes, Ilia running her hand up-and-down Blake's back as she tried to comfort her. Blake hated herself. She hated that she had gone through another panic attack. She hated that she didn't know what she could do about it, or what even caused it. She hated that the little nagging voice in her head wouldn't go away, that no matter what she did she couldn't make it shut up. She hated that she felt alone in all of this.
"Blake?" Ilia wrapped an arm protectively around Blake, the other weaving their hands together. "Ozpin and Goodwitch know about your panic attacks. You... kinda made a scene."
"I'm sorry..." Blake clutched the fabric of Ilia's shirt in a death-grip, about to cry again.
"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," Ilia reassured. "I told them about your previous ones and what triggered them. They said you might have androphobia... fear of men."
Blake paused upon hearing that. Why would she be afraid of one of the genders she was attracted to? But it suddenly made sense with that voice in her head, the thing that made all of her male peers out to be threats. Could Adam have done this?
"Blake, could you answer some questions for me?" Ilia asked.
Blake nodded slightly. "Okay."
"When we spoke in the showers the other day, you said that something inside you identified Port and Oobleck as potential threats even though you knew they weren't. Have you had the same problem with anybody else? Any friends, specifically?"
"Yeah," Blake told her. "It goes off with Napier, Jaune, Ren, Sun, and Neptune..."
"Did it happen to go off with Professor Ozpin?" Ilia raised a brow.
Blake froze. The memories of what had happened earlier rushed to the forefront of her mind. She wanted to punch herself now. She couldn't believe she had a panic attack in front of Professor Ozpin! Her body began shaking again and she gave a nod.
"I know it did, he's the one that called me up here," Ilia told her, squeezing her gently. "What does it do, exactly? That little tick inside your head?"
"It makes me want to be as far away from those people as possible," Blake explained. "It makes me want to run away when they get too close. It makes me feel like they're going to hurt me." As she said this, her grip on Ilia's hand steadily grew tighter.
"And what's the biggest way it thinks they want to hurt you?"
A sharp, shooting pain shot up through Blake's nether regions and forced her to squeeze her legs tightly together. That question seemed to have broken the little voice's restraints, and now it ran rampant inside her head. Said voice cackled with only one word, echoing through her mind over and over again: "Rape."
"It thinks they want to rape me," Blake whispered into Ilia's shirt.
Ilia kissed the top of Blake's head and moved down to whisper in her ear. "This wasn't the first time Adam's hurt you that way, was it?"
Blake shook her head. "It was usually only him. Not several of his lieutenants joining him, and nowhere near as violently as recent. His goal was to break me. I think he succeeded."
"I'll kill the bastard next time I see him," Ilia muttered. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming herself so her eyes wouldn't turn red again. Maybe she had gotten to the root of the problem? It didn't hurt to try. "What's been your reasoning so far? What have you said to the voice that hasn't worked to silence it?"
"Just that these people weren't Adam," Blake told her. "They're not him. They are my friends. They are people that care about me and want to see me better. And yet I still have a hard time approaching them. It's like the voice has more control over me than I do."
"Then we'll take it back," Ilia smiled softly. "Have you thought about any reasons why they wouldn't want to hurt you? Something they might have that Adam doesn't?"
"N- no." Blake shook her head. "It never even crossed my mind."
"Let's see... Napier and I have seen each other naked countless times and he's never once had a hard-on for me," Ilia started. "He didn't seem too interested in Reina or Aqua, either. Now that I think about it, he's never expressed any interest towards girls. So I don't think he'd be too interested in hurting you." She took a moment to think. "Sun and Neptune are gay, and they have each other. Ren has Nora, and Jaune has Pyrrha. Can you think of any other reason they might want to try and hurt you?"
The voice inside Blake's mind quieted a bit. "No." She looked up at Ilia. "But what about Port, Oobleck, and Ozpin?"
"Port and Oobleck have their jobs and Ozpin has his reputation," Ilia smiled. "I don't think they'd want to put any of those on the line just to hurt you."
Blake finally relaxed in Ilia's hold, releasing her grip on her hand. "Thank you, Ilia."
"Does it help?"
"Yeah, a bit."
Ilia kissed the top of Blake's head. "Just try to remind yourself whenever you see them."
"Sure thing."
The two enjoyed the rest of their evening together in silence.