Chapter 25: Living Nightmares

AN: Hogan goes through the final stage of healing before he can resume being his old self.

The drive to the place of unimaginable pain and the source of nightmares was done in silence. The closer they got, the more Hogan's body started to shake. The fear he thought he finally had control over, was taking control over him. He could feel his chest tightening. It took all of his self-control to keep from panicking. He had to remind himself the place could no longer harm him and when he was through, nothing there would be used to torture anyone again. With Koch now dead, there was nothing here to fear.

Dawn was breaking over the trees when Hogan pulled up to the barn. After a couple of deep breaths, Hogan stood outside the car. Kinch followed. With every step Hogan took toward the barn, his body shook more. He felt as if he was suffocating. He started perspiring profusely.

Kinch placed his hand on Hogan's shoulder for comfort. "Don't worry, General. I'm here. There is no one here to hurt you this time. If there was, I wouldn't let them get near you."

Hogan gave a half smile. He was grateful Kinch was here with him. He realized now he wouldn't have been able to go into the dark abyss again without support. How did he think he could conquer this fear in one shot? It took him a week with many attempts before he was able to get over the fear of the whip.

Hanging his head, he realized he hadn't completely broken the hold Koch had on him. He had been lying to himself the entire time. He knew if Koch could show up right now, the bravado he showed toward him earlier would be gone. The fear he felt for the dungeon was too great for him to resist and he would have no choice but to submit to Koch's control. Until he conquered the fears he felt right now, Koch would always control him.

He thought for sure enacting vengeance on Koch would have done it. He thought he'd be able to waltz into the dungeon with no problem and destroy it. One valuable lesson he learned from Koch was how to turn his feelings off. He had to. It was the only way for him to torture and murder those innocent people.

Once Koch broke him, he spent the next forty-eight hours torturing people to death. It was hard at first. He felt sick. Each additional time, he became more numb to it. There was always a steady stream of people for him to torture to death.

Eventually, his conscious, humanity, everything was ripped from him. He felt nothing. Not anger. Not pity. Not pain. The only thing he felt was emptiness. He thought his feelings were turned off for good and he would never fell anything again.

Then Koch took him to Gestapo headquarters and tortured his men in front of him. He felt something then. He felt the feelings he had shut off. Knowing how Koch liked to play mind games with him, he should have known his men really didn't die each time he pulled the trigger. Believing though they were dead gave him comfort in knowing he would never have to watch any of them be tortured to death in the dungeon.

When it came to Carter though, it was more than what was left of his conscious could handle. He will never be able to erase the look of shock and surprise that was on Carter's face when Koch handed him the gun. Carter believed he had betrayed him.

The saddest part of all is their friendship had never been the same. They were still close friends, but not as close as they once were. For the longest time afterword, he couldn't look Carter in the eyes. Every time he did, he could still see the fear that lingered there.

The pain he felt over causing Carter to be that afraid of him was so severe, he thought about ending it all to escape it. Perhaps his death would give Carter the peace he stole from him.

He couldn't go through with it. His penance was to endure the pain and make the Nazis suffer. The first part was too painful to bear. He shut his feelings off again. He buried them so deep; he thought there was no chance in them resurfacing.

Then Keitel had to threaten to whip him, causing his fears to resurface. He realized how something as simple as a whip caused the fear in him to become so overwhelming, he almost blew the mission. He couldn't live with himself if the reason for a mission to be blown was because he succumbed to his fear instead of fighting it. From that moment on, he determined to conquer that fear. Every day, in secret, he would go to a secluded part of the tunnel and force himself to face his fear by exposing himself more to a whip. Eventually he reached the point he could look at it, touch it and use it without feeling any fear.

The fight he had with Tom, allowed him to release everything he was feeling. This made it possible for him once again to shut off his feelings when he needed to. That's why he was able to torture Koch and Ziegler like he did.

They stopped at the barn doors. Now, he had his greatest fear to conquer. Together they opened the barn doors. It was apparent no one had been here since Koch was last here. He motioned for Kinch to help him open the iron door in the floor of the barn. It took great effort to convince the rusty hinges they needed to cooperate. With difficulty, the door was forced open. "Be careful. There are fifty-seven stone steps before you reach the bottom".

Hogan and Kinch descended down the stairs of the black abyss. Once at the bottom, Hogan motioned for Kinch to wait here. Removing a lighter from his pocket, Hogan lit a nearby torch. He removed the torch and lit the rest of the torches lining the room, as well as the chandelier in the center of the room.

As parts of the room started to illuminate, Kinch gaped at what he saw. The floor, walls and ceiling were made of stone. The room was filled with every imaginable medieval torture device.

Hogan stood in the middle of the room after replacing the torch just as Koch did when he had brought him here. He spread his arms out. "Kinch, welcome to Hell!"

After Kinch found his voice he said, "I knew he enjoyed torturing people, but I had no idea he had made an art of it."

Hogan walked slowly to the contraption he had spent most of his time on; a modified Garrotte. Unlike the traditional Garrotte, this one wasn't designed to kill, but to create pain and suffering.

From its appearance, Hogan wasn't the last person Koch used on it. Attached to it were the remains of someone. A tear rolled down his cheek at the thought of someone else suffering as he did.

As Hogan stared at the different contraptions and instruments around the room, images of poor souls whose torture he was forced to witness or partake in flooded his mind.

"How could a human being be so heartless?" asked Kinch.

"You don't want to know." Hogan couldn't look at Kinch when he answered. The guilt was starting to get to him over what he had done to Koch and Ziegler. Yes, they both were evil, but did they deserve what Hogan did to them?

Hogan went into the room where Koch had retrieved the recording Hogan supposedly made, telling everything he knew about the Allies military power. Hogan found it. He placed it in the player. "I, Colonel Robert E. Hogan, agreed to give the Nazis the following information…"

Kinch immediately joined Hogan in the room. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Before I was shot down, I flew B-17 bombers for the 504th. The Flying Fortress, as they are called, is successful only as long as they stay in formation…" Hogan stopped the tape. With his hands on either side of the player, he hung his head.

"You betrayed your country?" asked Kinch before he could stop himself. There was no denying the voice on the recording was Hogan's.

Hogan only shook his head. "Pretty convincing isn't it? No it's not me. Koch had someone imitate my voice to make the recording. Kind of like what we've had Newkirk do a few times. For a moment though, I believed it was me as well. Koch said he wanted me to give my statement again to verify the information was correct. He said I've already given it once and played part of the recording to convince me. Koch mentioned he would send the recording to the Allies, knowing full well it would brand me as a traitor. If I went back to the Allies, I'd be court-martialed and executed. He was making it so my only option was to support the Nazi cause."

"Wow! He had you between a rock and a hard place," exclaimed Kinch.

"That's what he thought too. I told him I'd rather be executed as a traitor by the Allies then help the Nazis. The fact I didn't fall into his little trap threw him in a tirade. I thought…I prayed he was angry enough to kill me." Hogan walked to the pillar in the large room where he had been chained.

He ran his hand over some dried blood still on the pillar, wondering if it was his. He then walked over to a large wooden table covered in blood stains. Tears streamed down his face. He placed his hands over his ears as he heard the phantom screams of the woman he saw tortured here. His mind saw Koch torturing her as he did that day.

With concentration he willed the screams to stop and pushed the image out of his head. Once the screams stopped, he continued walking around the room. He didn't want to approach the Judas Cradle in the far corner. Just thinking about what he did to the man there almost caused him to vomit. Hogan stared at his hands. His mind still saw the man's blood on his hands. Hogan had begged for Koch to end the man's suffering. Koch said if he wanted it to end, he'd have to be the one to end it. Hogan knelt beside the broken and bleeding man. After a deep breath, with the man's head in his hands, Hogan ended his suffering.

Hogan winced as he felt the phantom pain from being on the Judas Cradle. He didn't even experience the full amount of pain on it like the other man did. That's because as soon as the pain started, Hogan gave in and allowed himself to be broken.

Once he regained his composure, he stopped at the Guillotine located in front of the Garrotte. Tears streaked down his face again. "His madness knew know bounds. I was forced to watch as he tortured a family. There was a man in the cage and on the Judas Cradle. The woman was on the table and their fourteen year old daughter was on the Guillotine."

A moment later, he fingered the knot at the end of the rope that raised the blade. "I was tied to the Garrotte with my arms attached to the wheel behind me. He placed the Heretic Fork under my chin and made the girl lie on the Guillotine. When he pulled the rope to raise the blade, he didn't attach it to the release mechanism; he placed the knot in my mouth instead. The weight of the blade pulled me forward slightly, placing greater strain on my shoulders and forcing the prongs from the fork to puncture deep into my skin."

There was a pause as if seeing the scene replay itself. "She begged me let go of the rope. She was pregnant with his child. I couldn't. I wouldn't let go. As time passed, the blade seemed to get heavier and heavier. My jaw muscles were getting weaker and weaker. The fork had imbedded itself all the way into my chin and chest."

Hogan hung his head. "I finally lost the battle and the rope slipped and the blade fell."

Sensing the turmoil, Kinch placed his hand on Hogan's shoulder for strength. "There was nothing you could have done. You were in a no win situation. No one could have held out forever."

"It didn't killer her. Koch not only wanted to torture me physically, but psychologically as well. Later, he made her straddle my lap while I was on the Garrotte. Koch sat behind her so he could press her body against mine. He said if I didn't kiss her, she would suffer the same fate as her mother. I couldn't go through that again, not with a child. I kissed her on the forehead. It wasn't good enough. 'Kiss her like you would a lover,' he said. I did what he wanted in hopes of saving her from her mother's fate. The next thing I know, her body went limp. She was dead."

Hogan sank to his knees crying uncontrollably. Kinch knelt beside him and held him in his arms. This was the first time he saw Hogan cry like this. It's what he needed to do. This was the first time he dealt with what had happened here since being here. "I killed her, Kinch. I killed an innocent child."

"No you didn't; Koch did. Koch is responsible for everything that happened here; not you. You did nothing wrong," said Kinch

"She wasn't the only one I killed while I was here. He forced me to kill others; many of them were innocent civilians." Hogan's voice got quiet. "Some, he forced me to torture. If I didn't…" Hogan couldn't mention the unspeakable deed Koch would have done to him if he didn't cooperate. Just the mere thought of it was too painful.

After a few minutes, Hogan wiped his face. "I'm alright now. Thanks."

"Anytime." Kinch smiled as he helped Hogan stand.

"Can you bring me the bag out of the trunk please?" asked Hogan as he still tried to regain his composure.

"Sure." Kinch left to get the bag.

Hogan entered some of the other rooms. One of the rooms was converted into a bedroom. He removed the sheet from the bed and set it next to the remains on the Garrotte. Another room he entered contained Koch's files. As he looked through the drawers, he realized there were hundreds of files.

Finding a piece of paper, he jotted down names and date of births. When finished, he dumped all the files into a pile in the middle of the floor. Before he set the files on fire, he noticed a file sitting on the desk. It appeared Koch was working on adding something to it, but never got to finish.

Glancing at it briefly, he noticed his name was mentioned. Fresh tears stung his eyes as he read. It described in detail the time Koch made Hogan kiss the little girl. It was a time he wished he could forget.

He gaped at the paper as he read the truth about what happened to her. I have discovered the best way to torture Hogan is to mess with his mind. I could tell by the first time he saw Maria, he would do whatever I wanted him to do to protect her. I enjoyed watching him kiss her as passionately as he did. He was hard to convince at first, but after hearing the threat to mutilate her like I did her mother, he kissed her how I wanted. Maybe I should have tried pushing him further with her. I wonder if I gave him the same threat, but if instead of kissing her, he had to have sex with her, if he would have succumbed so easily? Maybe I should have kept her alive instead of killing her so I could find out. It was priceless to see the expression on Hogan's face when I said she was dead and accused him of killing her. It will be comforting to know, he will always carry that guilt around with him, never knowing I'm the one who killed her while he was distracted by kissing her.

"Damn him!" yelled Hogan. "That lying son of a bitch!" In his anger, he pulled the filing cabinet over. When he did, he noticed a photo album taped to the back. He glanced through it.

His body started to shake with the sorrow he felt for all the people who were tortured, mutilated and died by Koch's hands. When he came to the pictures with him, he dropped the album as he fell to his knees crying. No one holds out forever, Rob. You had no choice.

Kinch entered the room. He saw the book on the floor. It had fallen open to the picture of Hogan's naked body suspended above the Judas Cradle. Kinch wanted to cry as well. Not only did Koch torture him, but he humiliated him.

"I couldn't," mumbled Hogan. "I couldn't withstand the pain I had witnessed a man who was on that thing, go through." He couldn't look at Kinch in the eyes. He was ashamed for what he was about to admit. "I let him break me. If he didn't put me on that thing, I'd do or give him whatever he wanted."

"General?" Kinch wasn't sure what to say.

"The thing is, he never asked me any questions…He humiliated me some more and that is what he threatened me with if I didn't torture and kill all those people. Then took me to Gestapo headquarters, where he started torturing you guys in front of me." Hogan cried some more. He should have been strong enough to withstand anything and everything Koch threw at him, but he wasn't. He knew he would never be.

When Hogan regained his composure again, he threw the photo album on the pile. Removing the lighter from his pocket, he lit them. After the pile was burning nicely, he removed his file from his jacket and threw it on the pile.

When Hogan entered the large room again, Kinch had the sheet already wrapped around the remains from the Garrotte.

"I checked his pockets for identification. His name was Wilhelm Krause," said Kinch. "I think we should notify the Bürgermeister so he can be laid to rest."

Hogan nodded. Gently, Kinch picked him up and headed up the stairs.

Picking up a sledge hammer from a table next to the wall, Hogan began destroying all the contraptions, starting with the Judas Cradle.

Hearing Hogan's grunts, Kinch raced back to the torture chamber. He silently watched Hogan heal his emotional wounds.

After he finished destroying the contraptions, he set them on fire. Any of the metal instruments, he beat them until they were unrecognizable.

When his task was over, he motioned to Kinch to help him set the charges. When the last charges were set, Hogan motioned for Kinch to follow him. "Let's check out the house now.

Room by room, they searched for anything connected to the evils under the barn. Kinch glanced out the upstairs window toward the woods. "Oh, no! It can't be."

"What?" asked Hogan as he joined him at the window. "Oh, my goodness!"

Quickly the two men made their way to the area they saw from the window. They stood at the edge of a large mass grave. By now, all that was left was a few scraps of clothing and bones.

"There must be over a hundred people here!" said Kinch in amazement.

"If this is where he put everyone, One hundred and thirty-two to be exact." Hogan paused a moment when he recognized the pattern on what was left of the clothing on one of the remains.

Carefully, Hogan made his way to the remains. Tears ran down his face as he remembered the parts he didn't tell Kinch because he was too ashamed to admit what he had done. He knelt down beside her, rubbing his hand over her skull. "It's her! No child should have to endure what she did."

Since he knew her name was Maria and she was about fourteen, he glanced at the list of names he had of Koch's victims to see if he could find the girl's full name "Her name was Maria Schenck. I will never forget you, Maria." He took a small piece of her dress and stuck it in his pocket.

"Let's tell the Bürgermeister about all the bodies. I'm sure he'll make sure all of them get a decent burial," said Kinch as he held out his hand to help Hogan up.

"First we blow this place." Hogan and Kinch went down for the last time to make sure everything was set.

Then a thought struck Kinch. "When you thought you were killings us at Gestapo Headquarters, it wasn't to protect us from the cat-of-nine-tails; it was from this!"

Hogan nodded. "Partially. There is no way I could watch that monster subject any of you to this. If he would have asked, I'd told him everything if it meant the woman and child wouldn't be harmed. The other part is for a selfish reason. I didn't want to endure the pain of knowing because of my weakness, my men, no, my friends would suffer a pain no person should ever have to face. And because of this weakness, many others would lose their lives. It may have even caused Germany to win the war. I couldn't live with myself. I chose the lesser of the two evils.

"General, you made the right choice. I would have done the same thing. If I had known about this place, I'd force myself to save those I cared about from this. I also wouldn't have given Koch the ultimatum I did,1" said Kinch.

"What ultimatum? Let me guess. You guys helped Carter get even with Koch," said Hogan with his arms crossed.

"We were furious with what he did to you. I talked the guys into getting even. I suggested Koch choose one of us to fight. If he won, he could do whatever he wanted to the person he beat. If we won, he'd go to London quietly." Kinch put his head in his hands. "If Carter would have lost the fight, Koch would have brought him here. I was foolish for doing such a thing."

"You're right; it was foolish. But you had no way of knowing about this. Don't ever make that mistake again. My number one rule from now on is to never underestimate the enemy. Besides, I'm counting on you to help keep me straight and no more vengeance kicks. Let's finish this." Hogan made the final connections of the wires then pushed the plunger down.

With a thunderous roar, the ground under the barn collapsed, causing the barn to fall down.

Along with the destruction of the barn, the tension, fear and over all weight he felt lifted. The empty hole inside of him was filled with peace.

HH

A short time later, Hogan and Kinch returned to what was left of the torture chamber with Bürgameister Schmitt. Hogan only gave the briefest of explanations as to what happened to all the people.

"There are so many people missing from the war, I don't know where to begin to discover who they are?" asked Schmitt.

Hogan pulled the list of names from the files out of his pocket. "This may help. They are the names I found in Koch's files."

Schmitt read through the names on the list. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he recognized some of the names. "I will see to it they are all given a proper burial, Herr Hogan. Danke, for giving the survivors of these families closure."

"I just wish there was more I could do." Hogan headed back toward the car when Schmitt spoke again.

"It's a shame. The Koch's were very nice people. Josef's parents died when he was very young. He was raised by his mother's brother. He was a heavy drinker. I don't think he was a good role model for the boy. Rumors shortly spread his uncle was abusing him, but there was no proof. Shortly after that, people's pets came up missing and later found mutilated. No one wanted to believe the son of such nice people could be responsible for the mutilations. Many forced themselves to believe it was the uncle. I guess we now know for sure who it really was." Schmitt walked quietly to his own car.

Before he left, Hogan and Kinch observed him sobbing. When they start removing the remains, the town will get a glimpse as to what horrors these people endured. None of them will ever know the whole story; the explosion made sure of that.2

1 Broken by Nitestalker

2 This is referring to a deleted scene in Broken by Nitestalker. It was too graphic to include as part of the original story and was left out.