Chapter 25: The Emotional Wreck of an Angry Disaster ~ Len
I wake up in the morning feeling like the biggest load of dog crap in the entire world. I don't know whether I'm angry, or on the verge of a mental breakdown, but either way, I want to stay in bed. The feeling is made worse when I check my phone for any messages. There's one from Piko asking if I'd done the maths homework last night like he had reminded me to do. I groan as it's still sat, unfinished, on my desk. I've just been so angry this past week that I completely forgot about it.
Then, to make everything worse, I have a message from her.
Rin tells me you've been acting strange. Everything all right?
I'm a prisoner in a country I hate no thanks to you, I type in reply, but then I delete it and instead send, Stop pretending you care. Leave me alone.
Before she sends me some lie about how she does really care for me, even though she banished me all the way to America, I tell Piko I'm turning my phone off, then toss the phone to one side and roll over to go back to bed. I contemplate skiving and just staying in bed all day, until I remember it's a Wednesday, and I don't want to miss the Monster Club again. With a groan I clamber out of bed, sluggishly get dressed, then snatch up my things and trudge downstairs.
Oliver's already dressed. He's in the kitchen, nibbling at a cereal bar as he waits for the kettle to boil. I stalk in, throw my unfinished homework down on the table, then snatch up the kettle when it's finished boiling, making a coffee with far too much coffee. I don't even like coffee.
"Hey, I was gonna use that to make a hot chocolate!" Oliver whines.
"Sucks to be you," I say as I down my coffee, not caring as it scolds my tongue.
He sticks his own tongue out at me, then slinks over to where I've thrown my homework on the table and says, "If you don't do your homework you're gonna get detention again."
"You don't need to remind me," I grumble as Rin walks in. Funny she walks in as we're discussing me getting detention, since she was the one that burnt my homework last time. I just scowl at her.
She stops and stares at me as she's about to get some bread out to make toast. "What's that look for?"
"Oh, just wondering what you're going to do to get me into detention today so I miss my club again," I snarl. It's unnecessarily angry, I know, and I wonder if it's that time of the month again. I wouldn't know, since I haven't checked the Moon cycle.
"That was a week ago," she mutters as she shoves her bread into the toaster.
"If you haven't noticed, Rin, I'm the type to hold grudges," I growl back.
She tugs at her hair as she asks, "Why are you so angry today? Yesterday you were kinda nice. You didn't say a single mean thing."
"You weren't with me to hear me say a mean thing," I grumble back.
Which was true. Yesterday she, Nero and Miku, being the little clique that they are, went to go have lunch outside together. Not that it mattered to me that Miku was gone, since it meant I didn't have to put in all my time and energy into scowling at her, but I was certainly a little antsy to find Rin was nowhere to be seen. But she still is technically right herself. I wasn't mean yesterday, probably because I didn't have anyone to scowl at.
Today, I just feel ridiculously angry. Maybe I'm just hungry.
"I thought maybe you were getting better again," Rin says as she heads to the fridge to get out some butter. "I miss the Len that actually smiles."
"If you thought I was getting better, then why did you tell Mum you thought I was acting weird?" I snap. She opens her mouth to defend herself, but I just shake my head. "Why'd you have to tell mum everything? Do you always have to try to get me in trouble with her?"
"I wasn't trying to get you in trouble," Rin retaliates, and Oliver decides to leave the kitchen instead of watching us bicker. "She's our mother, Len. I'm just keeping her updated on how you're doing because you don't. She worries about you."
"No, she doesn't," I snarl and stalk over to the door. "Do me a favour and don't talk to mum about me again."
I stomp out the kitchen, and as I leave the house I make sure to slam the front door as hard as I can.
#
"Calm down, you can copy mine," Piko says as we trudge to the canteen. Of course, in my frustration this morning, I left my damn homework on the kitchen table. Highly likely Mr. Hiyama will see through my ruse and give me detention anyway.
Another Monster Club missed. Might as well quit at this point.
"Do you think I was too angry this morning?" I ask as we stop by our lockers to put some stuff away.
"When are you not too angry?" Piko asks, and I scowl at him as he leans against his own locker. "Well, it's true. Anyway, do you know what the date is? There was a full moon last night."
"Oh," is all I say.
"I'm sure last time you told me you and Rin would forgive each other for what you say on your moon period, so I wouldn't worry," Piko says.
"But last time she didn't hate me."
Piko sighs. "Len, I'm only giving you one allotment to be convinced someone hates you, and you've already used that on your mum. You're not allowed to convince yourself Rin hates you too. No buts, she doesn't hate you. She's annoyed at you, yes, but that's a guarantee when you keep giving her new best friend the evils every day."
"It always comes back to Miku," I mutter, and I throw my locker door shut, a little harder than intended.
"I swear on the life of my constantly breaking robotic arm, Len, you really are an idiot." Piko grabs me by the arm and drags me towards the canteen again. "Forget Miku. Let's just get something to eat. Heaven help me, please let there be some meat for you. If anything calms you down, it's going to be a steak."
As we step into the canteen, our eyebrows raise at the sight of Sonika climbing up onto our lunch table, and my anger is temporarily swapped for bemused confusion.
"Gumi, love of my life and devoted vegetarian who's dating a devoted meatatarian" she exclaims as she waves around… roses? You know what, I'm not going to question how she snuck roses into school and kept them all right until break. "You're going to Valentine's with me, yay or nay?"
Gumi bangs her head on the table, her cheeks bright red as everyone in the canteen turns to watch.
"Yay, obviously," she mutters, or I assume she mutters. Even I'm too far away to hear her words properly, but that's what it sounds like, anyway.
As the others usher Sonika off the table, before she gets into trouble with the teachers, Iroha goes to find a jug or something to fill with water to keep the roses in. Gumi's going to have a fun time carrying those around for the rest of the day. I'm sure Sweet Ann would look after them for her, if she asked nicely, until the Monster Club.
"That reminds me, when are you going to ask Miki to Valentine's?" I ask.
"I thought I was going with you."
"Hey, Nancy boy, I was just giving you the chance to have an open relationship, but if you don't want it, it's fine," I say as Piko starts to head towards our table, but I stay where I am.
"Are you coming?" he asks, and when I say nothing he turns back to the table to see who's sitting there. Rin, obviously, and Miku too.
"I might just spend break with Kaito and Gakupo," I mumble.
"Oh, come on, Len. You were lamenting earlier that you thought you were too mean to her. Why not just say sorry?" Piko says, and, as if she can sense I'm there, Rin looks up and spots us. Miku looks up and stares at us too when she notices Rin's stopped eating her food.
"Maybe later," I mutter. "Do me a favour and go sit with them and make sure they don't talk crap about me, yeah?"
"You really are a child," Piko mumbles, but he agrees to my idiotic request and goes to sit with them as I hunt down Kaito and Gakupo. When I find their table, I frown and cross my arms at the strange sight.
"What are you two doing here?" I ask.
Meiko looks up from her food and says, "I don't know if you noticed, but it's raining outside."
"Can't play tennis in the rain," Luka adds.
"Well, we can, but it's bothersome," Meiko continues.
I look from the two tennis players, to Kaito and Gakupo (trying their best not to grin like idiots), and then to Leon and Lola (both smiling in amusement). "Yes, but why are you here, at these dorks' table?"
"Please don't lump me in with those dorks," Leon says.
"I prefer to called suave and sophisticated," Kaito muses, even though he looks anything but. He looks like he's just crawled out a grave.
"I prefer to be called… idiot," Gakupo says proudly.
"We're hungry, duh," Meiko says. "Why else would we be sitting down in the cafeteria?"
"But with these idiots?" I say this tame as I sit down.
"Would you believe us if I say there was nowhere else to sit?" Luka asks, and I shrug, even though there's plenty of seats free on other tables.
"What are you doing here, then?" Meiko asks.
"An us day, huh?" Kaito asks.
"I would rather spend a year living with my mother than sitting with those idiots right now," I mutter as I stand back up. "I gotta go get food before I forget."
"He really hates his mum, so that means a lot," I can hear Kaito whisper to the others as I trudge away.
They don't have any steaks, but they do have some chicken today, and I pile my try high of it before coming back to the table and almost slamming my tray down. I kick back and start chewing on one of the pieces of chicken as the others all look at me with eyebrows raised.
"I'm not in a bad mood," I insist.
"Sure," Leon says.
I turn to face him and Lola and ask, "You going Valentine's?"
"Obviously," Lola muses. "He didn't bother asking me out nice and romantically though. Just sent me a text asking what he should wear."
"I didn't think I needed to ask my girlfriend if she would come to Valentine's with me," Leon retorts.
"Sonika just did," I point out, jerking my thumb back in the direction our lunch table is, though I don't bother looking over my shoulder to see if I've got the right direction.
"I would never do that to Lola. I'm not that crazy," Leon replied, and Lola mutters a quick thank God.
"And who are you going with, Kagamine?" Luka asks, leaning forward against her elbows.
"Piko," I dryly reply. "Mostly just going because my aunt doesn't trust me in the house alone for an evening. Plus, free food."
"Free food sounds great," Gakupo says as he leans back in his chair and steals some of the food Kaito isn't eating. "Kaito, you're going to have to pretend to be my boyfriend, so I can get some food. It's not like you have anyone to go with anyway, seeing as you were brutally rejected."
"You were rejected? By who?" Leon asks as he frowns. Meiko snorts, and he directs his frown towards her.
"Oh, please don't bring it up, it was humiliating to watch," I groan. "I'm never letting these dorks go anywhere alone. I had to drag them away before they embarrassed themselves even further."
"You and Piko were there to babysit us," Kaito points out.
"We weren't that embarrassing," Gakupo insists.
I look towards the two girls for confirmation, and Luka says, "You were a little."
The two guys lean back in their chairs and groan, and Kaito picks up his bottle and takes a dramatic swig from it as if it's vodka. When he puts it down on the table, I subtly point at my lips to tell him to wipe the blood from his own. When no one's looking, he takes a handful of fries from his plate, dips them in ketchup, and shoves them in his mouth.
"Wait, you didn't try to ask Meiko and Luka out, without me there to witness it?" Leon asks, almost falling from his chair. "I can't believe you guys would betray me like that."
"I'm not confirming anything," Meiko asks as she leans back, her chest puffed out. Kaito glances down, then looks away.
"I only had to go because this guy can't dress himself," I say.
"I can so dress myself!"
"Really? You look like a corpse."
"I like to think I'm more Dracula."
I snort, and both Gakupo and Leon snicker, but they miss half the joke. They only find it funny because they think Kaito's obsessed with vampires.
"Dracula's better looking than you," I shoot back, but Kaito doesn't try to refute me this time, Instead, all he does is point behind me and say, "I think someone wants to talk to you."
I had heard someone approach from behind, but I ignored it, assuming it was someone for Kaito or one of the others. Seeing as it's apparently not, I frown and look over my shoulder. Rin's standing there, a piece of paper in her hands.
"What do you want?" I grumble.
"Can I… talk to you?" She keeps her eyes cast down on the floor.
"Better do it now before you sour the club later," Kaito whispers, even though he knows full well Rin would be able to hear him.
"Fine. Someone can finish my chicken," I grumble as I stand up, and Gakupo gladly takes the rest of my food.
As I follow Rin to the corner of the canteen, I glance over at our usual lunch table. Both Piko and Miku are watching us, though the others are too focused on talking to Gumi and Sonika, presumably about their new plans for Valentine's. Miku's practically scowling at me, probably pissed that Rin had to be the bigger man and apologise, and not me. Well, I'm sorry, Miku, but the last time I tried to be the bigger man, my apology was thrown back in my face.
Miku turns to frown at Piko as he waves his phone through the air, and I remember mine is still turned off from this morning. I tell Rin to hang on for a second, and she nervously shifts from foot to foot as I turn my phone back on to check for any messages from Piko.
There are two messages, the first which says, Be NICE, Princess.
Be nice. Right. Because Len Kagamine knows the meaning of that word.
The next says, Let's be honest, you're the villain here (when are you not?)
Thanks, Piko. I appreciate your support.
"All right, what is it?" I ask as I shove my phone back into my pocket.
"I wanted to say sorry for this morning," she mumbles, her eyes still on the floor.
My natural response is to start another argument but remembering that Piko so lovingly called me the villain, I say, "Whatever. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Still pissed at you, though."
"About the homework?" she asks, and I just scowl. She taps her foot against the floor as she hands me the piece of paper she's been holding, and now I can see it's the homework I left at home this morning, though she's written down all the answers for me (in pencil, so I can rub them out later and rewrite them in pen in my own handwriting). "I wanted to make up for burning your homework last week."
"Oh… thanks," I say.
"Sorry for talking to Mum about you," she mumbles. "I won't do it again."
Oh, she will, but she'll just make sure that Mum doesn't tell me. Still, I say, "Good. Apology accepted. Anything else?"
"I know you're still mad about Miku–"
"Don't talk about Miku. I'm still mad at her," I say, waving a hand at her. "At this point, I don't care. As long as she stays away from me and treats you right, then whatever."
"But–"
"Then whatever, Rin."
She sighs, a more frustrated one than the sadder ones I'm used to. "At least tell me what your problem with Miku is. One day you went to apologise to her, and the next you hate her."
I can't tell Rin that the reason I currently (and unfairly) hate Miku is because I'm jealous. I just shrug.
Rin sighs again and turns to leave. "Fine. Whatever it is, then…"
Just before she can leave, I reach out to grab her wrist to stop her. "Rin, you know you mean everything to me, right?"
"Sometimes I have a hard time believing it."
I grimace, but at least she didn't say no. Letting go of her wrist, I say, "Well, I do, even when I'm pissed at you, like I am now." Because you keep choosing Miku over me. "I'm… sorry, okay? But I really am still pissed with you and everyone else right now. The past few days have just been tough. Mum keeps bothering me and I just feel…"
Like crap, to put it simply. Like the world is ending. Like everyone hates me (everyone does hate me). I feel like the victim, even though I'm evidently not.
And I hate it.
"I just want to go home," I mumble.
"I know," Rin says with no hesitation. "But you're stuck here, we're stuck here, until you get your act together and I… I can't help you. No, I won't help you. I'm done with feeling beaten down, Len, and I can't help you unless you stop being so… defensive."
I almost crunch the homework she'd done for me as I stare down at the floor.
"Do you hate me?" I ask.
"Heaven's no, but you know, I am pissed at you too, actually," she says, and then she does the strangest thing and takes my free hand so she can squeeze it. "I love you Len, you're my brother, for Pete's sake. I know how you feel. I want to be there for you, but I can't, because whenever I try to I get hurt too. All we ever do these days is argue, Len, because…"
Because of me, I know.
"I'll see you at the club," she says, and she at least gives me the briefest of smiles (albeit a not very happy one) before she heads back to our table. Her table.
I want to head back to Kaito's table and eat all the chicken I let Gakupo have, but I can't move my feet. Oh god, I actually feel like I'm going to be sick. Rin's right about everything. I'm just a terrible, toxic person and I don't deserve her as a sister. She should stay away from me, for her own sanity.
Rin sits back down at her table, and Miku pats her on the shoulder. I get the feeling this is all Miku's fault, as if she's trying to set my own sister against me. Or help my own sister get over me, to be more accurate. I want to be mad at Miku, even though I shouldn't because she's trying to help Rin. It's a good thing all the anger and frustration from this morning has melted away.
Piko looks up at me, and without saying a thing to the others, picks up his things and heads over. Miki tries to call out to him, but he just waves a dismissive hand at her. First, he heads over to Kaito's table to pick up the stuff I've left there. When he reaches me, he grabs me by the arm and pulls me out the canteen. I stumble after him, until he finds a lonely corner to hide in. I lean back against the wall and allow myself to slip down to the floor.
"You looked like you were about to faint, so I thought it was best to get you out of there before you collapsed in front of the entire school and ruined your reputation," Piko says as he dumps our bags on the floor and sits down next to me. Handing me a bottle of water, he says "Meiko gave that to me, so you better thank her later."
I nod and take a sip of the water, though it doesn't make me feel much better. At least my mouth isn't dry.
"I'm a terrible person," I say, my voice shaking.
"Tell me something I didn't know."
"I shouldn't have skipped anger management."
"I said tell me something I didn't know."
"I should probably go counselling."
He sighs. "Probably."
I stare down at the homework she's given me. "Why do you put up with me?"
"Because that's what best friends do," he says, and when I give him a skeptical look he sighs again. "Before you ask, no I don't hate you. Though you are the biggest pain in the butt I have ever had to deal with. Still, you fix my stupid arm when I need you to."
"Only because you're too stupid to do it yourself," I try to joke, but my voice comes out monotone.
"I can't believe I'm saying this because I've never skipped a lesson in my life, but let's skip next lesson," Piko says. "Only because I know you'll be skipping anyway. But we have to go to math at the end of the day."
"Do we have to go to maths?"
Piko prods the homework. "Rin would have done this for nothing otherwise. And we can't have Mr. Hiyama give you detention and make you miss the club again."
"Can't give me detention if I'm not there to get given detention." He gives me a pointed look. "Fine, we'll go to maths."
"Good. Now, come on. Let's go to the library or something," Piko says as he pulls me to my feet. As he picks up our stuff, he smiles at me, and even though I don't feel like smiling back, I at least appreciate someone is willing to sit there and put up with the emotional wreck of an angry disaster that is Len freaking Kagamine.
Author's Note: Guess who's actually on time today? Not Kate, but Raye is a good second. :P
Can't believe this is the last chapter for the whole year! Trust me, things are really just getting started. Kate and I have a whole lot planned, so we hope you'll eagerly await the new chapters in the upcoming year. So much drama and angst to look forward to.
See you guys next year! Love you all so much! :D
- Kate and Raye